His vision blurred as he slowly opened his eyes, wondering what had caused him to do so in the first place. Waiting, he listened, before closing his eyes again. Suddenly a knock at the door made his eyes snap open, winching as he finally registered the massive pain in his head. Yuki didn't even have the chance to answer before the culprit opened the door and entered his bedroom. He made no movement from his bed, remaining curled on his side. Staring at the wall, Yuki desperately wished his headache and the intruder would both just go away and leave him alone.

"You need to get out of bed." The voice came, tainted with worry and concern.

"….No. I don't." Yuki whispered, closing his eyes against the pain pounding in his head.

"It's been days, Yuki. You know you're practically begging him to come over here personally to kick your ass." The voice responded, pausing momentarily before beginning again. "You can't hide from him forever, you know."

"I'm not hiding…I'm sleeping." Yuki grumbled, a little more force behind his hollow voice, squeezing his eyes shut for emphasis.

"You need to eat." The voice retorted, frustration building behind their worried tone.

"Just leave me alone." Yuki moaned, putting the pillow over his head to block out the voice.

"Not until you get your ass out of bed." The voice came, completely irked.

"Go. Away. Haru." Yuki spat, his voice muffled under the pillow.

"You need to take a shower, man…you're starting to smell." Yuki had had enough.

His face contorted into a horrific sneer as he moved the pillow. Reaching for the empty bottle of vodka on his bed, he gripped it in his hand as he quickly maneuvered to hurl it full force at his roommate. The bottle crashed into the wall, shattering inches from Haru's face as he shielded himself against the shards of glass.

"SCREW! YOU!" Yuki shrieked at the top of his lungs as he glared at Haru, who was in a state of complete and utter shock.

The two remained in silence for some time. Yuki sat on his bed, casting his gaze to the covers in an attempt to process what had just happened. Could he really have been that angry with Haru? Or was it that Haru was simply the only one around to put up with his increasingly unstable behavior. Yuki knew that, in the days following the party, he had put Haru through hell. But Haru never left. Unlike all the times before, where he had left Yuki to fall apart…and pick up the pieces…alone, Haru had actually stayed. Just as he stayed now, in Yuki's room. More then anything, Yuki found himself completely confused. It might have been easier if he had just been left alone. Easier, perhaps, but was that really what he wanted…to be alone?

Despite his best effort, a droplet of blood began to run down Haru's cheek bone where a shard of glass had made it's mark. Yuki turned his gaze to his roommate, noticing the wound immediately. His face filled with grief, he opened his mouth to speak but closed it again, unable to put words to his regret. Yuki finally stood from the bed, weakly making his way to the door where Haru was. He was surprised at how much his muscles had atrophied, and wondered to himself if the weakness had been compounded by his refusal to eat. But an empty stomach had made the alcohol more…effective. He stopped, inches from his roommate, who made no attempt to move out of the way. Looking into his eyes, Yuki raised his hand and gently moved his fingers over the cut, tracing a small trail of blood underneath his fingertips. He began to move his lips into words, but stopped himself again before letting his hand drop from Haru's cheek.

"…I'm going to go take a shower." Yuki murmured, dropping his gaze, and Haru simply nodded as he slowly moved out of the way.

The water was hot. Painfully hot. He hung his head forward to let the water scald his back, wanting to feel anything at all that might take away this deep-seated fear. No matter how hard he tried, every time he closed his eyes all Yuki could see was his face. His penetrating, life suppressing gaze. That mesmerizing smile, a precursor to unimaginable pain. The alluring face that haunted his nightmares, and tormented his waking hours. There was no escape. Hopelessness washed over him as the water ran down his back. He whispered words to himself, inaudible over the shower. A conversation in his head that he knew he could never have. Would never be allowed to have.

Would you, want to
Feel the way that I do?
And I bend, to your will
I've felatted myself

Tears found their way into the hot water on his face, and he desperately wished that he were strong enough.

Tied to the needle
My drunk libido
My nervous ego
The faster we go

Every single mistake, every weakness was painfully exposed like a raw nerve. Pulled to the surface and laid bare. Slamming his fist into the shower wall in self loathing, he cried out to the one person he had no defense against.

You are an asshole
King of the castle
I am the meager
Follow the leader

His breath came in labored gasps, his body reeling from sobriety as he began to dry heave. The pressure in his head came to a climax as his body began to tremble. By now the water had run cold, causing his limbs to seize up. He went to his knees as the water continued to run down his back. A shaky hand reached out to turn off the water as he remained slumped on the shower floor. Finally gaining control of his legs Yuki stood, weakly, stepping out of the shower as he wrapped his cold body in a nearby towel. The shower had done nothing to wash away the crippling fear and despair Yuki felt. Desperate to solve his current problem, Yuki looked for another solution to draw his focus anywhere else…to alleviate the physical pain his stress was causing. Physical pain. Yuki remembered how well that had worked in the past, and began to search for what he needed.

Searching the cupboards and draws, he finally found what he had been looking for. The razor blade looked clean enough, and a part of him wondered if it was the same one Haru used to prepare his drugs. Yuki gave a hollow smile, if he managed to get high he would count it a minor miracle. The towel wrapped tightly around his thin waist, Yuki went to lock the door and then took a seat on the bathroom floor. Resting his arms palm up, Yuki took in the sight before him. A frown crossed his face as he took in all of the faint scars that riddled his forearms. Most all of them were superficial, except for two identical scars on either arm that stood out above the others. A constant reminder that he was a failure…because he was still here. Taking a deep breath, he set to work.

Yuki took the razor blade in his right hand and, placing it on his left forearm, gently pressed down and drug the metal across his skin. Watching red bead up to stain his pale skin, Yuki waited. Nothing. He felt, nothing. It had been years since he had done this, but the lack of pain alarmed him. Just a little deeper, then, he told himself. Taking the blade to his skin again, Yuki pressed a little harder. Still nothing. Panic swept over him as he put the razor to his arm again. Deeper. He just needed to go deeper. His frantic search for sensation was abruptly put to a halt with the knock that came at the door, causing Yuki to flinch mid stride.

"Shit!" He winced, realizing he had dug much deeper then he had intended.

"It everything okay?" Haru's voice came from the other side of the door. "You've been in there forever."

"I'm fine." Yuki came, assessing the bloody mess around him. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Well hurry up. We got called into the studio, and they're wondering why the hell we're not there yet." Yuki let out a sigh as he wondered if things could get any worse.

Coming to his feet, Yuki made his way to the sink to clean up his forearm. He let out a low hiss as the water made contact with the lacerations on his arm, but Yuki found himself feeling relieved. It was there. Pain. As he focused on the pain, the overwhelming fear began to fade and dull into the background. Looking at his arm, he felt relatively confident that none of the wounds were deep enough for stitches. Wrapping his damp arm with a thin bandage, Yuki made a mental note to wear a long sleeved shirt to the studio.

They walked to the studio entrance in silence, memories of the morning still fresh in both of their minds. Yuki found himself grateful that Haru had decided to stop to get food along the way, as he slowly nibbled the french fry held between his fingers. Having finished the majority of his meal on the way to the studio, Yuki finally realized the extent of his hunger. As they approached the building, Yuki noticed a figure leaning against the wall next to the entrance. Yuki swallowed hard, feeling his most recent meal threatening to come back up. The figure in the distance gave a slight smile, and Yuki's face paled as he found he had once again lost his appetite. Arriving at the entrance Haru finally spoke, his tone cold and icy.

"You didn't have to meet us at the entrance, you know." But Akito kept his penetrating gaze on Yuki, taking a drag from the cigarette between his fingers before speaking.

"I missed you." His voice was emotionless, not matching the tender words he had just spoken. "I was disappointed that you left the party so early. I didn't even get the chance to say hello." He continued in a cloud of smoke. "If I didn't know any better, I would say you were trying to avoid me." Yuki cast his gaze to the ground, terrified that Akito might discover the truth of these words.

"We've been busy…" Haru interjected, sensing the mounting tension.

"Yes." Akito spoke, his voice taking on a more casual tone. ""I've heard all about your little escapade in my absence." Yuki felt his stomach churn as his fear was realized.

"And where exactly have you been?" Haru spat, irritation rising in his voice, as Yuki remained frozen in silence.

"That's really none of your business." Akito's tone grew menacing as he took a drag of his cigarette, his cold gaze finally shifting to Haru.

"And Shigure gave me your little message, by the way." Akito said, his eyes burning into Haru. "It was…cute." He continued, a snide little smirk working its way to the corner of his lip. "But the next time you proposition to screw me, you might want to do it to my face." His tone grew low. "You might just be interested in my response."

"Like I would actually want to screw your nasty ass!" Haru retorted, his face filled with genuine disgust.

"Pity." Akito blew out smoke as he dropped his cigarette to the ground and snuffed it out with his shoe. "I guarantee you would enjoy it." His face was void as he continued to stare at Haru.

"I doubt that, you narcissistic asshole." Haru hissed through clenched teeth.

"Then I suggest that, in the future, you refrain from making remarks you can't back up." Akito came in a low murmur, both his tone and expression frighteningly serious.

Haru's eyes dilated as he felt the blood rush through his body to his head. Yuki looked on in horrified disbelief as Haru took slow steps towards Akito. Neither one looked away from the other, as Haru finally stopped in front of him. Haru placed his hands to the wall on either side of Akito, caging him in, and leaned forward as Akito remained motionless against the wall. Haru's voice came in a low hush, inches from Akito's ear, as they stood practically cheek-to-cheek.

"Try threatening me again, you sick son of a bitch, and see what happens…" Haru whispered, his voice low and dangerous.

"Don't worry." The hushed response was eerily calm, Akito's expression remaining unshaken. "You're not the one I really want…" And a hand came up to Haru's chest as Akito gently pushed him out of his space.

Haru looked on, stupefied, as Akito slowly began to walk away. Passing by Yuki, he paused, taking in Yuki's baffled expression with mild amusement. Akito removed another cigarette from the pack, lighting it up has he gave a long exhale of smoke before speaking.

"I'm heading to the office to finish up some business. Meet me there in half an hour. Don't be late." He warned in a chilling tone, casting a side glance to Yuki before continuing on his way, leaving them in silence.

"You can't go with him…" Haru's voice came low as he moved to stand next to Yuki.

"You know that I have no choice." Came Yuki's hollow response, and Haru simply nodded once.

"Yeah. I know."

A/N: Featured lyrics in this chapter are from the song "No Games" by Breaking Benjamin.