Coming Out of the Broom Closet (Chapter Eleven)
It's barely mid-November of a brand new school year and, already, I'm romantically screwed! Sure, it's not Professor McGonagall I think I'm in love with, like last year (Thank Merlin!). It's Ginny! I sighed bitterly thinking that if Ginny would just forget about her parents, we could be happy. My mind drifted back to the night before when I told her.
"This morning, I woke up with this feeling I didn't know how to deal with and so I just decided to myself, I'd hide it to myself and wouldn't talk about it. I wouldn't go and shout it when you walk into the room… 'I think I love you!' I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of? I'm afraid that I'm not sure of a love there is no cure for. I think I love you, isn't that what life is made of? Though it worries me to say, I've never felt this way." I sang to her.
"Hey! I know that song!" Ginny had exclaimed.
I rolled my eyes. Surely she wasn't this thick? "Yes, I know you know the song, Ginny. Think about it. I'm trying to tell you something." I prayed she would understand quickly. I hadn't wanted to tell her, but both Hannah and Susan had pressured me to tell her because they could clearly see my feelings for her. I had been so afraid that she would react badly and I hadn't wanted to destroy our friendship.
The time she spent thinking was antagonizing.
"I still don't get it. I'm confused," Ginny told me. I saw in her face that she really was.
I sighed. "What is the title of the song, Ginny? What are the words?" I prompted her. I saw her mouth the words to the song.
"Oh!" she said suddenly. Her facial expression changed dramatically. She looked at me solemnly.
"Thank goodness!" I laughed, trying to cover up my pain that her reaction had been less than favorable. "I was beginning to worry that you would never figure it out!"
"You know that, even if I did like you like that, there're wouldn't be a chance, right? I wouldn't be able to talk to you or hang out with you often; I wouldn't be able to give you everything you would need. It wouldn't be fair, to either of us," she told me.
Something in me began to argue despite my knowing it was futile. "You could say I was tutoring you in a subject. And, you could use an owl that wasn't Errol, so you're parents wouldn't know. And we could go out in a group."
"Why would I want to go out on group dates with my girlfriend?" Ginny asked rhetorically.
"But…" I struggled for something to save my losing argument. "You pride yourself on being sneaky. You could be sneaky and everything would be fine."
"No. Hermione, please don't feel that I'm blowing you off. The truth is…" Ginny breathed deeply. "I like you. Although, I probably shouldn't have told you that. It really only makes the situation worse."
My heart soared. Maybe there was a chance! "It doesn't make it worse," I told her. "It makes it better, in a way. At least I know the problem isn't with me, it's with the situation." I sighed while I tried to decide if I should try another technique. If she liked me, shouldn't that overcome the biggest obstacle? I didn't want to pressure her, but I couldn't give up. Not yet. "Couldn't we invent a reason? Tutoring?"
"I told you, no. Mum wouldn't go for that. I'm not bad in classes, I'm just unorganized," Ginny explained.
"Well, what if you were teaching me quidditch? Explaining it or whatever. So that I understood more at quidditch games?" I asked her in half pleading tone. Come one, Gin… Don't give up on the possibility of us so easily! I prayed silently.
"No! Hermione, don't get me wrong, I like you, but I'm not risking it! I can't live with being a disgrace to my parents! I may not like them all the time, but I'm not willing to be disowned!" Ginny told me, fighting to keep control. "I have to go. I have homework."
Why did I tell her? I asked myself, entering the common room as I came out of my memory. Seeing Ginny by the fireplace, I mentally scolded myself. Bloody blotchies! I'm such a train wreck! A bloody train wreck!
Bugger this! I turned around and left the same way I had come.
I need guidance! I thought, walking to Professor McGonagall's office.
"Professor McGonagall?"
"Hermione Granger?"
I rolled my eyes. I suppose this was supposed to show me how annoying it was to have someone continually repeat your name when you were already paying attention. Now was not the time. "I need help!" I complained, collapsing into the seat opposite hers.
She stared back at me, waiting for an elaboration.
"Do you recall the whole Ginny thing? How Hannah and Susan kept telling me to tell her how I really felt?"
"Do you recall," she began as a grin spread across her face, "my telling you I knew you liked Ginny and your denying it? When are you going to learn that I know everything that happens in this school? I digress. Yes, I know. You told her, then? What happened?"
I rolled my eyes again. For someone who knew everything, she was certainly asking questions! I sighed and told her everything.
"I knew it. I knew you liked her. I'll bet you never stopped liking her from last year, did you? I can see you two together," she said, nodding.
"You're not listening! She said we can't date because she's afraid of her parents finding out and disowning her!"
"I don't know, Hermione. I think that's a little weird. If she likes you, what's the problem?"
"I don't know! It's not me. I can only try so much. I can't make her decisions. Professor, I really am upset, though! Like, I really think I might love her!"
Professor McGonagall's eyes went wide. "Oh my!"
"That's not helping!" I covered my face with my hands, both of which were being covered in new blotchies. Clearly, this was a situation that she could not help me with, advice only helps so much.
"You really think you love her?"
"I don't know!"
"You're getting a little blotchy, there, Hermione!"
I sighed. She was doing that not being helpful thing again. "I can't even tell my best friends if it is love! Ronald would die. I think he might hate me if I told him!"
"Yeah, that's weird. He's very possessive. You two fight like a married couple, you know that?"
"Professor, not now, please. I think the current situation is more pressing."
"He likes you."
"Professor! I'd really rather not think about it!" I shrieked, flustered.
She laughed, "That's because you know it's true. Ron like you, Hermione. And you know it."
Sweet Merlin, this is so not helping!
"Professor! That's it, I have to go. I'll talk to you later."
"Bye, Hermione! Good luck!"
I walked back to the common room, stopping to talk to no one. I can only hope, I thought, that another night of sleep will bring clarity!