Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Arcane Chronicles: CyberV revealed himself to be the consummate Otaku Geek, prone to nearly random pop culture references and sentai posing. The Good Duelists began a mass recruitment effort as a preemptive move against Ramesus, only for Jimbo to uncover the plan. Meanwhile, Ikke is being driven to the edge of reason by the ongoing assault on his megaphones, his resentment against CyberV growing with each new incident.
Ikke could already feel a blood vessel on his forehead threatening to burst. He'd already seen drowning, flushing, even a pinata party... This topped them all.
Silently, angrily, he stood before a freshly filled grave and newly chiseled headstone that read MegaPhone Of Doom XII, complete with date of death.
That wasn't what annoyed him.
THAT honor belonged both to the Lord of Dragons playing taps on the Flute of Summoning Dragon, and the 21 Barrel Dragon salute being given. He didn't know HOW they'd pulled off this stunt, but he swore they'd pay. All of them.
Especially that pitiful excuse for a chosen Warrior.
"CyberV, this time you've gone too far. YOU'RE GONNA PAY! YOU HEAR ME?! YOU'RE GONNA PAY!!!"
Watching from a safe distance, CV mock sighed and snapped his fingers. "Aw man, and I didn't get an allowance this week..."
Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Arcane Chronicles: Past and Present Danger
Episode 11: A Challenging Recruitment Mission! Rein in the Uber Otaku Geek!
Written by: Aaron (CyberV) Thall
Ikke looked through the student files like a man possessed, which given the nature of the threat they faced, was entirely appropriate. He needed something special to get back at CyberV. Something so heinous that it would shut the fool up once and for all.
After several hours, he paused, his eyes catching something so perfect, so amazingly simple, that he kicked himself for not thinking of it sooner.
"It's time to fight fire... with fire."
Ashes was confused. "Okay, WHY exactly are we being called to LazyMan's office?"
"Dunno," said Hikari. "Maybe it has something to do with the blatant abuse of Barrel Dragons yesterday? How the heck did you DO that, anyway?!"
"Trade secret," said CV. "The hard part was 'Taps'."
"So, what were you gonna do to him today? Super glue? Run it up the flagpole?" Jay was really getting into the war on the Megaphones.
"Today? I make him sweat. He'll wait for it, and wait for it... And nothing happens."
"And then you do something when he relaxes." Nat could see where this was going.
"I'm thinking honey and a swarm of angry bees."
"OUCH!" Raging Flame Sprite winced. "That's going a bit far, isn't it?"
Rocket Warrior considered that for a moment. "Nope!"
"Good enough for me!" said the Sprite.
Red-Eyes just growled, annoyed with the antics.
They stopped outside the doors to the room where every decision governing their team was ultimately made.
"I hate this place. I hate it SO much..." CV clenched his fists, remembering the look on LazyMan's face when he was confronted about the initiation duel with Mouse. He still couldn't quite believe the lengths LazyMan had taken to insure that there would be a Warrior of the Balance. At times, it almost made him wonder if the team's leader was even on the proper side.
"No point putting it off," said Nat as she opened the door. "Whatever he wants, we do it as a team."
The stepped inside LazyMan's office... But LazyMan wasn't there. Instead, Mouse stood to one side while Ikke was sitting at LazyMan's desk, looking like he was enjoying a bit of power a little too much.
"I TOLD you guys I hated this place," said CV. "I mean, it's invested with vermin."
"KNOCK IT OFF!" Mouse clocked him in the skull.
"OW! I DIDN'T MEAN YOU!" CV rubbed his head.
"...Any chance you could hit him again? Just to be sure." Ikke was enjoying this way too much.
"No." said Mouse, pointedly. "LazyMan's only occupied with training the new recruits temporarily. You're only sitting behind that desk because you're the only other senior member qualified. And I'm ALREADY looking forward to seeing you pulled away from this office."
CyberV considered a crack about Mouse actually having taste, but reconsidered as he felt the growing welt on the back of his skull.
"I suppose," said Ikke, "that you want to know the reason you were summoned here."
"If you choose to accept this mission," said Hikari, "and fail, all knowledge of our existence will be disavowed."
"The messenger will explode in five seconds, if we're all very, very lucky," piped in Jay.
CV wiped a mock tear away. "They learn so fast..."
"Shut up and listen!" Ikke slammed his fist on the desk.
"You break it, you bought it," said Ashes, eliciting a look that could kill from Ikke.
"Anything else you five would like to pull before we begin?"
"Already pulled your leg," said CV. "And I really don't wanna pull your finger."
"Don't look at me," said Nat. "Dumb pranks are their department."
Sighing heavily, and feeling a headache coming on, Ikke sat back in the chair. "Knock it off, all of you. I need you five for a special recruitment mission."
"Isn't recruitment YOUR department?" asked Ashes of Mouse.
"Yes, normally. However, Ikke was... determined to give you this one."
"So this is some kind of revenge... For that thing I never did to you," added CyberV quickly.
"Riiiiiight..." said Ikke, not buying it for a second. "Anyway, Andy's a special case, and his profile makes his recruitment a job you're best suited for."
"Now, when you say SPECIAL..."
CV rubbed his ears, trying to get them to pop back to normal.
"Ow! I didn't know he could yell that loud without a megaphone."
"Maybe we should stop destroying them, and just have his vocal cords removed." It was hard to tell if Nat was joking or not.
"But then he'd duel in mime. That's too horrible to think about." Ashes shuddered.
"Okay, time to cut the clowning," said Jay as they reached Andy's dormroom. "So, who wants to step into Ikke's sadistic little revenge room first?"
"Pass." Hikari shook her head.
"Forget it." Ashes refused to step inside.
"Not on your life," said Nat.
"I know I'm not," said Jay.
There was a pause.
"D'OH!" CV winced. Hesitantly, he knocked on the door.
"Hello?" said a voice on the other side.
"Ikke sent us. He told us we were expected."
"Oh, right. Hang on." There was a rattling as the student began unlocking his door.
"He sounds normal enough," said Ashes. "Maybe we were wrong."
The door opened, and they were treated to the sight of a slightly overweight guy stuffed into a homemade Power Ranger suit two sizes too small for him. "Welcome to the Command Center, Rangers!"
Sweatdropping, Ashes reconsidered. "Then again..."
"Ummm... Yeah... I see the recruitment standards went a bit lax." CV couldn't believe this. He was an Otaku Geek, but even HE had limits. The lines of that suit were all wrong! He didn't even have the holster on the correct side! "PLEASE tell me Zordon didn't send you."
"Nope! ...But that WOULD have been cool..."
The others were lost, utterly. CV quietly agreed, but this guy was still a bit creepy.
"So, what's this all about? Ikke said it was important." The oddly dressed duelist motioned that they could come on in. No one moved.
"Sorry, it's just that it'd be... a bit crowded in there." In truth, CV was more worried that a guy this obsessed might have turned his bed into a suit of armor. He just REALLY didn't wanna know. "Why don't we walk and talk?"
"Sounds good to me." Andy grinned.
"One thing," said Ashes, quickly, before Andy could leave his dormroom.
"Yes?"
Hikari and Ashes spoke as one: "Change first."
Wearing his school uniform, but still sporting a toy morpher on his wrist and, CyberV noticed, perversely wearing a Masked Rider belt buckle and a straw hat that looked like it belonged in the manga One Piece, Big Andy, as he liked to be called, walked with the group through the halls.
"Andy," started Jay.
"Big Andy, please."
"Fine. Big Andy. Whatever. Have you heard any of the rumors flying around the school?"
"No. For some reason, people don't talk to me much."
"Wonder why..." muttered Nat under her breath.
"Anyway," said Jay, getting things back on track, "bad things are coming. You've heard that the school has two special groups of students, right?"
"Yeah. Good and Evil. But why would anyone want to be evil? That side always loses!"
"They get the good lines," said CV.
"Oh yeah..."
"AHEM!" Hikari elbowed CV to shut him up.
"Anyway, the Evil side's started talking their name seriously. They stole something. Something dangerous, and they want to revive something called the Shadow Games. The Shadow Games can be just about anything, but they usually result in the loser having their soul removed."
"Woah..." Big Andy was impressed. "This is all for real?"
"Yes," said Jay. "And our job, as members of Good, is to try and protect the student population. Since you're a bit isolated from the rest of the school, we're concerned that you'd be an early target."
"We also want to recruit as many students as possible, to help combat the threat when it does arrive." Nat privately wondered what this guy could contribute other than another bit of cannon fodder.
"Well," said Big Andy, "if you want my help, you've got it. I'll keep my eyes open. What should I watch for?"
"Black duel disks," said Hikari. "Every Evil member has one."
"Got it." He grinned. "You can count on me!" He, bizarrely, saluted, turned on his heel, and went the opposite direction.
Watching him go, CV blinked. "Well, I guess that wasn't SO bad..."
Around a corner, Ikke watched and snickered. This was only the beginning...
The rest of the day was uneventful, save for an incident near midnight when Ikke went screaming through the school, followed by bees. His mood wasn't helped when the school nurse kept, perversely, calling him "Honey". Nothing came of the next two, either, save more training, more classes, and, naturally, an incident involving an attempt to launch a megaphone into orbit. The attempt failed, but the device made an impressive crash on the Academy's roof.
However, the day after that was anything but quiet...
"All right, class, today we'll be seeing if you've learned anything about proper duel etiquette." Professor Harker adjusted his glasses. Sitting in their seats, many students groaned. They already knew this stuff, but the Academy felt it necessary to teach, given the unfortunate tendency of duelists to cheat on the dueling circuit. The phrase "Curse you Weevil Underwood" was a common one.
It didn't help matters anyway that this was one of several classes that the Good and Evil duelists were forced to spend together.
"All right. I need two volunteers."
CyberV raised his hand. Why not? It wasn't like there'd be any danger in the classroom.
The class groaned. CV was quickly becoming infamous for being a total showoff dork.
"I'm not that bad!"
"YES YOU ARE!"
CV sweatdropped as he reached the floor.
"Now now, settle down. I'm certain he can keep his... theatrics, shall we say... to a MINIMUM?" The way the Professor said it, it wasn't a suggestion.
"yessir..."
"Good good. Now, we need one more." No one raised their hands. "No one. Fine, then I'll choose... You. Michael."
"It's MIKEY," said Mikey of the Evil Duelists as he rose up. "And it'd be my pleasure to shut this twit up once and for all."
A pair of eyes in the class locked onto the black disk on Mikey's arm. "The time has come." The owner of those eyes quietly slipped from his seat and out the door.
"Please keep the trash talk for the duels, gentlemen," said Harker. "This exercise is to display proper behavior and honesty."
"Whatever," said Mikey.
"Good luck with that..." muttered CV, knowing full well that Mikey was incapable of behaving himself.
Outside, he donned his ceremonial uniform and readied himself mentally. This would be his first test... He had to prove himself. He breathed deeply. He was ready.
"All right, boys," said Harker. "Begin."
"Let's duel," said CV, genuinely not enjoying the fact that Harker had warned him not to show off. It didn't FEEL right without "IT'S DUELIN' TIME!" ringing in the air.
"Yes, let's," said Mikey as his disk extended to play mode.
"Now, class, you can see that they are both in the proper stance for the beginning of a duel. Can anyone tell me how far apart duelists should be before a match begins?"
"Doesn't matter," said Mikey softly. "Because someday, we're gonna-"
"ENERGY DISK!" Out of nowhere, a pizza pan shot in, clocking Mikey in the skull.
CV winced. "Ouch. Hey? Mikey?" Mikey was K.O.ed. "He didn't like that..."
All eyes went towards the exits, where Big Andy stood, very proud of his shot. But what really surprised everyone was the orange karate outfit and the bald cap that did nothing to actually look real.
Big Andy cried with joy. "Goku would be so proud!"
CV sweatdropped, even as he helped the professor make sure Mikey wasn't seriously injured. "Oh, that's just not right..."
The entire class glared at Big Andy. "What? I mean, sure, it wasn't a clean cut, but I actually saved the day for once! WOOHOO!" They got up to grab him. "...And that's my cue to run for it." Andy bolted.
Feeling a headache coming on, CV had a bad feeling that this was going to be a LOOOOOOOONG day.
"So Mikey's okay?" asked LazyMan as he met with CV outside the infirmary.
"Yeah. But I have a bad feeling Big Andy's just getting started. He bound to strike again any time he sees a black duel disk."
"And who wanted him recruited?"
"Ikke."
"...Oh, he and I are gonna have WORDS..."
"What's the deal with Andy, anyway?"
"He was on our do-not-approach list. His family spent a few years in Japan, and he got a bit too obsessed with that culture. He makes you look downright normal. But right now, that's not important. Keeping him from hurting anyone else or getting hurt's the top priority. You've got to put a stop to this before Ramesus decides to stop him personally. He won't tolerate attacks on his people, and any action on his part will just escalate tensions and the situation. Can you stop him?"
"I'm gonna have to..."
Hikari was in her element and in a mood as she stared down Dark Shroud. She'd caught the little jerk snooping in her gym bag. Yeah, he'd just wanted to see her ultimate combo again, but, evil or not, he should have asked!
"Privacy's everything to a girl in this day and age, Shroud. Now my Flame Swordsman's going to have to punish you."
Flame Swordsman: 1800/1600
Dark Shroud glared, leering. Yeah, he could see what Poison did in her. It was just too bad she'd already used her Giant Trunade to clear the field of magic. He wanted to see her sweat a little, beg for mercy...
"Make your move," he said. "I'm wide open."
"Gladly," said Hikari. "Flame Swordsman..."
"HOLD IT!" Big Andy's voice rang out, as a red, white, blonde and blue streak got between the two duelists. Hikari couldn't believe this, but Andy was dressed up like Sailor Moon!
"...What...?" Dark Shroud sweatdropped, realizing he was seeing an image that would haunt his every feminine fantasy for years to come.
"In the name of the Moon, I'll punish you! I'm Sailor Moon!" Andy pulled out a replica of the heroine's moon scepter, and without warning, began hitting Shroud over the head repeatedly with it.
"OW! HEY! OW! CUT IT OUT! OW!"
Hikari debated the merits of interfering. Reluctantly, she moved to pull Andy off of Dark Shroud. CV beat her to it, tackling him and knocking him off he battered evil duelist.
"He has to be stopped, before the Negaverse conquers everything!"
"I hate to pull a Mouse..." said CV, "But..." He clocked Andy in the skull. "KNOCK IT OFF!"
There was a pause. "OW! Man, how does she do that without breaking her hand..."
Out of the corner of his eye, CV saw Shroud scrambling away.
"Oh great. Just what we needed..."
"Is he okay?" asked Hikari. "And what was he thinking?!"
"Thinking?" asked Rocket Warrior as he appeared. "Thinking is NOT this bozo's strong suit."
"Guess what? According to LazyMan, he was on our 'avoid at all cost' list."
"...Ikke's in trouble?"
"Ikke's in trouble. And so is this nimrod if we can't get him to behave." They looked at the dazed Andy. This was not gonna be easy.
"Boss!" said Dark Shroud as he ran into Ramesus' office, nursing a bloody nose and a fat lip. "We've got a problem."
Ramesus motioned towards Mikey, who was holding an icepack to a painful welt on his head.
"Yes, I'm well aware. But you need not concern yourself with petty revenge. A fool such as this will bring about his OWN demise."
"What is WRONG with you?" demanded LazyMan as he yelled at Ikke. "Big Andy? Are you INSANE?! He'll get himself killed, and everyone else in the process! He's certifiable!"
Ikke shrugged. "I thought he'd be useful. They can't steal souls if they can't get a duel started."
LazyMan raised an eyebrow. "And I'm sure your assigning the Warrior to the task of recruitment was ENTIRELY benevolent."
"Well..."
"Save it," said LazyMan. "We've got damage control to get to. This fiasco's bound to cost us time. Pull something like this again, and you're out. GOT IT?"
Ikke glared at LazyMan for a moment before reluctantly relenting. "...Got it..."
CV and Hikari sat patiently outside Big Andy's dormroom, bored, half asleep.
"Think he's awake yet?"
"Don't know," said CV, "Don't care. Hikari, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Is that how people see me? As a clown with a Japanese obsession?"
"Yes." CV flopped. "But not so bad as to crossdress and beat people up as the characters."
"Yeah, I have my limits. He doesn't."
"That's why people avoid him." The two duelists looked up to see Mokuba joining them. "Since no one ever taught him what was appropriate, he thinks it's okay to do this kind of thing whenever he likes."
"So, how do we stop him?"
"My best guess? Play his game."
CV sweatdropped. "I'm not wearing any dress."
"NOT WHAT I MEANT!" Mokuba sighed. "As long as people approach him normally, he'll just go further into these personas."
"So we should try talking to him on his level?"
"It's worth a shot."
There was a sudden crash as glass shattered. CV and Hikari shot to their feet as Mokuba pushed the door open.
"He's gone!"
CV looked at his closet. "And he's taken another outfit."
"Oh, that can't be good."
CV looked harder. "I was wrong. He took two."
"We'd better find him and fast." Mokuba didn't want to think about what a loon like Andy could do.
"I think I have an idea," said CV. "I'll catch up later." He bolted from the room. He had a feeling he knew where Andy would eventually turn up. He just wondered what would happen in the meantime.
Hikari and Mokuba began racing through the campus, looking for any sign of Big Andy. A half hour passed with no trace of him... Until they saw the beginnings of an angry mob of students, led by Sonny of the Evil Duelists.
"WHERE IS HE?!" Sonny was livid.
"Big Andy?" asked Mokuba.
"What'd he do?" Hikari wasn't sure she wanted to know.
"Well," said Nat as she came out of the crowd, "He apparently dismantled Sonny's Jeep and turned it into a Transformers outfit."
"Hound never looked so dorky," said Jay as he joined her from the mass of students.
"That's not... TOO bad," said Mokuba.
"Then he smacked me with my hubcaps." Sonny was as angry as he could be without hurting someone.
"We'll find him," said Hikari. "He's not right in the head. He needs professional help."
"He'll need a plastic surgeon when I'm done with him," said Sonny as he trudged off.
That was when they heard the shriek. A barely covered pink blur burst from a classroom and down the hall faster than anyone could follow. Carly and Ashes, both flustered, came through the doors, ready to kill Big Andy.
"GET BACK HERE, YOU SICKO!" yelled Ashes.
"Okay," said Hikari. "DEFINITELY don't wanna know."
"That little freak came in, said he was Astro Boy!" It took a lot to get to Carla, but this had done it.
"Except he did it in boots and underwear and nothing else." Ashes was blushing as red as she could.
"I KNEW I didn't wanna know," said Hikari.
"Then his shorts ripped." Both girls, good and evil, shuddered.
"Okay, WAY too much information," said Jay. "Come on, he can't have gotten TOO far. Not like that, anyway." Not waiting for anyone to catch up, the Good Duelists began running after Big Andy, Mokuba keeping pace with them.
"Okay, he's hit Carla, Sonny, Mikey, and Dark Shroud. Who's left?" Ashes was still trying to get the image of Astro Boy out of her head.
"That leaves the big names," said Jay. "Jimbo, Poison, Greekman, and Ramesus."
"OH GOD!"
"Well, scratch Jimbo..." said Jay. They stopped as Jimbo came into view, choking.
"Some freak... Said he was King Muscle. Stink bombs..." He leaned against the wall, choking. The gang sniffed the air. And, as one, wretched.
"Gonna... KILL HIM..." Jimbo sank to his knees.
"Get... in line..." said Hikari, her eyes watering.
Big Andy, now changed, crept into the dueling arena in the area of the school devoted to the Evil Duelists. Here, he would tackle the Big Three. Even now, he saw Greekman and Poison, ready to be stopped.
"Heard about the freak going around attacking the others?" Greekman wasn't amused by the goings on.
"He's either brave to moon Carly, or stupid." Poison couldn't believe the insanity this day had wrought.
"I swear, if he shows up here, I'm gonna..."
"LET IT RIP!!!" Big Andy, dressed as Tyson from Beyblade, leapt from the shadows and fired his Beyblade launcher.
The blade pitifully landed on the ground and spun for a few seconds.
"Oh come on, Dragoon! Don't give up on me now!"
The top laid there, defiant.
"...This is so much cooler on television..." complained Big Andy.
"GET HIM!" Poison and Greekman started after Andy, who wisely turned and ran for dear life. Unfortunately, he didn't run quite fast enough, as Greekman grabbed him by the collar and yanked him to the ground.
"I call dibs on his face," said Poison. "NO ONE attacks my team and gets away with it."
Greekman slammed Andy into the corridor wall as Poison raised his fist.
Which was when a soccer ball slammed into the wall inches from them.
"That's just about enough, Gentlemen," said CyberV as he came into view, carrying another soccer ball. However, instead of his normal school uniform, he wore a blue casual suit and a red bowtie. "The game is up."
"J-Jimmy Kudo?!" Big Andy couldn't believe it. The greatest teen detective in the world!
Poison turned away from Big Andy and stomped over to CyberV.
"Okay," he said in a harsh whisper, "what the heck are you doing here?"
"Keeping you from harming a mentally ill man. Just play along, and you'll never have to deal with him again."
"I can already handle that."
"He'll just shrug off the abuse and try again. Violence won't do anything. Leave him to me."
Poison glanced at Big Andy, who, despite being held against the wall, was trying to load his Beyblade launcher for another "attack". "You've got one chance. Then he's ours." Poison turned away from CV and whispered to Greekman, who, reluctantly, stepped away from Big Andy, who, wisely, put the launcher down.
"The building is surrounded, gentlemen. There's no escape from the long arms of the law this time."
"We'll see," said Poison, reluctant to play along. "Come on," he said, motioning for Greekman to follow.
"What the heck are you doing?"
"Getting rid of the pest without getting us expelled, that's what. Let that dork play out his little game."
"You'd better be right, Poison..."
Big Andy rubbed his head. "But how'd you find me?"
"You should know. It's because of you that I'm cured. You kept the Black Organization so busy that I was able to sneak into their headquarters and find the antidote for the poison that shrunk me. Now they're going away for a long time."
"I'm... glad I could help."
"Come on. Inspector Macguire's going to need a statement from you." Big Andy nodded. In the distance, Greekman and Poison watched, absolutely dumbfounded. Once they were out of audible range, CV changed tactics slightly. "You did great, but some of the organization may escape and come back someday. Now, my friends and I can handle them for the most part, but we may need you eventually. When that time comes, I'll contact you, okay?"
"You can count on me, Detective Kudo!" Big Andy saluted.
"Great. Consider yourself an honorary member of the Junior Detective League." CV held out a homemade badge and gave it to Big Andy. "Remember, don't make a move against them without hearing from me."
"I won't."
"Good. Now let's get out of here in case the men in black coats come back." Gingerly, CV led Big Andy away.
Ramesus watched them leave from a distance.
"I told you things would be handled without my interference, gentlemen," he said as various team members emerged. "Perhaps now we can return to matters of ACTUAL importance." He turned his back to the departing duo and walked back towards his office.
"So after you got Big Andy out of there, what happened?" Ashes was a bit lost. "I mean, we were too busy cooling down the angry mobs to pay attention."
"LazyMan and Drift found us a bit after that, and arranged for Andy to get some seriously needed counciling." CV, still in his Kudo disguise, sat in a chair, exhausted from the ordeal. "He'll be back, eventually, and hopefully better adjusted to the real world. As it is, when things go south, we'll have a completely insane secret weapon."
"Why do I get the feeling that's not the entire story?" Nat didn't quite believe what CV was telling them.
"Well, we did make one stop before Lazy and Drift found us..."
Ikke, despite being dressed down by LazyMan, was in a particularly good mood. Evil had been run ragged, CyberV and his friends were too busy to cause him any grief, and now one of the school freaks would be gone for a long time.
He went towards his supply closer to get a replacement megaphone. And his eyes went wide. He felt his eye twitch as well. Everywhere were the littered, trashed remains of hair dryers and megaphones. A large sledgehammer laid there in the middle of the room with a note. Trembling, he picked it up.
"Dear Ikke. It took a while, but I convinced Andy that he couldn't make the Power Rangers weapon Storm Striker with real megaphones. Sorry about the mess. You know who."
"All in all, I'd call this a good day," said CV, grinning.
Ikke crumpled the note in his hand. Eyes burning with hatred, he made a solemn vow.
"I swear, if it's the last thing I do... I'm going to make you wish you were never born! CYBERV, THIS TIME, YOU'RE MINE!"
The megaphone war was finally on. And only one of them was going to walk away.
TO BE CONTINUED...
Next Time: Ikke's Rage! The Flames of Resentment Ignite!