See Chapter 1 for info & warnings
Alarming desperation
Leads me to believe
With all my shields and protection,
It's only me I deceive.
~Melissa Etheridge "Dance Without Sleeping"
/All I have to do is fight a guy with bizarre magical powers who has already kicked my ass once. And I have to win. I can do that. I hope./ Erin shivered despite herself and wondered if Doyle thought she was coming down with something. /I'm not usually this clingy. Or ever, come to think of it./ "Thanks."
"For what?"
/He has absolutely no idea how nice he's being. Man, what most girls wouldn't give.../ "For being here for me. For taking care of me while I'm healing. For believing I can beat Mordred when I don't. It means a lot." /Well, there's my monthly show of emotion. Takes a special sort of a person to get that much out of me./
"It means a lot having you here too. I mean, not many people are really keen on demons, ya know? The fact that you're here and you're not uncomfortable bein' in the same room with me... it's a big deal."
/Guess I never really stopped to wonder about the shields he's had to put up. Getting self-centered in your old age, Erin. You're not the only one with a cross to bear./ Erin had known for almost a week that she would have to see Avalon again soon. /I'm going to have to face Mordred again. I'm the Slayer. A Slayer can't just refuse to help someone in need./ "Looks like we're helping each other, then."
"Yeah, guess so."
With his arm wrapped around her shoulders, Erin felt as if nothing in the world could touch her. Safety and comfort were not things she knew well. In truth, both sensations made her almost uncomfortable, paradoxical as that seemed. /I shouldn't be here, feeling sheltered and secure. I should be with Angel protecting Avalon. But it is nice not feeling like I'm about to die for a few minutes. Chances are, when I face Mordred again, one of us won't come out alive. And I'm not all that sure it won't be me who ends up dead./
/And then I'll be dead. And what wonderful legacy will I leave behind? Not a damn thing. Sure, I saved a couple of people from vamps. Big wow. Oh, this is SO not the time to focus on what's wrong with my life./ With a sigh, Erin pushed herself into a sitting position and swung her legs over the edge of the hide-a-bed.
"Hey, what's wrong?"
/What isn't wrong?/ "Nothing. Don't worry about it." /Good. Shutting him out will help your problem a lot. Not./
"I may be dense, but... Erin, you can talk to me."
She closed her eyes and bit her lip. /It would be awfully easy to start spilling my guts. What's wrong with that? Why the hell shouldn't I get close? Everybody else has someone to confide in. I never have. My aunt never gave a damn and neither did my Watcher. Doyle cares. He's worried about you. Can't you just for once let your guard down?/ "I... I'm... I'm tired. That's all. Tired."