Disclaimer: You know the deal, I don't own shit. Wait, I do own
Tansho...so don't try to steal her. Or the other whores, for that matter!
!!!Big Fat Warning!!!! * huge red light begins to blink very annoyingly * Everyone pay attention!!!! This chapter contains some serious citrus flavor (that means.duhn duhn duhn.SEX!!), so please * I repeat * please read at your own risk. I will not be held accountable for the perversion of young minds who have no damn business reading this!!!
Thank you for you patience and please enjoy your reading. ^_^
Chapter 11 Better to Lie and Keep Him
I kiss him hard, so hard I feel I've bruised our lips. I am ready for him, and I know that neither of us can bear to wait any longer. He senses my dire need for him in the way my eyes stare into his. I feel his hands stray from my face and down my sides, gliding over my waist and hips to my thighs. He lifts them and places them around his waist, encouraging me to hold him. He runs his palms over my calves as he returns his hands to their former places beside us. His eyes stare at me for one last moment as if asking my permission, and I kiss his mouth lightly to answer him, to give him all of my consent.
He does not thrust violently as the men before have. He guides himself into me gently and slowly as if I were a virgin not accustomed to the size of a man. At first I am annoyed by him, by his deliberately moderate actions, but then my heart is unexpectedly moved by his compassion for me; and I realize that he is not treating me like a virgin, for I know that he is no fool. I realize that he is treating me like a woman he loves. Like a woman he wishes to please, not to hurt. And I feel the warmth of fresh tears on my cheeks as he kisses my neck softly and begins his rhythm. I feel a small pang of guilt on the inside of my chest; I'm ashamed that I would think such things of him when he was loving me so fully. I feel him halt, his body tense above me. I am pulled from my thoughts as the pleasant sensations that had been building suddenly halt with him. My body screams for him to continue his movements.
"Am I hurting you?" he whispers, his breath irregular. His eyes are wide, staring at me almost in fear. I realize that his gaze is lingering on my cheeks, following the streaks of tears down my face.
"No," I answer, taking my hands from his back and gliding them through his fiery hair. "No, you're not."
"Why are you crying, then?" he asks. He is still so tense, his muscles so taut I fear they'll snap under his skin.
"Because I'm happy."
I pull his face to mine, refusing to let him speak more. "Make love to me," I whisper, "Please..." I settle my lips over his again, encouraging him.
I remove my hands from his hair and place them firmly on his shoulders, arching my back and pressing my body against his chest. I want him to see that he is doing anything but hurting me. I want him to relax in my arms. I want him to lose himself in me. I want us both to be able to forget the world around us and seep into each other.
I knead his shoulder muscles with my fingers, trying to loosen their clench on each other. It takes a few minutes of quiet words and soft kisses to make his body mold itself back to mine. He finally relaxes and covers me again with the warmth of his skin. And in a breathless furry, we resume our lovemaking.
I am intoxicated by the feelings being releases on my body-both inside and out. He moves so slowly within me, almost too gently; but I am wracked with pleasure. I feel it spread over me like water, warm and thick. Slow.
Men have pleasured me before, but roughly and quickly, caring only that I return the favor as quickly as possible. But Tasuki is giving to me while I give to him; and my mind is wrapping around itself, trying desperately to understand how these things are happening.
I open my mouth and listen with amusement at my own sounds of bliss, seeing that Tasuki enjoys hearing them as well. I raise my voice louder as the heat between my legs grows and burns like a fire escaping its hearth. I squeeze my thighs around his hips tighter, causing the walls of my womanhood to clench, and I am rewarded with not only a heightening of my own pleasure, but a deep moan from Tasuki. Upon hearing his voice break free, I have a fierce desire to please him further, so I clamp my legs tighter once again, wondering how this delightful little trick had evaded my knowledge for so long. Still, I find myself overjoyed that I am learning it with someone who I wish to please, not with a man who would throw a few coins at my feet at the end.
I feel him pick up speed as we both begin to pant, our lungs becoming exhausted. Our bodies are pushed back and forth on the smooth linens as his pace quickens even more. I grasp his back, keeping us pressed firmly together, knowing his release as well as my own is close. I see his teeth grit together and his eyes close lazily as his face tenses at his building release.
When I peak, I am unprepared. My body begins to tremble softly, like a leaf in a windstorm. I lose control of myself, allowing the ripples of my climax to travel the length of my body. They fly over my skin, through my veins, into my brain. I moan loudly then whisper Tasuki's name again and again like a mad woman as I hug him close to me, feeling my womanhood tighten around him, urging him to join me. He quickly obliges with a heavy moan and whispers my name between gritted teeth as our bodies move together a final time. I feel the warmth of his essence as he releases deep into my womb with a quick and final thrust. And for the first time I am fascinated, not disgusted, at the feeling inside of me. I stare blankly into space as the sensations subside, but I'm not disappointed at all that we were so quick. I smile as he sluggishly falls upon me in exhaustion. I relish the scent of his sweat on his hot skin and the deep, quick thud of his heart against my naked breasts. As his skin cools, I feel his lungs calm themselves within his ribcage, relieved that his work is over. He absent-mindedly kisses my neck and collarbone, which just happen to be the areas in which his face lies. I can tell that his mind is elsewhere, still dazed and exhilarated from the intensity of our union.
I wipe the sweat-soaked tendrils of red hair from his face as he continues to hug my body close to his. I can taste my own sweat thick on my lip and I lick it away, enjoying the salty taste.
My mind is suddenly plagued by the thought of the other women and our agreement. Our game. The prize of four months' extra wages for bedding Tasuki. I find I care nothing about the money, even though I have clearly earned it in their eyes. I decide that when Tasuki and I part, it will actually be better if I do go and gloat over my accomplishment to them. Hopefully, they'll see only me coming to collect my reward. There will be no suspicions of us being lovers. Lovers. The word is hot on my brain. Is that what we are? Is that what we have become? Is that what he wishes to be? Is that what I wish us to be? I find myself hoping desperately that it is, even though my heart is beating furiously out of what I know is anxiousness. I fear the consequences of being such a thing. A lover. I've seen the bruises on the faces of the other women, caught with their lovers by Shingen. I wonder if I am prepared to expose myself to his wrath just because I find myself attracted to this fire-haired man lying on my breasts. Just because I think I may love him.
Then my mind is torn from its reverie and returns to the present, and I find that I am sweating profusely. When I move slightly, I feel the slick moisture of Tasuki's skin as well. The linens wrapped around our bodies are smothering us.
"I'm hot," I whisper in his ear, my breath fluttering his wild hair.
He doesn't reply, only assists me in removing the linens from around our still connected bodies.
"Better?" he asks when the cool air hits us, instantly causing us both to shiver in delight.
I nod and place a small kiss on his brow when he lifts his head slightly to look at me.
"Am I too heavy?" he whispers huskily, his exhaustion showing as he slowly raises himself on his elbows. His sluggish movements make my lips crack in a smile.
"No," I reply quickly, wrapping my arms around his neck to keep him on top of me and to keep us joined. "I'd be too cold if you moved. Stay where you are."
He lowers his body back on top of mine, but shifts himself slowly so that my chest isn't forced to take all of his weight. I frown when his slow shifting causes us to become two people once more, but soon realize that it is a bit more comfortable. He reaches down to the foot of the bed, grabs a single sheet, and throws it lightly over us as he works his arm beneath my back, turning me on my side and pressing me against him. He rests his face close to mine so that we can whisper, for we are both far too spent to speak normally.
"Will you be angry with me and toss me out of your room if I ask you something?" he replies hesitantly, his eyes still somewhat glazed over, still more evidence of the intensity of out lovemaking. I already know that he wishes to ask questions about me. Me and the brothel-to be more specific. I am ready, even though I am terrified that when he hears my answers he will wish to leave my bed on his own accord.
"Will you leave me if I tell the truth?" I reply.
I feel him tense and I see his eyes flinch, but his gaze remains on me. "No," is his simple reply.
"Then ask me whatever you wish."
His hand drapes across my waist beneath the sheet as if he is ready to grab and keep me near him if I try to run. I don't want to ruin the emotion of the moment, but I feel his need to know more about me than my name and my unfortunate profession.
"Why are you here, Tansho? Why are in this tavern?" he whispers gently, still worried that I will be offended by his blunt questions. I knew that he would ask that. My heart knew it before he spoke it. I refuse to let my mind struggle to think up a good lie. I must tell the truth. I know that I must. But when I see his eyes, I am too scared.
If he knows, he will leave. If I tell him the truth, he will leave my bed in an instant, for he will know that we could never be able to love each other the way we desire to. My answer would slap him in the face, crush his heart, and make him hate me for making love to him-then daring to tell him this afterwards. My answer would bluntly state to him that I could never be his, that I could never belong to him, that he could never belong to me.
I want us to be together for as long as possible. I want him to know that I love him, and not any other man who takes my body. But I already know that jealousy will murder his soul and consume him whether I lie or tell the truth. Both paths will cause destruction in one form or another. At least if I lie, he will think that I could truly be his and only his, and he might be able to forget my obligations as a whore. If I lie, it will buy us precious time. If I tell him the truth, jealousy will cause him to act on my behalf without thinking about the consequences. Or it will rouse contempt for me for taunting him with love-then telling him that there is no chance for us.
No, it is better to lie and keep him with me for as long as we can hide ourselves. It is much better than to tell the truth and have his jealousy rip us apart in a futile and rash attempt to save me. Or have his loathing crush me like an avalanche.
"I was young and foolish, with no one to tell me the truth about what I was about to do with my life," I begin, the battle in my mind causing my voice to be unsteady. "I saw the women on the street, the women everyone called whores and harlots, but I didn't have any idea why they were called those names. When I saw them, I saw beauty. They were the most beautiful women I had ever seen, and they walked proud and tall, like empresses or goddesses. They laughed and smiled so happily and sweetly, like nothing in the world could bother them. I had no idea that they did it to lure men. I thought they were truly happy. I thought they had everything in the world a woman could want. I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be them."
I pause momentarily, surprised at how well my lie is forming on my lips. But my heart swells with pain when I see that Tasuki believes every word I am saying. I force myself to continue even though every ounce of emotion in my body is weeping for the man lying so close to me, pleading with me to stop my lies.
"I followed them one day to this tavern, and when one of them saw me, she tried to shoo me away. I should have heeded her and run madly back to my home; but like the fool I was, I begged her to teach me to become like her. She only laughed in my face, but I pressed on, still ignorant of the place that I was fighting to valiantly to gain entrance to. Finally she said I could live in the tavern with her and the others, but that I would have to work like the other women for my bed and my food. I didn't realize what I had done until that first night, when I saw them for who they really were. When I saw what was expected of me. I tried to run, to get out, to go home; but they said I had wanted it. So I stayed, and I learned. I became used to the life over time. I had no choice, really." I pause again, wondering again if he is still believing me. His eyes say he is, and my heart clenches painfully. "I was only twelve years old," I finally finish. I find some meager comfort in knowing that at least the last sentence of my false story is not a lie.
Silence saturates the air between us, above us, and around us. His eyes look at me sadly, but not with pity. I am thankful for that. I do not want pity, even from a man I have dared to love. Pity does nothing for a person but make them lethargic and idle. I am alive now only because of my strength. If I lose that, I lose everything about myself.
There is more compassion in his eyes than anything, and I wonder if I am offended by that-or put at peace.
"Are you angry?" I ask quietly, lowering my eyes to his bare chest instead of facing his eyes.
"Why would I be?" he answers. "You said you were young, with no one to tell you the truth. Are you an orphan? Did your parents never come looking for you?"
I cringe, knowing that I will be forced to lie again in order to maintain my story.
"No, they died when I was an infant. I was sent to an orphanage, but they have no control over the children in their care. If one wishes to leave, they have no choice but to let them go. So it was with me," I say, almost ready to cry. I cannot bear to let anther lie slip through my teeth like a poisonous serpent I cannot bear to have it sting him directly in his heart.
I press my face against Tasuki's chest, breathing in the masculine scent of his skin. He holds onto my back and caresses my shoulders and arms, trying to warm me and comfort me. But he thinks I pine for comfort due to my sad existence, my unfortunate past and seemingly bleak future. I only wish to hide my face from him. The reality of the truth is sinking deeper into me, seeking vengeance for daring to cover it up.
I find myself wishing desperately for sleep so that I can escape my shame. To my relief, I soon feel my wish being granted. I rest my head heavily on Tasuki's chest. I fall asleep listening to the thunderous beating of his heart, wondering if he will ever escape the lies that I have planted in his mind.
A/N: Ah!! Finally, my lovely lemon! Believe it or not, I didn't have to do ONE BIT of editing in this chapter (save for a few spellings and grammars and a few additions to content). Here I was, thinking that I'm gonna have to cut out half of the good sex.when suddenly I realize how tasteful it is while re-reading it. I totally forgot about how subtle I was when writing it!!! I guess I got nervous from reading the other lemons on FF that seems to dictate every single body part involved, and totally forgot that they were the ones that drove me to write a nice, mild, emotional lemon. No offense to you lemon writers out there.in my opinion, any lemon is a good lemon for the mere fact of having the balls to write it ^_^. Anyways, I was very surprised at my good fortune (and somewhat embarrassed now that I've caused all you readers so much grief () Please do forgive this lazy writer who hardly ever reads her own stories..^_^
Well, getting back in the fic...what exactly is Tansho hiding from Tasuki? Why does she need to lie (remember the flashback in chapter seven? Soon to be explained...I promise!) Will she have to lie forever? Will she take the money for sleeping with him, or refuse it?
Replies to reviewers:
I'm so terribly sorry that this update has taken so damn long. I just got back from my Christmas vacation in the mountains, and I would have updated while I was there..but..no computer! Waaahhhhh!! I want a lap-top!!!!
Frechiecangal: Yeah, so very sorry for my devious cliffhangers. I have an addiction to them.they're very effective when you want to piss people off. ^_^
Shadow priestess: Yeah, you might have missed a few updates.mine fluctuate terribly. Sometimes I update every other day, sometimes every other week. Sorry 'bout that! ^_^
Author who's too lazy to sign in: Well, that's a pen name that will get some attention. ^_^ So.you asked how many times I've led you on??? Ummm..a lot?! ^_^ Hee Hee
Zerianyu: Man, I've never gotten so many reviews from one person in such short succession!!! Wow!! Oh, and thank you for giving me the address to that NC-17 website. It's been recommended to me before, but I've never had a chance to visit it. I really need to!!!
Thanks again for all the reviews!
!!!Big Fat Warning!!!! * huge red light begins to blink very annoyingly * Everyone pay attention!!!! This chapter contains some serious citrus flavor (that means.duhn duhn duhn.SEX!!), so please * I repeat * please read at your own risk. I will not be held accountable for the perversion of young minds who have no damn business reading this!!!
Thank you for you patience and please enjoy your reading. ^_^
Chapter 11 Better to Lie and Keep Him
I kiss him hard, so hard I feel I've bruised our lips. I am ready for him, and I know that neither of us can bear to wait any longer. He senses my dire need for him in the way my eyes stare into his. I feel his hands stray from my face and down my sides, gliding over my waist and hips to my thighs. He lifts them and places them around his waist, encouraging me to hold him. He runs his palms over my calves as he returns his hands to their former places beside us. His eyes stare at me for one last moment as if asking my permission, and I kiss his mouth lightly to answer him, to give him all of my consent.
He does not thrust violently as the men before have. He guides himself into me gently and slowly as if I were a virgin not accustomed to the size of a man. At first I am annoyed by him, by his deliberately moderate actions, but then my heart is unexpectedly moved by his compassion for me; and I realize that he is not treating me like a virgin, for I know that he is no fool. I realize that he is treating me like a woman he loves. Like a woman he wishes to please, not to hurt. And I feel the warmth of fresh tears on my cheeks as he kisses my neck softly and begins his rhythm. I feel a small pang of guilt on the inside of my chest; I'm ashamed that I would think such things of him when he was loving me so fully. I feel him halt, his body tense above me. I am pulled from my thoughts as the pleasant sensations that had been building suddenly halt with him. My body screams for him to continue his movements.
"Am I hurting you?" he whispers, his breath irregular. His eyes are wide, staring at me almost in fear. I realize that his gaze is lingering on my cheeks, following the streaks of tears down my face.
"No," I answer, taking my hands from his back and gliding them through his fiery hair. "No, you're not."
"Why are you crying, then?" he asks. He is still so tense, his muscles so taut I fear they'll snap under his skin.
"Because I'm happy."
I pull his face to mine, refusing to let him speak more. "Make love to me," I whisper, "Please..." I settle my lips over his again, encouraging him.
I remove my hands from his hair and place them firmly on his shoulders, arching my back and pressing my body against his chest. I want him to see that he is doing anything but hurting me. I want him to relax in my arms. I want him to lose himself in me. I want us both to be able to forget the world around us and seep into each other.
I knead his shoulder muscles with my fingers, trying to loosen their clench on each other. It takes a few minutes of quiet words and soft kisses to make his body mold itself back to mine. He finally relaxes and covers me again with the warmth of his skin. And in a breathless furry, we resume our lovemaking.
I am intoxicated by the feelings being releases on my body-both inside and out. He moves so slowly within me, almost too gently; but I am wracked with pleasure. I feel it spread over me like water, warm and thick. Slow.
Men have pleasured me before, but roughly and quickly, caring only that I return the favor as quickly as possible. But Tasuki is giving to me while I give to him; and my mind is wrapping around itself, trying desperately to understand how these things are happening.
I open my mouth and listen with amusement at my own sounds of bliss, seeing that Tasuki enjoys hearing them as well. I raise my voice louder as the heat between my legs grows and burns like a fire escaping its hearth. I squeeze my thighs around his hips tighter, causing the walls of my womanhood to clench, and I am rewarded with not only a heightening of my own pleasure, but a deep moan from Tasuki. Upon hearing his voice break free, I have a fierce desire to please him further, so I clamp my legs tighter once again, wondering how this delightful little trick had evaded my knowledge for so long. Still, I find myself overjoyed that I am learning it with someone who I wish to please, not with a man who would throw a few coins at my feet at the end.
I feel him pick up speed as we both begin to pant, our lungs becoming exhausted. Our bodies are pushed back and forth on the smooth linens as his pace quickens even more. I grasp his back, keeping us pressed firmly together, knowing his release as well as my own is close. I see his teeth grit together and his eyes close lazily as his face tenses at his building release.
When I peak, I am unprepared. My body begins to tremble softly, like a leaf in a windstorm. I lose control of myself, allowing the ripples of my climax to travel the length of my body. They fly over my skin, through my veins, into my brain. I moan loudly then whisper Tasuki's name again and again like a mad woman as I hug him close to me, feeling my womanhood tighten around him, urging him to join me. He quickly obliges with a heavy moan and whispers my name between gritted teeth as our bodies move together a final time. I feel the warmth of his essence as he releases deep into my womb with a quick and final thrust. And for the first time I am fascinated, not disgusted, at the feeling inside of me. I stare blankly into space as the sensations subside, but I'm not disappointed at all that we were so quick. I smile as he sluggishly falls upon me in exhaustion. I relish the scent of his sweat on his hot skin and the deep, quick thud of his heart against my naked breasts. As his skin cools, I feel his lungs calm themselves within his ribcage, relieved that his work is over. He absent-mindedly kisses my neck and collarbone, which just happen to be the areas in which his face lies. I can tell that his mind is elsewhere, still dazed and exhilarated from the intensity of our union.
I wipe the sweat-soaked tendrils of red hair from his face as he continues to hug my body close to his. I can taste my own sweat thick on my lip and I lick it away, enjoying the salty taste.
My mind is suddenly plagued by the thought of the other women and our agreement. Our game. The prize of four months' extra wages for bedding Tasuki. I find I care nothing about the money, even though I have clearly earned it in their eyes. I decide that when Tasuki and I part, it will actually be better if I do go and gloat over my accomplishment to them. Hopefully, they'll see only me coming to collect my reward. There will be no suspicions of us being lovers. Lovers. The word is hot on my brain. Is that what we are? Is that what we have become? Is that what he wishes to be? Is that what I wish us to be? I find myself hoping desperately that it is, even though my heart is beating furiously out of what I know is anxiousness. I fear the consequences of being such a thing. A lover. I've seen the bruises on the faces of the other women, caught with their lovers by Shingen. I wonder if I am prepared to expose myself to his wrath just because I find myself attracted to this fire-haired man lying on my breasts. Just because I think I may love him.
Then my mind is torn from its reverie and returns to the present, and I find that I am sweating profusely. When I move slightly, I feel the slick moisture of Tasuki's skin as well. The linens wrapped around our bodies are smothering us.
"I'm hot," I whisper in his ear, my breath fluttering his wild hair.
He doesn't reply, only assists me in removing the linens from around our still connected bodies.
"Better?" he asks when the cool air hits us, instantly causing us both to shiver in delight.
I nod and place a small kiss on his brow when he lifts his head slightly to look at me.
"Am I too heavy?" he whispers huskily, his exhaustion showing as he slowly raises himself on his elbows. His sluggish movements make my lips crack in a smile.
"No," I reply quickly, wrapping my arms around his neck to keep him on top of me and to keep us joined. "I'd be too cold if you moved. Stay where you are."
He lowers his body back on top of mine, but shifts himself slowly so that my chest isn't forced to take all of his weight. I frown when his slow shifting causes us to become two people once more, but soon realize that it is a bit more comfortable. He reaches down to the foot of the bed, grabs a single sheet, and throws it lightly over us as he works his arm beneath my back, turning me on my side and pressing me against him. He rests his face close to mine so that we can whisper, for we are both far too spent to speak normally.
"Will you be angry with me and toss me out of your room if I ask you something?" he replies hesitantly, his eyes still somewhat glazed over, still more evidence of the intensity of out lovemaking. I already know that he wishes to ask questions about me. Me and the brothel-to be more specific. I am ready, even though I am terrified that when he hears my answers he will wish to leave my bed on his own accord.
"Will you leave me if I tell the truth?" I reply.
I feel him tense and I see his eyes flinch, but his gaze remains on me. "No," is his simple reply.
"Then ask me whatever you wish."
His hand drapes across my waist beneath the sheet as if he is ready to grab and keep me near him if I try to run. I don't want to ruin the emotion of the moment, but I feel his need to know more about me than my name and my unfortunate profession.
"Why are you here, Tansho? Why are in this tavern?" he whispers gently, still worried that I will be offended by his blunt questions. I knew that he would ask that. My heart knew it before he spoke it. I refuse to let my mind struggle to think up a good lie. I must tell the truth. I know that I must. But when I see his eyes, I am too scared.
If he knows, he will leave. If I tell him the truth, he will leave my bed in an instant, for he will know that we could never be able to love each other the way we desire to. My answer would slap him in the face, crush his heart, and make him hate me for making love to him-then daring to tell him this afterwards. My answer would bluntly state to him that I could never be his, that I could never belong to him, that he could never belong to me.
I want us to be together for as long as possible. I want him to know that I love him, and not any other man who takes my body. But I already know that jealousy will murder his soul and consume him whether I lie or tell the truth. Both paths will cause destruction in one form or another. At least if I lie, he will think that I could truly be his and only his, and he might be able to forget my obligations as a whore. If I lie, it will buy us precious time. If I tell him the truth, jealousy will cause him to act on my behalf without thinking about the consequences. Or it will rouse contempt for me for taunting him with love-then telling him that there is no chance for us.
No, it is better to lie and keep him with me for as long as we can hide ourselves. It is much better than to tell the truth and have his jealousy rip us apart in a futile and rash attempt to save me. Or have his loathing crush me like an avalanche.
"I was young and foolish, with no one to tell me the truth about what I was about to do with my life," I begin, the battle in my mind causing my voice to be unsteady. "I saw the women on the street, the women everyone called whores and harlots, but I didn't have any idea why they were called those names. When I saw them, I saw beauty. They were the most beautiful women I had ever seen, and they walked proud and tall, like empresses or goddesses. They laughed and smiled so happily and sweetly, like nothing in the world could bother them. I had no idea that they did it to lure men. I thought they were truly happy. I thought they had everything in the world a woman could want. I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be them."
I pause momentarily, surprised at how well my lie is forming on my lips. But my heart swells with pain when I see that Tasuki believes every word I am saying. I force myself to continue even though every ounce of emotion in my body is weeping for the man lying so close to me, pleading with me to stop my lies.
"I followed them one day to this tavern, and when one of them saw me, she tried to shoo me away. I should have heeded her and run madly back to my home; but like the fool I was, I begged her to teach me to become like her. She only laughed in my face, but I pressed on, still ignorant of the place that I was fighting to valiantly to gain entrance to. Finally she said I could live in the tavern with her and the others, but that I would have to work like the other women for my bed and my food. I didn't realize what I had done until that first night, when I saw them for who they really were. When I saw what was expected of me. I tried to run, to get out, to go home; but they said I had wanted it. So I stayed, and I learned. I became used to the life over time. I had no choice, really." I pause again, wondering again if he is still believing me. His eyes say he is, and my heart clenches painfully. "I was only twelve years old," I finally finish. I find some meager comfort in knowing that at least the last sentence of my false story is not a lie.
Silence saturates the air between us, above us, and around us. His eyes look at me sadly, but not with pity. I am thankful for that. I do not want pity, even from a man I have dared to love. Pity does nothing for a person but make them lethargic and idle. I am alive now only because of my strength. If I lose that, I lose everything about myself.
There is more compassion in his eyes than anything, and I wonder if I am offended by that-or put at peace.
"Are you angry?" I ask quietly, lowering my eyes to his bare chest instead of facing his eyes.
"Why would I be?" he answers. "You said you were young, with no one to tell you the truth. Are you an orphan? Did your parents never come looking for you?"
I cringe, knowing that I will be forced to lie again in order to maintain my story.
"No, they died when I was an infant. I was sent to an orphanage, but they have no control over the children in their care. If one wishes to leave, they have no choice but to let them go. So it was with me," I say, almost ready to cry. I cannot bear to let anther lie slip through my teeth like a poisonous serpent I cannot bear to have it sting him directly in his heart.
I press my face against Tasuki's chest, breathing in the masculine scent of his skin. He holds onto my back and caresses my shoulders and arms, trying to warm me and comfort me. But he thinks I pine for comfort due to my sad existence, my unfortunate past and seemingly bleak future. I only wish to hide my face from him. The reality of the truth is sinking deeper into me, seeking vengeance for daring to cover it up.
I find myself wishing desperately for sleep so that I can escape my shame. To my relief, I soon feel my wish being granted. I rest my head heavily on Tasuki's chest. I fall asleep listening to the thunderous beating of his heart, wondering if he will ever escape the lies that I have planted in his mind.
A/N: Ah!! Finally, my lovely lemon! Believe it or not, I didn't have to do ONE BIT of editing in this chapter (save for a few spellings and grammars and a few additions to content). Here I was, thinking that I'm gonna have to cut out half of the good sex.when suddenly I realize how tasteful it is while re-reading it. I totally forgot about how subtle I was when writing it!!! I guess I got nervous from reading the other lemons on FF that seems to dictate every single body part involved, and totally forgot that they were the ones that drove me to write a nice, mild, emotional lemon. No offense to you lemon writers out there.in my opinion, any lemon is a good lemon for the mere fact of having the balls to write it ^_^. Anyways, I was very surprised at my good fortune (and somewhat embarrassed now that I've caused all you readers so much grief () Please do forgive this lazy writer who hardly ever reads her own stories..^_^
Well, getting back in the fic...what exactly is Tansho hiding from Tasuki? Why does she need to lie (remember the flashback in chapter seven? Soon to be explained...I promise!) Will she have to lie forever? Will she take the money for sleeping with him, or refuse it?
Replies to reviewers:
I'm so terribly sorry that this update has taken so damn long. I just got back from my Christmas vacation in the mountains, and I would have updated while I was there..but..no computer! Waaahhhhh!! I want a lap-top!!!!
Frechiecangal: Yeah, so very sorry for my devious cliffhangers. I have an addiction to them.they're very effective when you want to piss people off. ^_^
Shadow priestess: Yeah, you might have missed a few updates.mine fluctuate terribly. Sometimes I update every other day, sometimes every other week. Sorry 'bout that! ^_^
Author who's too lazy to sign in: Well, that's a pen name that will get some attention. ^_^ So.you asked how many times I've led you on??? Ummm..a lot?! ^_^ Hee Hee
Zerianyu: Man, I've never gotten so many reviews from one person in such short succession!!! Wow!! Oh, and thank you for giving me the address to that NC-17 website. It's been recommended to me before, but I've never had a chance to visit it. I really need to!!!
Thanks again for all the reviews!