Chapter 11

My first day back to school, I cautiously walked to my seat, sensing Derrick's glare on me like cyanide. The bandages were removed by now, and I glanced at the old wounds. Sure enough, pale scars marched up his wrists and forearms like some kindergartner's disastrous scribble drawing. I found it almost difficult to believe I'd done that. Scars were permanent. They might fade with time, but they never truly went away; Derrick would have that frenzied drawing marked on him for the rest of his life. I remembered what Arianna said about apologizing to him, and I figured she must be right. It'd probably be a little awkward, but I was more than willing to give it a shot.

"Hey Derrick," I whispered.

"Go away, freakshow. I hate you."

I winced. "Please, I just want to talk-"

"I don't wanna hear it."

"I'm sorry for what I did; I didn't even meant to, it just-"

"I said shut it," Derrick growled. He shifted his fingers and I glimpsed a flash of silver. A pocket knife? I jerked back and stared. He'd brought a knife to school? His cold eyes had never looked as serious as they did now. When he spoke, his words were but low threats. "You only attacked because every word I said was true. I'm the only one who sees what a monster you are. I can't believe they even let you back into school. If you want to apologize, meet me by the lake after school." He tucked the weapon back into his pocket and turned away.

My own gaze returned stiffly to the front and stared at the chalkboard without really seeing it at all.

I wasn't a monster or anything. I needed to meet him after school. I had to apologize. That was what Arianna said I needed to do. It was morally right. It was good and all. I had to apologize. Had to apologize.

I hardly paid any attention to school the rest of the day. The whole deal with Derrick made me too nervous to focus, and when the final bell rang, I felt both relieved and anxious.

As I left the building, I spotted Arianna waiting for me at our usual meeting place by an old oak tree. I contemplated telling her I'd be a few minutes, but decided against it. She'd just try to follow me. So, I headed down to the lake by myself, slipping down the banks and trudging through the snow.

Derrick was there - but he wasn't alone. Kai and May, his two closest friends {Yaban and Yariko, respectively}, flanked him. I slowed, then stopped entirely. A sense of foreboding rose in my throat, a nameless trepidation. Maybe it was just an illusion; the way Derrick's navy blue hat seemed to shade his eyes, or how Kai and May's scarves wrapped around their mouths like criminal masks.

"Hey, hey..." I said uneasily.

"What are you waiting for? I thought you came to talk, right?" Derrick demanded.

"I thought you were going to be alone..."

Derrick shrugged. "You never said I had to be. What was it you wanted to say to me?"

Well, at least he was listening, but I wasn't exactly comfortable with all three of their stares bearing down on me.

"I just..." I swallowed and tried again. "I mean to say, I didn't intend to hurt you or anything. I don't like you or anything, but it wasn't right of me to attack you anyway. So... I'm sorry." Sometimes I wished I could be more eloquent. It didn't really seem like the sort of apology Arianna would hope for.

"Hm. But you did attack me," Derrick pointed out. "An eye for an eye, I say. That's fair, right?"

My heart began to race. This wasn't right. Not right at all. "N-not fair," I said. "I apologized; I won't do anything like it ever again, I promise, if you'd just forgive me."

"But remember," Derrick replied, "You're crazy. How can we trust anything you say?"

I whimpered. "W-what? I'm not crazy, I swear." Having lost the argument with Derrick, I turned to his friends. "Right? You know I'm not, Kai? May? I mean, it was mistake - there's nothing wrong with making mistakes. I learned from it; I'm not - don't - you don't think he's right, do you?"

Kai shrank back, but May snorted. "Derrick, if you're going to do anything, do it now. Seriously, watching this guy is pitiful."

"It's just a lesson," Derrick told me. "Of what happens if you try to attack me again."

I tried to back away, but Derrick's hand lashed out and clamped down on my hat. He dragged me to the edge of the water. I saw the still surface, almost perfectly reflecting the chilly blue sky and my panicked purple eyes. Behind me, Derrick, his own eyes narrowed in hate and traces of fear. Ice ringed the lake. A warm spell a few days ago had melted the middle and left chunks floating.

Then, he shoved me into the water.

Cold, cold, cold; it was like thousands of frozen needles driving under my skin. I could feel the temperature even beneath my flesh: the kind of cold where your head immediately begins to ache with it, and the only thing you can think of is getting out; getting warm. Focused solely upon the shore, I broke the surface and drew in one huge, painful breath of winter air. Luckily - if any sort of luck played into this - I was already beside the shore. I swam over clumsily, for not only did I have little experience with swimming, but my muscles were seizing up in protest.

I scrambled halfway up on the bank; one foot out of the water, the other still dangling in the lake. No energy to climb all the way. Needed to just breath - cold everywhere. The ends of my hat, now soaked, slicked down my back and sent violent shivers up my spine.

My teeth chattered and body shuddered. Eyes anxiously curved up when a shadow fell across me.

Two rough hands grabbed me again; blessed warmth, for only a moment, then Derrick shoved me beneath the surface again. Blind panic seized me. He wasn't letting go - wasn't letting go. I tried not to scream; already too little precious was left, but terror overruled logic. I writhed, kicked, and twisted, fangs bared in a silent scream. Everything in me howled to escape, but I couldn't. The terror was like a physical pressure building beneath my skin -

Out, out, out - freezing, couldn't breath, couldn't -

Derrick's hand slipped; I arced in the water and sank my teeth into his fingers. Both hands snapped back. I was free! I surged to the surface, but no sooner had I reached it, before I could drag any more than a tiny gulp of air in my lungs, that those hands angrily pushed and held me under again.

Despite my thrashing protests, he wasn't giving up this time; his fingers practically dug into my sides, but it was the least of my concerns. I was much more preoccupied with the fact I couldn't breath under water - and there was no way I could hold my breath any longer. I gasped involuntarily. Icy water flooded into my lungs. It stung and seared, ripping at my insides like poison. When I tried to scream again, I gagged on the burning liquid. Oh god, it ached - how long did it take for that pain to end, how long before an oxygen-deprived body surrendered to that liquid coldness?

I choked and spat it out again but my body needed air more than my mind rejected water.

Then something dragged me back to the surface, back to the world of the living, onto the bank.

I heard Kai and May speak, but their concerned words made no sense to me. I still couldn't breathe; my lungs were full of water, body shaking uncontrollably. I gagged and shuddered, knowing I needed to get the water out, needed to breath. To no avail: though water dribbled from my lips, air refused to draw in. A hand slammed against my back, timed with a cough. At last, with a violent heave, I vomited out more water than I imagined could fit in my lungs.

I drew in a full breath of precious air, only to have it burn fiercely on my raw throat. I realized I was crying. Crying and gagging, and sipping in short pained breaths because as much as it burned, it was the air of life.

Very slowly, senses other than pain returned to me. The unbearable cold, for one. My very soul seemed to be shaking as though every part of me, physical and not, was infected with it. Then, their voices.

Kai, "Shit, I told you, you went too far man."

"Shut up! Let me think... Hey, Marx!" There was no energy left to resist. Breathing alone was an agony, and surely I was in danger of freezing to death. Already blessed warmth was beginning to seep into my body: the first stages of hypothermia.

My reaction seemed to actually worry Derrick. He leaned forward and looked into my eyes. "Hey, Marx, man, we were just playing."

"Idiot!" Kai swore. "I thought you were just gunna scare him, not half-drown him!"

Derrick snapped back, "He's not drowned!"

"He'll be dead if he doesn't get warm soon," May cut in.

"Shit! I'm not going to be responsible for his death." He unwrapped his own scarf, fingers fumbling with the material, then loosely tied it around my own body. "C'mon, freakshow, you're alright," he urged, patting my head. I flinched with each pat. Dark spots began to appear in my vision.

"We gotta get out of here," Kai said. "What if someone catches us?"

Derrick swore to himself. "He's going to freeze..."

"You said he wasn't gunna get really hurt!" Kai snarled.

"I didn't think-"

"Someone's coming," May breathed in horror. "They can find him - let's get outta here!" The three turned tail and bolted. I hardly registered the change. My head lowered lethargically between my feet, mouth hanging open to pull in acid air. I didn't even notice I was panting, or trembling with hysterical fervency.

I heard a familiar voice shrieking my name, but the sound came through a distant tunnel. All consciousness came to a shuddering halt; I collapsed onto the snow.