HEY YOU GUYS! It's been... AGES?!
I am so sorry. I don't even really have any other good excuse but that school and family life has been hectic, but I know that still means nothing to all of you. I have let you down. Don't worry, I'm back, and I'm praying that you'll let me have another chance at writing this love story - or the ruining of this love story. Whichever. But anyways, here's Bella's POV. You won't have Edward's POV for a long time, I'm afraid, since I'm feeling that Bella has so much going on right now that it would be a crime to not let any of you see it. ANYWAYYS! Here you go! :) :) :)
"And I hope the sun shines, and it's a beautiful day,
And something reminds you, you wish you had stayed,
We can plan for a change in weather and time,
I never planned on you changing your mind."Last Kiss - Taylor Swift.
EW - Bella's POV.As soon as I thought that, John snatched the phone out of my hand. I looked at him in shock, and I admit, a bit of anger. He didn't respond to my glare, and turned off my phone. I immediately stood up, defensive. "Hey! I was in the middle of talking to someone." John said nothing, instead rolled his eyes, and finished dressing himself. I sat on the middle of the bed, angered at him, and at myself. He finally acknowledge my stare, and said, "What?"
I said nothing, and his shoulders lowered. I was confused until he said, "Does he really still mean that much to you? Even after last night... and most of this morning?" He knew. He knew it was Edward. He knew I was upset because I didn't get to talk to him. I disgusted myself. In a way, he was right. How dare I give myself over to John, and then start to want to talk to my ex minutes later? I sighed, and stood on the bed, and cautiously tried to go over to him. I hugged his shoulders, which was hard since he had his back to me. I laid my head on him, my lips to the back of his neck. "I'm sorry," I whispered, "I'm well aware that what happened last night was humongous, wonderful, life-changing... but..."
"You still love him." He finished for me. My heart broke when I heard the sadness of his voice. But what was he expecting? That this changed something? I mean, it did. It totally did. But how can I not remember and hurt over the time my heart and mind, and body believed him to be my soulmate? My everything? John turned around, and kissed me hard on the mouth. I kissed him back, trying to convey that this took time. Edward was still everything. But at least John was something. He pulled away, and said, "I'm going out to get some groceries. There's barely any food here, and I'm pretty sure you're starving." My stomach growled, and he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. I didn't want him to be mad at me. But what could I do? Reluctantly, I let him walk out the door.
I hated myself for doing this. But I grabbed my phone, and turned it on. I mean, couldn't I at least say hello? To hear his voice? I knew that I shouldn't. Especially after the argument I just had with my blue-eyed boy. I hated myself. Every inch of myself, because it was where Edward still was. I could still feel Edward's touch pumping around in my veins, under my skin. But now, it was different, less violent, and passionate. Mostly because of last night, John had claimed every inch of me, spread me in parts where no one has touched, kissed, sucked, and loved. John was under my skin too, but... how can I have two different hands touching me all over?
It rang, and rang, and rang. No one answered, and I wondered if he was done; that he thought that I was gone, over it, when I really wasn't. Was I no longer under his skin, pumping through his heart?
My heart went cold when I thought, "Not since he had sex with Rosalie."I was about to hang up, when a silky, out of breath voice said, "Bella?" My breath escaped, and I laughed-cried into the phone, and was shocked when I heard a sigh back. "Bella. I love you." I shook my head - as if he could see me - and said, "No, you really don't. You don't. I mean, if you did, how could you do that? I hate you. I hate that you broke my heart in such a pathetic way. Why couldn't you just tell me you didn't want me anymore? Did you really have to bring Rosalie into it? I mean, I told you that I would be back in the hour - and exactly an hour later, you were doing it. I mean, did you plan it out? Did you do it on purpose? Was it a lie this whole time? All of it?"
He stayed silent while I cried, and I said, "I hate that you're still here, with me. In my heart. In... In..." He interrupted me, and said, "I know. You're still here with me too Bella. Everyday. I feel it even more now that you're not physically here. You're my heart. You're the blood that flows through my veins, you're the blinking of my eyes, the hardness in my chest; you're everywhere. You're in my bed sheets, your smell still there, the books that you gave me for Christmas, rereading them over and over. You're the smile on my face, and the tears. You're everything."
My tears calmed when I listened to his breathing, and I was shocked. I hung up, and looked outside the window. I opened it to decrease the head-ache caused by the saltiness of my eyes, and replayed his words, forever around in my mind. I allowed myself to remember. I allowed myself to ignore the chant that played constantly in my mind, "Forbidden to remember, terrified to forget." It was a hard line to walk. I love Edward Cullen. I loved his green eyes, his self-blaming attitude, his overbearing Mother, his always-wise father, and his teddy-bear of a brother; I loved his laugh, I loved his mind, I loved his words, I loved his smell, and I love the way he loved me with his mind more than his hands. I smiled. Would this ever go away?
I heard sounds of John's arrival, and I wondered if I loved him too. Time will tell? I smiled when I felt arms around my waist, strong, and comforting. Spicy-cinnamon, fresh, autumn smell. I turned in his arms, and kissed him with all of me; with every Edward-loving nerve. The kiss got more intense, and I craved his fireworks that only his hands had ever gotten out of me. Fireworks that Edward denied me, but gave to someone that wasn't supposed to receive them. I'm glad he didn't though. Then this would be so much more painful; but this. This is the way I could offer part of what John deserves. I hated that I couldn't give him the most important parts of me; my heart, and mind.
Yet, as he laid me down on the bed, the curtains closed, and his hands tugging, caressing, his lips exploring, and his heartbeat soaring, making my entire being quiver, I knew that for him this was enough.
For now.
THANKS FOR READING! :* ~dontyouthink13