Title: Lists (Part One)
Genre: Romance/Humor
Rating: T
Summary: Kanda's lists do not include falling in love with Allen.
Disclaimer: D. Gray Man, updated monthly? Well, better than all of this hiatuses...
Notes: Yeah, another multi-chaptered plot bunny.
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asking in one, two, three
do you love me?
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Kanda didn't look like the kind of person who made lists. Not physical lists, mind you, but mental lists. Checklists, grocery-shopping lists (in theory, of course), schedule lists, you name it. There were also lists of "Most Annoying People" and lists of "Fuckers Who Should Die", although truthfully there wasn't a large difference between the two. It wasn't as if Kanda particularly enjoyed making lists, but it made his life more organized and soothed him on occasions when he felt like ripping apart Lavi (or anyone in particular) with his bare hands.
As it was, Kanda made mental lists almost on a daily basis. How many lotuses he saw today, how many times Lavi called him Yuu-chan, how many times he swung Mugen at Lavi and missed, how many sticks of mitarashi dango Allen ate...
But Kanda wasn't paying special attention to Allen in any way. Of course not. Not at all. Why would he pay attention to a Moyashi? It was completely illogical. And besides:
It was just another list.
Right?
The Japanese also had a list of things he would absolutely never do.
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THINGS I WILL NEVER DO
by Kanda
(NOT YUU-CHAN OR BAKANDA)
1. Die.
I need to find that person.
2. Lose.
Self-explanatory.
3. Get involved with this thing called Love.
Lavi said that everyone gets involved with that shitty stuff. Like hell I'm going to be part of everyone.
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Kanda was very proud that throughout his entire life, he had done none of those three. Certainly he'd been beaten to a mere inch of his life a few times, but he healed fairly quickly and sometimes he even got to kill the fucker later on. And true, he had lost in a poker game against Allen (Allen had insisted as to kill time during a mission in which they were on a boat for three whole days), but from what he'd heard from Lavi, about everyone lost to that kid in poker.
Besides, Allen cheated.
Kanda blanched. He sounded as if he was whining.
And there was that sticky business called Love. Kanda had scoffed when Lavi had once playfully told Kanda that as much of a cold-hearted, unlovable, violent, cruel, prickly, grumpy (here, Kanda's clenched fist had twitched and Lavi decided to stop with the negative adjectives) ass he was, even he would find Love. Everyone met some form of Love at some juncture on the Road of Life, Lavi had reflected with what he had thought to be a sagely voice.
The whole speech would have sounded a lot more impressive if Lavi had left it at that, but it turned out to be one of the stupidest things the redhead had ever said. Maybe it was because Lavi ahd dragged him to a bar during a mission, got drunk, did a striptease, and nearly got raped by some weird curly-haired pervert who looked as if he spent every single day in his life tanning in the sun, and then plopped down next to Kanda to offer his advice on Love.
The clincher was when Lavi insisted that Kanda had to be in Love.
"You're drunk, moron," Kanda had said bluntly.
"Am not," Lavi giggled. "You've got the look, man. The Love look. You're just in De Nile."
Lavi had then fainted and left the bill and burden of carrying him to their inn to Kanda.
Quite besides the point, though. Kanda didn't love anyone. He loved Mugen (Allen often frowned upon what he called an almost abnormal worship he had for his Innocence), he loved tempura soba, and he loved...
...Well. Maybe he had the wrong kind of love in mind.
However, there had yet to be a woman to hold Kanda's concentration for even a minute. Lenalee was pretty enough, he supposed, but his reluctant admiration and affection for her ran no further than a cool friendship. She and Lavi seemed to be spending a lot of time together anyway, and Kanda held no envy towards the redhead. After all, there was still Komui in the equation, and if you wanted Lenalee, then you had to deal with the mad Supervisor in default.
Miranda was out of the question. The German could barely stand in his presence without quivering in fear. What kind of screwed up relationship would that be?
He didn't know any of the (few) female Finders well enough.
And Kanda wasn't bent. Of course he wasn't. Not at all. He nearly killed the last person who suggested that (which was Lavi, of course).
Therefore, the scoreboard ran: Kanda 1, Love 0.
So Kanda rose up from bed one morning, relatively pleased with himself and the world for once, trained for a couple of hours or so, cursed the lotuses less than he usually did, and then headed for the cafeteria to snag some tempura soba to cemebt hi very rare good morning.
He made the mistake of standing behind Allen Walker in the breakfast line.
"Good morning, Kanda," Allen smirked at him.
His good morning was gone. Just like that.
Allen always produced the strangest reactions from him. The Destroyer of Time could ruin his day with a single critical comment like no one's business. Many claimed to actually feel the tension crackle between the two whenever they squared off, and Kanda too thought that he felt something when mouthing off the white-haired teen.
He assumed it was hatred, of course.
"Moyashi," he growled back, displeased.
"It's Allen, Bakanda," Allen retorted with no small amount of irritation laced in his voice.
"Che."
An uncomfortable silence came afterwards, stiff and awkward. It felt as if both had run out of steam. Allen coughed lightly and turned his attention back to the front of the line, flushing for reacting so childishly, no doubt. The Japanese swordsman easily dismissed the younger Exorcist's blush, turned his head away, and proceeded to study the ceiling. Then:
"Sorry."
...What.
"What," Kanda said bluntly, not understanding the apology at all, or even Allen's reason for disrupting what he had considered to be a mild stillness.
"I said sorry," Allen muttered, scuffing a boot on the ground. "I just wanted to say 'good morning'. I didn't mean it offensively or anything."
He paused and raised silver-blue eyes to meet Kanda's gaze, clear and focused. For some reason, his chest seemed to tighten.
"You may be a completely bastard, but you're not so bad sometimes. I owe you that much."
Heat crossed his cheeks. Kanda thought that he must be getting sick even though he never got sick, but what else could explain the strange fluttering in his chest, the heat that must be from a fever, and the fact that his eyes couldn't move from the boy in front of them?
"I don't care if you hate me or not," Kanda said, finally breaking his gaze.
"It shouldn't be like that," Allen said quietly.
And then Allen smiled. He smiled—and smiled—and wouldn't stop smiling—and Kanda was quite sure that he was going blind because it was so fucking beautiful—
Whoa.
Hold that thought.
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REASONS I WOULD NEVER LIKE MOYASHI
He's a fucking guy. With a stick.
He's a Moyashi.
How does it work between two guys anyway? I mean, you have to have...
He's a martyr and naïve and cries too easily.
I'm a guy. He's a guy.
He's cursed. And I'm cursed. That's just twisted.
I'm not gay. He...might be gay, but I don't care about that.
If Lavi finds out...
I'm not in love. No fucking way. Love doesn't just happen like that, right?
I'm not going to fall in love.
No way.
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