A/N: the dream sequence herein is compiled from a combination of the original script and the aired version of the Pilot along with my additions.
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So this old school politico, Barry Goldwater once extolled, "I will offer a choice, not an echo."
Wish I'd been given that option.
He ran down the facility hallways, brother by his side, the sound of the alarm forcing them to all but shout at each other, his bare feet slapping on the concrete floor as they made their way through the maze of halls hoping to make it to the exit before they were found.
"My fault… it's my fault…" Kevin said as they rounded the corner at a fast jog.
"Next time you'll trust me, right?" I came back with, wishing on this occasion I hadn't been right, or that I'd had more time to convince Kevin before all hell had broken loose.
"Next time I'll…"
The door at the far end of the hall slid open, revealing a man dressed in black from head to toe wielding what to his untrained eye looked like a machine gun of some sort.
As one he and Kevin said, "Ah, crap." The Kevin shoved him to the side.
He landed behind one of the metal supports even as the machine gun barked, bullets flying down the hall to impact…
Dozens of them hit Kevin, who fell to the ground, the white lab coat quickly staining red.
He growled softly and surged to his feet, the Quicksilver coming faster than ever before as he charged down the hall at the son of a bitch who had just shot his brother. A shoulder to the stomach and the man was down on the ground flat on his back. As he tried to sit up, he knocked him back down then shifted behind him, arms wrapping tightly about the man's neck, the anger bright red behind his eyes. A quick twist to the right was accompanied by a soul satisfying snap and the body of the man in his arms going limp.
Leaving him there he rushed back to where Kevin lay on the ground struggling to sit up. He curved his arms about his torso, trying to help him up, but his body was heavy and Kevin seemed to have no control over his own limbs.
"Here we go. We're gonna get you out. Kevin? Kevin look at me…" There's blood everywhere and while he might not be a genius like his brother even he can tell Kevin really isn't seeing anything at the moment. "Listen, we're gonna get you out… Here we go. Come on."
"Guns and explosions… like Nicky the Alto's brother?" Kevin coughs up blood, just adding to the stains on his body and the pool swiftly spreading beneath him. "I'm so sorry, Darien…"
He lifts him higher, hoping, praying that Kevin can just hang on a little while longer, long enough to get outside and to a phone, or walkie-talkie or anything at this point, just long enough to get help, real help that would put his brother back together.
"It's okay. I'm gonna take care of you. I'm gonna take care of you, okay. Here we go."
"Get out of here," Kevin ordered.
"No! I'm not going anywhere." he stated with a shake of his head. "I'm not going anywhere. Here we go. Come on…"
"Don't let them have what's inside you. You be smarter than them, okay. God knows… you've always been smarter… than me…"
On those words Kevin's body began to seize, his lungs trying to suck in air, but only a sickening gurgling sound came out.
"Kevin… Kevin… Kevin… Kevin!"
Kevin jerked awake, cold sweat and Quicksilver running down his body. His heart pounded forcefully in his chest, the dream still there in his mind. His own face speckled with blood before his eyes. He stared about the room without really seeing anything; the dream still pressing against his mind, which did little to assist him returning his heart rate to anything resembling normal. He sucked in a deep breath not having realized until that moment that he'd forgotten to breathe. He continued the slow, steady breathing until he felt the Quicksilver flake away and the sweat begin to dry, causing him to feel chilled.
The fact that he had just managed to dream about something he'd never experienced impinged on his awareness and he had no reason to not surmise that it had actually been a memory of Darien's, as it matched the descriptions of his death that he'd read in all those files. He knew there were pictures and surveillance footage of the entire event, but he had not been offered them to view. He did not know if his experiencing Darien's memories was a good or bad thing, but he suspected the latter. Though it might have been nothing more than his waking mind, using Darien's, had crossed paths with what the sleeping mind had been envisioning. Which meant… which meant that even after all this time had passed, Darien still had nightmares about. his… Kevin's death, and that… that was oddly worrisome to Kevin.
He pushed himself into a sitting position, noticing he was on the far left side of the bed instead of the middle and based on the sprinkling of red hairs on the pillowcase next to him, suspected Alyx had been sharing the bed until recently. He glanced at the clock noting that like always he'd woken at seven, which was just plain weird and made no sense in the context of him borrowing Darien's body. He seriously doubted Darien got up regularly at seven in the morning, doubting his brother had lost his love for staying up late and sleeping in when permitted to. He looked over the apartment, noting little had moved since he'd last woken, though there was a piece of paper propped up on the laptop that read "watch me," which was a fair sign that Darien had figured out the video camera for himself, or, far more likely, gotten help from Alyx. She was extremely tech savvy and would have been more than able to assist Darien in his foray into videos… though that might not be a good thing given Kevin suspected they had a very active sex life.
Good for you, Darien. Kevin was happy his brother had found someone who cared about him as much as he suspected Alyx did, and that could never be a bad thing.
Deciding he would watch the video after he'd showered, he climbed out of bed, heading for the bathroom. He had a ton of work to do and hopefully the mainframe had succeeded in winnowing down the differences between the glands and versions of Quicksilver. Or maybe Arnaud had suddenly become magnanimous and given them the information they needed to solve the problem. He was just as stuck as Darien without the toxin data. Maybe they could use that as leverage. Nothing else had worked the last time he'd been conscious, though it was very possible things had changed in the last day.
He wouldn't know until he arrived at the office, which meant he needed to get going. The sooner he got there, the sooner he could get back to work and the sooner he'd have a solution.
Kevin arrived at the Agency still feeling bemused. Darien's video had been both revealing and pleading though he'd made every effort to hide it, but even after everything Kevin still knew his brother. He very much wanted out of this mess, the gland causing him far more trouble than it could ever be worth and Kevin wanted no part of subjecting others to the same problems. Darien had damn near been broken by the side effects of the Quicksilver. His once badass, trouble-making brother but a shadow of his former self. The sarcastic, cynical twenty-something he'd last seen had mellowed more than a bit, partially due to the gland, partially due to the loss of his brother, and probably mostly due to the influence of others whom he clearly admired. Alyx being at the top of that list. Somehow, without placing any burden on him at all, she made Darien want to be a better man, which shocked the hell out of Kevin who had been certain Darien would buck the system, every system if given his way, for the entirety of his life.
It was kind of amazing, and Kevin suspected she remained blissfully unaware of her influence upon Darien, because that would be the last thing she would want, to change him. And yet… yet according to Darien, Alyx was in dire need of help herself, her unique powers tying her to Darien in a very permanent fashion, even if the why were a mystery… to them. Kevin suspected he knew precisely why and if Alyx hadn't discovered why yet, she would eventually and it was, to put it simply, all Kevin's fault. He'd used her DNA in the gland, a fact she was now aware of, and which had apparently caused the unexpected connection between the pineal and Quicksilver gland in Darien. There was absolutely no reason why her DNA would not have recognized that the gland was part of her, if separate and forge a connection: one that, according to Darien she could not break or block with any real success. He could, but as such things did not come naturally to him, took great effort and could not be done for any length of time. This meant that waking or sleeping Alyx was at least peripherally aware of Darien at all times.
No wonder she felt so off-balance when Kevin had control.
Not that there was anything he could do to fix it, other than do what the Official wanted, and then hopefully be allowed to leave. Kevin feared that Darien had the right of it, and once problem number one had been solved a second would magically appear, and so on and so on ad infinitum.
Trouble was he had no idea how to break this stalemate. So long as Darien's body could handle the hosting the Official could keep Kevin around, no real reason not to, other than Darien would be useless as an agent, but then again, it would give the Official a reason to keep Alyx here instead of selling her to the highest bidder.
Oh, what a tangled mess. And he still had no clue what the Official really expected of him.
Girding his loins, so to speak, he knocked on Alyx's office door, receiving a muffled, "Come in," after a couple seconds.
He swung open the door and stepped in to find Alyx seated behind her desk, two laptops before her, the printer sitting on a table near the wall, spewing out reams of paper. Looked like she'd had some success getting into Arnaud's computer, hopefully something of use.
Morning, Kevin," she said before her focus actually swung over to him, but when it did she shook her head, trying to not laugh. "What in the name of all that is holy are you wearing?"
Kevin looked down at himself. He had found an actual suit buried in the back of Darien's closet, suspecting it was left over from a funeral or some other formal affair as the style was outdated, but more than serviceable for his needs. The shoes had been brown loafers that he refused to pair with the black dress slacks, so had chosen the so-dark-they-were-nearly-black work boots he'd found in the same closet. They were worn, broken in perfectly, and surprisingly comfortable. It was far from perfect, but would do. As soon as he got downstairs he'd exchange the suit jacket for a lab coat and feel much more comfortable. "Uh, clothes. Proper attire as far as I am concerned."
She frowned for a moment. "Kevin, you can't wear that."
"Why not?" he complained. Most of Darien's clothes belonged at Goodwill, hell, had probably come from Goodwill as his brother had no sense of style or value. "Jeans and t-shirts are not appropriate for the work environment."
She raised one eyebrow, which is when he took the time to notice she wore exactly that. Though her t-shirt appeared to be vintage Star Wars and probably worth quite a bit of money. "Kevin, who are you?"
Kevin closed his eyes for a long moment, confused by her question. "Um, Kevin Fawkes?" he answered questioningly.
"Nope. Try again."
Frustrated and needing to talk to her about other far more important things he blurted. "Yes, I am. You may not like that fact, but it, makes it no less true."
For an instant he felt anger, her anger, bright and dangerous, but she swallowed it back down and sucked in a calming breath, the numbers one to ten clearly visible on her face as she silently counted.
"No, you are not." She raised a hand to stop any response of his. "Who do you see when you look in a mirror?"
Kevin didn't understand, at first, then her words sank in. His reflection was that of his brother, not his own face, the one he only remembered now. The one he watched die as he had slept. "All right. Why is the clothing a problem?"
"We can't let anyone know about you, remember?"
He nodded, still not getting her meaning.
"Kevin, if you are going to pretend to be Darien, on the surface at least, you have to look like Darien," she explained, the exasperation well hidden but there all the same.
Kevin felt like an idiot. He knew this, he understood this, but he'd taken one look at the clothes in Darien's apartment and said no, deciding to do what he wanted, regardless of the situation as a whole. "Shit," he muttered under his breath.
"And the light has dawned. I thought you understood after our last discussion, my bad." She got to her feet and walked over to him. "Sorry, Kevin, but you're stuck with D's flea market fashion and troll doll hair until we get all this sorted out."
Kevin chuckled, surprised at how calmly she had dealt with this and him. "You are amazing, you know that?"
Her movement froze at those words, confusion and dismay skittering across her features.
"Alyx, did I say something wrong?"
She shook her head. "No. Let's just call it an odd case of déjà vu and leave it at that. Now, how can I help you today?"
Kevin really didn't want to leave it at that, as it seemed to have been important to her, but he did need to discuss what had happened this morning with her. "I woke up this morning from a nightmare… one that I experienced from Darien's point of view. I suspect that is not what would be considered normal."
She came around and leaned against the desk, hands curled about the edge. "Which dream?"
"Me being shot at the lab," he told her.
"A memory which you do not have, thus Darien's point of view," she stated, her mind clearly working through the possible meanings of this particular development. "What did Claire have to say?"
"I haven't told her yet," Kevin explained. "Thought I'd talk to you first, as you seem to have a better grasp of the situation than anyone else here."
Then she tossed a non sequitur at him. "Do you have a headache?"
"Uh, no. Why?"
" 'Cause Darien developed a debilitating one yesterday. He was sent home and quite literally spent the day in bed it was so bad."
"What does that have to do with me having Darien's nightmare?"
"I am afraid to conjecture at this point," she muttered, looking distressed. He could only wonder what she suspected, but would not share with the class. "What did Jennings inject you with your last wake period?"
"Inhibitor." He could tell by the look on her face that that had been a lie. "I'm guessing it was actually something else. Do we know what, yet?"
"Nope. Haven't spoken to Claire yet, but we will do so right now." She gestured at the door and he took that as his cue to leave. "Why'd you come to me first?"
Oh, the answer to that question was surprisingly simple. "Because I am certain you are the only one here with Darien's best interests at heart."
Alyx stopped dead in the middle of the quiet hallway, most of the staff not having yet arrived given the early hour. "Huh. You're smarter than you look."
Kevin debated taking umbrage with the implied slur considering his genius intellect, but suspected she didn't mean IQ. "Why have you taken Darien's side in this? I mean, I get the whole relationship side of it—"
"I made this decision long before he and I… got together." She smiled thinly. "Made it the first time we met, in fact."
"When you were kids?"
She laughed. "Okay, Mr. Picky, the second time we met."
"In the padded room. You didn't even know him."
"I learned more about him in those few hours than most would in a lifetime." She sighed heavily and stopped, leaning back against the dingy wall. "He hadn't been given an option, the Official and the gland forcing him to do things he abjectly hated. I figured the least I could do was give him what he deserved most."
"And what is that?" Kevin asked intensely curious.
"Simple: a choice." She pushed off from the wall. "In the dream you said it was Darien's point of view, but what did you feel?"
Kevin trailed along behind her as they headed for the stairwell, somewhat baffled at her violent change of subject. Though being baffled would normally allow him to speak, maybe, the part of his mind still stunned at her simple answer tried to steal his voice away. She did so much, was so protective of Darien just so he could have a choice of what he did with his life. Amazing was the least of what she was. He could only hope his idiot brother had the slightest clue of how lucky he was to have her in his corner.
"Um… good question." He thought back to the dream, to the emotions rushing through his… the… Darien's body. All perfectly natural given the situation. The rush of adrenaline, the relief at finding his brother, the shock and dismay at encountering the masked terrorist and on and on. All surely Darien's emotions, which he wouldn't have experienced if it had just been a part of a dream, no he had been remembering what had occurred. The body had anyway and he'd been the mind in control and he'd been swept up in the memory. "Fuck," he muttered.
"Shared memory, huh? Yeah, not good in case you haven't guessed all on your own." She grabbed his arm, and tugged him back into motion. "Claire needs to see you now."
"Yeah, that sounds like a plan." If he were experiencing Darien's memories that could mean he'd taken a deeper hold in Darien's neural system and while the human brain was versatile, it had never been designed to hold two distinct personalities and all the attendant memories. One would most certainly supersede the other eventually, and Kevin suspected it was not Darien that the Official ultimately intended to win. Oh, this was so wrong, and yet an amazing study, or it would be if he hadn't been one of the unplanned participants. "Can Darien's mind handle this?" he asked, suspecting Alyx had already been working on the problem.
She paused frowning as they exited the stairwell, the Keep just down the hall and around the corner. "I don't know. His mind has been forced to expand for the gland and his ability to focus mentally is nearly as good as mine, but he wasn't designed to handle this much data or the added neural connections your presence is going to create." She looked him in the eye. "He might very well cease to exist. Your code overwriting his."
He set his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes, the sudden feeling of falling striking and surprising him as the body reacted to the contact. "I won't let that happen," he told her, meaning it.
"How do you stop it?" she countered in exasperation, her emotions carefully controlled, but still spilling over. She was furious, not at him, but at the situation.
"I don't know yet, but I'll figure it out. Maybe Claire has discovered what Jennings injected me with." He urged her into motion, the door to the Keep sliding open even as they rounded the corner and since Claire was not visible he would be willing to bet Alyx had opened it. Contact plainly not necessary for systems she was familiar with.
"Claire, you home?" Alyx called out as they entered the dimly lit room.
"Yes," she responded from the far side of the basement lab.
They rounded the glass divider that had been extended, blocking the side room from direct view of the door. Claire turned about, a selection of chemicals on the table behind her.
"Anti-peptide?" Alyx asked and got a nod in response.
"It will be ready later today," Claire assured her, then she took him in, a smile making her face light up. "Where on earth did you find that?"
Kevin sighed. "Buried in the back of the closet. I will be changing as soon as I can mange it," he added dourly, turning to Alyx.
She hid the smile efficiently. "I'll arrange something you can live with while the Keep pokes you." She turned back to the Keeper. "Did you discover what kind of Mickey he was slipped?"
Claire shook her head. "No. It was gone from his system by the time I took the blood sample yesterday."
That was not good. If they had no idea what the substance was then they would have no way to counter it. No easy way. Trail and error would work, but it would take time, quite possibly too much of it. "Or been absorbed by the target system," he suggested, the inkling of an idea coming to him, not that it would do much good without the actual substance, but would give him a place to start.
"Damn," Alyx muttered softly. "We don't dare risk taking a gland sample. Gods alone know what it might do… to either of them."
Claire looked from one to the other, taking a moment to catch up. "It might be in the Quicksilver, I could run tests on that."
"Worth a shot, but don't expect results," Alyx pointed out. "Had you been working on anything like this in conjunction with the Return Protocol?"
Claire shook her head. "No. I wrote my report, which was mostly conjecture, mind you, and moved on to other subjects."
"So Jennings took the work and ran with it, on the Official's orders, of course." Alyx looked irritated and cranky. "I have the sudden urge to throttle the man."
"Alyx, we have no idea what, if anything has been done," Claire offered up, but the words fell flat. "Darien had a headache, a severe one admittedly, but other than that appeared to be just fine. Kevin appears to be exhibiting no symptoms, so it may have been something entirely natural… and why are you shaking your head." The last had been aimed at Kevin as Alyx simply stood there, lips pressed into a thin line.
"I'm experiencing Darien's memories as dreams," Kevin informed her and watched her hopeful, confident expression fall.
"I'm still not certain that's a problem. It stands to reason, since you are using Darien's brain for processing, you will, especially during REM sleep, access his memories and knowledge. He is sleeping as well, so during the crossover period of one personality to another the dream of one could very well carry over to the other." Claire said all of this with a matter of fact tone, making every appearance of dismissing their worries.
"Why are you blowing off my concerns?" Alyx asked astutely. "I understand the potential for overflow of memories from one to the other when in REM, dreams, however are different from memories and will always be skewed towards the person recalling them. Kevin experienced this dream from Darien's point of view complete with emotional response." She shook her head, sounding dismayed more than anything. "Kevin should be watching from a third person perspective at most, not playing a role."
Claire shook her head, clearly not willing to listen to a reasonable argument on the matter. "That is an assumption based on nothing—"
"Claire," Kevin interrupted, "I agree with her."
Claire blustered, "Kevin, you more than any of us should—"
"No, it should be me least of all. Based on my own notes very little of what I expected occurred when Darien began using the gland. I will make zero assumptions about the current situation." He nodded his head at Alyx. "Her extrapolations have been the most accurate," he gave her a wan smile, "even if they have been mostly worst-case scenarios. Why do you insist on cock-blocking her?"
Alyx allowed a surprised snort to escape at his decidedly crass comment. Even he had to admit it sounded far more like something his brother would say than himself, but this had been all him and he was working up to being damn angry and irritated at this point.
Claire frowned. "Because she is not any smarter than you or I and this is definitely not what she spends her days working on, no matter the impression she had given you."
"Claire, when did you become such a stick-in-the-mud?" She used to be open to any and every possibility, even giving him ideas towards success with his dream project though well outside her field of study at the time, but now… now she seemed to be holding tight to a tiny window of limits and… "What orders have the Official given you regarding this?" he gestured towards himself.
"Bloody hell," Claire groused. "Detailed and exacting ones."
"You're supposed to steer him onto a particular path and keep him there," Alyx stated, that mind of hers connecting all the dots even faster than himself.
"I won't do this, Claire. Will not play good little boy for some self-serving project. Last time I did that people got hurt. I work my way or not at all." Kevin crossed his arms over his chest, heart pounding, feeling frustrated and used. "No wonder I haven't made any progress of value, you've been stalling me."
Claire blanched. "No, I have not," she argued.
Kevin turned to look at Alyx, who shrugged. "She's not lying… this time."
"Alyx," Claire squawked, anger flushing her pretty features over to pink. "I follow orders, just as you do."
"If I had followed orders, you would still be chained to a table with Arnaud deciding your fate." She cocked her head to the side. "I can make arrangements to return you to that situation if you like."
Claire huffed. "No, that won't be necessary." She paced the breadth of the lab. "My hands are tied, I am to help Kevin find a removal technique for the current version of the gland and that's all. I'm not even supposed to be monitoring the hosting situation, Jennings is in charge of that."
"I don't trust Jennings," Kevin stated. He would happily go to the Official and tell him the very same thing. As far as he was concerned Jennings would be permitted nowhere near him again. "We need to discover what he did to me… to Darien."
Claire sighed. "Agreed. On the exam chair, please."
Kevin did so, shedding the jacket as he moved, handing it to Alyx who found a chair to drape it on. He rolled up the shirtsleeve when he saw Claire pick up a stethoscope and blood pressure cuff. "Alyx, how did you know it was a memory and not just a dream?"
Alyx leaned back against the stanchion, hands tucked into the pockets of her jeans. "You described Darien's emotional state to a T."
Kevin adjusted his sleeve higher as Claire wrapped the cuff about his biceps. "How could you know that?"
"Oh, I'm certain Darien has discussed it with her," Claire tossed out as she quickly pumped the bulb until the cuff tightened uncomfortably about his arm.
"Ow," he groused and she smiled thinly up at him.
"Actually, Darien doesn't talk about it much," Alyx answered, ignoring the glare Claire shot her way. "He's shared the dream with me a couple of times, is all."
Kevin closed his eyes for a long moment, certain he'd misheard her. "Wait? What?"
Claire muttered something under her breath that he didn't catch.
Alyx shrugged. "A weird side effect of the mind meld we have. If our sleep cycles sync up we can share our dreams."
"You're kidding me, right?" Kevin looked at Claire who looked ready to spit nails. "She is not serious, is she?"
"I'm afraid she is," Claire answered. She released the remaining air from the cuff and ripped it off, the sound of Velcro loud in the suddenly quiet room. "Your blood pressure is high, though not as bad as it was yesterday. Do you have a headache?"
Kevin shook his head. "No, I don't. Alyx asked the same thing, is that important?"
"I have no idea," Claire responded, putting the items away.
He turned to Alyx. "But you think it is," he stated.
"My opinions clearly have no bearing on the situation," she stated, tone icy cold. He could feel her irritation over the situation even from across the room and out of direct contact with her. Damn, that connection between them was strong.
"Alyx," Claire said, sounding upset. "I am following orders."
"Even if those orders ultimately lead to the detriment of Darien's… health?"
Even Kevin could tell that the final word had not been her first choice.
"We have no proof of your suspicions," Claire pointed out to her.
"And by the time we do, it will be too late and Darien will be gone for good." Alyx looked away, her disillusionment at Claire's stance evident in her tone. "Just like the Official wants."
"Alyx, you're biased," Claire shot back with.
"No, I'm human. Kevin, I would highly recommend you avoid Jennings at all costs, gods alone what other orders he's been given. I've locked him out of the system, so I fully expect to get a solid ass-chewing from the 'Fish about that sometime today." She shoved off the stanchion. "I'm going to get back to work on Arnaud's computer. I'll let you know if I get into the files we… you need." She quickly stepped away, around the glass divider before he could say a word.
He slipped off the exam chair, Claire's, "Kevin," not slowing him down one whit. He caught up with Alyx in the hallway.
"Giving up so easily?" he questioned, setting a hand on her shoulder.
"I know when not to fight the juggernaut," she told him. "You go follow orders like a good boy." She made shooing motions at him, but he was having none of it.
"Do you really think that little of me?"
"Kevin, I don't know you well enough to answer that. I do think that what you intend is going to be undermined by what the Official wants and, right now, he does not want Darien. I just wish I knew why," she spoke to him calmly, her ire held tightly within and not directed at him in particular, but the crappy situation as a whole.
He slumped back against the wall. "I agree with you, but what do I do? I can't exactly walk away, and if Jennings has done what you suspect, then I'm stuck here until the Official decides he's done with me. We both know that."
"Like I said, smarter than you look." She gave him a smile. "Go work the problem," she told him, her eyes boring directly into his, and making him suspect a deeper meaning to the words.
"Which problem?"
She smiled grimly. "Exactly."
. . .
He'd finally gotten used to waking up at seven a.m., and had his routine down and once moving could be ready in under an hour… except that now he knew he had to dress more like Darien. Alyx had come by at his request to give him a better idea of what would be acceptable to wear and still not make him overtly uncomfortable. Yes, he had a role to play and he now understood he had to take it seriously, so seriously he'd had Alyx give him lessons on how to achieve Darien's upswept look. It had been an interesting couple of hours and she'd been the most relaxed he'd seen her since they'd first met over two weeks ago. She'd taken his request through Darien to heart and was making every effort to curb her irritation when with him, and that made working with her so much easier – not that they had worked much together. He and Claire had been pretty much sequestered in Lab Three working on the removal issue with limited success. The comparisons being run on the mainframe were taking longer than he liked, but Eberts insisted that the system was working at capacity and that every, and any available byte of processing power had been allocated to the task once the regular work had been done for the day. He hadn't seen Hobbes other than in passing, though Alyx said they'd been poking Arnaud with sticks to get him to cough up more passwords. Kevin had been rather shocked (shocked, now that was an ironic turn of phrase) at the method Alyx had used, but Kevin had said nothing, agreeing that justice was not something he was seeking from the man. He would not balk at any reasonable attempt to get the data he needed, and Alyx was clearly capable of doing what needed to be done, and with great efficiency.
Hopefully she had managed to persuade Arnaud into being a bit more helpful, but he didn't count on it.
Coffee in hand, he sat down at the desk and woke up the laptop, looking forward to reading Alyx's responses to his emails and seeing what message Darien had left for him. He was surprised to find his inbox empty and hoped that nothing had gone wrong the previous day as Alyx had not revoked her offer of assistance, even if now it needed to be on the sly thanks to Claire's standing orders. He was certain Claire knew he was keeping Alyx apprised of the work, but pretended to know nothing to prevent the Official from becoming aware, since all the man would have to do is send her out of town on some assignment and all her help would be lost to him. He remained certain that she – either her genetics or just her knowledge – would be the key to resolving the issue. Not that he had told Claire that. No, he had the feeling that would not go over very well at all. She seemed to take umbrage with Alyx being consulted at all, insisting that she did not have the knowledge necessary to assist, and yet… yet Alyx seemed to be the only one to fully grasp the potential complications.
So, why hadn't she responded to his email?
He turned to the video and hit play only to discover that it was nothing more than the one he'd left for Darien the day before. Weird. Again the concern that something had gone drastically wrong occurred to him, perhaps that headache they'd mentioned had returned, leaving Darien unable to work and it would only be natural that Alyx would choose caring for him over answering technical questions of Kevin's. He could not begrudge her that. Darien was damn important to her, caring for him when ill would only be natural.
Closing the laptop, he figured he might as well get to the office and find out what had gone wrong the day before sooner rather than later. Both Alyx and Claire would probably be there when he arrived and if he could keep them from glaring daggers at each other intended to consult with both of them on the dead end they'd hit with the gland removal. Picking up the cell phone, he glanced at the screen debating texting Alyx when he noticed the date.
Uh, what the hell? It showed the same date as when he'd gone to bed just after one a.m. and that should not be possible. A full day should have passed since he'd last been in control of the body. Opening the laptop on the pool table, his eyes made a beeline for the date and time in the upper right corner and discovered it to be the same. So unless someone was playing one hell of a joke on him he had not missed a day, which meant… oh shit, that meant Darien had not taken a turn and that… that meant Alyx's suspicions, the ones Claire had dismissed out of hand, had been on the money and Jennings had gotten him with some sort of personality suppressor. One that had shut off Darien and left Kevin in control of the body.
"No, damn it," he snarled into the otherwise empty room.
This was not how it was supposed to be. This was not right. What the hell did the Official think he was doing?
Kevin sucked in a deep breath and blew it out slowly when he realized his heart rate had begun to skyrocket. Last thing he needed was to Quicksilver right now, he'd probably get stuck, need Alyx to bring him back and then require a shot of Counteragent to flush the excess toxin from his system. He paused on that thought. Sleeping had not permitted Darien control, but a shot of Counteragent might and for several long minutes Kevin debated the merits of risking Madness for the chance of getting Darien back for a time, long enough that the threat of Quicksilvering passed. Besides if he were going to try that better to do it in a controlled situation where there was Counteragent nearby. He didn't even want to think what he might do Quicksilvermad with no one nearby to stop him. He had a dark side, everyone did, but as he rarely let it see the light of day, permitting it to run free would most likely be a very bad thing. There was a reason he didn't drink, and him running loose on a neural disinhibitor could easily be ten times worse.
He needed to talk to Claire, then Alyx and then the Official. He hoped like hell the Official hadn't authorized this, that Jennings had done this all on his own, because if not… Kevin wouldn't allow this to happen again. Gaither had all but destroyed Kevin when he taken his work and used it long before it was ready. This... this was abuse of the worst kind.
Alyx had warned him and he hadn't believed her, believed that while the Official was all bureaucrat he still had a soul, a heart, some trace of humanity, but clearly Kevin had been wrong.
Picking the laptop back up, he grabbed the car keys and rushed out the door. They needed to fix this and now.
Claire was in Lab Three reviewing data printed out on reams of paper.
"Claire, we have a problem."
"Good morning, Darien. Still have a headache?"
He shook his head. "I'm not Darien."
She froze for a long moment, taking in the clothes and hair that even Kevin had to admit just screamed Darien, which was the point after all, and sighed heavily. "Funny. I have work to do."
Kevin strode over to her and removed the papers from her hands. "I'm not joking," he all but yelled, causing her to frown. He held out his right wrist, sliding the watchband off the snake with two red segments and tapped it. "You used to draw this on your course packs all the time."
Claire's eyes widened in very real surprise.
"Does Darien know that?"
She shook her head. "Kevin, you shouldn't be awake. Wait? Did you sleep?"
"Yes, of course. Would I be concerned if I hadn't?"
"Ah, I suppose not," she replied, disbelief still evident in her tone. "How did this happen?"
Kevin wanted to throttle her. "Jennings, of course. That inhibitor shot must have been a chemical suppressant that has granted me full control of Darien's body."
"You can't know that for certain," Claire argued, if lamely, like she wanted to cling desperately to the belief that Alyx could not have been correct all along.
"I'd say my being here makes it pretty damn certain," Kevin snapped, his usual mild temperament fraying at her stubbornness. "Now is not the time to play the part of the Official's toady. We need to fix this. Now."
She glared at him, clearly not liking the toady shot, especially after they had all given that name to Jennings for his expert use of yes-man-ship. "I would be happy to if I had any idea how."
"Fuck," he swore softly. "I won't do this. I won't sacrifice Darien, not for me, not for anything."
"Not even to complete your project? To get it right and working as it always should have?"
He looked at Claire stunned. And there it was, the real reason for his being here. Finish the project. Probably the only thing the Official had wanted all along. Everything, Claire being in danger, Arnaud's demands, all of it just a convenient excuse to bring him back and put him to work again and all it cost was the remainder of Darien's life. "No, not even for that," he stated and the look of surprise on Claire's face just proved how little she remembered of him.
But then she surprised him with her reply, "Good."
He blinked.
"Come on, Kevin, I'm Darien's doctor, more I'm his friend, and while I admit it is so very good to see you again, I refuse to do it at Darien's expense." She spread her hands wide as if in supplication. "Besides, Alyx would hurt me."
"Christ, Claire, you had me worried there for a second."
She managed a shaky laugh. "Then I played the part right. That said, I have no idea how to reverse this and I doubt Jennings is going to volunteer the information."
"Maybe Alyx can persuade him," he suggested in a dark tone. He'd be willing to watch and take notes at this point. She'd been so right about Jennings and Kevin could only blame himself for allowing his annoyance of the man get the better of him and submitting to that shot.
Claire produced a very unladylike snort of amusement. "If she gets anywhere near him right now he isn't like to survive the encounter."
"Is her temper that bad?"
"When it comes to Darien, yes," she told him. "We need to tell her before she finds out on her own."
"Agreed. May I suggest we have Agent Hobbes join us? He seems to have a calming influence on her."
Claire nodded and moved to her cell phone sitting on the desk. "I'll see if he's in the building yet."
He was and Claire requested that he meet them at Alyx's office. They discussed nothing of value on the walk up, not wanting to risk someone overhearing their plotting and planning and perhaps run off to tell the Official. Hobbes would be on their side in this matter, Kevin was pretty certain of that, other than that though, he had no idea how the older agent would react to the news.
Hobbes waited for them just down the hall and around the corner from Alyx's office. "What's up?" he asked in a soft voice.
"We have a slight problem," Claire answered, "and may need you to keep Alyx from injuring the Official."
"Or Jennings," Kevin added.
"No, I daresay she'll go after the man who ordered this, not the messenger," Claire argued, and Kevin had to admit she probably knew Alyx better than himself, though he would bet she'd rip both men a new orifice or two just to spread her anger around evenly.
"Keepy, just tell me what the hell is going on so I have a clue what to expect out of the kid," Hobbes requested, at a loss as to what was going on, which was understandable. "Fawkes still have that headache?"
Claire set a hand on Kevin's arm. "This isn't Darien," she stated and they waited for realization to hit.
When it did, Hobbes sighed heavily and rubbed his face with one hand. "Oh crap," he muttered. "The kid is going to flip her lid."
"So I surmised," Kevin said, wishing there were an easy way to break this news to her.
"No, you really don't get it," Hobbes said shaking his head. "She's walking on thin ice as it is, and she's has the ability to flatten this city if she wants to… and over this," Hobbes waved a hand at Kevin, "she just might."
"Bobby, Alyx would not let her control slip like that," Claire admonished.
"Like what?" Alyx asked from behind, startling all of them. She had not been in her office after all. "You're up early, D." She froze when she set a hand on his arm, paling dramatically in the crappy lighting of the hallway. "Kevin," she whispered hoarsely.
The surge of emotion from her damn near knocked him to the ground it struck so hard, his knees going weak and threatening to not hold him up. He foolishly set a hand on her shoulder to steady himself, which only caused the emotions being transmitted to him through touch to double in intensity. "Alyx," he managed, her emotions stealing his voice away.
She hadn't moved an inch, clearly trying to contain the overflow, but unable to for the moment. "Bobby," she got out, pleading for help.
Hobbes did the only thing that made sense and broke the physical connection between Alyx and Kevin, the downside of that being he then got the joy of being flooded with the intense emotions Alyx could not seem to help but broadcast. For Kevin the emotions eased, but did not cease altogether, that mental connection she shared with Darien alive and continuing to transmit the overflow to him even without direct contact.
Hobbes grunted, but didn't let go, pulling Alyx a few steps down the hall, trying to get her to focus and regain her control. "Kid, it's all right—"
"No, it isn't," she snapped, the sudden surge of anger impacted all of them with what felt like physical force. Her control slipping out of her grasp, and she knew it. Kevin could see the struggle on her face, could feel her emotions thrashing all over the place, sliding from one to another as the implications of Kevin's continued presence, no matter that she had predicted it, settled upon her fully. "Shit," she swore, tearing away from Bobby, hands going to her head in a vain attempt to contain all that she held within, but the emotions continued to spill from her and based on the strength, more than just the three of them could feel it.
Hobbes hadn't been kidding; she really could destroy the city, even if only by accident.
Screwing up his courage he tried to figure out what Darien might do in this situation. Almost without conscious thought, allowing that muscle memory that had been annoying him since they had first met take over, he walked up to her, cupped her face in both hands and set his forehead against hers. "You can do this. Just remember how he sees you."
An eternity passed, but slowly, ever so slowly she forced the swirling emotions and personas – those other versions of her Darien had told him about had clearly been set free at the news – back into their cages, holding desperately onto the one thing that could get her through this, the knowledge of how Darien pictured her.
He had no idea how long they stood there, but eventually she settled and the stunned expressions of the other two standing in the hallway impinged on his awareness. Still, he didn't want to release her until certain she could handle things; if her energy ability decided to get involved with her unhappiness he didn't see the ancient wiring in the building lasting for more than a few seconds.
Claire cleared her throat loudly and Kevin slowly lifted his head up and opened his eyes to look down at Alyx who remained a lovely shade of pale, her eyes still closed as she concentrated on holding herself together and not broadcasting her distress to the entire metro area.
"That shouldn't have worked," Hobbes stated, confusion coloring the words.
Kevin pulled away; his hands still cupped about her face and turned to Hobbes. "But it did."
"This time," Claire muttered, shifting to stand next to Bobby a look of irritation easily visible on her countenance. Obviously she did not approve of Kevin with his brother's girl, or perhaps she simply didn't want Kevin with anyone else at all. The thought of Claire being jealous was both amusing and intriguing all at the same time. However, Alyx's needs outweighed any other at the moment.
"My head hurts," Alyx complained bitterly, her eyes opening slowly, the normally bright silver appearing dulled.
"I know," Kevin said softly, wishing he could be of more help, but who she really needed was Darien and he had been buried somewhere in his own mind. "Can you still feel him… Darien?"
She shuddered violently, but after a moment nodded. "He feels deep asleep… and so very far away." Her voice cracked on the last few words, her anguish coming through loud and clear.
Kevin didn't hesitate and pulled her in close. "Easy. Give yourself a moment to adjust." He tipped his head down, lips brushing the hair just above her ear and whispered, "I will get him back, I promise."
She swallowed hard, holding on for dear life for a second, then backed away, head snapping about to stare down the hall towards the stairwell and mere seconds later the Official barreled around the corner with Eberts scurrying after him, clipboard hugged tightly to his chest as if he could use it as a shield.
Kevin suspected he was going to need it.
"What the hell is going on?" the Official bellowed.
Alyx burned with a white-hot ire directed at the man striding towards them and, since Kevin needed him alive, he stepped between her and their boss. "You tell us? Why on earth would you think it was a good idea to suppress Darien?"
For an instant surprise flickered on the Official's face, but it was quickly replaced with smugness. "So you would have more time to focus on your work, of course. Time, which you are wasting attempting to get in a little nookie on the clock."
Hobbes growled under his breath. "You planned this."
"Of course I did. That gland is my property to do with as I wish. Fawkes has never been anything more than a useful tool." The Official waved at Kevin. "Now he's being exceedingly useful."
Kevin felt Alyx stiffen behind him, but got no emotions at all, she'd locked them down tight.
"Sir," Claire tried only to be shouted into silence.
"All of you seem to have forgotten this is my Agency and I will run it as I see fit."
"Even if it drives everyone away," Hobbes muttered, more than loud enough to be heard by everyone.
"Are you threatening to leave, Agent Hobbes?" the Official questioned in a thoroughly bored tone that poorly disguised the threat behind the words.
"No, sir," Hobbes answered, practically snapping to attention, "I fully intend to protect my partner no matter what."
Kevin liked that comeback; a rebuke hidden within acquiescence. "Don't I get an opinion?" Kevin asked, only to receive a harsh bark of laughter from Alyx in response.
"Don't you get it, Kevin, you're the tool he intends to use until the body you wear breaks."
Kevin shifted about to look at Alyx, who had spoken clearly and calmly and looked as if what had occurred had been forgone. From her perspective he supposed it had been and he really wished he'd listened to and believed her sooner, he might have prevented this from happening. But no, he had gone blithely on, assuming that the situation would not change and that the Official was not capable of the depravity Alyx had accused him of. The man could be ruthless, Kevin knew that, but it had always been necessitated by dire need, and from what Kevin could tell the need in this particular instance was far from dire.
"Agent Silver, you will do your job and assist Dr. Fawkes as needed," the Official ordered so callously Kevin wanted to balk at the words.
Alyx shook her head. "No."
The Official flushed over to red. "Would you prefer to be sent on assignment?" Clearly a threat as opposed to an option, but Alyx took it in stride.
She took three steps forward, putting her within spitting distance of their boss. "Oh, I won't be doing that either," she informed them, her tone too calm and Kevin knew that under the bland exterior she was boiling and ready to explode into hissing, burning steam.
"Then what do you intend to do?" Eberts asked, voice only shaking slightly on the words.
Alyx tipped her head slightly, eyes narrowing, which caused Eberts to swallow convulsively. "I believe I will be taking my accumulated sick days, starting now." She turned around, meeting Kevin's eyes for a long moment, then began to walk away, her back to the Official.
"I have not authorized that," the Official bellowed at her retreating back, but she failed to react, the threat clearly not impressing her at all. "I'll revoke the deal."
This time she stopped, but only for a moment. "Go ahead. I can handle it myself… thanks to your training."
The Official looked as if he were about to go into cardiac arrest he was so blindly angry at her challenging him. "Hobbes, talk some sense into her before she finds herself shipped to Siberia and Comrade Dimitri."
Hobbes nodded tightly and charged down the hall after her, managing to get a hand on her before she turned the corner. "Kid, don't do this," he didn't raise his voice, but the hall was dead silent except for his words and the heavy breathing of the Official.
"Bobby, I have to." She set a hand on his shoulder. "I'll be fine, promise." She didn't smile, didn't seem overly upset, but she also wasn't about to be persuaded no matter what was said, be it threats or pleading.
Hobbes glanced back down the hall, grimacing, but only said, "All right. Take care of yourself, you hear me?"
She cupped his cheek with one hand for an instant, his eyes going wide in reaction and then she stepped away, not turning back to look at any of them and within seconds she'd turned the corner and was gone from view.
Claire, who'd been utterly silent through all of this exploded. "Are you a bloody fool?" she snarled at the Official.
He narrowed his eyes. "Do you wish to be replaced as the Keeper?"
"If you're going to behave like this, then yes, I just might," she snapped right back without a trace of fear in her. She was well and truly pissed, both Alyx and Darien were her friends and the Official had just banished two of them with this idiocy.
"Dr. Jennings would be more than happy to take over that role," Eberts pointed out.
"Except with Darien and Alyx gone you no longer need a Keeper, do you?" Kevin astutely asked. "Not that Jennings will be of any use given he's locked out of the computer system," he added with a smirk.
The Official took that far too easily. "He has his orders, as do you, Dr. Fawkes."
"Orders?" Kevin snapped. "You think I'm trying to find a removal technique for Arnaud? I'm working on it for Darien, who might not exist by the time I'm successful. So, why don't you cut the bullshit and tell me why I'm really here?"
Much to Kevin's dismay the Official only chuckled, granted it was dark and evil, but a chuckle nonetheless. "You know exactly why you are here and I suggest you get to work." And with that their lord and master turned away, Eberts following dutifully behind, and left them all standing their mouths agape in shock.
Once certain the coast was clear Hobbes managed a strangled, "What the hell just happened?"
Neither Claire nor Kevin had an answer.
"Where is she?" Kevin asked, feeling the need to speak to Alyx before she rode off into the sunset.
"Probably packing up her office," Hobbes guessed. "Why?"
"Because we can't let her do this," Kevin said, heading down the hall at a fast walk with them trailing along.
"You can't stop her, Kevin," Claire said as she rushed to catch up with him.
"Hell, I kinda want to join her," Hobbes grumbled, keeping up with them easily.
"As do I," Kevin agreed, "but I doubt the Official would permit it. I suspect I would be dragged back and locked in a lab until I give him what he wants." He shook his head. "No, I fear my only option it to do as the Official wishes and accomplish it as quickly as possible."
They had arrived at Alyx's office, Claire raised her hand to knock on the door, but Kevin pushed past her, not bothering to be polite about it and walked right on in. Alyx hadn't wasted any time, there was single box on her desk with a few files and notebooks, the rest tossed aside as not worth her time, which meant it wouldn't be worth theirs either.
She looked Claire in the eyes and said, "My files are being removed from the server as we speak, that includes the Keep machines."
"Alyx, you don't need to do this," Claire pleaded, not wanting to lose her co-worker and friend over this.
"Yeah, she does, Claire," Hobbes said, tone a clear reprimand. "Need any help packing, kid?"
She shook her head, a smile on her lips, a smile that did not touch her eyes. "No, but thanks, my friend."
"You sure you'll be okay?"
She sighed. "No, but I'll do what I always do: fake it."
Hobbes snickered. "And I bet you're really good at faking it."
"Bloody hell, Bobby. Can't you be serious for even a minute?" Claire complained, hands on her hips.
"Keep, how much more serious do you want it to get? She's taking a stand, one I agree with even if I don't dare follow her. This is wrong, Keeper, and you should realize that." Hobbes looked so very disappointed in the blonde doctor and Kevin couldn't disagree with the judgment.
Alyx held out a laptop to Kevin, who took it with some confusion. "Okay… What is this for?"
"That is Arnaud's laptop. I never cracked the encryption, maybe Eberts will have some luck with it," she explained, sounding bitter.
"Alyx, take it with you," Kevin said, holding out the machine as if his will alone would make her take it back and with it this stand she was taking against the Official and his machinations.
She snorted. "You really think the Official will let me walk out the door with that, the one thing that might resolve this quickly?" She turned to Bobby. "Check the monitor, would you, I think he's gone mad."
Kevin glowered. "Alyx, your help will resolve this that much sooner."
"Drop it, Doc. She ain't staying." Hobbes shifted to stand in front of him, which did little to obscure Kevin's view of Alyx as he could easily see over the top of the shorter man's head. "You got everything you need, kid?"
"Everything of importance," she answered, the strap of her laptop bag over one shoulder she picked up the box and began to move towards the door.
"Alyx—"
"You have work to do, Kevin. I suggest you get to it," Alyx stated tone bland, her eyes burning with emotion. She was far more upset than she was willing to reveal. "Bobby, call me, 'kay?"
"You got it, kid. We'll do dinner."
"Bobby, I doubt the Official would want you to be spending time with her, even off the clock," Claire stated, playing the part of toady to the hilt at the moment.
Hobbes shrugged. "He can dock my pay. C'mon, kid, I'll walk you out."
Without another word they left the room, leaving Kevin standing there holding a computer and next to an irritated Keeper who had apparently sided with the Official when it came to Alyx and her choice to leave.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Kevin growled at Claire. "We need her to make this work."
"Why do you keep saying that? She is not an expert on the Quicksilver gland no matter what she may have convinced you of," Claire snapped back, eyes flashing with anger.
"Jealous?" Kevin asked and watched as Claire's mouth gaped open and shut like a fish's.
"Wh… What? Why would you say something like that?"
Kevin sighed, set the computer down on Alyx's desk, and then leaned back against it. "You keep insisting that she does not have the knowledge necessary to work on this project, yet she has not only answered any question I've had, but made observations and comments that suggest the very opposite."
"Memorizing a few files does not make one an expert," Claire pointed out snarkily.
"Very true," Kevin agreed. "But if this is how you feel about her why does she assist you? She designed the inhibitor if I recall correctly, and that would require very detailed knowledge of how the gland functions to do."
Claire glared at him, but failed to have a response.
"Is it you or the Official who does not want her working on this project?"
"Does it matter? She's walked out on all of us."
"I think it does." He stepped over to her and set a hand on her shoulder. "I can't… won't work with you if I can't trust you."
She tipped her head down. Long blonde hair falling forward to hide her face. "I told you, I have my orders."
"As do I, apparently." He backed away. "I suppose we should get to it then." Without another word he left the office to head back down to the basement and Lab Three that would apparently be his home for the foreseeable future. He would work the problem, solve the issue and then… then move onto the next one if the Official had his way about it. Without the exact suppressor used he would be stuck here indefinitely unless… maybe, just maybe the anti-peptide shot would work. He wouldn't know until he tried, but he didn't dare risk using it until after he had a solution. He had promised Darien he would do everything he could to get him out of this mess, which meant staying for a while.
Claire charged after him, brilliant smile adorning her features. "Excellent. I think we'll have a solution in no time at all."
Kevin said nothing, knowing that the chances of success were slim at best without the detailed information on the madness producing genes and only Arnaud had that, and he wasn't likely to share without Alyx to make him see reason. Even if it required the judicious use of electricity, which had apparently been quite effective the last time. He really wanted to go talk to Arnaud, but wasn't confident enough in playing the part of Darien without Alyx around to prompt him. Revealing the truth, that the gland, under the right conditions could be used to host another person would give the man all sorts of new ideas that would be horribly bad for the world at large. Shit, Kevin could see the application used by his own government. A redesigned gland lacking the Quicksilver, but still able to host once the connection to the pineal had been forged. A perfect sleeper agent, an ordinary, but perfectly placed agent who then magically transformed into a super spy that could acquire the data wanted, or make the needed assassination with no one the wiser. God, it was genius and all it required was his gland and dash of Alyx's precious DNA, mix liberally and wait for nature to take its course.
Little wonder she wanted no part of working on the removal given Kevin had thought this up, could even see the design of the new gland, after no more than a slight mental segue. Damn it. He needed to focus or he would be stuck here forever and Darien's life would be over, and much to his surprise he knew that this, the hosting of one person by another should never happen again, but so long as the Quicksilver gland contained even trace amounts of Alyx's DNA it would remain possible.
He decided then and there he would not reveal that truth to anyone, not even Claire, even if it might help in getting the gland out safely. If the Official found out, Alyx would become nothing more than another tool and he felt with a certainty that weighed heavily on his bones she would never permit it. On Darien's bones, that was. He had to remember that, this was Darien's body; Darien's life and he deserved to live it. His life, his choices, even if Kevin hated and disagreed with every single one he might make.
They arrived at the Lab, Kevin only marginally aware of the conversation he and Claire had had on the way down. It hadn't been of any importance in the greater scheme of things. He set Arnaud's laptop down on the desk and picked up the stack of files the mainframe had spit out once the overnight run had completed. It would take him and hour or more to plow through the certain to be useless data, but he would go through the motions, work with Claire on a removal, and then, at the end of the day stop by Alyx's place and hope she'd be willing to talk to him for a few minutes. Hope she would still be willing to help, if only on the sly.
Hope she could hold herself together and remain sane without Darien.
There were two people at risk with this insane plan of the Official's, if only he had bothered to realize it.