Once under the hot spray of the shower, Booth attempted to sort through the thoughts that were making it impossible for him to concentrate on anything else. The water pounded in his skin, the heat was almost unbearable as he very nearly found himself punishing himself for putting himself and two people that he cared about in this situation. He allowed the water to pelt his skin, the streams of water pouring down his skin as he washed his hair quickly, not caring at all when the soap slipped into his eye causing it to sting.
He rinsed the soap from his hair, letting the hot water sting his face as his mind traveled to the journal that he had spent his evening reading, to the words that his partner had carefully written on the paper.
Tonight I dreamt of drowning. I have that dream often, but this time it was different.
He sucked in the scent of the soap that he was lathering his skin with, and tried to rid his mind of the thought of her voice reciting the words in the journal, but couldn't escape it. She sounded so sad, so desperate and alone, and as much as he wanted to say that it was what she had wanted, he knew better than that. He knew her better than that.
This time, it was me that was drowning, in a clear pool of water being held down by invisible hands. I could see you above me, watching me drown. Your eyes were so cold. I have never seen them so cold.
His eyes opened quickly and he found that the water had begun to turn cold, his body shivered, but he knew that it had nothing to do with the temperature of the water. He quickly climbed from the shower and grabbed a towel, he wrapped it around himself and walked quickly out of the bathroom in search of his clothes.
Brennan stepped down from the platform and headed directly to her office, her eyes focused on the lights in the distant room that would offer her solace and a bit of privacy as the current panic attack she was having begun to grip her.
Unfortunately, she found that she was not quick enough, for Angela blocked her getaway as soon as she had cleared the platform. "Where are you going?"
Brennan stared at her friend for a moment, her mind a bit muddled, her eyes a bit blurry as she fought the urge to yawn. "My office." She said, scrunching her face as the question that Angela had asked finally penetrated her mind and she had an answer.
"I have been saying your name for about five minutes now, Bren… trying to get your attention."
"Oh."
It was the only word spoken as Brennan walked around her friend and walked quickly toward her office. She could feel an intense anxiety attack coming on, and the last place she wanted to be was in the middle of the lab. She started to walk away, and she could hear Angela's heels behind her, practically running to catch up with her friend. "Bren, please." Angela whispered as they both made it to Brennan's office. When Angela made it into the office, Brennan walked around her and closed the door behind her, resting her back against it for a moment, thankful for the strong support of the wooden door behind her. She found herself staring at the floor, her ears ringing, and her head spinning with dizziness. "Bren, are you okay?" Angela asked, approaching her friend, Brennan looked up into Angela's eyes for a moment, and it frightened Angela. It was almost as if her friend didn't recognize her, the look of confusion in her eyes. "Do you have to sit down? Sweetie, look at me." She said sternly. Angela watched as tears began to appear in her friend's eyes, and the glassy appearance of them made her heart break. "Come sit down."
Brennan stared at Angela for several moments and tried so hard to hold her tears at bay, tried so hard not to break the solid wall that she had surrounded herself with, and all she could do was press her back against the door and stare. Angela reached out, and she flinched at the touch, and she was sure that Angela had felt it, for instead of leading her to the couch, she instead pulled her into a hug. "I have a lot of work to do." She whispered into her friend's shoulder.
"Nothing that can't wait another day, Bren." Angela whispered. "I feel so awful." She said, pulling herself from the hug, her eyes were willed to the brim with sympathy and fear for her friend. "I should have seen this; I should have been here to help you."
"I don't know what you mean, Angela." She said, pulling from the hug, she wiped her tears discreetly and sucked in a breath and she moved toward her desk. Her heart was still racing, and her hands were still trembling, but she was holding it together, she knew that she had to, at least until her friend left the room. "I am just a little tired, and it's causing me to feel a bit off. I'm sorry."
"Bren, this isn't just you feeling sleepy. You look like you haven't slept in days. You have been completely wrapped up in your work. You keep spacing out, and not usual Brennan spacing out, but really, truly spacing out. Something is going on with you, Bren. You need to talk to me."
"What I need, Angela, is for those remains to be identified." She said, her voice deepening into that serious tone she typically saved for her interns. Her eyes were filled with determination, and she was unsure where she had even found it. She could see by the look on her friend's face, that her stern tone had taken her aback, and Brennan could feel her resolve cracking. "Please, Angela." She said, her whisper was strangled and soft.
"Does this have to do with Booth?"
The name was like a bullet directly to her heart, and she tried so hard not to let it break her mask, but Angela could see it. She could feel the tension that was radiating from Brennan, and when the stern, sharp 'No' was emitted, it was the end of the conversation. She had made it quite clear that there was nothing further to discuss. "I have to work." Brennan said, sucking in a deep breath as she attempted to control her breathing, she stepped around her desk and sat down in her chair.
"I really think we should talk, Bren." Angela said, as a knock came on the door that brought both of their eyes to the door.
"That is probably Booth." Brennan cleared her throat. "Please get the reconstruction done so that we can get this over with." She said sharply, refusing to look up. "So we can get this case over with." She finished softly as she stared at her computer and felt Angela's eyes burning into her for another moment. When the knock sounded again, Angela turned and walked toward the door. She opened it quickly and pushed her way past the man on its other side, the man who looked just as weary as her best friend, though she made no attempt at conversation as she made her way toward her own office.