Vignette #11
5 November 2016 – Home Movies
(Author's note: very short one this time; I'm warming up for a real gut-wrencher next week. By the way, Jamey is 5 at this point.)
(Scene: a hallway at the Stark residence, as seen through a small handheld camera. The camera is moving along the hallway leading to the kitchen. Footsteps can be heard, but only barely, as if someone is tiptoeing.)
PEPPER (from off-camera): Oh, this is too good …
(The camera turns the corner to reveal the kitchen. TONY and JAMEY are standing with their backs to the camera, operating a Kitchen-Aid-type mixer. Both appear to be wearing aprons.)
TONY (turns off mixer): Okay, what next?
JAMEY (looking down at a book): Next you add the chocolate chips.
TONY: Next, I add … the chocolate chips. (He picks up a measuring cup, dumps the contents into the mixing bowl, sets down the cup.) Uh, Jamey?
JAMEY: Yes, Daddy?
TONY: Is Mommy standing behind us?
JAMEY (turns around. Her apron has a picture of Remy from "Ratatouille," with the caption "Because I'm a cook!" She looks directly into the camera): Yes, Daddy.
TONY: And, perchance, is she holding her flip camera?
JAMEY (giggles): Yes, Daddy.
TONY (without turning around): Out. No paparazzi.
PEPPER: But it's so cute!
TONY: No paparazzi, I said! (He turns around. The apron reads "IRON MAN" above a picture of Iron Man, soaring through the air, with one upraised hand holding a waffle iron. He moves toward the camera, forming his hands into claws.) And what happens to the paparazzi, Jamey?
JAMEY (yelling in glee): They get TICKLED!
(The camera begins backing away slowly. TONY closes in.)
PEPPER: No … no, no no no AAAACK NO I'LL STOP I PROMIAAAGH!
TONY: Too la-a-ate!
(The camera shakes, suddenly points at the floor. Off-screen, PEPPER's screams continue.)
JAMEY (off-screen): Get her, Daddy –
(Recording ends.)