Forsaken In My Mind's Past

Chapter 9, "Headstrong" ~ Trapt

Edwards POV, continued…..

**A/N: I just gotta say, I'm currently in love with my betas! You ladies know who you are….mwah a thousand times! Some fun playful banter between Edward and Emmett. *eye roll* They're such "guys"! I love writing Emmett, though. He makes me laugh in my head (and out loud sometimes) like a mental patient! THANK YOU to all my loyal reviewers…sloppy kisses out to you. Check out my profile for some fun links.

Song Link, Headstrong: .com/watch?v=LBeg7CZqSx0

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters…I do not. Oh how I wish I did, because I'd be RICH! Lol! This story, however, is mine…so hands off people! *snickers* ©2009/2010 WickedCurveBall74/RobsMyEdibleArt, All rights reserved worldwide.

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"Circling your head…contemplating everything you ever said

Now I see the truth I gotta doubt

A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out

See you later

I see your fantasy

You want to make it a reality paved in gold

See inside, inside of our heads (Yeah)

Well, now that's over

I see your motives inside,

And your decisions to hide

Back off, we'll take you on

Headstrong to take on anyone

I know that you're wrong

Headstrong, we're headstrong

Back off, we'll take you on

Headstrong to take on anyone

I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong

I can't give everything away

I won't give everything away

Conclusions manifest…your first impressions got to be your very best

I see you're full of shit and that's alright

That's how you play, I guess you'll get through every night

Well, now that's over

I see your fantasy

You want to make it a reality paved in gold

See inside, inside of our heads (yeah)

Well, now that's over

I see your motives inside,

And your decisions to hide

Back off, we'll take you on

Headstrong to take on anyone

I know that you are wrong

Headstrong, we're headstrong

Back off, we'll take you on

Headstrong to take on anyone

I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong!"

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I walked into Moonstruck that night and went straight to the nearest bar to get a beer. I was ready to have a little fun. Ready to have some guy time that I hadn't had a chance for in quite some time. Jasper, who was of course licking his gaping wounds courtesy of Ashley, downed his drink in a matter of seconds. Then he turned toward the bar again, mumbling something about needing a "mother-fucking Jack Daniels" in his southern drawl. "Hey! Get me another Heineken!" I hollered after him and he threw his hand up in acknowledgment as he walked with determination to confront the bartender.

"Hell yeah!" I heard Emmett's bellowing roar. "Doctor's in the house!" He came bounding over and attacked me with his signature bear hug. I, of course, shoved him off me laughing. "Lookin' good tonight, Doctor Love! Did you iron your jeans, too?" He scoffed with a smirk. I ignored his last question. Instead, I retorted with sarcasm, attacking his manliness in jest.

"Dude, could you fucking chill on the PDA. I fucking already told you, I don't want to be your boyfriend." I rolled my eyes playfully. "So stop trying to get in my pants, man. It's not cool."

"Oh fuck you, man!" he said, flipping me off with a grin. Suddenly, he reached up and snatched my beanie off my head.

"Motherfucker!" I yelled and snatched it back from him. I shoved it back onto my unruly hair and glared at him. He covered his mouth in mock horror as he pointed at the muddled mess on my head, of course now hidden, and then doubled over holding his stomach snorting, like a douche bag. I rolled my eyes again, this time annoyed.

Still laughing, he motioned to someone behind me.

"Hey Jake! Sam! Get your asses over here!" I turned as the two of them sauntered up to us. Jake's face looked tense and Sam all but ignored me per usual, nodding once in acknowledgment of me. He and I weren't the best of friends as he and Jake were, but still we were friendly with one another. I didn't necessarily desire to get on Detective Uley's shit list.

"What's up, Doc?" Jacob asked, and nodded with a smile. "How's the baby business?" Before I could answer him he nudged Sam and muttered, "Lucky bastard gets to see pussy all day long."

He and Sam erupted in echoing laughter and I just shook my head. I grinned tightly as I responded, "Oh yeah, Jake, that's what it's all about you know."

Emmett, always the life of the party, butted in. "What the fuck ever, Jake. Dude, he looks at stretched out pregnant pussy all day." He shook his head and cringed. "NOT appealing."

I love Emmett, seriously as a brother, but I swear to God, when he starts in with his juvenile bullshit about my job, I would love to strangle the motherfucker.

I just looked at him and shook my head. "Fucking moron," I said as I tipped my beer up and gulped. I'll be damned if the fucker didn't grab my beanie off my head again and point at my hair.

"Look at that shit!" He nudged Jake. "I bet he's fucking all those hot nurses he works with, all the time. He probably had to leave one in his bed to come hang out...look at that sex hair." He burst into another fit of convulsive laughter, and Jake followed suit.

How did I become friends with such tools, I complained to myself.

"Motherfucker, I will kick your ass. Now, give me my goddamned hat!" I spat. He held it up and danced around with it like a ten-year-old on the school playground, playing keep-away. I glared. "That's your fantasy, Emmett, not mine. Now give me my fucking hat before I shove my size tens up your ass."

As we continued to argue, Jasper walked up to join us. Emmett continued his schoolyard shenanigans. "How would Rose feel about your nurse-orgies, huh?" He raised his eyebrows and stuck his tongue out. That fucking pissed me off.

"Emmett. I fucking TOLD you I didn't want to talk about her tonight." I snatched my beanie from him for the second time and ran my hand through my messy hair. I smashed it back onto my head and shoved Em on the shoulder. "Touch the beanie again, and I break a finger." He retorted with a fresh wave of laughter and then wrapped his arm around my neck. "Whatever you say, Bro. You know I'm just playin' with you. I'm serious about the nurses, though. Anytime you need some help with your orgies, you know who to call." He winked. Classic Neanderthal Emmett.

I rolled my eyes again. "What the fuck, Emmett? If you must know, I'm not fucking anyone right now, but hey, thanks for bringing it up, Bro."

Jasper just looked at us and shook his head. Then Emmett turned his taunting to Jazz. "What are you shaking your head at, Whitlock? You definitely need one of Edward's orgy-mates." He burst into yet another fit of laughter. I shot him a warning glare and glanced at Jasper, who was either too drunk to comprehend Emmett's mockery or was flat out ignoring him. He tipped his glass of Jack and gulped until it was gone. "Whew!" he yelled. "JD's my best fucking friend tonight! I'm getting another...and a round of Jaeger shots. Y'all game?" We all answered with a collective "hell yes," and he was again on his way to the bar.

I was certain he would wear a path in the carpet from here to there before the night was over and I sighed, shaking my head. I was looking to seriously cut loose tonight. Unfortunately, Jazz unknowingly changed my plans for me when I picked him up and he was a melancholy, sorry excuse for a man ready to party. He was already half lit on top of that. All this because his airhead girlfriend of a couple months decided she was done playing with him. I would have to stop after a handful of beers at most. I didn't make a big ordeal of it, of course; I was out with the boys and I was happy about that.

So I was forced to be a little more responsible than I wanted to be...so what. I went with it, switching roles for once with Jazz, who always seemed to be the one babysitting the rest of the drunks in the group. I supposed he was allowed this fall-from-grace every now and then, and I was determined to take care of him this evening. I couldn't count the times he'd done that for me, and I owed him. We all did.

Nonetheless, I was ready to celebrate. It was really the first time I'd gotten to, since reclaiming my life from the petulant succubus. There was nothing to stop me from having the time of my life tonight. Maybe I would find some smokin' hot girl to take home.

Fuck.

I highly doubted that. Contrary to what Emmett said, I was far from the orgy-having man-whore he seemed to like to conjure up.

At that moment, I noticed swift movement out of the corner of my eye and turned my head in the same direction of it. I was met with a pair of blue eyes I hadn't seen in a very long time and I froze.

Just like that, I was punched in the stomach with an onslaught of memories, emotion and regrets that I'd hidden from myself for years. Those particular regrets were in the forefront of my mind as I watched her round the corner with determination in her step and fire in her eyes.

I was awestruck. I felt like a deer that was caught in the headlights of the object that would surely cause its death. However, I swallowed it. I was determined to keep my sanity tonight.

Her chestnut waves fluttered in the wake of her furious walk and she locked eyes with me. I think I actually saw her head involuntarily do a double take, and I had to clench the muscles in my legs to keep them from buckling.

Jake hadn't mentioned she was here in the minutes we had stopped to talk, so this was a sighting I was completely unprepared for. It seemed like a lifetime since I'd seen her last. Although it had only been around a year or so, since the last time we were this close, we didn't even speak, pretended we didn't see each other, and my head was a mess for weeks afterward.

I always fell to pieces inside when I saw her. She did something to me that no other woman could ever replicate. She still held in her possession a piece of my heart and soul that I would never get back. Who was I kidding? She still held pieces of my heart and soul, and lots of them. I wasn't whole without her, and I wouldn't be again. It was as simple as that.

I knew I needed to get a hold on myself before I said or did something that would make me look like a blubbering idiot, so I willed myself to man-up. I could admit that I wanted to get the better of her. I wanted to mess with her and toy with her, like she used to do to me...the kind of playful banter we used to have together. Of course, I wasn't thinking about how much I liked it when she retaliated with her sarcasm. I didn't think about that at all. I just wanted to protect myself from the angst and hurt; I wanted to have fun with her for a change, but I didn't know why.

Something took over me...the cocky motherfucker, thank God, and I chose to use that shit to my advantage.

I noticed her breath hitch when I winked at her, and I knew I had a nibble on my hook.

I also knew that nothing was going to come of it, so why not have a little fun. I'd probably pay for it later when I was drowning again in the pit of my black hole. The black hole that would no doubt be ripped open again, after the sight of her. But I didn't care.

Therefore, I allowed myself to be assaulted by her presence, her scent...

Fucking Japanese Cherry Blossom.

Fuck me, very much.

I allowed myself to assault her beautiful round ass with my beer bottle, as well. I, of course, then had to subtly adjust myself so as not to reveal what was happening to me physically at my thoughts of her. As I watched the emotions play across her beautiful features, I was overwhelmed and could not stop the eye-fucking that ensued. There was the sarcastic spitfire in her that turned me on so much, but then there were also my own emotions that I had not counted on feeling upon my quackery with her.

Fuck though, she was so full of enchantment and fondness that I immediately longed to have her back in my life.

My mother and father always really liked her. In fact, they still attempted to kill me by asking if I'd seen her or talked to her, and how she was. They were just so used to my ex before her- Tanya- that they never could fully bond with Bella. Of course, they never got to because I annihilated their chances of ever being able to when I...did what I did.

The same way this girl could annihilate me with one look from her liquid sapphire eyes.

I couldn't get enough of her. Her animated expressions, always so hard to read; they drove me over the edge.

So I kept her there, talking to her as long as possible. Something kept me trying to keep her near me, if for nothing else but to feel her familiar aura, her warmth. I needed to get just a piece of what we had...to cling to it. Not to mention, I was totally forgetting that there was one person there that could fuck it up completely for me.

Jake.

I'd mistakenly mentioned her cousin, my now ex-live-in, and saw the fire explode in Bella's eyes. Her cousin, Rosalie, the succubus who'd called me and manipulated me, was definitely the spark to Bella's fuse that set her off like a firecracker. Rose took advantage of my frail fucking mental state after Jake and Bella were married.

Christ, I really am a fucking idiot sometimes.

She surprised me though, by changing the subject to something that she knewwould make me smile. We talked about our kids and I felt a stabbing pain in my heart, a sickness in my stomach because I was fucking jealous. I was jealous of the fact that he had gotten to have children with her. Knowing what she and Jacob had done to conceive the twins was like a twisted knife in my belly. There weren't words to describe how much I wished it had been me, cultivating her and watching her amazing body grow and nurture those beautiful children. Of course, I felt like a fucking hypocrite at the same time.

Somewhere inside of me, I wondered if she ever felt the same way I did. Did she ever wonder what our children would have looked like? I couldn't answer that, nor would I ever know, because I would never in a million years have had the gall to ask her.

My fantasy took an abrupt turn for the worse when Jacob showed up breathing fire and claiming his wife like a fucking caveman. I was surprised he didn't grab her by her hair and drag her off.

I'd tried to hide it, but I was instantly pissed and there was just no other way to put it.

Over the years, I'd silently watched him claim her. He had started treating her like she was lucky to have him, when the bastard should have been thinking just the opposite.

He talked down to her; he seemed to try and break her beautiful spirit. Whether he did this voluntarily or involuntarily, I had no idea.

What I did know nonetheless, was that it was un-fucking-acceptable.

Unfortunately, I could do nothing about it. I was the king of the douche bagsin both of their eyes when it came to Bella; I was positive of that. I mean, what would it have sounded like coming out of my mouth? To criticize the way he treated her would sound like nothing but pure hypocrisy coming from me.

God, I couldn't fucking stand it though, because he just didn't have a clue about what he had. He didn't see her for whom or what she was. She was an amazing person, beautiful, witty, intelligent...but most of all amiable and faithful, passionate. This idiot was demented if he thought that talking to her and treating her the way he did was going to keep her around. I had always admired Bella for standing up for herself. It pained me to see her slipping into this...this despondent, afflicted shell of who she used to be because of his tyrannous behavior.

I wished that I could just tell her how I felt about Jake and the way he treated her. I had no idea what the hell had happened to him and why he'd become such a prick to her over the last few years, other than the fact that he was just out of his mind with insecurity. There was a time when I could tell he was completely smitten with her. I fucking hated that too.

Nonetheless, there was nothing I could do about it, and it made me crazy.

I was getting close to a confrontation with him about it because his insecurity was just blatantly boiling over and getting out of control. I could feel it. In order to refrain from this, I had distanced myself.

After he T-boned that poor bastard, I knew the night was unraveling and would only get worse. To anyone with normal vision,as opposed to jealous motherfucker vision, the dude was obviously was her friend Jessica's boyfriend.

When someone was hurt, I was not capable of just standing there. I'm a doctor. I have to act. Therefore, rather than confront the jealous idiot I called a friend, I went to the dude that he knocked senseless, and started checking him out.

Bella actually surprised me by slapping the living shit out of Jake in front of everyone, and the moment I heard the sound of her hand crack against his cheek bone -it was fucking loud- I knew. I knew it was broken, and I was seething on the inside. I wasn't angry with her, of course. I was angry with Jacob. He was undeniably the cause of her violent outburst. His jealousy had finally sent her over the edge and wasn't it just painfully customary, that Bella would get hurt because of his revolting conduct.

And then...

Fuck...

I heard her scream. It was a scream of agonizing pain that shook me from head to toe. For a moment, I was paralyzed. Thank the ever-loving Lord that Emmett and Jazz were right there to separate him from Bella or else I might have lost complete control. I couldn't afford to lose control and neither could Jacob. I couldn't, because if I did, there were usually dire consequences. He knew me well enough to understand this.

It was one of the most difficult things I'd had to do...to keep my cool...but remarkably I surprised myself by doing just that.

Instead, I focused on bringing out the doctor in me and I went to her.

I had to.

I was propelled by a force that had more power than I did. I didn't know how, but I would make this beautiful, stubborn girl let me help her.

I couldn't look at Jake while I tended to Bella, because if I did...

I would have killed him.

I convinced her finally to let me take her to Carlisle after she fucking apologized to the guy -who had nearly been knocked out, and I was shocked that he was still coherent- for her stupid, motherfuck of a husband. I immediately felt a rush of relief because this girl was one of, if not the most stubborn person on the planet.

How she had let Jake break her down through all these years was completely beyond me.

Controlling myself as much as possible by pushing the rage as far down into my stomach as I could, I walked up to him and told him I'd be taking his wife to the hospital. I suppose he reacted as any overbearing, insecure assholewould to his girl's ex butting in and trying to swoop in to help her after he'd fucked her up. Funny thing was, I certainly didn't give one little shit how he felt, and his feelings certainly weren't about to change my mind.

I had to admit though, when he charged me, it took me a bit by surprise.

Once again, thank God for Em, Jazz and this time, Sam. Again, Sam wasn't necessarily my biggest fan, but was as cordial as he could be to me. It was a good thing they were there, keeping him at bay and talking some sense into his big, clouded, fucked-up head. At that point, however, I was ready and willing to do some damage. I wasn't even thinking about our friendship; not any longer. This was about her, what he'd done to her tonight, how he'd treated her through the last few years. It was about the way he talked to her and about her...all of it. It was all coming to a head, right at that moment, and I wanted to mangle him.

I would've hurt him.

Bad.

I wouldn't have held back because it was Bella. He'd hurt her whether he meant to or not.

He had injured HER.

Jazz knew it. He could see it in my eyes, and I in turn, could see the terror in his. The terror that quickly shifted to calming concern and I let it wash over me.

He was good at that shit. Sometimes I wondered if he had some sort of extrasensory power. The shit was weird, I had to admit.

When Jake was calm enough, I loosened my tense, coiled muscles and turned. My focus was then on Bella and no one else. I didn't have enough sense about me as I was spitting and hissing at Jake like a fucking rattlesnake, to be embarrassed about all I'd said to him in clear ear-shot of Bella. At the time, all I could think about was her, and how much I wanted to take care of her.

No one else existed but her.

I tried to control the emotion welling up inside me as I brushed her arm lightly and willed her to just go...just go with me. I clenched my jaw, struggling with my yielding restraint.

She did.

She walked with me and didn't look back. I was amazed...elated even.

Through the doors we went into the crisp night and straight to my car. As I opened the door to my black Volvo and attempted to help her get in, she turned to me. She grabbed my shoulders and pressed her body against mine like a scared child.

She shuddered and I gasped.

"God, Edward...I'm so sorry. Thank you, so mu-"

I pulled her away from my body, which was now steaming in the cold night, and looked into her eyes. I got as close to her face as I could stand without crushing her lips to mine, our foreheads almost touching.

"Don't," I whispered barely audible, because my heart was in my throat, choking me.

She nodded a couple times and forced a smile before turning and collapsing onto the leather seat of my car. We sat there in my car in virtual silence for a couple minutes, before I finally pulled out of the parking lot and away from this place that I probably should have never shown up to tonight.

As we headed toward the hospital, the silence was deafening. I stole a glance at her from the corner of my eyes a couple of times, only to catch her doing the same thing. Conflicted, I turned back to face the road, like the fucking pansy that I was.

I tried to initiate light conversation a couple times, even trying to imitate the poor dork's sad impression of Italian accent. I really did feel sorry for the guy that Jake fucking freight-trained, because he didn't even have a chance to defend himself. The poor bastard didn't even see it coming. I could tell Bella was initially annoyed by the guy, and I thought that making light of his featherbrained attempt at being suave would make her laugh, even if just weakly.

Bad move.

She just held her hand up each time and shook her head as she closed her eyes and said, "Edward."

So I shut the fuck up and let her rest. She'd been through enough tonight without my idiot ass making it worse.

Jesus, how I wished that there was something I could've done to make her feel better. There had to be something non-medical; something I could say, like I used to be able to do when we were...together. Sadly, I could think of nothing. I was too concerned about her hand and her well-being to be able to think of anything witty, and it ate away at me.

I recalled the last thing I'd seen as we were walking out, glancing back quickly toward our group. The guys had gotten Jacob to sit in a chair at one of the bar tables. They were hovering around him as if he was some dangerous animal, likely to pounce on anything or anyone that set him off.

They were probably right.

I could see his profile as they hovered, and noted his defeated frame. He had his elbows resting on the table and his head resting in his palms. Emmett caught my eye as I was turning and his expression was one of approval. He nodded once at me and I did the same. I saw that he returned his attention to Jake and the expression on his face changed instantly to uncertainty and trepidation.

As I remembered this exchange between Emmett and myself, a feeling of absolution came over me and I realized that there was only one thing I needed to worry about.

That one thing was to make sure that Bella was ok, and to get her the hell away from this place as quickly as possible.

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Chapter End Notes, *A/N: Okay, let's all say it collectively….awwwwww! Edward Cullen can be my protector any day of the week and twice on Sunday! (that last part, courtesy of my Grandma.) Ok, so I can't wait to find out what you all think of the banter between the guys…like I said, I had the most fun writing Emmett. He's a tool, but he's really sweet deep down. You think Edward would've beat Jake's ass? Time to get reviewing. See ya next chapter. Bella pov is back.