Chapter 11

There was a definite change in Dean after his latest trip into his pretend life. That was what Missouri had started calling it to Dean.

Missouri was not sure he didn't want to dissolve himself into that reality. She had to make him understand that it was all in his mind. She had to make him understand that his life at the institution WAS his life, his entire life. His family was all dead. They had all died. There was no way Dean was 'seeing' them now, in real time, at their appropriate ages. That was just not possible.

In the month since Dean's last black out, he had changed. He was…she didn't know how to explain it, except to say that he was in mourning. She had never ever seen him like that. And they had talked extensively about what he remembered from the day his family died. They had discussed it in all it's disturbing detail. And she had not gotten this type reaction from him then.

She had taken his lack of reaction then as a disassociation from the event. Which is common in a traumatic event. It becomes like you are seeing the event from a third-person perspective, and it is happening to 'them' not to you.

"Why won't you let me go back?" Dean asked again. He had asked that at every session for the past two weeks.

And Missouri's answer was always the same. "There is no place to go back to Dean. Sam, your brother was a dream."

Dean shook his head. "He was real. I touched him. He talked to me. He told me things WE had done together, Missouri. How can that happen if I'm not WITH him?"

"You're just dreaming. You've thought, so much, about how your brother would be…how things would be between the two of you that you…."

"No, NO! We've had some rough times, some horrible, horrendous times. Why would I think up something like that? I would want things to be nice, no fighting." Dean stopped." We have physically fought, we've lied to one another, betrayed one another, we…."

"That's just what family does. They…." Missouri started.

"And how would I know that, living in here? I don't get any visitors. And the family meeting days for everybody else are always nice. I never see that stuff. How would I know what it looks like if I've never seen it…never experienced it myself? And I haven't, not living here. I have had a very sheltered life here." I don't' experience the outside world here. How would I know about all that?"

Missouri just shook her head. She didn't have any answers.

Dean was suddenly tired. He didn't want to talk. She didn't understand. Missouri would never understand. She could never understand. And he had to quit talking like this or he was going to end up in one of the rooms in Building C. And he didn't want to end up in Building C. That was the building of single celled rubber rooms, and strait jackets and strong, very strong, tranquilizer drugs.

"Yeah, maybe that was it, Missouri." Dean stated, nodding his head. "That's all it was."

He didn't believe it and neither did she. But, maybe it would buy him a little time and keep him away from Building C, at least for a little longer. He really didn't need the staff or the doctors thinking he had lost his mind.

SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN

Missouri told Director Fergus McLeod, MD, about her conversation with Dean. She told the doctor everything.

"What…what do you think? Is Winchester crazy?" The doctor asked.

Missouri shook her head. "No, but he's…somehow, some way he's made Sam real."

"How is that possible? Sam was a baby when he died. How would Dean even begin to imagine what his brother would look like?"

"Well, he does remember, very well, what his parents, John and Mary looked like."

"So, you think he's just…putting together features making faces up in his mind? That's all well and good, Doctor. But Dean told me his brother spoke to him. He was talking something about Sam's bitch face. Dean said it wasn't' fair that Sam didn't have freckles. Those things…it's just too…too detailed.: Nobody would think to describe those things."

"He's thought so much about his brother that he's…."

Missouri shook her head again. "It's just…it's not the same."

"What you're saying…you know that that's impossible." The director stated.

"I know. But, you just…you talk to Dean." Missouri stated. "Talk to him, see how much he believes it's true."

SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN

Dean waited for the doctor. He knew that Fergus had talked to Missouri. And he knew what his conversation with the doctor would now be about. He didn't want the doctor to put him in Building C. He would do anything to keep that from happening. So, if he had to lie about everything he had told Missouri. He would do that. He had seen very few of the residents who went into Building C come back out and rejoin the regular institution population. He had no interest in being one of those who never came back out again.

"Mr. Winchester." Fergus said as he sat down beside Dean on the bench.

"Dr. McLeod, what is with the formality all the sudden?" Dean asked.

"I don't think I have ever called you by your last name. It's always been Dean." The doctor stated.

"Yeah, well, I've been here my whole life, pretty much. And you've known me from a kid. So…."

"I think that it's time I start to talk to you in a way that is more adult. I think that I need to tell you more about how things need to be." McLeod said.

"What do you mean, how things NEED to be?" Dean said, He looked at the doctor, unsure if he wanted to hear the answer.

"You want to leave here? And who wouldn't?" The doctor sighed. "You can't talk about…make-believe worlds. Your brother…." Fergus shook his head. "Sam Winchester is dead, Dean. He died when he was 6 months old. You can't just…."

"I know. I know. I get it. I do." Dean stated.

TBC