HAWKE
Hawke allowed herself to follow Fenris, as his taut, stiff, body moved towards the exit of the bar. She held his gaze, for the first time that day, allowing him the chance to express something back at her; anything. She was so confused by him. Fenris wasn't the type to express his feelings with words; if he ever gave away anything, it was in his countenance. For several months she had been analyzing his gestures towards her, hoping that something would stand out as confirmation that he had felt the same way. The past few months, had been one very long tease of second guessing. Less than eighteen hours ago, he had finally given her the very look that she had been waiting for. His green eyes, darkened with an undoubted desire, were still perfectly visible in her mind.
For so long, she had yearned to be with him, to feel his touch on her skin, and his lips upon hers. Giving herself to him had been a natural progression to her own passion's unwilling dormancy. It had been, in a word, magical. For the first time, Fenris had removed his sturdy walls and with it, any hesitancy of revealing his feelings for her. Unguarded at last he had expressed and reflected the spectrum of his emotions, in a way that only lovers can. His uncharacteristic vulnerability, portrayed with sexual confidence, had been a welcome surprise. Every movement, touch, and gaze, had been so fluidly in sync; it had been as if they had been lovers for years, not mere moments. He had held her so effortlessly, careful, and lovingly. Never once had it felt awkward; it had only felt right, perfectly right.
It wasn't until she had awaked to find him redressing and avoiding her gaze, that it had all become so real. It had been like waking to a nightmare; everything beautiful about their night, shattered by the obviousness that his emotional walls had been rebuilt and fortified. She could see that he was conflicted, but he was already closed off from her. She had felt powerless against his decisiveness. Trying to understand Fenris's emotional thinking was never her strong point. She had spent the rest of that night, and much of that day, inside of her head and trying to make some sense of his actions; in particular, his decision to leave her. She had not slept, she had not eaten; she had just felt numb. It wasn't until he had shown up to help her that her distress had fully set in.
As she, Merrill, Aveline, and Fenris had worked on locating some of the tips that Varric had given her, she had found herself experiencing a massive range of emotions, which was suddenly brought on by his presence. It had been exhausting, as she had struggled to remain composed to this foreign emotional anguish that had washed over her. Hurt, rejection, sadness, frustration, anger, and—even hate, had nagged at her, cycling repeatedly and fighting to consume her, at any given moment, if she didn't remain strong. His quiet demeanor and morose solitude, as he had trailed behind the rest of the group, had hardly helped.
As if sensing her pain, Titan bound into the bar, nearly knocking over the exiting drunk that was using the open door as a prop, as he whistled at Nora (the barmaid).
"No dogs!" The owner yelled over the bar, as Titan nuzzled his head up under her arm and licked her hand.
"I know; I'm so sorry!" she said as she stood, embarrassed, while she ushered Titan back outside. She ruffled Titan's mane, as she kneeled down, and hugged him close before pulling back and gazing into his eyes.
"Titan..." she said, slightly disappointed. You know that you can't go inside".
Titan howled in protest.
"I know, it's a stupid rule, especially because we know that you behave much better than any one of those drunks." She winked back as she patted his head consolingly.
Titan barked and pointed his nose into the air in agreement. She scratched the fur under his throat and then whispered into his ear. "I have an idea—how about; we sneak you into Varric's room?" She smiled as Titan's ears perked up and he began panting. "Ok, I will be right back, but you need to stay here!" she stated seriously as she gazed into his eyes.
Titan lay down, obediently, and lowered his head as he watched her stand. She smiled, lovingly, back at Titan as she opened the door,and just as she turned, she ran into Anders. Anders held her waist as she steadied herself.
"Oh, Anders, I'm sorry!"
With Anders' hands still softly upon her waist, he peered into her eyes. "Are you alright?"
"Oh, yes, I just wasn't paying attention." She admitted, waving off her absentmindedness.
Anders' finger tips remained upon her waist, his brown eyes locked within hers, steady and serious. "No—are you alright?"
His obvious concern caught her off guard. The smile faded from her face as she moved her eyes from his, to the ground.
"Sera Hawke, is everything ok?"
Her eyes shot up to see Keran's eyes on Anders' finger tips that were still gently resting on her waist. She stepped away from Anders, releasing his touch.
"Oh, yes, everything is fine. I wasn't paying attention when I opened the door, and I ran into Anders; he helped steady me." She rambled, nervously; worried that Keran might get the wrong impression.
Keran smiled softly back at her. "I was afraid that you might have left."
She glanced at Anders and watched as he peered with disgust at Keran. She knew that he hated Templar's, but she liked Keran and was worried that he might notice, so she held his attention as she replied.
"I wouldn't leave without saying good bye" she stated kindly and then continued "Actually, I think it's my turn to buy a round."
She focused on Keran's lips as his smile widened. He had nice, pink lips. His lower lip was slightly fuller than his top and looked enticingly soft.
Suddenly, Anders spoke, pulling her attention away from Keran's lips. "I figured you may be tired; I was going to walk you home."
"Oh, uh, thanks Anders, but I think that I will stay for a while longer."
There was something in his brown eyes that she couldn't place. He looked worried, no, that wasn't it. Something deep within that golden brown pulled her in. She began to feel warm and her cheeks began to flush. For the first time that day, she didn't have any thoughts, she just felt content. Time seemed to stand still as she remained lost in Anders' soft brown eyes.
"I will make sure that Sera Hawke gets home safely."
Keran's words broke her trance. She had to blink her eyes, a few times, to regain composure. Perhaps she was more buzzed than she had thought. After all, she had not eaten anything all day. "Thank you Keran, that is very kind of you."
Keran smiled sweetly back at her.
She turned towards Anders and he briefly looked at her before moving forward. His arm brushed slightly against hers as he walked past her, while he stated his departing words. "I'll see you later then, Hawke."
There wasn't enough time for her to respond, before he had disappeared through the exit. She turned and stared at the hearty oak door in front of her, confused by his sudden retreat. She released her gaze upon it and locked her fixation in the light sky blue of Keran's kind eyes. A grin lifted on the left side of his face, pulling her attention back to his lips. It was then that she decided—she was done being confused; she was done thinking, period. She smiled back at him with a renewed resolve and a twinkle in her eyes. Keran wasn't confusing at all. In fact, he was a perfect distraction from the emotional madness that threatened to take over her thoughts.
"I think it's time for that next round." She stated, playfully, as she turned and moved towards the bar.
(Fenris, Anders, Isabela, Merrill, Varric, Keran, and Nora © Bioware