Author's Note: This is the other half to my fulfillment of ClassyMuse's request for letters from John to the boys. Also, A Guest requested a letter from John to Dean, so I am covering that suggestion with this as well. This one is from John to Dean on Dean's eighteenth birthday. Naturally, John never actually gave this letter to Dean. Silly John. :P I want to thank jojospn, ClassyMuse, mb64, knwinchester, reannablue, and m1tchells for their lovely reviews. And thank you again to all you wonderful people who take the time to read these letters!

Disclaimer: Supernatural doesn't belong to me. Quite the opposite actually... :)

Dean,

I am writing you this letter to apologize for screwing your life up. Simply put, I messed up big time after your mother died. I went so crazy with grief and rage, and determination to hunt the thing that took her from us…I lost sight of myself along the way. You suffered for it. You and Sammy, but mostly you. I haven't been the father to you that you've needed. I made you grow up fast, and learn how to use weapons, and I put you in harm's way.

Sammy is lucky to have you, because there's no denying you've been a better father figure to him then I could ever be. I am so proud of you, son, for being such a strong young man. For never complaining when I needed you to watch Sam, and for never complaining when I needed you to take care of me. It's unfair that you've had to be so much since you were so young. I should never have asked it of you. Any of it. Not for you to hunt, or to be responsible for Sam, or to travel from crappy motel to even crappier motel, making the best of the crappiest childhood in history.

But I am so amazed at how well you handle it. You truly are an impressive guy. Not many could take what you've been given, and turn it into something good. But you have. You've protected your brother, and me, and kept our little family glued together, even when I seem to be doing my best to tear it apart by risking everything with the constant hunting.

You deserved better Dean, and I should have been the one to give it to you. But I won't say I'm not proud of who you've become. Messed up as your home-life, and education, and everything so far has been, you have turned into an incredible man. For your eighteenth birthday, I was hoping to give you a college fund. That was the plan the day you were born. I went to the bank and opened the account, made the first deposit, and swore to give you the brightest future I could.

I broke that oath, but I still want that for you. I might have messed things up, but I want for you to go on in life and have a bright future. I want for you to quit hunting one day, and get married, and have the apple pie life you were robbed of in your youth. When we find the thing that took Mary from us, and we finally end it all, I want you to leave this lifestyle behind you. To be free of it. Because although I don't have the strength to tell you to stop now while you're ahead, even though I should. Even though I know you could die young, and I'm only keeping you in it because I'm selfish and need you by my side when I take the bastard down. I still want for you to be free eventually.

So, though I won't do the right thing and give you that freedom now, I am giving you what little I can. Dean, the Impala is yours. At least you can have that much freedom. I know you love her, and you'll be good to her. You'll give her all the care I should've given you. And one day when you have kids of your own, and you're amazing with them like I know you'll be, you can pass this car along to one of them.

Love,

Your Father

Secondary Author's Note: All of you who read these are amazing, and I welcome your reviews and suggestions for letters! :D