Ready?
3... 2... 1-- GO!
They stared at each other, both waiting for the other to make the first move.
But she was the one to take the lead. "Can I come in? It's really cold out here."
Her words got him into action. "Sure, Bones, come on in," he said as he motioned her towards the warmth of his home. He took his jacket off and left his keys on a nearby table. "Can I take your jacket?"
"No. Not yet. I'm cold."
He reached up to touch her cheek softly. "Geez, Bones, you're freezing! Come here," he said as he walked to his kitchen. "I bought some of that tea you like so much the other day, I'll make you a cup."
She followed him silently, more than a bit touched by the fact he had bought that tea. He was already turning the stove on, while preparing his french press to make some coffee.
"I had no idea you were out there, Bones," he said after a while. "Why didn't you knock?"
"I didn't know you were here. I didn't see any lights on and thought you were probably still at work," she said as she took her jacket off, warm enough now to wear only the sweater she had underneath.
"No, I was here, thinking... thinking," he amended. "I sometimes find it easier when the lights are turned off."
"I don't see how that would influence your cognitive function," she commented as she sat on a stool.
"It just does," he answered absently as he took the water before it boiled.
She noticed that, and was surprised he'd be so cautious as to remember coffee and tea would burn if you used boiling water on them.
He was so used to doing it that he didn't notice what he'd done. He was thinking about how much he wanted to ask her why she'd been there instead, but decided he better take his time. Something told him that conversation was going to be a long one.
He handed her the cup of tea and watched as she inhaled the aromatic vapor coming from it. "Should we go to the living room?"
"Ok," she said as she got up and walked to where the light switch was, leaving her jacket somewhere in the middle. After flicking it, she went to the couch and sat there, barely noticing the glass with two half melted ice cubes before he sat in front of her with his cup of coffee. She never thought twice about how comfortable she felt in his home.
They drank in silence a while, not looking at each other. Just as the silence grew too heavy, she spoke up.
"You were going out when you saw me out there."
It wasn't a question, and he didn't answer it as that. "I was going to see you," he said, looking at the dark pool of coffee in his hands.
Because of that, he missed the sharp look she sent him. "Really? Why?"
"I needed to talk to you."
It was as their eyes finally made contact that they remembered how it had been the last time they'd seen each other. They'd been kissing and he'd hurt her when he hadn't been able to be true to his feelings.
"What about?" she asked softly, her eyes glued to his.
"Us," he explained in the same manner.
Hearing him saying that was like oxygen to fire. She felt hopeful, because there was a chance he'd agree with her once she talked things through with him.
"And you, Bones? What were you doing at my door?"
Well, that was just a good a start as she could get. "I needed to talk to you," she smiled. "About us."
He remained silent, a soft smile on his lips as well, knowing she'd explain further.
She folded her legs under her and faced him, breathing deep to try to relax. This is it, she thought. This is when I take the risk.
"Booth, I..." she found she was still nervous, and that didn't please her at all. "This is not easy for me, you know?"
"Yeah, I know," he said reaching for her hand and squeezing, allowing that simple gesture to tell her he understood she was fighting against years of behavioral patterns.
Thankful, she squeezed back. And didn't let go. "What happened last night made me realize a few things. One is that we're... I'm in some kind of crisis. I'm being and doing things I never am or do, and that's confused me in a way I would have never thought I'd know how to manage. But I have, and I've come to some conclusions."
"Conclusions?" he helped when she didn't keep talking.
"I don't want to do all the talking," she said finally.
"Of course you wouldn't do all the talking now," he laughed. He raised their joined hands and intertwined their fingers, looking at them as if he could find the right words there. "This feels great, doesn't it, Bones? I think we've never held hands before."
Now it was her turn to wait.
"I have to say I'm sorry, Temperance. Last night I behaved really poorly. I should never have done that to you."
She noticed her heart skipped a beat at the way he'd said her name and, though her brain told her it was ridiculous and impossible, her heart felt like it was growing with hope by the second. And she enjoyed it.
He drank the last bit of the dark liquid and left his cup on the coffee table. Then, as she handed him her cup, he left it there too.
He took her hand now between both his, enjoying the feeling and the fact she wasn't pulling back. He didn't know where—exactly—they were going with this conversation, but he knew he had to be honest. And brave, for her.
"I've realized this all has happened because there's something between us we didn't know what to do with. Looking back, I think it all started that day we first worked together on the field, when we were on the firing range. I distinctly remember being really close to you, so defiant, telling me I was afraid of going for the senator. Did you feel it too, Bones? The... call? I did," he said, not waiting for her answer. "I was too close to kissing you. I was really close to acting on the pull I felt from you, but I said to myself that a little sexual heat between us and the partnership would be over even before it started. So I held myself in line. And have ever since."
She'd never had a problem with sex before. She'd never thought negatively of an exclusively sexual relationship until she thought that was all he was looking for with her. "I see," she said, her voice barely a whisper. Suddenly all her hopes seemed stupid.
"But then, as I got to know you, I felt the friendship build and you were too important to me to risk over sexual frustration," he smiled in a bittersweet manner. "You're just too important. You just are."
Well, at least that can be a first step, she thought. It had changed for her, it could change for him, too.
"So... You think of me as a friend you're sexually attracted to. Am I right, Booth?"
"What? No," he tried to explain, just to be interrupted by her again.
"It's ok, I understand. It's just that I can't help wishing you felt differently..." She squeezed his hand again, closing her eyes to muster as much strength as she could. She was just about to jump off a cliff because her heart told her to, risking the very thing she wanted in her life: the man in front of her.
Her eyes still closed, she didn't see the stunned expression he bore. He wanted to correct her, to tell her, to stop her—something, but before he could decide what he wanted to do, she spoke again.
"Do you think you could? Feel more for me than just that?"
He thought of all the things that could go wrong. He thought of their story together, of the rules the FBI had, of the many cons anything between them had.
But none of that mattered when he saw her baring her heart in front of him.
He knew her words weren't of undying love, that they were merely asking if there was more than friendship between them. He also knew what they really meant.
His whole self seemed to be vibrating with the love and admiration he felt for her in that moment. She'd opened a door through her walls to take the risk he hadn't been brave enough to take. And she deserved he at least tried to be that brave.
He lifted her face with a finger on her chin, trying to make her look at him.
When she did, she found that the answer she was sure he was about to give had the potential to make things turn in 180 degrees. It was so much she felt she no longer was safe trusting her feelings, not right this minute. It didn't matter that his face seemed to glow; it could be what she heard was called wishful thinking. She simply had to make sure he'd considered a few more facts before giving his answer.
She got up quickly, looking down at him on the couch.
"Do you remember that line between us? If I am to trust Angela's view on the matter, which I should really do considering our respective skills, I would have to say that lines are meant to be crossed."
He sat back, a bit frustrated by her sudden escape, but enjoying the show nonetheless. "Would you?"
"Yes," she continued, not allowing him to go on. "You also said that people like us, who work in high risk situations every day, shouldn't be romantically involved. But I think there could be a lot of things that could separate us that we don't have control of. What about another bullet? Another Gravedigger? A car crash? We already care too much for each other for it to matter whether we're together or not. Wouldn't it be better to try? If we're going to have to break it at some point, wouldn't it be better if it was because we were trying to make it better for us?"
He didn't think he could ever love her more.
She was trying to logically convince him to try something with her.
"I know you may not feel more than sexually-charged friendship for me right now, but I think you can feel differently. I know I started to feel differently. So maybe we could start going out to try different scenarios, so we could give this a chance. I decided to have hope because I think we're worth it. But if you don't right now, I'm willing to wait. Because, as I said before, I think we're worth it. I know we're worth it."
He got up and took the step that made them finally stand close together.
"Can I say something? I've been trying and waiting to say something for a long while now," he said softly, a light smile on his lips.
"Yes," she replied tilting her head so she could look into his eyes. She didn't notice she sounded breathless.
He took her face between his hands, caressing her skin with his thumbs. He looked at her lips, just a bit open, already colored by her passionate speech. He ran a finger over them, which made her shiver. He smiled, and decided to change tactics.
"Guess I'll show you instead," he said with a husky voice. "Just pay attention, Bones. Pay careful attention."
She was sure the earth was trembling. She suddenly could feel the way it rotated on its axis at... some speed she knew she once knew.
Geez, could this man kiss.
She surrounded his neck with her arms and pressed herself to him. She only could feel him... but she wanted more of that. She wanted as much him as she could get.
He poured every bit of himself into the kiss. He wanted to show her in the way his lips, teeth and tongue played hers how much he really cared.
Because he cared.
She could feel it now. It didn't matter her brain tried one last time to tell her about impossibilities... the way he was kissing her, holding her, was a promise for more. It told her about certainties. Told her that what she wished would exist between them one day was already there.
She felt the loss of his lips on hers acutely. She opened her eyes indignantly, ready to demand for more. But he was looking at her in a way that requested she tried and listened to him.
So, she did.
"Temperance... I won't lie to you. I'm afraid. I'm terrified things won't work between us. But I have faith in us; I believe we can sort everything out. We just have to be willing to take the risk." He ran his fingers through her hair, savoring the sensation he had never allowed himself to fully achieve. "I know you're brave, you've just shown me how strong you are. I admire you so much I can only hope to be worthy of you. But if you're willing to give us a chance, we can make this work. I really think we can. I don't know how yet, but we will."
"I know," she replied, feeling like herself again. Knowing he wanted to try to be with her left her confident. They'd always made a good team; she didn't see why in this it'd be different. "We'll just take one step at a time."
He kissed her again, marveling at his ability to do so. "I like your way of thinking," he said. "And I have to say, I'm pleasantly surprised at your speech. You thought it through, huh?"
"Well, of course I would. I may be opening my feelings when it matters; it doesn't mean I'll stop being me," she answered, tucking her head in his neck while he rocked them a bit. He smelled so good. Like trust.
"I wouldn't want you to change. I like you just the way you are. But was it all your thinking?"
"Maybe," she said, a little indignantly.
He laughed and took her hand, leading her to where her jacket laid. "Remind me to thank Angela for her part in this."
She saw him take her jacket and hold it for her to put it on. "What are you doing?"
"If you don't go home right now I might not be able to stop myself from taking you to bed tonight, and I want to wait a bit," he said as he tried to take her arm inside the piece of clothing.
"But I don't have a problem with the idea of going to bed tonight," she replied trying to resist him. "I do have a problem with waiting, though. The way you just kissed me—"
He kissed her again, unable to stop himself, taking her by the nape of the neck. "Bones, stop. Put your jacket on and go home. Let me suffer a bit tonight wishing you were with me, and think about me being with you. Believe me, it'll be worth it."
Fuming a little bit in sexual frustration, she finally took her jacket and put it on. "Ok, I will. Just because I'm willing to try new ways of maintaining a relationship."
"I'll take you to your car," he said while she kept talking, leading her out with a hand on the small of her back.
"Relationships have anthropological meaning," she continued as if he hadn't said a thing. "And emotional meaning too. Now I can see it. Thus, it's only logical I accept the fact I might need to try things I've never tried before to make sure ours is successful. Because I assume we're in a relationship now, right?"
They reached her car, and he boxed her against it. Not pressing her against it, just not allowing her a way out.
"You bet."
His proximity was alluring. She kissed him passionately. "You sure we want to wait?"
"Don't tempt me, Bones."
"Ok, ok," she said as she got in the car, opening the window to talk to him as he came closer to her. "And what now? What do we do now that we're together?"
"I think we've been together for long. I don't really think there'll be many things changing. But whatever it is, we'll solve it."
"We will. Good night, Booth."
He kissed her softly one more time. "Good night. See you tomorrow."
He saw her drive away, reveling in the notion of how things had changed.
And already cursing himself for thinking waiting was a good idea.
Hee heeee
Only Booth could think that was a good idea!
I really, really hope you liked that. I know I enjoyed writing it. Definitely writing this kind of thing is what I like the most.
Wonder what can happen in the last chapter... *devilish grin*
Thank you, Bailadora!