"Kurt I don't know of your aware of this but I myself am a chosen vegan and I was wondering if you were planning on serving any tofu options this evening." Chimes Rachel with her 'holy than tho' attitude.
Without missing a beat Kurt replies, "Yes Rachel, I am aware. However I'm afraid I will not be serving any tofu products this evening. Although there is a sponge in the bathroom if you'd like to go chew on that for awhile. Just make sure you put in back when your done, I like to clean the bathrooms on a Thursday." Poor Dave next to him begins to choke on his water, after giving him a few helpful pats on the back Kurt lowers his hand to his lap and pastes a innocent smile on his face.
Both Dave and Kurt had both been on red alert since the arrival of their guests. Burt had only just decided he liked the large jock but a few choice words from Finn or Rachel could change all that. Locker slams, slushies, patriotic wedgies. All these things were like land mines, if their dinner conversation takes a step in the right direction than Kurt's walking away with both of his legs, but one false step and KABOOM! And legless-ness is just not a look Kurt can rock.
Luckily both Carole and Burt chose this moment to descend the stairs and take their seats at the table at both heads. Okay this wasn't so bad, all he had to do was survive the next hour, get Dave out of here in one piece and he was home-free.
Conversation began safe enough, touching subjects like work, school, sports. And just when Kurt was about to let out the breath he had been holding all evening Finn chose this moment to speak up. "So Burt," he says, turning to Kurt's father, "how much do you know about Dave, I've personally known the guys for as long as I can remember. I can fill in some of the details for you if you'd like." Oh hell know. Grenade! Grenade! Run for cover!
"Sure. Why the hell not? The kid's dating my son, I might as well know a few things about him. Shot." Kurt was tensing for battle, letting his claws out. Ready to counter anything that came out of the large boy's manipulating mouth.
Finn clears his throat and begins. "Where do I start? Oh I know where! Him and Kurt."
"Finn." Kurt growls in warning but Finn ignores him.
"They've known each other for years. Dave's hockey buddies too. They're always hanging around Kurt." Kurt prayed to everything he didn't believe in that Finn would just stop there. At least it wouldn't be a lie. Kurt was always surround by the jocks, but just never in a good way.
"Is that right?" Burt says, surprise lacing he words. "I didn't know you had many friends on the hockey team Kurt." Kurt braced himself for what would come next, reaching his hand under the table and finding Dave thigh. Squeezing it with everything he had it him, nails digging in in a way that Kurt's sure must be painful but the boy next to him doesn't even bat an eyelash. Or blink, choosing instead to stare across the table at Finn, he eyes a containing a silent threat and a hint of terror.
"Friends? I wouldn't exactly call them 'friends.' Unless friends give friends slushies facials and bash them into lockers. Oh and don't forget throwing them into dumpsters. If that's what 'friends' do than Kurt and the hockey team are like BFFs." Finn sits back in his chair with a grin, obviously proud of himself. Kurt doesn't even give Burt time to react before he's giving it back to Finn just as hard.
"Friends Finn? What would you know about being anyone's friend? Weren't you and I'friends' when I throw that slushie in my face so the football team would leave you alone and you didn't even thank me. Weren't we 'friends' when you let Puckerman bash me into lockers and throw me into dumpsters. Screw friends Finn, what about brothers? Would a brother throw pee balloons at someone or nail their brother's lawn furniture to their roof!" Kurt could play dirty too. Dave had done a lot of shit to Kurt, it's true. But hadn't Finn done the same? Okay so maybe he wasn't the one throwing him into dumpsters but what does it say about him that he just stood there and watched.
Burt had been surprising quiet throughout the whole conversation, if you could call the screaming match currently occurring at the dining room table a conversation. He was alternating between glaring at Dave, who still looked like he had yet to blink and Finn, how was looking at Dave with a look that said 'your not worthy to be at the same table as me.' Kurt could appreciate the amount of restraint it must be taking Dave not to launch himself across the table and beat Finn to a blood mess.
Burt took a few long unsteady breaths before turning to Dave. "What Finn said, it true?"
"Yes sir." Dave answered truthfully. "But I'm putting a stop to it." The answer seemed to tame Burt's inner bear at least somewhat.
"You damn well better be! Cause if I ever have to hear about my boy being slammed into lockers or thrown into dumpsters again and you will regret the day you ever walked through that front door!You understand me kid?" Burt's voice drips venom and Dave nods quickly. "Good. And Finn," he pivots his head toward the boy still glaring in Dave's direction. "we'll be talking later about your definition of family." A sharp nod of the head signifies the finality of his words. This was Burt's house and his word was law. And if you wanted to keep your teeth you'd obey the law.
Silence falls over the table. The three teenage males are all radiating tense while Carole and Rachel both shifting uncomfortably in their seats. Until Carole's face perks up and she jumps up from her chair. "Who wants pie?" she asks with false enthusiasm.
A/N: Answer: Who doesn't want pie? So awkward dinner was suitably awkward I hope. So I have no idea what the next chapter will be about... Any ideas on what you'd like to see? Any ideas at all cause I'm totally stumped.
The first few lines about a vegan option and the sponge were written this morning while I was brushing my teeth and for some reason I found it so funny I spit toothpaste all over the mirror and now for the life of me I have no idea why I found it so funny. My brain is weird in the morning.