Bouncing her let nervously, she gripped the handle and stared out into the late day ahead of her as she rode the elevator up. She didn't know what she was thinking, she was feeling about a million things, but her thoughts were a little mixed up.
She just knew she wanted to see him. She had to see him.
Rushing down the long hall, she knocked hard on the large door as she waited for him to answer. She felt her whole body shake as she waited.
"Luke…" she called to the closed door and knocked again. "Broody open up," she banged again and swore it was a lifetime before the door pulled open revealed the blonde. "Hi…"
"Brooke," he opened the door for her to step inside. "I've tried calling you. I went to the bar, but Rachel said you were heading this way."
"I know. I'm sorry. My phone was in my purse and I just…" she moved in front of him and cupped her hands to his cheeks. "I had to see you…"
"I had to see you too. There is something I-"
"Wait…" she pushed her finger to his lips to silence him. "Wait, me first," she bit her lip to stop the grin that was growing. "Me first…" she whispered dragging her finger down his cheek. Looking into his eyes and feeling it click, feeling all the nerves and unknown thoughts erasing and just feeling...right.
"What?" he searched her eyes as his grip around her small waist tightened. His heart racing so fast he thought it might explode in his chest. "Pretty Girl," he chuckled a bit, brushing her hair and seeing a light flicker through her.
"The doctor called…" she told him and then suddenly his heart stopped and eyes widened.
"And?" he let out a small laugh unsure. She seemed excited, however, she was kinda nervous both ways. So he wasn't sure if this happy her was a yes, or no.
"And I'm really hoping he or she has their daddy's eyes…" she whispered and his mouth dropped a little before slowly grinning.
"You are?" he asked and she nodded as he felt a million things rush over him at once.
"Yeah…" her voice cracked with a little laugh as he placed his hand on her stomach. "I am," she placed her hand on his. "We're having a baby…"
"Brooke…" he grinned, cupping her cheeks and giving her a sweet kiss. "Oh my god," he wrapped his arms around her and picked her up to spin her around.
"Lucas…" she laughed and clung on tight to him as he spun her around and her eyes shut. "Are you happy I take it?"
"Yeah," he let her stand on her own and tilted his head to the side to look at her. "Yeah I'm happy," his face fell a bit when he realized all he was about to do, about how much he was about to crush her. "I love you, Brooke…" he whispered. "I love you so damn much…"
"I love you too…" she leaned forward for a sweet kiss and he loved and hated the smile he felt in their kiss.
"Brooke…" he touched her cheek and pulled her back. "There…there is something I need to tell you…"
"Ok, what?" she beamed as she looked up at him. His hear slamming into his chest as he looked at her. So much light and hope in her eyes it scared the hell out of him what was about to happen.
"I love you," he whispered out and ran his thumb along her cheek. "I love you so much and being with you…being with you has been the happiest I've been in years. I swear I don't remember the last time I was this happy…"
"I know what you mean…" she agreed and bit on her lip.
"And knowing we are having a baby together…" he glanced down at her stomach and felt his heart explode in his chest. "God, Brooke…I've never wanted anything more and I never wanted this life more than anything."
"How come I feel like there is a but coming?" her brows creased when she caught the panic flicker through his gorgeous blue eyes she read so well.
"It's…it's not a but…not like that," he told her quickly and pulled in a long breath. "It's more that I'm scared…"
"Scared? Scared of what? Having the baby?" she shuffled her feet back a half step to look at him. "You wanted this. You were the one talking me off the ledge when I was flipping out but now…now you aren't sure?"
"Of course I'm sure!" he gripped tight on her wrist, not wanting her to run. "I want this with you. I want this baby. I'm not scared of that."
"Then what are you scared of Luke?" her jaw clenched and he squeezed his eyes tight.
"That I'm going to lose you," he whispered out and she just grew more confused. "That you're going to hate me when you know the truth."
"What truth? What are you talking about?" her voice cracked a little as worry started to take over. Suddenly that happy feeling she had been feeling all day was quickly erased. "Luke…" she touched his cheek and lifted it to look at her. Offering him a light shrug; along with a gentle smile. "Talk to me Broody…Tell me what's going on," she begged and hated all the pain in his eyes.
"I've screwed up a lot," he started with, really wanting to put off the end of this conversation. "When I was young I moved to LA with my brother and started working pretty quick. I got this stupid role in some teen movie and suddenly people knew who I was…I was this…this it boy they wanted in their movies…"
"Lucas I don't understand what you mean…"
"I got cocky," he gave a light shrug and pulled in a long breath. "I took the people I loved for granted and I screwed up. I started to go out and party more and drink a lot and ruined so many things. I screwed things up with Peyton- which," he rushed to tell her when he saw the panic flicker through her. "Which wasn't meant to be. But I really messed that up and almost lost one of my best friends because of it."
"Because of what?"
"On…on one of my sets I had a director. He is like the guy you want to impress. He makes careers for people and just as easily as he does that he destroys them."
"Ok…?" she told him still a little unsure of all that was happening.
"Brooke…" he shifted over to the bed and pulled her with him. He closed his eyes tight before looking back into hers and hating the panic. "I need you to understand how much I love my job. When I was younger I had no clue what I wanted to do, nothing clicked for me until I started acting. I would get this rush of excitement and thrill from being there. I've never wanted to do anything else and I wish I could explain it…"
"I get it," she told him as she touched his cheek. "I know what it's like not knowing where you belong. I can't imagine how great it is to finally find it."
"I used to swear if I could get into this business I'd never want anything else again. Then I met you…"
"Lucas…"
"I thought when I finally made it I was found and realized that was where I was meant to be. However, now I know this is where I'm supposed to be. You made me…find who I really am…and because of that I have…I have to be honest about everything so we can move forward."
"Ok…what is there to be honest about?" she touched his cheek and saw him swallow hard. Holding her gaze as he took everything in, almost afraid he might never get the chance to see her look at him with such promise again.
"That director…" he spoke of again and she slowly nodded. "Right after I broke off with Peyton I started his movie and he had a daughter, Kate…" he said slowly and watched her body stiffen some. "She is a model and on the side does some acting and her dad let her have a small role in the movie. We met and it clicked…sorta…"
"Sorta?"
"We…we were just sorta hooking up at first…"
"Oh…" she looked down and tugged her hands back to her lap. "Kinda…kinda like us?" her voice cracked a bit as she fiddled with her fingers.
"No!" he said quickly and watched her let out a sigh of relief. "Brooke…the moment I met you I wanted to know you. Yes, ok we slept together the first night we met but it wasn't just sex. When I met you I knew it wasn't going to be just that. God Brooke," he threaded his fingers through her hair and rested his head against hers. "It scares the hell out of me how fast I fell for you…"
"Then why are you telling me this Luke? I'm so confused," she let out a dry laugh. "I know you dated her…" she whispered and his eyes widened. "Rach…Rachel was worried at first and she…she googled you. I told her not to and I didn't read it…real," she trailed off and watched something flicker through him. "Please don't be mad…"
"I'm not…I'm not mad…"
"But it's ok you dated her. I've dated people before, I've been in relationships. I know it was rough and I know that you two argued a lot. But I don't get why that affects us?"
"The first time she and I broke up she…she blamed me for it. Then because of it her…her dad stepped in. Brooke I didn't work for over a year. I couldn't even get a lame cereal commercial…" his tone rose and he needed her to get it. He needed her how much he loved his career, but most of all he needed her to know how much he loved her.
"Well you just booked the show? That's good right?"
"It's great," his voice shook a little. "But…but I got it because he helped me. We made a deal…"
"A deal? What kind of deal?" panic started to rush over her and she nervously ran her hand over her stomach. "Lucas…" she swallowed hard and felt pressure start to build in her eyes. "What's going on?"
"Please don't leave me…" he begged and she let out a broken sob. "Please…"
"Why would I leave you?" her heart started to race and his eyes trailed up to hers and she watched the pain in them. "Lucas, why would I leave you?" her tone rose and he felt his hands start to shake.
"Because…I'm engaged to her," he whispered out slow low if it wasn't the fact she was so close he swore she wouldn't have heard him. Her remaining quiet a long time as she stared down at her hands. "Brooke…" he reached for her hand but she just reared back and smacking him across the face. A terrible sting ripping through his cheek and his eyes slammed shut. "I'm sorry…"
"You're sorry?!" she yelled with a bitter laugh, spinning on her feet to face him. "Lucas I'm pregnant!" she snapped and gripped her hand through her hair. "My god, I'm pregnant," her hand came to her mouth and he jumped up quickly.
"I know, but this…this doesn't change anything. I want you," he snapped and she closed her eyes and shook her head. "I want this with you. I want this life and this baby. This doesn't change anything…" he brushed her hair back and she kept shaking her head. "We can still have this, have us," he took her hands to whisper and she pulled in a long breath not wanting to get to upset. She had a baby in her, a child she created and as much as her heart hurt, as much as she felt herself shatter she wouldn't let herself get so upset it harmed this child. She trained herself a long time ago not to let a man put her in a bad place. She wasn't going to do that again.
"No we can't…" she shook her head and opened her eyes to him. "Lucas you lied to me!" she snapped pushing her away from him. "And I get it. I do. I can't imagine finding out who you are and getting everything you want and having someone just take it away from you but you knew you were engaged before you even met me! All those nights we slept together, those nights we would lay in bed and just talk…all those nights you just held me," her voice started to break more and more and his heart tightened in his chest. "I told you things, I confessed my biggest fears and my biggest heartbreaks and I was honest with you. I was honest with you in a way I haven't been with anyone and never once, never one time were you honest with me!"
"I was!" he told her. "Everything I've ever said to you was honest. Yes, I never told you the truth about Kate but everything else was real. Was honest. You know me Brooke. You know me in a way she doesn't at all. You love me…"
"No…no I don't," she started to shake her head quickly. "I love who I thought you were. I loved the man I thought you were. Not this man…this liar…"
"It wasn't a lie!" he yelled and she released another sob. "Brooke I do love you and you love me. This is me. This is who I've always been but never showed anyone."
"But that doesn't matter Lucas because you are engaged to someone else! You cheated on her with me and you know I hate cheaters! I've been cheated on, I've been hurt by that and you are one of those people…"
"I'm not, Brooke. I swear to god I'm not. I'm trying to end things with her. I'm going to end things with her because I want you! She doesn't love me and I don't love her. It was a deal, an arrangement because it looked good."
"Do you not hear how that sounds?" her brows creased and she waved her hand by her head. "How screwed up that sounds? You were going to marry a woman because of a deal? An arrangement you made with her father? What kind of people do that?"
"Brooke…"
"You know…I had it right the first time," she took a step back from him and shook her head. "I don't fit in your world…"
"Yes you do Brooke…"
"Then let me word it differently," her tone sharp and jaw locked. "I don't want to fit in your world. I don't want to be in a world where something as serious as a marriage is a…a business deal."
"Brooke please…don't do this…I love you…"
"I don't know if you really do Lucas…I don't know if you know what real love is," a tear trickled down her cheek and his heart broke. "You've had months to tell me the truth and you never did."
"I wanted to but I didn't want this to happen," he waved his hand between them and she let out a laugh. "Every time I went to tell you something would happen. Then I thought I could just end things with her and deal with the repercussions of it…I planned out every option Brooke. I just…I got in too deep," he offered a short shrug. "All of a sudden I realized the life I wanted…I just wanted a normal life with you…"
"That's not going to happen Lucas…I don't trust you," she told him and he swore nothing hurt more in his entire life than her saying that. "And I honestly don't think I even know who you are," she shook her head as she stepped past him and toward the door.
"Brooke…" his tone flipped as she gripped the handle and paused. "You're still carrying my child," he reminded her and her eyes closed. "This might change a lot but it doesn't change that still my baby…" he grasped at the only thing he could think of to maybe make her stay. Make her realize they really were supposed to be together, they really were forever connected.
"It is," she let out a dry laugh and ran her hand over her small stomach. "Damn it…" his eyes watching as her hand ran up and down it and the hand on the handle for a short moment loosened. Pain erupting in her as her head dropped and eyes closed. The tears trickling faster out and he couldn't stand it anymore and moved quickly toward her.
"Brooke…" he took her in his arms and she let out a sob in his chest. Quickly everything in her starting to crumble and being that strong person she wanted to be quickly started to disappear. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry baby…I'm so sorry," he apologized kissing the top of her head as she cried. "I didn't want to hurt you…"
"Did a great job of that," she cried, clinging onto his shirt. "I loved you, I made you happy…was…was that not enough for you? Did I not deserve to know the truth?"
"You did, Brooke. I wanted to tell you the truth. Every day. There were so many times I'd get so close to it, I would be on the verge to tell you and then you would just…just look at me. You looked at me in a way no one ever has and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose you…"
"So what?" she shook her head and looked up at him. "You were just going to let me live without knowing? It was going to come out Lucas. Sooner or later it was going to come out and I was going to look like the biggest idiot…I already do…"
"You don't…" his thumbs danced across her jaws and he lifted her chin to face him. "I love you…" he whispered out slowly and her breath caught. "And I know you love me…" his hand gripped her hip and he pulled her close.
"Lucas…" her voice flipped unsure as he knocked the tears on her cheeks. "Stop…" her hands planted on his chest and felt his heart race. "No…" her words caught when he leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. Hearing and hating the whimper she released as his hand gripped in her hair and he tried to deepen their kiss, her quickly shaking her head and dropping it.
"Brooke…" he whispered not getting the look in her eyes, it being such a mix of emotions he didn't know how to read it. "Pretty Girl…"
"I hate you," she cried and his eyes widened. "God, I hate you Lucas," she shoved him back and darted out the apartment. Him spinning into the door as it shut and dropped his head against it, pretty sure that was the worst pain he ever experienced.
Sorry it took so long to update!
Please review!