Chapter 11

A deep, dark void like one she had never experienced before was eating away at her soul. Linka could not understand it. She should be feeling happy for Anna, glad that her future was guaranteed now that Benji had been able to produce an American birth certificate for her. They could not have hoped for a better resolution. Anna would get adopted and they could go on being Planeteers, giving themselves to others in need. That was how things were supposed to go. It was the only logical path to follow.

But sitting with Wheeler and Anna in the car, Linka felt like she could not breathe. Air would not come to her. Her heart was like bruised, it beat irregularly and defeated. Her brain was screaming. She had never felt such anguish before, it was most paralyzing.

They were parked outside the adoption agency and Wheeler was going to go in and begin the process that would eventually drive Anna away from them. He would give them the power to hand over the child to others, for her to begin a new life without them.

"Babe," Wheeler turned to her, examining her carefully, shifting in the driver's seat so that he could face Linka. "You've been pretty quiet all morning."

She sighed and let out a shaky breath, careful not to make eye contact with Wheeler. She was not sure she could keep the dam that was holding back her emotions intact any longer.

"I do not know what there is to say." She could barely recognize the timbre of her voice, it was defeated and tired, hopeless even.

Wheeler took her by the shoulders and met her eyes. He did not look any happier than she felt.

"Linka, we're doing the right thing," finally he voiced, shaking his head a little. The Russian girl could hear the uncertainty behind his usually confident voice, and her next intake of breath was a sob. Control was quickly unraveling from her hands and she feared there was no going back now.

Her shoulders began to shake and she felt hot tears spilling down her cheeks. She had never cried in front of Wheeler before and she suddenly felt as if naked before him.

"Aw, babe," Wheeler whispered, holding out his arms to her and bringing her in for a hug. He knew it had taken a considerable amount of strength for Linka to break down, and he could not stand the thought of her being so sad. It physically hurt him.

He'd assumed he was doing something good arranging for Anna's future, yet here was Linka crying in his arms. Could he not get anything right?

"I thought you were okay with this," he spoke softly to her, stroking her hair as she continued to sob against his chest. "Talk to me, what can I do?"

"It is too difficult, Jacob," wailed Linka, closing her eyes against the rush of tears forming. It felt like waterfalls gushing. "I cannot let her go, knowing I will never get to hold her in my arms again, watch her grow up… I care for her far more than I ever thought I would. It is like letting go of a piece of my heart!"

Wheeler sighed and rested his cheek on top of her head. He looked at Anna in the backseat, who was oblivious to their pain as she distractedly squeezed her teddy bear in her arms. "I hate letting her go, too, darlin'."

Linka felt his soothing caresses on her back and her tears subsided a little. Her outburst had caused her to suddenly feel exhausted, void inside. Her eyes opened to examine Anna in the backseat, who seemed peaceful and calm.

"Am I being completely unreasonable?" she asked no one in particular, letting her head rest on Wheeler's shoulder, for her head felt heavy with her remaining un-cried tears.

"No. You can't help how you feel."

Wheeler shifted her softly in his arms so that he could look in her eyes. He wiped away the remaining tears on her cheeks and kissed her lips softly.

"Maybe you can adopt her?" he teased her a little with a smile, trying to get her to do the same.

"I would, too, Yankee!" Linka felt a sudden burst of laughter escaping her lips. She looked up at him sternly, not expecting him to switch up her emotions that way, before she softened again and returned his previous kiss.

"But then where would we live? Even if Anna is formally an American now, it does not take away the fact that I am not. I cannot stay in the U.S. more than my work visa allows and I cannot just take her to Russia!"

"There's a sensible solution to all this," Wheeler grinned, and his heart started beating fast even though he was meaning to only tease Linka a little to get her to cheer up. But what he was about to say brought him an immense sense of joy, nonetheless.

"We get married and raise Anna together. Everything gets resolved this way. Hell, I already have a daughter, all I need is a wife!"

"Bohze moi, Yankee!" Linka squealed, unbelievably searching his eyes at his outrageous words. Her heart started a tribal dance in her chest and her cheeks were quickly heating up. "I do love you, but…"

Her words caused Wheeler to suddenly turn serious and everything stopped as they examined each other's eyes. Nothing seemed to exist outside of blue oceans and green meadows.

"You do?" Wheeler voiced above a whisper, already knowing the answer and feeling pure bliss inside his soul. Linka was always so very sure of her words and he had already felt the stength of her emotions behind the way she treated him as of late. It was easier for her to get lost in him, to let go of control, and if this in itself wasn't a declaration of love on her part, nothing was, for she was usually very guarded as a person.

"Da, Jacob," she nodded a little. Linka decided it was no use hiding behind walls any longer. Her subconscious had decided for her when she'd let her feelings slip out.

She had never been more beautiful to Wheeler. Her eyelashes brimmed with tears, her eyes shining emeralds, her lips parted like a rose, she caused his heart to nearly explode with happiness. Her glance for him spoke high volumes of love, and he'd never felt luckier or more humble in his life.

"You do not have anything to say to that?" Linka had meant to tease, but there was a little anxiety in her voice she could not hide. Maybe she was freaking him out, all of a sudden!

"Babe, I've loved you forever, so it doesn't even seem real to me right now that you feel the same."

Happily, she reached up to capture his lips, soothing his sense of bewilderment and the desires in her own heart at the same time.

When they eventually came up for air, the two young lovers were smiling at one another blissfully.

"So… you were proposing to me?" Linka reminded him, jabbing him in the ribs and holding back a little squeal of delight. Her dignity had already gone to hell, anyway.

Wheeler turned serious, something she wasn't expecting, and he sought out her eyes.

"Babe, I don't wanna pressure you into anything, I know we're still young. And I don't want you to think that it's solely because of Anna or anything. But I do think of a future with you."

"Hmm, I did not know you were so deep," she affectionately ruffled his hair a bit and once more fell into his eyes. "I could not ask for more with you and Anna beside me, my wonderful Yankee boy."

He softened at her words and again sought out her lips, and they tasted more and more like honey to him. If happiness was a prize, he'd won it this time, hands down.