Hello Everyone!

This is the 11th chapter.

Here is the promised re-upload of this chapter. I chanced the chapter drastically so if you already read the first try at the chapter 11 I posted please read this one again. I hope you will like this a lot better than the first try, at least I do enjoy this one more.

Warning: I am not a native English user and I am dyslectic.

Disclaimer: I don't own personages of the Hunger Games, I only own those I made up myself.

I hope you will enjoy this chapter!

-xxx-

"Damn it!" I yell out in frustration.

After I left the Everdeen household I went to Ripper's, hoping she would have some liquor for me. Well actually… I was hoping she could provide me with a lot of liquor.. That is what I desperately need at the moment.

This situation is getting on my nerves. And I don't even know for sure…. Plus I lived on alcohol for about 15… or was it 16 years now and I feel the need to drink. I am afraid that if I don't have alcohol soon I would go either mad or die on spot.

I need some booze…an I need it now!

I pace around the room I call my living room. Now I am sober I notice it is really dirty and needs a thorough cleaning. When was the last time I had it cleaned? ….. Good question, to be honest I can't remember.

How I can even pace around the room is a miracle is beyond me. Every inch of the floor is litter with empty bottles, pieces of dirty and old clothing…. At least I think it once was clothing until I started using it as a carpet and to my disgust I see rotten food and dirty dishes litter the room.

It is a miracle that the food isn't walking away. Then again I myself would not even want to live here. And guess what: I live here….. yay me….. I think sarcastically.

I really need to clean up I think as I come to a halt. Now that Ripper sold me some 'booze' as she called it. I would normally just drink and be as drunk as possible.

Now though it would not matter if I had Ripper's 'booze' or not because IT CONTAINED NO ALCOHOL!. At this moment I hate her…. Well Everdeen anyway because I am certain he would make a bargain with her so she would stop selling me my normal booze.

I am downright grumpy now as I think about this. No booze…. It means no forgetting… and no forgetting means danger… danger means Snow…. Snow means terror of the greatest kind and that….. that can lead to losing everything….. and it scares me to dead…..

I shake the thought out of my head. I need something to get me to stop thinking about the girl and all the possibility's which come with it and de burning need I feel for booze.

With a sigh I reach out to the nearest empty bottle and pick it up….. Well as long as I am sober and forced to stay sober….. what I mean is….. now that I am I need a cleaner place to live in…. and maybe, just maybe cleaning will keep mind off those miserable thoughts.

Almost half a day later…. Which means it is now almost the break of dawn…. The house is finally clean. A sweaty, stinking and a thoroughly exhausted Haymitch takes his new surroundings in. He had forgotten how it had looked when he first started to live here. He also came across a few pictures of his brother and mother and his mother's diary and an yellow coloured letter addressed to him but never opened. It was a letter from his brother, he could tell, his handwriting was one that was very familiar to him.

He was curious what the letter would say, and why it was written. He decided to go through his mother's diary.

He could not believe he never noticed them. How had he missed those items when he was sorting their stuff after they died? He did not know, but it brought him some sort of comfort. His mother and brothers things were boxed in one of the rooms upstairs. He could and would not throw them away.

A large yawn escaped his lips and he decided just like Mr. Everdeen advised him the night before to take a bath. Now that his house was clean he could smell himself and he had to say he was stinking.

The two things and probably the only things Haymitch liked about the Capitol were the showers and the food. The food was rich and there was never a shortage of it, and the showers were a luxury with those smelling soaps and the gentle streams of hot water that seemed to cares your body.

It seemed a good call from Haymitch to take a shower instead of a bath because the grime that came from his body was just disgusting.

Half an hour later Haymitch lay in bed, under fresh blankets he did not know he possessed anymore. It was a wonder he found those in some abandoned cupboard while cleaning.

Now he was pondering everything that happened again, too tired to force his brain to think of something different.

The girl. Could she really be Ian's? All evidence he had said she was. He would need to talk to Melissa about that. She was the only one who would know for sure if the girl was Ian's. That is if the girl doesn't know.

Would the girl know? Probably not…

She could be my family as would Melissa. Deep inside I feel a deep sense of longing. Longing I can only describe as longing for love, a family. To get out of this loneliness he was now experiencing and into a warmth which he had given up to find. Now he found new strength in that notion.

A family, of course I want family. But I am so afraid that if I do have one they will be in danger because of me.

So what do I do? I want them… well especially the girl as my family. But for now I can't. I can't have anyone close to me for now. Not now. Not after what Snow did to my brother, mother and girlfriend, and with his threat hanging over me still. Because I know that if I would lose them, I would probably break down even further. I am barely holding out as it is now. If it wasn't for Everdeen it would have been a lot worse. With his help I was able to pick myself up again, if only for a little bit, and in my own way…

Preventing hurting the ones I care about ….This is the reason I started to act the only way I could think of to prevent people to get close to me. And in effect make me care about them. By being mean, disgusting, drunk, tardy, rude… I tried to keep other people out of my thoughts and heart… yeah I failed. Everdeen was always there and now the girl would not seem to leave my mind.

It has been 15 almost 16 years since I started to act this despicable way… now I wonder what a joke it really was. Locking my real self away to prevent from getting hurt. I wonder who saw right through it… Everdeen…and maybe the baker… hopefully not to many people because that would be really pitiful.

I grit my teeth, not wanting to think about it anymore. Everdeen… Why would he stop my drinking? He never stopped me before… why would he want me sober now? My instinct is telling me that something big is going to happen. Something big, and he wants me sober….

Then all of a sudden the pieces of the puzzle suddenly click….. a perfect match….

Hope I never felt before enters my whole being, along with fear and determination and the anger which I had been keeping hidden for a long time now.

An uprising.

That must be it!

That son of a bitch is planning an full scale rebellion.

And knowing Everdeen he can make it far…. Really far…

Maybe we could even win?

A sinister smile creeps over my face as I close my eyes, and for the first time in almost two decades I have a peaceful and undisturbed sleep.

HGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG

I groan as I wake up. My back hurts from sleeping in an uncomfortable position. I lift my head form the hard surface without opening my eyes. 'Maybe I fell asleep doing my homework again'. I think. But then the memories form yesterday come back to me and my eyes fly open.

I am still sitting in the kitchen chair from last night. My mother still unconscious lying on the Everdeen's kitchen table. I feel terrible as I watch my mother. She is still so pale, like a ghost. As I gaze at my mother back and see the bandages are drenched in blood. I pale, it can't be good to lose so much blood.

I look at her bloodied bandages for a while longer until I hear my mother murmur something. I look at her face again and see that her eyes are closed. I bend my head a little and lean closer to my mother in hopes to learn what she is murmuring about. Sadly I can't make out what she is saying, but it sounds a lot like she is delirious.

I gently lay my hand across my mother's forehead. I gasp, she is burning up! 'No!' I think 'No please.' I plead softly in my mind.

My mother is so weak at the moment. The pain and blood loss make her normal strong body weaker than normal and now she has a fever to! "Please get well, please get well, please get well." I whisper softly to her as I squeeze her hand as I stand up. The bandages need to be changed.

As I walk towards the door in to go searching for Mrs. Everdeen. The lady herself opens the door. "Ah… good you are awake. How is she?" she says in greeting walking past me and examining my mother herself. " She has a fever, and she is delirious I think." I tell her softly as I watch her. Mrs. Everdeen just nods and gets up to prepare some herbs and bandages.

I take a seat by mother head, and take her hand in mine. Watching is all I can do as Mrs. Everdeen carefully takes the bandages from my mother's back. I have to say I feel a little faint.

The wounds are flaming red…. Flaming red…. An infection…

I look up at Mrs. Everdeen with fearful eyes. "She will make it right?" I ask her. But Mrs. Everdeens face is grim as she continues to work on my mother back.

I am more afraid by the minute as the silence stretches.

"Meliora." Mrs. Everdeen says softly with a voice anyone would approach a wounded animal. "Your mother is very weak at the moment. She lost a lot of blood and as you can see not all the wounds have stopped bleeding. She has indeed as you observed a fever and her wounds did get infected. If her condition does not change very soon she may not live long."

"No!" I say breathlessly "no,no,no! please there must be something you can do!" I beg her. Tears are falling from my eyes. " Please, I can't lose her!" I continue to plead as Mrs. Everdeen takes me into her arms and holds me while I cry my heart out.

I don't know how long we stand there like that, but eventually I take a step back and turn back to my chair and take my mother's hand in mine as I stroke it softly. "You have to fight mom." I tell her. "You have to conquer this! I can't lose you!"

I don't know how long I sit there. I don't notice anything but my mother. I don't even hear the other Everdeens enter the room.

I continue to ignore them. I know it is not polite, but I can't help it. My mother is my top priority now.

At some point I get startled into reality as Mrs. Everdeen pushes a piece of bread in my hands.

I try to refuse, food is scares around District 12 and I would not like them to starve because of me. But she insists for me to take it. "Take it. You haven't eaten anything since yesterday afternoon and you need to keep up your own health." Mrs. Everdeen states while still pushing the bread in my hand.

I eat reluctantly, I feel that I could not stomach any of the food but I still eat to satisfy them.

As I look at them I see them looking at me. Curious, sad, pity, anger. I see it all in their eyes. Though I have a feeling the anger isn't directed at me.

I am quit as all of them rise to go and get ready for their day. My attention back on my mother. I wet a towel and lay it across of her forehead in the hopes of cooling her a bit.

Mr. Everdeen comes up behind me and gently places a hand on my shoulder. "Come on girl, my wife will look after your mother while you go to school. You are not dying after all and have to attend. I do not wish to see you flogged as well."

I nod at his statement, never taking my eyes of my mother. It is with great reluctance I stand up and make my way to the door, out of the hallway and into the street. When I reach my own home I have to swallow hard. All those memories that are here. And now there is a change that I am forced to leave this place again. A tear slides down my face as I make my way to my bedroom and take a fresh pair of clothing before I make my way to the bathroom to refresh myself before what is promised to be an awful school day.

As I make my way to school I feel lonely. Normally Buddy would be keeping me company on my walks to school. Now that I think about it.. I haven't seen him for a very long time. I wonder and hope that he is ok.

Like a zombie I make my way to school. I follow my classes, but nothing that is said registered in my mind. I never speak, I ignore everyone, I stare at some point in the distance. My mind is somewhere else than my body. And I can guess you would know where…

My mother was dying… probably dying and I could not even be with her. I have to keep myself from crying.

HGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHG

Finely school is over. I don't wait for anyone. I push myself through the crowd of teenagers leaving the building and take of running in the direction of the Everdeen household.

It is not long after that I am cornered by some of the Peacekeepers who served under the former Head Peacekeeper and now the Head Peacekeeper who is in charge currently. They all wear evil smiles on their faces.

"So how did your mother like to be flogged for the sake of rescuing your pet, girly?" asks one of them. His voice sends shivers down my spine, his voice is pure evil. "What do you mean sir?" I manage to squeak out. "Well." One of the younger ones begins. "Yesterday I was in the mood for some killing and hurting. So when I saw your pet following your mother I thought it funny to shoot it. It was funny to see how miss. Wentworth senior reacted. She scooped the stupid dog up and ran to Mrs. Everdeen for treatment. Only to be caught by the Head Peacekeeper with a bloody animal in her arms. And voila she was brought before the justice building and flogged. Oh and your doggy is dead." He explains all while grinning evilly at her.

I could feel myself pale, in fear and anger. 'He shot Buddy and killed him in the progress and my mother is on the brink of dead because of him! He is very lucky I don't have my throwing knifes with me because I would like to do him some damage. Ohh scratch that a lot of damage.

My anger is overpowering my fear at the moment and it must show trough because they look surprised. "Well thank you for explaining sir." I say icily. "If you would please let me through, I need to tend to my dying mother." I spit at them.

"People do not die from a simple flogging, girly." One of the Peacekeepers has the gall to say. "Really now?" I answer sarcastically "Than my mother is just acting like her wounds are infected and she has a very high fever and that the blooding hasn't stopped jet?"

That leaves them silent. I dare say I shocked them. I am disgusted by them playing with a life like it is nothing. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth as I hurry towards where my mother is now.

As I am almost where I want to be a thought strikes me. Payment. I need to pay the Everdeens somehow. But how? I have no job and I rather not go into the woods now. I rather stay with my mother.

I sigh. I will have to speak with Mrs. and Mr. Everdeen about it. I wish I lived in another world where we were not so poor and there were no more cruelty's. No more pain and hunger. No more Hunger Games, no more living in fear.

But it would take an uprising to ever accomplish that.

-xxx-

And that's it for now!

I hope you liked it!

For those who want to know I will add Haymitch p.o.v to the story in the future. I cannot say if he will be in every chapter or not… that will be a mystery

My Haymitch is OCC

Let me know what you think!