DISCLAIMER: Casualty and it's characters belong to the BBC. I'm just borrowing them for a bit ;)
A/N: I know, I know, it's been ages since I updated. Thank you soooo much for all the reviews, and thanks to everyone who is still following this fic! Here's the next chapter, I know it's short but I hope you like it all the same. My Grandma's been in hospital for a while so I haven't felt like writing - especially stories set in hospitals! However, I will endeavour to do better. Please leave a review if you have a spare moment to let me know your thoughts? It helps me to figure out what sort of ending you guys want ;) More to come soon! Bear with :) x
CHAPTER 11
She can't face them; not now. Please, not now. A smile manages to force its way out to grace her lips, her eyes crinkle at the edges with tired worry. She hates being the bearer of bad news.
"Dixie?"
Such young eyes, begging her, pleading with her not to say the words. The breath stops in her throat, and she tries once more to reign in her wondering gaze. "He's…"
Dixie shakes her head, tears welling in her eyes. There aren't any more words to say.
They all turn as Jeff's body is wheeled in through the ED doors, Connie closely following behind. She's aware of the staff moving; words are spoken but none of them make any sense. She can feel Tamsin's arms around her, her sobs wracking both of their bodies as she cries tears enough for both of them. As she regains her senses, Dixie wraps her arms around the sobbing woman, praying that Jeff will make it out alive.
She can't think straight. There's a ringing in her ears that doesn't relent. One thought. Just one thought is left in her mind… That he's alive.
.o.0.o.
"Okay, okay, it's all... going to be okay," Dr Knight mutters to himself, rubbing his hands together nervously. He can't believe what he'd just done, or rather, what he almost hadn't done. A nurse places a hand on his shoulder, her gaze questioning. He sighs, rubbing his eyes to rid the sleep that lingers there. He waves her away. "I'm fine."
It's the usual retort; the one that most people ignore. Fine has nothing to do with anything – it's just the word that covers all the tumultuous emotions that rage beneath the surface.
Cal turns his gaze back towards his patient; her pale face, the blood that marks her skin. He'd almost lost her, and the feelings that had emerged within his heart were confusing and left an empty ache in his chest. He doesn't understand why she makes him feel this way. With a careful motion he reaches for her hand and then thinks better of it, opting instead to hold the bed rail.
He doesn't care if there are others watching, if they start to talk behind his back. 'The Arrogant Young Doctor who fell in love with the Ice Queen' – that's what they'd say.
He blinks.
Love?
Is that the name of this emotion? This throbbing pain of perplexing discomfort; the unease of not knowing if he's alone in these thoughts?
Her eyes flicker, and he sees the instant panic that rises in her dark orbs. She opens her mouth to speak, and finds her lips dry and cracked. He settles her down instantly, his fingers touching her shoulders a little more gently; so aware of every movement, every breath. "Hey, hey, it's alright."
He smiles reassuringly as her wide eyes meet his, frightened and lost before slowly coming into focus. "Welcome back, Mrs. B."
.o.0.o.
"Any news?" Tamsin's voice reaches her ears from the far side of the corridor. It's not easy, none of this is. She holds back the grimace, holds back the sharp reprimand on the tip of her tongue. Why should she care? It's her husband lying there on that bed, covered from head to toe in ashen burns, fighting for his life! Why should she have anything to do with it?
"He's still fighting," are the words she chooses instead. It won't do now to push the blame on someone else. "He'll pull through. He always does, does our Jeffrey."
Tamsin nods and sits back down on the chair. He's been in RESUS for what seems like days, but in reality she knows it's only been an hour or two. It's odd, she thinks, that circumstances have turned out like this. A few days ago she'd been the happiest woman on earth, and now what was it all for? To know joy and then to have it taken away in so short a period of time seemed so cruel. But he was still alive, so there was still hope.
"Don't you worry, sweetheart," Dixie spoke quietly, leaning a comforting arm across her shoulders. "He'll be alright."
She almost chokes on a half-hearted laugh. "You don't know that."
"No," Dixie admits with a short shrug. "But, if there's one thing I do know, it's this," She cocks her head, and takes a deep breath. She doesn't want to cry, "that that man in there is one of the best men on this planet, and he will fight heaven and earth to get back to you."
They're such sweet words, but she doesn't want to get her hopes up just yet and she wants to believe them so much. Is it better to believe a lie rather than face the truth? Or to accept what is inevitable in the face of happiness? In any case, there's no assurance in either. Tamsin can't meet the older woman's gaze, but she's grateful for the words of reassurance. She'd thought Dixie would be angry, that she'd hate her for falling in love with Jeff. But that's what had happened, and no matter what they're going through now, Tamsin knows she wouldn't change anything for the world.
"He loves you, and I know that you love him," Dixie says softly, her words catching as the tears threaten again. She clears her throat and nudges Tamsin's arm gently. "So don't you go giving up on him yet. Alright?"
She nods, giving herself up to whatever fate awaits them. "Alright."