Author Note: This is the epilogue of the story. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks to thequillofdestiny for reviewing the previous chapter!

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For long seconds Kyle refused to open his eyes, afraid to see what the hell – possibly literally – was going on now. Instead, he tried to take stock without sight. The hurricane had died down, but there was still wind blowing against his face, cold instead of fiery, a hint of moisture in the air that had not been there moments before. The temperature was noticeably colder, his lungs no longer felt as if they would burst into flame from taking a breath. Most curiously, the ground beneath him seemed wrong. He had been on carpet; now it felt too soft and cold and damp. Almost like...

Snow?

Snapping his eyes open, Kyle looked around wildly. The room they had been in was gone. Instead, he was on the hill where they had been sledding that fateful day when he and Stan had been frozen. The outdoor air was cold, a promise of further snow that was all too common in South Park.

Satan was gone. Everyone was gone. He was all alone.

Or maybe not. From the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of brown and red and getting to his feet, went over to investigate. Stan lay there, still huddled over from the onslaught that had been occurring only seconds before; or so it seemed.

"Stan!"

"Kyle?" Stan uncurled himself, opening his eyes and looking up. His hat was still missing, his hair in disarray. "Did I hit my head? I was just – I had the craziest..."

"Cartman. Satan. The Resistance." Kyle reached his hand out and helped Stan to his feet.

"That's right dude!" Stan looked around, spotting their trash can lids lying in the snow, as if waiting for them to continue their play. "How did we get here? Are we – dead or something?"

Kyle shook his head. "I don't know! I didn't see anything after Butters..."

"Look." Stan pointed over the hill. After being unfrozen, the skyline had offered only the sight of ruined shells of houses looming ominously in the dark. Now the sun was high, possibly mid-morning, and the houses were intact. The faint sounds of car engines reached their ears. Everything seemed perfectly normal.

Stan ran a hand through his hair, seeming distracted by the absence of his hat. "What's going on?"

Kyle shook his head slowly. "I've no idea. It wasn't like this when we were unfrozen."

"Yeah, everything was trashed." Stan perked up a little. "Do you think Butters used his wish to put everything back the way it was?"

"How would he do that? He'd have to start over before Cartman got his wishes and..." Kyle bit his lip, deep in thought. "Butters didn't want to kill Kenny. But there was no other way to stop Cartman, unless..."

"Unless he stopped him before he could start," finished Stan, widening his eyes. "Do you think...?"

"He wished us back!" Kyle began to pace. "Think about it; we were the only ones he could send back, we were the same age as back then – now – and we know enough about what happened to stop him – we don't have much time! We don't know how long it'll be before Kenny gets killed and Cartman gets his wishes!"

Stan grabbed Kyle by the sleeve as the other boy turned to leave. "Wait! What if it was all some hallucination or something?"

"It could be – but I've seen a world rules by Cartman and I'm not taking the chance! Besides, look at us!"

Stan glanced down at his clothes, torn and dirtied, blood spatter on his coat, the whole ensemble smelling of smoke and brimstone. "Good point dude. Let's go find Kenny."

The pair of them raced down the hill, kicking up snow in their hurry. Skidding onto the street, they ran down the path that led to Kenny's house. The walk there might take them about ten minutes, they had to make it faster than that. As fast as possible, before anything could happen to their friend.

They cut through the parking lot of the supermarket, dodging to avoid a lone boy in a blue hat, the same age as them, playing with an RC car. They didn't need to look behind them to know he was giving them the finger as they retreated, but they managed to exchange grins as they continued their journey.

Out of the car park, down another street. They turned a corner, nearly colliding with another pedestrian as they did so, spying the train tracks up ahead that signified the start of Kenny's part of town. His house was in reach.

On the side of the road opposite Kenny's house, Kyle saw movement. Two figures, one in a red jacket, the other wearing blue, both striving to remain hidden from view.

Racing across the train tracks without bothering to look for danger, they went full steam toward the house. As they did so, a pick up truck turned into the street at the other end, the driver engrossed in his cell phone conversation. At the same time, the door to Kenny's house opened and a boy stepped out, orange parka zipped up against the cold so only his eyes were showing. Slamming the door behind him, he started toward the road.

He didn't have to wait long before I got smooshed by a car, before I even got out of the damn yard...

Kyle yelled, but Stan didn't waste his breath. Remembering what Kenny had said, he put on a final burst of speed with the last of his energy. Kenny looked up, startled, as the car swerved to avoid a cat, mounting the curb and heading straight for the McCormick's yard. Stan barrelled into Kenny, tackling the smaller boy and sending them both flying in a tangle of arms and legs. The pick up crashed through the toys and garbage that were strewn in front of the house, missing the two boys by mere feet before the driver got back under control and continued on his way.

"Oh, thank God," gasped Kyle as he jogged up to them. "You saved Kenny."

"You bastards!"

Stan and Kenny disentangled themselves and sat up as a figure emerged from the trees opposite and strode toward them. A wave of unreality washed over both Stan and Kyle; seeing Eric Cartman as his nine year old self instead of the all-powerful, indestructible dictator he had been was strange. As their captor he had been intimidating, now he was reduced to his youth he was back to being the same kid they knew and loathed, seemingly on the verge of a temper tantrum.

A second figure trailed behind him and that just added to the strangeness. Butters rubbed his knuckles together, looking as apologetic and nervous as always. Slightly small for his age, wimpy, ridiculed, harassed, Butters was nothing special and he knew it. Small wonder that someone like that would want to be the intimidating, feared Professor Chaos. Although right there and then, the only thing he looked like he wanted to be was somewhere else.

Ignoring Cartman's anger and Kenny's muffled questions, Stan scrambled to his feet and looked around. There was no sign that there was anyone around but the five of them – and yet, Kenny's older self had clearly said that Satan had been hanging around, waiting for Kenny to die so that he could bitch about his love life.

Relationships lead to all the major problems, reflected Stan, unwittingly stumbling on one of life's little truisms. Wondering again if he had bashed his head while going down the hill – Kenny's imminent death wasn't exactly an oddity after all – he opened his mouth and shouted.

"Satan! We need to talk to you!"

"AY!" Cartman stormed up to Stan and jabbed a finger at him. "You stole my idea! You stole my idea! Kenny, you poor piece of crap, you told me you hadn't told them!"

Kenny insisted that Cartman was the only person he had told about Satan's recent need for long, involved conversation, sounding surprised himself, but Cartman remained unconvinced.

Neither Stan nor Kyle paid any attention tot he exchange, both watching for any change in the atmosphere. At first, there seemed to be nothing. The air was still cold, the day bright, the slightest whiff of brimstone in the air...

Registering the last one, both boys took a few steps backwards just in time as a column of flame spewed from the ground and Satan emerged from the middle of it. No longer the terrifying presence he had been when demanding the souls he had been promised, instead he appeared before them as he usually did, gigantic and red, but affable and approachable. It was hard to fear him when he acted that way – but Kyle and Stan had seen his other side not long earlier and remained wary. It suited Satan to be non-threatening, right up until the moment when he could safely reveal his ugly side.

With a roll of his eyes, Kenny asked why Satan always had to appear out of a column of fire.

"It's for appearances sake," replied Satan. "Hello boys. Oh Butters, Biggie says hi."

"Well, y-you just tell him hi right back!"

"Alright, that does it!" Cartman glared at the other boys ferociously. "This was my idea and you aren't getting to it first! I'm gonna make this deal!"

"No way Cartman!" retorted Stan. "We're not gonna let you!"

"Whateva! I do what..."

Before he could say another word, Kyle ran up to him and kicked him square in the nuts.

Cartman's breath left him in a whoosh, his hands crept to cradle his wounded sack and then he collapsed onto his side, groaning in pain.

Satan blinked. "What was he about to say?"

Stan ignored the question. "Satan, you've gotta stop killing Kenny whenever you want a shoulder to cry on."

Satan's eyes flashed and his lips parted into what was not quite a snarl. "And who are you to demand that of me?"

"We're his friends!" Stan took a deep breath. He hadn't actually planned this far ahead what he would say. "You see, I've learned something today. Sometimes it's easy to exploit people to get what you want. Whether you do it deliberately or not, it always leads to big trouble. I know it seems like your problems are the most important thing in the world, but when you kill Kenny just so you have someone to talk to, you're affecting his life too. He can't get on with things because he's too busy dealing with your crap. And..." Stan shot a black look at Cartman's still-groaning form. "You're setting the precedent for other people to exploit him too."

"You've got to stop talking about your problems and actually do something about them," added Kyle. "Bitching about it like a girl isn't going to make things any better. You have to make a decision and live with the consequences. Otherwise, you're just being a pussy."

For a moment it looked as if they might have gone too far. Satan's eyes glowed with inner rage and they shrank back, hoping to avoid the anticipated fireball – then the devils shoulders sagged and he let out a sigh.

"You're right," he admitted. "I'm not happy with the way things are, but I'm worried that whatever I do, I'll just make things worse. It's not fair to complain to people when I'm not willing to change."

"Right," said Stan. "Besides, why would you want Kenny's advice? He's only nine. Everything he knows about adult relationships he got out of Playboy."

"I could have a word with Freud I guess," said Satan thoughtfully. "I could ask him about it at the luau, if I get to him before his fourth daiquiri."

Kyle nodded. "In your situation, I'd say psychiatric help is a good idea."

Satan smiled. "Thank you boys, you've really put things into perspective. If there's anything I can do for you..."

Cartman managed to sit up, opening his mouth to make a suggestion. Before he could speak, Kyle fetched him another kick in the balls.

"There's nothing we need you to do," he said, smiling sweetly as Cartman rolled on the ground.

"We'd prefer it if you didn't do anything for us," added Stan.

Satan looked confused. "Well, okay then. Kenny, I'll stop killing you just to complain about my problems."

Kenny muttered his thanks in a relieved tone.

"But if I need to call you...?"

Rolling his eyes, Kenny nodded, agreeing on the understanding the contact was over the phone rather than in the afterlife.

"I'd best be returning to hell then," said Satan, seeming more cheerful than he had been previously. "Goodbye boys!"

"Bye Satan!" chorused all of the boys, save for Cartman who was still trying to catch his breath enough to curse Kyle out.

Satan vanished in a pillar of flames and Stan sighed. "I'm sure glad that's over."

"Me too," agreed Kyle.

"Do you think everything's really changed back to normal?"

"Well, we're still here," said Kyle. "And Chaos sending us back to stop the deal means everyone who would have died is back to life and it even gives Cartman the chance to avoid going to hell. I'd say that was the really unselfish wish."

Kenny and Butters stared at them uncomprehendingly. Before either Kyle or Stan could fill them in on what had happened, Kenny held up a hand and informed them he really didn't want to know.

"I think I'm gonna go home," said Kyle. "Hang out with Ike and my parents for a while."

"Me too," agreed Stan, thinking of the family he had thought lost with affection. "Although I might get more quality time than I wanted. When my mom sees the state of me, I'll be grounded for a week!"

"Just long enough for us to get sick of them," said Kyle, sounding happier than he should have done at the prospect of an immanent grounding. "See you later Kenny."

"Later Kenny, later Butters," added Stan as the pair headed off towards their own side of the town.

Butters thought for a moment, then put the entire conversation out of his mind. Bizarre occurrences and Satan popping up for a quick chat were all part of growing up in South Park and he had long since stopped trying to make sense of it all. "Hey Kenny, since you're not dead, you, uh, wanna go play cars in the sandpit?"

Before Kenny could reply, a buzzing noise sounded in his jacket pocket. Butters frowned. "Hey, uh, I didn't know you had a cell."

Puzzled, Kenny replied that he didn't, reaching into the pocket and pulling out the phone that had mysteriously appeared there. Pressing the button to stop it buzzing, he noticed he had a single text message.

Now I can talk to you without killing you all the time! S.

With a sigh, Kenny shoved the phone back in his pocket. Somewhere between God-sent games consoles and satanic cells, he was building up quite the collection of high-tech toys. Still, it was a top of the line phone and Cartman would be begging his mother for a better one for weeks.

At least he wasn't dead today, even if the only person he had to hang out with was Butters. The sandpit sounded kinda fun though, so he voiced his agreement, heading off in the direction of the park.

"Oh wait!" Butters paused on the verge of Kenny's front yard. "I just gotta do one thing."

Turning, Butters ran back over to Cartman, who was still lying on the ground whimpering. Bringing his foot back, he booted Cartman in the nuts and giggled before skipping back over to Kenny, who was watching the display in surprise.

"Well, it sure sounded like he did something bad," said Butters solemnly as he caught Kenny's look. "He probably deserves it."

Continuing down the street with Butters, leaving Cartman writhing in pain far behind them, Kenny mused that maybe Butters wasn't the pussy everyone thought he was.

THE END!

Long, Rambling Authors Note: Well, the story is finally done with – I hope you liked reading it. I certainly had a lot of fun writing it! I'm not sure what my next story will be about, since I have two things in planning but not ready to see the light of day yet, but I hope you'll check out anything I do write in the future. Let me know how you enjoyed this one – reviews are loved and criticism makes me determined to do better next time. I rewrote this last chapter about four times, so I'm obviously a little anxious about it.

Big thanks go to Call Me Blue Streak for coming up with the challenge idea in the first place and allowing me to run with it. And thanks to thequillofdestiny, Loozje, Saundersfamily007 and Kristy26 for the reviews.

Much Love!