A/N: Axel is Edward Cullen in this chapter. Yup yup. Roxas is a little jerk sometimes, too. :\

Chapter XI: He's all I ever think about

"What's your name?"

"Roxas."

"Age?"

"16..."

"Have you had any drinks tonight?"

"No…"

"Any drugs? Smoking?"

"No."

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three…"

"Good—can you walk that line there for me?"

I said nothing as I stood up and walked over to the white line drawn on the floor in front of me. Yea, I was in a police station, being interrogated as a party hooligan. Apparently someone had seen Marluxia drive off in the car with me. They found me and Marluxia was taken away. I hoped to a raping jail, where he would never see the light of day again. I walked the line, thinking of how much trouble I was going to be in when Axel found me.

I don't know how I'm going to even look him in the eyes after what I've done…

"Good, Roxas. You can sit down. I'll be calling your parents. They can come pick you up. But don't worry—you won't be in trouble," the cop told me, smiling and pulling a phone off its hook on the wall.

I froze in the seat. "W-wait—my parents…" The cop looked at me like I was about to tell him something like: "My parents would kill me if they found out!" Just like any normal teenager would say.

But what should I say?

"I don't live with my parents," I decided to state as I twiddled my thumbs on my lap.

"Oh? Then who do you live with?"

"His name is Axel. He just kinda…watches over me. I live at a hospital…"

Was that too much?

"A hospital?" I looked up to see a confused look on the cop's face. "What is your condition?"

Dammit, why did I tell him that?

"N-nothing really—I just live there 'cause my parents don't really want me at their house. Though I go out a lot and stuff…"

That's not true. You've only gone outside twice! Think before you speak, stupid.

"Oh…then I'll call the hospital then, how's that?" The man smiled. I nodded and told him where to call.

I sat there as he chatted to a doctor probably. I doubted Axel would go all the way back to the Lab just to see if I was there. Though, you never know. The headache I had still persisted to make my head throb. I pinched the skin between my nose together, trying to ease the pain. My body hurt everywhere, especially my legs. I knew bruises were beginning to form on my arms and torso, I could feel them burning through my skin. It hurt…I probably looked horrible. And I felt sick. I wanted to throw up so badly, but I had nowhere to. I wanted to take a long bath and forget that this had ever happened to me. Yea—I wanted to forget. Probably the only time in my life that I had actually wanted a relapse. I wanted to forget about Marluxia and the way his skin felt on mine. The way his breath made me sick and his hands made me shiver.

Stop thinking about it—just stop. It's over and done, and nothing is going to change that. I can't go back in time…

"Seems like this Axel has been looking for you," the cop said, interrupting my thoughts.

I sighed and blinked a tear out of my eye. "Yea…he's probably really worried about me…"

The cop placed the phone back onto the receiver and stared at me seriously. I swallowed, hoping he couldn't read my thoughts or something. "That man in the car we took, he hurt you, didn't he?"

Okay, guess he could.

I felt my face turn bright red as I looked down from his stare and started pulling on my sleeve, trying to cover up the bruises. "N-no—I mean…not too bad…I'm fine, really. I just want to go home."

Please, oh please let that be the end of it. I never want to hear the name Marluxia again. I never want to see his face again. Not even in court.

The cop bit the side of his lip and crossed his arms on his chest, not looking pleased. "Rape is a…serious offense, Roxas." Just kill me now. "We'd like to know what happened. That way we can charge him with the right sentence."

I ran my fingers through my tousled hair, feeling the bump on the back of my head, along with another one the front that I hadn't even remembered getting.

What could I tell him? What should I tell him?

My mind was confused. So many thoughts ran through it at a time, my headache was only getting worse. So many memories I'd hoped I'd forget…

"Where is Roxas?" I heard an urgent and loud voice from outside of the room. Even though it sounded like it was all the way down the hall, I could still hear it with the door closed.

A mumbled reply came, it sounded like the lady at the front desk. I couldn't hear what she was saying though. I then heard loud footsteps coming closer, clacking down the hall like a stampede of pissed off rhinos.

I wonder who that is…

The door slammed open, sending it to hit the wall, probably leaving a large dent. I knew his eyes were on me, I knew what he was thinking. I knew he was going to kill me in the next few seconds.

I hope this cop doesn't mind watching that…

"Axel, I presume?" I heard the copper say from beside me. I suddenly felt like hiding behind this random stranger for protection. Anything to save me from the rage of Axel. My heart beat accelerated as he spoke.

"Yes." His footsteps were coming closer to me. His trip across the room seemed to take hours instead of only seconds. I closed my eyes and waited for the screaming.

Axel stopped in front of me. I could do nothing but stare at his shoes. They were sandy and wet, along with his socks.

I wonder how long he looked on the beach for me…

I then closed my eyes, focusing on my pounding head. I was so surprised when Axel's arms came around my waist and pulled me close to his chest that I started to cry. He was so warm—so soft and caring. I breathed in his scent through my nose and mouth, tasting it as well as smelling it. My arms hung limp at my sides, Axel's own crushing me into him so that I could barley breath. Though, it felt so good. Better than I had felt all day. Better than anything at all. Better than being outside and feeling the sun. Better than swimming in the ocean and tasting the breeze. This is what I lived for, nothing else. Axel was my life.

"I was…so worried," Axel said, sounding like he was crying as well. It was hard to imagine.

"I'm so sorry, Axel—I-I…this is all my fault!" I yelled into his jacket, feeling the tears soak my eyelashes.

"No, Roxas. This is my fault." I froze in his arms, gasping for air between breaths.

His fault? No, this is definitely my fault. All of it.

I heard the door open and close.

Guess this little scene was a bit much for Mr. Cop…

"It's not your fault, its mine…If I hadn't run! If I would have just stayed with you—I'd be fine and I wouldn't have—"

"What happened to you, Roxas? You must tell me everything."

I swallowed hard, feeling the sting of fresh tears burn my throat. "I…"

"Roxas, tell me."

No no no no no! NO! If Axel found out—he wouldn't look at me the same! He'd never look at me like he does now…

I stayed silent. Axel sighed above me and used his arms to push me away so he could stare me down.

Great, just what I need. To look into these stupid green eyes that will make me blurt out the truth.

"What happened?" He spaced out his words as if he were talking to a two year old. And I felt like one. I felt small and stupid. I felt so idiotic for letting myself be swept away. I could have done something, I could have fought. I could have at least tried.

I stared into his eyes and felt compelled to tell him. Obviously, he knew that was the only answer.

And here goes nothing.

"I...was raped." I winced with embarrassment, the words drenching my mouth with disgust.

Axel's eyes flamed. I could see the pupils dilate as if he was going into some kind of seizure. I took a deep breath and waited for him to sort his thoughts out. It was scary, standing there as he decided what profanities he should scream at me. With his hands squeezing my shoulders so hard I thought he would break them. I could hear his teeth grinding in his mouth and his breathing accelerated. He finally spoke in a hushed tone.

"Who…"

"…What—?"

"Who!?" he yelled now, holding my shoulders tighter, his eyes digging deep into mine.

I felt myself shiver. "S-some guy…"

"His name," he demanded.

I looked away from his stare, feeling a tear fall down my cheek. "His…his name was Marluxia…"

I heard a growl escape from deep in Axel's throat as he latched his arm around my waist and pulled me through the door, my feet barley touching the floor as we walked. Axel stormed up to the front desk and glared into the receptionists eyes. She looked scared—and I didn't blame her.

"Where is he?" Axel asked, now looking calmer. Though I could still see the fire deep in his eyes and hear the acid in his voice.

"Officer Vincent?" she asked timidly.

"Yes, him."

"Oh…uhm, Mr. Vincent?" She called into a room beside her.

The copper's head popped out of the room quickly and he gave us both a smile, which died soon when he saw the look on Axel's face.

"I'm guessing you would like to see the man?"

"See him? No. I'll see his fucking ass in court," Axel growled. I felt his arm tighten around me, pulling me into his chest.

I didn't know he could get like this…

"Yes, I see. So Roxas has told you then." Vincent stopped and got an affirming snarl from Axel. "Right, then. If you would just sign this paper, the date should be set and affirmed." He shifted a piece of paper towards Axel and me that was already sitting on the desk. I wondered if they already had this whole thing planned out.

"Okay—that should be good." The cop took the paper from Axel who had signed it quickly, and nodded.

Axel only narrowed his eyes, turned around, then walked out of the building, pulling me along by his side.

—XxX—

I once again heard the slamming of a car door behind me as I reluctantly sat in the front seat of Axel's red truck. I wiped my sleeve across my face to rid myself of any stray tears as Axel crossed the front of the truck. He stopped abruptly, letting his hand rest on the red hood. I saw his fists clenching in and out like he was about to explode from anger and doing that was the only way to channel it. I felt sick to my stomach again and I wished I was in a bathroom so I could puke my guts out. Axel reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. I squinted and realized they were cigarettes.

Since when does Axel smoke?

He lit one and stuck it in his mouth, taking a long and heavy drag. I watched as the smoke rose into the dark sky above him. I wanted to hit him upside the head for even trying smoking. It was stupid and dumb. Only wasted your money and killed you slowly from the inside out. Besides—it only would remind me of him. Axel stood there for what seemed like forever, just staring at the sky above him, blowing little puffs of smoke into it slowly.

Is he trying to get ready for the lecture I'm about to receive?

He finished his cig then stomped it out on the ground. A hand came up to his head which he ran through his flaming red hair slowly. The spikes looked untamed, even more than they usually did. But he still looked amazing. Like a god, only sexier.

Ugh, shut up. Like he'll ever forgive you for this. Like he'll ever want to be with you after this.

The car door suddenly opened and I jumped in my seat, my heart giving a small spasm of pain. I needed to calm down. Axel slammed the door shut which left a ringing in my ears, then shoved his key in the ignition and started off down the road. It was silent for awhile. And I didn't really mind it. Silence was good. Screaming, arguing and yelling? Not so much. I wished for it to just be like this the whole way there. Then, when we got there, I could take a shower, try to forget about this, perhaps have another brain attack, and then lay in bed for a few days until I just totally—forgot.

Ahhh...that sounds good.

Apparently I wished too soon.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?" Axel's voice was angry still, but it had lost some of its fury.

"I'm sorry…" How many times should I say that? I'd say it until I couldn't talk anymore if it made him forgive me.

Axel sighed and gripped the steering wheel tighter, probably still trying to channel his anger. "I know you are—I know…" he trailed off as he stopped at an intersection, not bothering to look both ways before he set off again. "I'm not angry with you," he stopped, probably rethinking that. "Okay, I am. I'm seriously pissed off at you. I'd like to lock you in a room for the rest of your life and never let you out again, but that wouldn't stop you from being who you are."

God, he's sounding like a fucking dad again…

"And this is mostly my fault anyway. If I hadn't said those things to you, you wouldn't have run—nothing would have happened. I should have just sucked it up and let you see the damn sunset." His hand came up to his forehead as he waited for a stop light to change to green. I sat there, remaining silent as I stared out the windshield.

I guess some of this was his fault…but then it was my fault for not following his rules. But then again, it was his fault for the stupid rules in the first place. God, I'm confused.

"I'm sorry, Roxas. Whichever way you look at it, this was my fault. And I know sorry isn't going to make everything better. But I'll try. I'll sue that asshole for all he's worth and then I won't ever speak of this again. You won't have to remember anything."

Am I getting off the hook then?

"I don't understand…"

"What's not to get?"

"Where's the catch?"

Axel laughed without emotion. "Chastising you wouldn't do anything. I think you've been punished enough…"

I swallowed and tugged on my sleeve.

Yea, I guess that is true.

—XxX—

Days past. It kind of seemed like all the days were mashed together into one long stream of time when you were stuck in a giant white room. The only reminder I had to tell me that it was a new day was my alarm clock.

-2:13AM, April 2nd-

It read as I lay on my bed, turning my attention to stare at the ceiling. I sighed, picking out a specific tile to gaze at as thoughts drifted through my mind. Which were pretty much only on Axel. I missed him. Terribly. My heart constricted with pain every time I thought of his name. He had gotten a job, so he wasn't here as often with me. Actually, the last time I had seen him was about two days ago. I hated myself for thinking that he only got the job to be away from me. But deep in my heart—I knew it was the truth. He didn't want to be near me anymore, not after what had occurred. Every time he was here, we would barley talk. If he was trying to act like nothing happened, then he was seriously doing a shitty job at it. It only made me want company more. Only made me want to go outside more.

I think I'd rather be at that party again than stuck here with nothing to do but dwell on Axel…

I shook my head, ridding myself of that thought.

Focus on keeping your sanity—that's all you need to do.

But it was so damn hard without Axel!

I stood up from the bed, tossing the covers off in a rage. I was sick of being alone like this. I was sick of being cooped up in here again. I just wanted to be normal. To have friends and go to school like all 16 year olds did.

Is a normal life really too much to ask for?

No, it wasn't. And I deserved something better than this. I had been doing well with my memory. Even Axel had commented on that many times.

If things keep going on like this, what then? Will I have to stay in here for the rest of my life? Is my condition really that bad? No. I won't stay here any longer.

I took a deep breath before throwing off my pajamas and dressing myself in new clothes. I had no idea what I was doing, but it felt right to actually be doing something. Not just sitting around collecting dust, waiting for Axel to come. That's all I did these days. Sit, eat and wait.

Where's the fun in that?

I stopped from my frenzy as I looked myself over in the tall mirror on the wall. The bruises on my arms had almost faded away now. All that was left were ugly yellow reminders. I pulled on my jacket to cover them up. I looked really tired too—like I had barley slept in the last few days. I sighed, remembering that I hadn't. I'd spent all day yesterday staying up—just waiting for Axel.

Axel Axel Axel…he's all I ever think about. And it's driving me insane!

I kicked the side of my bed, making the monitor next to it shake with distaste. I scowled at the evil thing. I felt just fine. I didn't need any of this hospital shit anymore. I didn't need to stay here any longer. I turned around and headed for the door and I hoped to god that the nurse who had brought me dinner hadn't locked it. My hand fell onto the knob and I silently turned it, hearing a successful click from the outside.

Yes, it's open. Guess it's a good thing Axel hasn't been here for awhile.

I pushed it open and was glad when I didn't hear it creak. Quickly, I poked my head out the door, looking both ways to see that the coast was clear. Most likely everyone was asleep by now or in their rooms. It was night after all. I swallowed, which seemed to echo in my ears as I tiptoed out of the room. I felt stupid for a bunch of reasons then.

Why hadn't I done this earlier? Why am I doing this? What if I end up getting into trouble again…?

But what the hell. Confinement wasn't sounding good again, I would keep going. I slipped past many rooms, feeling almost like some kind of ninja. Though I probably looked really lame—I was having fun nonetheless. I loved the adrenaline in my veins. All I needed was a theme song.

I soon came across the doors that lead outside. I felt accomplished as I pushed one open and the swift breeze swept across my cheeks. I tasted the night air on my tongue and smiled to myself, feeling happier than I had in days. The moon was shining bright in the sky and I felt as if it was smiling down just for me. Sure, this was probably one of the worst ideas I had ever thought of. Sure, I would get into even more trouble than I already was in when Axel found out. But isn't life just about living in the moment? At least, that's what I've come to think of it. Why be stuck in a room when I could be out here—doing something.

But then again. What was there to do at 2 in the morning? A jog or a walk sounded like pretty much the only safe thing I could do. I nodded to myself and set off running.

—XxX—

The night air was cool on my skin as I walked along a sidewalk, ignoring any car that drove by too closely. Three people had already asked if I wanted a ride home, if I wanted to come have a drink or if I was lost. I had politely walked off the sidewalk and receded into the shadows to wait for them to give up. And they all did—which I was thankful for. The road was silent now, almost eerie. I couldn't help but feel now that this wasn't such a good idea.

No, I'll be fine. I'll head back now.

I turned on my heels and started back towards the Lab. It didn't take me long to realize that I was completely lost. Panic rose in my gut and threatened to overflow.

Shit shit shit. This was not part of the plan!

Not that I had a plan. I looked in front of me, seeing that I had followed the sidewalk perfectly.

Why am I ending up at this gas station then?

I sighed and treaded up towards the building. The light was on, maybe someone inside could give me directions. A bell rang as I entered, making the sound echo through the whole store. The place smelled like tobacco and cheap beer. I felt the sudden urge to plug my nose. I blinked a few times before focusing on a figure slumped over the counter, snoring quietly.

Should I…?

"Uhm…"

"Wha—who's…there?" the sleepy boy lifted his head up drowsily and stared into my eyes.

I froze. "Sora…?"

"Roxas!" he exclaimed happily, just about jumping over the counter to get to me.

You'd think I was actually nice to him at one point in his life the way he took my hand in his and shook it up and down. "Why are you here?! It's really late! Like seriously, it's almost 3AM!"

I ignored my pounding head and tried to answer his question. "I was just out for a walk and then I got lost. Do you work here?"

"Oh! Well that makes sense I guess. Yea, I do. My stupid boss has me working night shifts sometimes now. It's pretty tiring—but I really need the money. I guess it's worth losing a few hours of sleep." His smile made me feel like the world outside me was just one big blur. I had no idea how he could be just so damn happy.

"Mmm, that must suck," I sympathized, trying to be as polite as I could.

"Yea, it really does. But this is great! I didn't think I'd ever see you again after what happened in the park. Was that guy your brother or something? He looked seriously pissed at us. I hope he's not still sore about that…"

I frowned and sighed, remembering that incident. It felt like so long ago. "That was Axel. He's my—uh, guardian I guess you could say. He gets pretty protective of me." I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to him like this.

Sora laughed. "Ah, so he is like an older brother then. My big brother Leon is always like that! Though—not as strict I'm guessing. Still, he doesn't let me do much that isn't 'safe'. But that's just how big brothers are."

"Yea, I guess so." I had never thought of Axel as a brother before…

"So you said you were lost? Where do you live anyway?" Sora perked up, looking more awake than ever. It was hard to imagine he had just been asleep.

"Know of a place called the Lab?" I asked.

Sora blinked twice and chewed on his lip. "Hmmm…must not be too close to here—I've never heard of it before."

I sighed and stared at the ground.

Had I really walked that far?

"But hey! Don't get all sad and stuff! My shift ends at three anyways, so you can spend the night at my house tonight and we can look in the morning. How's that sound?"

"Spend—the night?"

"Yea, like a sleepover. You ever slept over someone's house before?" He looked puzzled, like it was something I should have done awhile ago.

"No—no I haven't."

"You're pretty weird, Roxas. C'mon, my cars parked right out here. My boss won't mind if I leave a little early," he rambled as he pulled me out through the door of the gas station to his little car.

I sat in the front seat as Sora climbed in, starting up the car quickly.

"My house isn't far from here. I usually don't drive to work, but my mom doesn't like me walking out after dark," Sora explained, backing out into the street.

"I can see why—it's really easy to get lost," I agreed while staring out the window.

"Yup, you should be more careful. Nighttime is when all the perverts roam the streets, says my brother." I heard him laugh from beside me and my lip turned up into a smile.

That's weird…