The Help

11.

It felt like hours before Bella heard the sound a of a car in the driveway. She got up nervously from where she was reading with Elizabeth upstairs in her room, and creeping out onto the landing she peered over the railing to the foyer downstairs.

Please don't let it be Tanya, she prayed.

The door swung open, and Edward entered first. Trailing behind him, looking wet, cold and miserable, was Alice. Breathing a sigh of relief, Bella slipped back into Elizabeth's room.

She was expecting Alice and Edward to talk downstairs, hence why she and Elizabeth had cleared out to Elizabeth's room to give them privacy, but instead she heard their footsteps on the stairs, and their accompanying voices.

"... Change into something dry, and you should, too. Then I'll be in in a minute, and we'll talk."

"Okay, Dad."

Quickly Bella got back up, crossed back over to the door and shut it softly. She returned to the little nest Elizabeth had made out of pillows and blankets ("To keep the thunders out," she'd told Bella, very solemnly) and the copy of The Wind in The Willows that they were reading, but after only a few minutes she heard their voices slip under the door. She tried her hardest to block them out, eavesdropping was not her style, unwilling or not, but no matter how hard she concentrated on the book in front of her she couldn't ignore them.

"... Now that you've calmed down, are you ready to tell me about what happened this morning?"

"I told you." Alice sounded petulant. "She took my phone. I told her she wasn't meant to, that she was meant to check with you first, but she just wouldn't listen."

"I don't understand why she would take your phone, though."

There was a long pause, then Bella heard Alice's reply, sounding slightly muted, like she was mumbling. "There were, like, some text messages on there that she didn't like." Then she raised her voice again, sounding indignant. "But she shouldn't have been looking, anyway! She went into my room while I was in the bathroom, and touched my stuff, and she's not meant to do either of those things!"

"What do you mean there were some text messages on there that she didn't like?"

"They were personal! It was my personal stuff, and she was just, like, reading it!"

"Text messages to who?"

A pause. Then, "I don't know. Just a guy."

"A boy? Is it someone I know?"

"He's in my dance class. His name is Jasper."

"What sort of text messages were they?"

"Dad... I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Alice, how am I supposed to get to the bottom of this if I don't know what made Tanya so upset?"

"Who cares if she was upset! She had no right to go through my stuff, and if she hadn't been snooping she wouldn't have seen anything to be upset about! She's just trying to make my life miserable, she's always looking for ways to get me in trouble -"

"Alice, you know that's not true -"

"Then why else was she in my room, searching through my stuff?"

"I can't answer that, Alice, but you know as well as I do that Tanya isn't deliberately trying to upset you in any way, she cares about you -"

Alice snorted loudly.

Edward sounded tired, and mildly irritated. "Alice, I'm going to ask you one last time. Please tell me what was in the text messages that made Tanya so upset."

"Oh my God. It was a naked photo, okay Dad? I sent him a photo of me naked."

There was a long silence. When Edward finally spoke, he didn't sound angry, as Bella had been expecting. Instead he sounded bewildered. "I don't understand. Why would you do that?"

Alice sounded resentful, but slightly confused. "I don't know. Everyone does it!" Edward was silent again, for a long time, and it was Alice who eventually broke the quiet, her voice suddenly tearful. "I don't know why, okay? I - I just wanted him to like me!"

"Alice, that's not how you get a boy to like you."

"Then how else?" Alice cried. "How else do I get a boy to like me?"

"I - you don't - I don't... Jesus." The last word was so low Bella barely heard it. Then, "I'd always thought your mother would be here to do this."

Alice was quietly crying."It's not fair."

"No." Edward's voice was guttural. "It's not."

There was another long silence, punctuated only by Alice's sniffs. Then she said, sounding miserable, "Can't... can't you just tell me what you think she would say?"

When Edward spoke again, after another long silence, his voice sounded strained, like he was winded. Like he'd been punched in the guts. "What do you think she would say?"

"I don't know."

"What do you wish she would say?"

Alice's quiet crying became sobs. "I don't know, Dad!"

Bella wished more than anything that she wasn't hearing this, it didn't feel right. She was eavesdropping against her will, and wished she could cover her ears to block them out.

"I think. I think she would tell you that she loves you. And that she is proud of you, no matter what. And that you didn't need to do anything but be yourself to win a boy's love, and that any boy who can't understand that will never deserve you. I think... I think she would tell you to make good choices. To not worry about what everyone else is doing. Alice, I'm sorry. I'm sorry she's not here. I'm sorry I can't be what you need right now."

"Don't, Dad. Don't. I'm sorry."

To her horror, it was obvious to Bella that Edward was crying. Unable to listen to anymore, Bella got to her feet. "Come on, little one," Bella said to Elizabeth cheerfully. "I think it's time for your bath."

.

She emerged from Elizabeth's room a little over forty-five minutes later, after bathing and putting the little girl to sleep. In the hallway she could see that Alice's door was closed and no light shining from underneath. When she came downstairs Edward was sitting at the kitchen table, his head in his hands. In front of him was a bottle of red wine, and beside that a half full glass. Bella hesitated in the doorway. He looked up after a moment. His eyes seemed shadowed, but apart from that his face gave away none of what Bella had unwittingly overheard.

"Um, I've bathed Elizabeth and put her to bed."

"Thanks, Bella. You've been a huge help today. I can't tell you how grateful I am."

"Just doing my job," Bella said, feigning cheer. "Um, I didn't get started on dinner, though," she told him apologetically. "It's just Tanya told me she'd be home before six so not to..."

"Tanya won't be back tonight," Edward said, somewhat tightly. He took a sip of his wine. "She's staying at her sister's." He paused, then added, a little unnecessarily, "We've had a fight."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that..."

Edward laughed; a short, bitter expulsion. Then he dropped his head back onto one hand and sighed. "It's not meant to be this hard," he muttered.

Bella wasn't sure whether these words were intended for her, and shifted a little uncomfortably from one foot to the other. When he didn't say anything else, she asked, "did you want me to prepare something for you to eat? I gave Elizabeth leftovers from last night, but I could make you something different. And Alice, too, if she's hungry."

Edward looked up, and stared at her for so long that Bella began to feel nervous. There was a pensive expression on his face.

"No, but thank you," he said finally. "I got Alice some something to eat on the way back."

"Well, surely you need something, too." Bella didn't want to say it, but he really looked terrible. The least she could do was feed him.

But Edward just lifted his glass and with his other hand gestured to the half full wine bottle. "I'm fine, I assure you."

Bella certainly wasn't going to judge. She'd had more liquid dinners than she'd be willing to admit.

"Okay, well..." And she was just going to bid her farewell - with both girls in their rooms and in bed there was little point in her sticking around - when Edward glanced up at her again and asked,

"Can I offer you a glass?"

"Oh - I probably shouldn't, I have to drive home."

"In this weather?" The rain was still pounding relentlessly against the windows, and showed no sign of stopping any time soon. "There's trees down and streetlights out everywhere. You can't drive home. Stay here. You can have the guest room again. Have a glass and keep an old man company."

Bella smirked. "You're not that old," she teased."I mean, they say forty is the new thirty..."

He looked momentarily indignant, then his face relaxed into a smile. "Very funny," he said drily. "Just you wait until you're my age."

Bella was just pleased that she'd made him smile. She glanced at the clock on the wall. It was already half eight. By the time she got home she'd have to go straight to bed, then get up and come straight back here. And she didn't welcome the idea at all of stepping outside in that downpour even long enough to race to her car. "Um, well I should probably just call Emmett and let him know where I am..."

Edward's face seemed to brighten, just a tiny bit.

She went out into the hallway to call Emmett. His phone went straight to voicemail, so she left him a brief message, explaining the weather situation, but leaving out all the drama that had occurred during the day. Normally she would have shared the story with a great emphasis on detail, but today it didn't seem right.

When she returned to the kitchen, Edward's seat was vacant, and the lights were on in the family room. She followed the sound of canned laughter to find him settled on the small sofa under the window, the television on with an old Will and Grace episode playing in the background.

"That was quick," he said, glancing up as Bella entered the room.

"Yeah, I got his voicemail. He's probably out with Lucy."

"Here, I poured you a glass."

Bella accepted the glass, and settled onto the other end of the sofa, tucking her legs up underneath her. She sniffed the wine appreciatively, and took a small sip. It was a hell of a lot nicer than anything they served at the local bar, that was for sure. "Thanks," she said to Edward.

"My pleasure." He watched her for a few moments, then asked, "Lucy? That's Emmett's girlfriend?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Hmm. I've heard him mention her once or twice. Have they been together long?"

"Um, a few months maybe."

"Nice girl?"

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, she's really pretty. And Emmett seems to like her."

"You don't seem convinced."

Bella glanced up, surprised. "Don't I?"

"Mmm."

Bella shrugged. "Oh. Well, I guess I don't know her that well. And I don't really want to judge her without knowing her properly." She shot him a slightly shame faced smile. "My friends - they think I'm a bit judgmental. That I judge people unfairly without getting to know them, and assume the worst about people. It's a habit I'm trying to quit."

Edward looked curious. "Really?" he asked slowly. He watched her for a few moments, then said, "well, I can only imagine what you must have thought of me when we first met."

Bella felt her cheeks burst into flames. "Um."

Edward smirked. "I don't blame you," was all he said, and took another mouthful of wine. "My mother would have been ashamed of me, if she'd known."

"Oh, you weren't that bad," Bella lied. "I mean, you were a bit of a grumpy bastard..."

Edward chortled. "A bit of a grumpy bastard?" He repeated. "Is that what you were telling your friends?"

"Um." Bella hesitated. "Maybe in slightly different language."

Edward laughed again, but didn't say anything further.

Slightly emboldened, Bella gathered her courage, took another sip of wine, then said, "Honestly, I was under the impression you didn't want me in your house at all."

Edward, too, took a sip of wine before he replied. "You were correct," he said plainly.

"Oh." There was nothing satisfying about finally having this knowledge. If anything, she felt worse. Before it had just been an assumption, but now it was confirmed. Uncomfortable, she shifted in her seat. "Right."

Edward glanced at her. "Don't worry," he said. "It was nothing you did. Just what you were."

"A nanny," Bella clarified, and Edward nodded. "You, um, you didn't want a nanny?" She asked. He nodded again. "Oh." She waited a moment, gave him the opportunity to elaborate, and when he didn't she asked hesitantly, "Then why...?"

"Why did I hire one?"

Bella nodded.

Edward's expression turned slightly hard. "I had little other choice, apart from stay home myself. Which, believe me, was something I considered. And if not for the fact that it would have meant everything I've worked for for the last eleven years down the drain, I would have."

Bella was struggling to understand. "Why is the idea of someone else caring for your children so distasteful? It's so common."

Edward didn't reply for a long time, until Bella didn't think he was going to, and then she felt uncomfortable, paranoid that she'd said the wrong thing, crossed some sort of invisible line. But finally Edward replied, his voice slightly brittle.

"It's not that I don't like the idea of someone else caring for my children," he said. "It's that the woman who should be caring for them isn't."

Bella was surprised and disappointed in this answer, and couldn't hide it. "You don't think Tanya should be working?" She asked him. Right then he was reminding her strongly of her father, and the comparison wasn't favourable. Was everything she'd first assumed about Edward correct?

"No," Edward said, "That's not -" he broke off, sounding tired. "It's difficult," he said.

"Right."

Edward glanced at her, one eyebrow raised. "You don't sound impressed," he said.

Bella deliberated, then spoke honestly. "I'm surprised, is all," she told him.

"You think I'm a bastard."

"No, I... I just don't understand." She fiddled with the stem of her wine glass, feeling awkward. She didn't like these revelations about his character, it made it very difficult for her to like or respect him. "I mean, it's not really any of my business," she said uncomfortably, wishing they'd never broached the subject. It was one thing to suspect unflattering things about a persons character, another thing entirely to have them confirmed.

Edward didn't seem prepared to drop the conversation though. "You think I married her so she could have my children and cook for me and clean my house?"

Bella hesitated, then gave in to her curiousity. "Did you?" She asked him baldly.

"No, I didn't."

Bella bit her lip. "But you think she should? You don't think she should be working?"

Edward met her eyes. "I've touched a nerve," he said, softly.

Bella shrugged, glancing down into her glass. "I just... My Dad. He doesn't think women belong in the workplace. He believes a woman should be a wife and a mother. He's... He's got some very old fashioned views on women. We don't see eye to eye on a lot of things, and this is the main one. It's why my mother left," she added, looking up finally. "She didn't want to stay at home and cook his meals and clean his house. For anyone else you would think it would be a wake up call. But it didn't change him at all. He just expected me to pick up where she left off." She cleared her throat. "It's one of the reasons why I left Forks as soon as I graduated. I couldn't live the life he expected me to - looking after him until I married some guy just like him, and doing the same all over again. I'm a human being with my own dreams and desires, and I'm not here on this earth to cater to some man's every whim. I don't think any woman is."

Edward was quiet for a very long moment after this. When he did finally speak again, his voice sounded flat.

"I did not marry Tanya just to look after my children and clean my house. And I don't have some sort of problem with women in the workplace, I would be hypocrite if I did, considering many of my business =partners are female, and my own mother worked two jobs when I was younger. What I have a problem with," he said bitterly, "is deceit."

At first, Bella didn't think he'd explained anything, and was still irritated. Then very slowly, what Edward had said sunk in. "She told you she didn't want to work?"

Edward looked surprised, but nodded. "Correct." He took a mouthful of wine. "She was a very ambitious girl, she'd come a very long way in her career in a very short time. But she was adamant that she wanted to give it all up, that none of it mattered to her as much as raising her own family. She'd been raised by nannies herself, and longed to give her own children the sort of childhood that she'd craved. She told me there was nothing in this life that she wanted more than to be a mother."

Somewhat nervous, knowing she was prying, Bella asked, "Is that one of the reasons why you married her?"

"I married her," Edward said quietly, "because I was very much in love with her." He took another mouthful of wine, then laughed shortly. "And you're probably thinking I'm the biggest fool right now for believing her, and perhaps I am. But to give me some credit, I didn't at first. I was very skeptical. She had been building her career very solidly over the entire time we'd known each other, and for her to insist that she wanted to give it all up to have children and be a homemaker was entirely out of character for what I had seen of her. I knew how much she loved her work, and I knew how ambitious she was. But she was adamant, and soon I began to see this fantasy life she was creating for us, I began to believe in it." He shook his head slowly, then added, almost wistfully, "And she was so good with Alice, the two were as thick as thieves. I'd been so worried about introducing Alice to someone new, she was still so young and so vulnerable after losing her mother. I had no idea how Alice would react. But Tanya won her over as successfully as she'd done with me - possibly even more so. Alice adored her, and Tanya likewise."

He must have noticed her look of surprise, because he laughed bitterly. "I know, a far cry from today. Where did it all go wrong?" He took another mouthful of wine, and repeated the question, barely audible. "Where did it all go wrong?" He shook his head, then stared over at the windows, as though he were watching his younger self. "I was obsessed with her," he admitted. "I feel very in love with her very quickly. She seemed to be everything I could ever want. She was incredibly intelligent and empathetic, she was clever and witty, she was so determined and goal driven, and for some reason was as smitten with me as I was with her. She, one of the Denali sisters, who could have had any man she wanted. But she wanted me, and I was... I was beguiled by her."

He turned back to face Bella, his expression open. "I was very lonely," he told her. "After my wife's death... I honestly never thought I would find someone else. I certainly wasn't looking for a replacement. I wasn't out there searching for a woman who could care for my child and look after my home. In fact, I wasn't thinking of anything like that at all when I met Tanya. I knew she was very focused on her career, it was one of the many things that drew me to her, just how ambitious she was."

He ran one hand restlessly through his hair. He was staring out the window again, his expression almost vacant.

"But I think she believed it was what I wanted. She was so influenced by her sisters, both who were married to wealthy, older men. Both men found the idea of their wives working distasteful, as though it reflected on their wealth and ability to provide for a family. I don't know if Tanya just believed that I was of the same mold, that that was what I wanted in a wife. I don't believe I ever gave her any indication that this was my desire, though." He sighed. "But I don't know. Maybe I did. I certainly wanted Alice to have a mother figure in her life." He turned to meet Bella's eyes again. "But when I proposed to Tanya, it was with the understanding that she had a career, and that it was every bit as important as mine."

Bella was a little overwhelmed. As if sensing this, Edward shot her a tired smile. "I'm inundating you," he said. "I know. But I need you to understand that I am nothing like your father."

"I don't think..." Bella began, but she was lying. Because even after what he'd told her, she was still confused. What he was telling her was contradictory to what he'd said before - if he really didn't believe that Tanya, as his wife, didn't belong at home, then why was he so angry at her for working?

"You do," Edward said astutely. He reached out and re-filled her glass, which was only half full, and his own, which was empty. He sat back, looking troubled. "I can't bear the thought of you thinking badly of me," he said quietly. And before Bella even realised what he'd said, he continued. "When we were engaged, Tanya spoke of nothing more than having her own children. Her oldest sister had recently had another daughter, and Tanya was obsessed with her. She adored children. She treated Alice with affection almost bordering on reverence, showering her with gifts, and I was undeniably thrilled. She was proving herself to be everything I could possibly want. We made plans to have two children, thinking three the perfect number, and I would have been pleased to have them right then and there, but Tanya wanted to wait until after we were married - which was completely understandable. She had certain expectations that she had to live up to, and that was one of them."

He turned back to Bella. "If you're expecting me to tell you that the moment we were married, Tanya changed, then you're going to be disappointed," he told her. "Because we were very happily married. She continued to work while we tried for a baby. She was only very young, just 22 when I married her. And I kept telling her we could wait, we didn't have to try straight away. I thought we could travel, Alice was old enough to come with us, or that she might want to have more of a career first, seeing as she was so adamant about giving it up once she'd had her first child. But she wanted children young. She admitted to some worry about not being able to regain her figure, how she was worried I wouldn't find her attractive anymore. She told me she was scared. And I was sympathetic towards her then, and tried my best to make her understand that her fears were groundless, but other than that she'd never expressed any hesitation. And her relationship with Alice continued to flourish. She told me she didn't want to replace Alice's mother, but that the best thing that had ever happened to her was when Alice accidentally called her Mommy."

Bella had almost forgotten her glass of wine, as wrapped up as she was in what Edward was describing to her. As he spoke, it played out in her mind almost like a movie, and she could picture the two of them together, a younger, less burdened Edward, flush with the first stages of love, and Tanya at his side, just as beautiful but warm and engaging instead of cool and aloof.

"Unfortunately," Edward continued, frowning, "we seemed to be struggling to conceive. Of course, we hadn't expected it to happen straight away. But after a year and a half I became worried, and thought perhaps we should have fertility tests. Tanya was reluctant, she thought they seemed unnecessarily invasive. However she was so young and so healthy, and I was honestly more concerned the problem was my end. So I was tested, but checked out fine. But I became confused when Tanya continued to refuse to be tested. And then, when I was going through our health insurance statements, I saw her repeat prescriptions for birth control."

Bella's jaw dropped.

Edward's face tightened, his jaw was very visibly clenched. "Obviously I was very upset and very confused. When I confronted her she became very angry. We argued, but eventually Tanya revealed she'd been secretly taking contraception because she'd become worried about having a child so soon, but hadn't known how to tell me. She hadn't wanted to disappoint me. And obviously, I was angry at her about her deception. But I could understand where she coming from completely. After all, I had been the one to suggest we wait. And I was happy to. Tanya was making tracks in her career, and we had Alice, who as far as Tanya seemed concerned was as good as her biological daughter. But we had entered into a cycle of lies that quickly grew wearying. Tanya would tell me that she was ready, and we would try, only for me to discover she was still taking birth control pills. I kept telling her that if she wasn't ready I was happy to wait, that I just wanted her to be honest with me, because like a fool, every time she told me she was ready, really ready this time - I believed her. And every time I saw that packet of pills in her handbag my heart felt like it was breaking. Until I wanted to stop trying. And we did." He took a particularly long swallow of wine. "But then Tanya discovered she was pregnant. And I was over the moon. She hadn't told me she'd changed her mind, that she'd stopped taking contraception. Stupidly, I thought she'd intended to surprise me. However, she hadn't intended for me to find out about the pregnancy at all. I only learned about it when the Doctor's office rang to confirm her appointment to see the obstetrician. And when I asked Tanya, she admitted she hadn't told me because she'd been planning to have a termination."

He turned to face her again, and his eyes were dark. "I've always been pro-choice," he told her, his voice flat. "But I could not support the termination of this child who was very much wanted, I thought by both of us. But it became very clear very quickly, that Tanya did not want this child at all. And we argued like we had never argued before, and I began to wonder if Tanya ever wanted a child, or if she'd been playing some kind of manipulative, horrible game all along, to keep me interested. So I told her this. She was furious, and left. She stayed with her parents for some weeks, and during that time I was terrified. Not just for my marriage, which suddenly felt like it was crumbling at my feet, but for the life of this child. I had no idea what she would do while she was staying with her parents, and lived in dread of her returning just to collect her things and tell me the baby was no more."

Bella was gripping her wineglass so tight it was a wonder it didn't shatter. She was too scared to breath, waiting anxiously for Edward to continue.

"She did, after nearly a month. She came home unexpectedly, more upset than I'd ever known her to be. She had a sonogram in her hands. She was shaking. She wanted to keep the baby, she told me. She'd been scared and confused, and hadn't thought she was ready. But she was now, and she wanted me to forgive her." He took a long mouthful of wine, swallowed, and said, "I did."

He was quiet for a very long time. Bella waited silently and patiently, giving him time to get his thoughts together. Finally he continued.

"We found out we were going to have a girl. A sister for Alice. Tanya wanted to name her after my first wife, she thought it would be a way of tying our family together, of Alice and her sister having a connection that was more than just being half-sisters. And I was thrilled, and I had forgiven Tanya, but I could never forget that I had seen a side of her that was nothing like the woman I knew, someone who was selfish, who was capable of so much deceit. But all of that - it didn't matter once Elizabeth was born. And trust me, there was never a daughter more wanted by both her parents." Edward sighed. He looked exhausted, and Bella could understand why. "Tanya had told me she'd quit work," he continued after a moment. "I supported her in this decision, after all, she'd always said she would once she had a child, so she could dedicate herself entirely to raising them. I was thrilled for Alice, who was getting to spend even more time with us, with Tanya home during the day. Previously she'd been staying with my mother after school. Now Tanya was there to collect her from school, to take her to all the after-school activities that she had planned. She had very firm ideas about the lifestyle she wanted to encourage in both girls, and she was very dedicated to making sure they both had the best opportunities to achieve this. But Alice was getting to a stage where she was developing her own habits and interests and enjoyments, and the two of them were finding these differences increasingly difficult to reconcile. Both of them are particularly stubborn. And it was around this time that I discovered that Tanya hadn't, as she'd told me, quit her job. That she'd just taken maternity leave. And the maternity leave was soon to expire, and Tanya was thinking about going back to work. Just a few hours a week, she told me. Nothing significant, but she wanted to remain connected to her peers, she wanted to stay involved in media in some way. I couldn't understand why this had to be through the form of her job, which could be incredibly draining. But I also didn't want Tanya to be unhappy, I didn't want her to be disconnected from her friends and her former life. So we agreed to her returning a few hours a week while Alice was at school, and my mother would come in to look after Elizabeth. But a few hours a week very rapidly increased to a few every day, and then to five or six. And I didn't know about any of this until my mother told me she'd be unable to help as much as she had been, and perhaps if Tanya was returning to work we should consider a part time nanny? And I was shocked, to have to hear from my mother, of the amount Tanya was working, and that she hadn't felt it necessary to tell me. She believed it was fine, that Elizabeth was being well cared for, and that Alice was old enough to not need her around as much."

Edward swallowed the rest of his wine and poured himself another glass. Bella's glass remained practically untouched, she'd been far too involved in Edward's story to take much more than the occasional sip.

"Needless to say, I was upset. Both because of the deceit, and because of the work. She was going against everything she'd ever told me, without any apology, and the signs were leading me to believe that all along, she'd never intended to quit working. And I started wondering, putting all these pieces together, wondering how much of anything she'd led me to believe was true. Yes, she loved and adored Elizabeth. I don't believe she regretted having her. But she showed no real desire to raise her herself, as she'd once insisted. Her interest in Alice had rapidly begun to wane, the moment Alice began to oppose some of Tanya's decisions. Things were beginning to fall apart. I didn't want Elizabeth to be raised by someone I didn't know, however Tanya wasn't prepared to cut any of her hours, and my mother was unable to take on the workload. So I decided I would cut back, and pick up where my mother could not. But this displeased Tanya more than anything else. She was concerned of the affect it would have on the company, of which she had invested a significant sum of her own personal funds into. And it wasn't just about the money, it was about the logistics. It was near impossible. I'm the managing director, as it is I'm on call 24 hours a day. I couldn't do that and properly care for Elizabeth, and the only other option was to stand down as managing director, and let my partners buy me out."

He turned to look at Bella. "Sometimes I think I should have," he said. "That it was a choice between my family and my work, and I chose my work. But it's not that simple. This was the company I had started from scratch, I'd worked my fucking ass off to make it what it is today. The people who work there, they rely on me, I'm responsible for their livelihoods, I couldn't just abandon them completely. And I love my work. I love it. And the nanny that I'd reluctantly agreed to hire seemed to be working out, although I'll be the first to admit I wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea of a stranger in my home. But it was only a few days a week, and Elizabeth seemed happy, and Tanya was satisfied. But then the nanny left, and it wasn't until later that I found out - from the agency, once again not from Tanya - that she'd quit because she couldn't work full time. Which baffled me, because we only needed her to work part time. Oh no, the agency told me. The new hours of work your wife instructed her to do are most definitely full time." He sighed. "I spoke to Tanya. She was quite reasonable. She agreed to cut back on her hours to standard part time hours. We hired another nanny because the old one didn't want to return, it appears she and Tanya didn't always see eye to eye. I wasn't fussed by this, after all Elizabeth is our daughter and if Tanya isn't satisfied with the level of care then I am in complete agreement. But this happened again, the last girl, Lee, ended up speaking to me, telling me she was on the verge of losing her second job because of Tanya's continual lateness. And finally Tanya told me she believed Elizabeth was old enough for her to return to work full time."

"And that's where I come in, I guess," Bella said.

"Yes," Edward said softly. "It is."

Bella knew his intention had been to explain his reasoning and seek her understanding, but what she'd heard instead had been a tale of such disappointment that her heart broke for him.

"So, that's why... Why you were so cold to me, when I first started working for you?"

"Yes," Edward said plainly. "I'm afraid I may not have been on my best behaviour in our first few dealings. I was, uh, slightly resentful of you. Not of you, personally," he said quickly. "I didn't know you. But because you were, to me, more than just the nanny." And he turned his face away, so Bella couldn't see his expression. "You were a reminder. Of the truth I'd been ignoring for so long. Of every lie she told me. Of the way I allowed her to deceive and manipulate me. And how, after all that, I am a fool because I still love her."

Bella swallowed. "You're not a fool," she told him."You're human."

"Same thing," Edward said, turning back to her, with a slightly crooked smile.

Bella, not entirely sure what to say to this, took a long mouthful of wine.

Edward placed his empty wine glass on carpet at his feet, then sighed and ran his hands tiredly over his face. "I'm sorry," he said, abruptly, his voice muffled through his hands. "To burden you with all my problems."

"You're not burdening me. And... I... Well, I'm kind of pleased," Bella admitted. "That you told me, I mean. And not just because I know now that you're not some sort of misogynist. ... But that you cared enough about what I thought to want to convince me otherwise."

Edward had removed his hands from his face and was watching her with that same thoughtful expression he'd been wearing whilst watching her earlier. "Of course. I care about your opinion."

Bella liked hearing this more than she should. She felt a pleased smile tugging at the corners of her lips, which she hid by taking another quick mouthful of wine.

"Do you still think I am like your father?"

The question surprised Bella. She glanced over, and saw Edward watching her with a vulnerable look on his face, like a child seeking validation.

"No," she said quickly. "No, you're nothing alike and - I mean, when you explained what you've been through..." She kept stumbling, and felt as though she was embarrassing herself horribly. She took a deep breath and started again. "Thank you for telling me," she said simply. "And I don't think you're like my father."

"I'm glad," he said. "I don't like you to think badly of me."

"I did, once," Bella admitted. "I thought you were a chauvinist. I thought you were angry that your wife wanted a life outside of the home..."

Edward smiled wryly. "Well, I suppose I can't blame you for thinking that. I can imagine that's probably how it appeared. That was Tanya's favourite insult. She used to tell me that all I'd wanted was a trophy wife, someone to tote around at parties in the evening, but who was barefoot in the kitchen during the day."

Edward was quiet again, then after a moment he asked her quietly, "Do you think I'm an idiot for still loving her?"

"No," Bella said quickly; again he had surprised her with the openness of his question. "I mean, I can't judge - "

"Because I do." He sounded exhausted. "And maybe I don't still love her. But I love the woman she was, and every now and again I see glimpses of her, and I just think we could still have that life. I just." He stared morosely at his hands, which lay folded in his lap. "I just can't seem to make her happy, the way I used to. I let her do what she needs to do, let her work these ridiculous hours and hire help to do what she'd once promised she'd do and - and I still can't make her happy."

Before she could stop herself, Bella found herself blurting out, "Does she make you happy? I mean, isn't that just as important?" And then she was kicking herself, wishing she could take the words back, because who the hell was she to be telling her boss how a marriage was supposed to work? She, the not-at-all-proud owner of one failed relationship and a dozen and a half dating disasters. What the hell did she know?

She glanced over at him, expecting a rebuke, but found that he was staring at her with a tiny smile on his lips.

"Are you looking out for me?" He asked, his manner teasing. And when she blushed he stretched out one arm and gently nudged her shoulder. "Don't be embarrassed," he said. "I like it. The way you take care of all of us. Not just the girls, but me, too."

"Just doing my job," Bella said with a shrug.

"You do more than your job, and you know it." He rested his arm casually along the back of the sofa. "And don't think it goes unnoticed. I appreciate it, I really do."

Flushed with pride at the praise, Bella murmured her thanks.

"You're very capable," Edward said, after a moment. "For someone so young."

"I'm not that young," Bella said, too quickly, then flushed inexplicably.

"I'm sorry," Edward said then, out of the blue. He caught her eyes, and his expression was suddenly earnest. "For the way I spoke to you - the way I treated you when you first started. It was inappropriate and unnecessary, and it's incredibly shameful that it's taken me til now to apologise. You deserve better than that."

"So, any plans on how to make it up to me? Because I have a couple of ideas."

She'd intended the words to be teasing, playful, an attempt to lighten the solemn mood. She'd planned to follow them up with a joke about increasing her pay and signing the deed of the Lexus into her name. But the moment they left her mouth she realised how easily they could be misconstrued, how inappropriately they could be taken, and as her face burst into flames she turned her eyes towards Edward's with the explanation on her lips, but it died the moment she saw his face.

Edward's gaze seemed very focused on her, his eyes very dark, and the expression in them sucked the air from Bella's lungs. He didn't say anything, and she couldn't, and the silence between them lay as thick as the sudden tension.

She was abruptly hyper aware of his position on the sofa, his arm stretched out and his hand resting just near her shoulder. Her mouth was suddenly very dry and she licked her lips, and as she did she saw his gaze drop to her mouth. She swallowed nervously.

How the hell she had become so attracted to Edward Cullen she did not know, and she was the fool for doing so. But right then and there it was all she was aware of. And she knew the sensible thing to do right then was get up, to say goodnight and go to bed. This atmosphere of intimacy was messing with head, she was imagining things she was sure weren't real, like the way Edward seemed fixated on her lips, or the way his pupils were dilated when he looked back up to meet her eyes, or the way he seemed to have leaned in and - oh God -

His hand brushed her neck, very slowly and very softly, his knuckles barely grazing her skin. "You're very compelling, Bella Swan," he said, almost under his breath.

She held her breath, the skin tingling on her neck where his hand was. And she was terrified and excited at the same time, not sure what he was going to do next, just as unsure about what she wanted to happen next.

But she was denied the opportunity to discover this, because at that moment there was another boom of thunder, which was followed moments later by the sound of Elizabeth's piercing cry. Edward leaped to his feet like he'd been shocked, in his haste knocking over his wine glass, the remaining crimson liquid trickling out onto the carpet. He swore, but Bella wasn't sure if it was over the wine, or Elizabeth's cry, or what had almost - maybe - been about to occur between them.

Incredibly flustered, Bella untangled her legs from beneath her and stumbled to her own feet, both of which were asleep and protesting at having to suddenly support her. "I can go to her," she told Edward quickly, less out of obligation and more out of a desire to escape. She was mortified, unable to believe what she had almost let happen.

"No - no, I will." Edward was avoiding her gaze. He leaned down and picked up the fallen glass, resting it on the coffee table. "I - uh - I think I should probably head up to bed anyway. It's been a long day..."

"Of course," Bella said quickly. "Um, well I'll clean up here and then..."

"Thank you." He caught her eye then, for the tiniest moment, and Bella noticed for the first time the flush sitting high on his cheeks. She wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment, or from the wine he'd consumed. "For all your help today," he finished, swiftly looking away.

"No worries," Bella mumbled. "Um, I guess I'll see you in the morning."

"Right. Yes. Good night." He moved towards the hallway, but hesitated briefly in the doorway. "Um, about what happened tonight."

Bella glanced up, startled. Her mind instantly flashed back to that moment on the couch, just before the thunder had rolled, the moment his hand had curled around the back of her neck and began to pull her forward.

"About what I told you," he clarified, as though he could read her mind. "I would appreciate it if you kept that in your confidence. I wouldn't want... Well, I wouldn't want -"

"I understand," Bella said softly. "I won't say anything."

.

Bella lay awake for a long time that night. Just a few closed doorways and a couple of hallways Edward was sleeping. Or maybe, she couldn't help but think, he was lying awake, too.