After the storm
Month 2, week 3, day 4- Rain
My courtship with Katniss…well…a bit strange. We begin from holding hands, hugging, and a few days ago, we decided to take it a little further. We kissed. Well, still it is strange. Haymitch often says it something else, and sometimes we doubt ourselves as well.
Some days we are lovers, some days we are just mixed up. The messy shiny memories threaten me again, and sometimes Katniss is overwhelmed by the sorrows and depression.
I find her sitting near the lake again, holding Prim's red ribbon; her eyes are red, her cheeks are wet. Around her, there are Prim's clothes, her hairbrush, her lost ribbons…her everything. She sees me, but says nothing, except sitting in the place where she is.
"Hey, it's ok." I sit beside her; she scoots closer to me and, rests her head on my shoulder. Her whole body is trembling so violently. I run my fingers down along her messy hair, and whisper in her ears, "It's ok. I'm here. I'm here."
My arms automatically encircle her waist, while her tears are soaking my shirt. I don't say anything; even don't try to console her, we just sit together, like Dr. A advises. After a long moment of silence, I gently rest my hand on her cheeks, and then tilt her face, so that her grey eyes are looking right at me. I pull her closer, and then plant a small kiss on her lips. The kiss tastes so salty. I hold her close to me and whisper, "What will make you to feel better?"
She takes a deep breath, as if there is not much air around her. "I don't know."
So again I hold her tighter, let her sob in my shoulder. She leans onto me as we sit together, our hands are entwined. The cold air soothes our bodies, so that our tortured mind. Dark clouds are gathering at the horizon, the air feels cold. I wonder if it will rain tonight.
"Peeta," I turn my thoughts away from the horizon, to find her watching me closely. She does it many times recently, when I'm busy. She thinks that I've never noticed, but I always do. I wonder if she does from out of habit or just…
"Why are you choosing me?" Katniss sighs and looks at me. The expression on her face is familiar—one of curiosity and expectation, but not forceful at all. She's been wearing it a lot lately.
The question startles me and for a moment I honestly have no idea what she means.
"Or are you here because you have no choice?"
"I have choices," I answer back curtly, thinking of Delly Cartwright and any host of other girls out there in Panem. The idea makes me sick, but it's still the truth. "I could go anywhere." Katniss's face scrunches the tiniest bit and she nods once. "Even after me being so rude with you time to time?"
"I'm here because this is where I want to be," I tell her firmly. I'm sure my answer entails more than the meaning the words actually have, but I can't be the one to say what I'm feeling. Not this time. "And I think we match."
A sigh escapes from her lips, when I take her hand and pat it gently. She nods at out entwined hand, and say disapprovingly, "But you're a good guy, Peeta. You need someone who is a little less broken."
Looking at her face, I guess it is Haymitch's idea. The old man is pinning this poor girl a lot recently. So I hold her face in my hands, and then touch her lips, she doesn't move away, our lips fit like puzzles. I find her trembling against me, and the kiss go on and on. Her hands find my waist, my hands are searching for her skin, her collarbone, inside her jacket, where her shirt and pant meet. Cold raindrops touch our skins as we both pull away for air. I need her, I know, but I just can't speak that out. Our relationship is so complicated. We still can't get rid of the pasts. Instead I wipe away the single raindrop shining on her cheek, "I think we better go home now."
Katniss looks at the sky, still trembling, "But I…"
"No.." my fingers on her lips silences her again, then I take her hand, "Let's go home."
We can't escape the rain. Both of us are almost dripping wet when we take the path leading to the Victor's village. We realize that we can never reach home before the storm. So two of us take shelter under a nearby tree. The wind gets colder, and Katniss moves closer to me. She is shaking a little.
"Come closer." I open my arms and Katniss moves to my chest, melting in my arms. It feels so natural. Together we watch the pouring rain around us, water dripping from the leaves. "See those three stars," I say pointing upward. "That's Orion's belt. He was a hunter." The lore came from long before the Dark Days. My father told me about him when I was young. I point out the different stars that make up the constellation and she cranes her neck.
"And that's Cassiopeia." She exclaims a brightly. Her dark mood lightens a little, and she smiles at last. She rests her head on my lap and smiles like a child, "And that's the great bear."
"You do know stars well." I rest my hand on her leg, she shivers. "I remember some nights with you." I say softly, my mood is reflective. She watches me curiously, "In the trains."
"You do?" She is a bit surprised.
"Yes, a bit." I nod, "No clearly but I guess you've nightmares."
"Yes,: She nods "They stared after the Hunger Games. I used to scream and thrush and you came to check me in." I watch her closely while she speaks "You used to hold me."
"I remember." I wrap my arms around her shoulder as the thunderbolts lighten up the sky, "And I still have them." Then I look at her face, "And I know you've them too. and we slept better. Katniss, we always match." I grab her shoulders, "I can't deserve anyone better than you."
She says nothing but smiles. She is convinced. It is true that we are so dependent on each other, I just can't think anyone in her place. I'm wondering if she thinks about our nights in the couch. I lean forward, and move a stray hair from her face, "Do you think we can…" She watches me expectantly. But before I can finish my words a thunderclap shakes the earth. That's it. It is coming. I shut my eyes tightly, waiting for the pain going away. No, I can't get sick here, not now, not when we are almost building our relationship again.
She has probably read the lines of pain riddling my face, because when I open my eyes I find her grey eyes watching me closely, "Are you alright, Peeta?"
She looks so broken today. I can't burden her with my pain today. I try to swallow the rising pain in my head, and try to nod, "Yes." I search my pocket for pills, but no. I've left them home today.
Another bolt of lightning, another thunderclap. And the pain in my head returns again with all the shiny memories. My whole body shudders as another wave of pain washes over me.
"Peeta, hold on." I hear Katniss's voice from the haziness. 'Hold my hand." She offers me her hand to hold.
"Katniss." I open my eyes to find her holding my hands, her eyes are so desperate. Buckets of water pouring from the sky, is bathing both of us. Her clothes cling to her body, and she is shivering too. 'Don't come closer. I can hurt you." I try to warn her. Memories of last flashback are still vivid in my mind, and I try to swallow the pain. But she doesn't give up.
"Try to focus on me." she says, now hugging me tightly close to her body. I try, but another wave of pain washes over me, as the visions of Capitol takes over me. I tell her to go away, but she holds me, kisses me, standing in the rain together. I hold on her, try to focus on her, while my body shudders with Capitol's curse.
"Fight, Peeta." She whispers, kissing me. I fight, I hold her until the flashback is over.
It is midnight when I come back to the real world. I find myself propped up against a tree, and my legs feel so heavy. When I look down I find Katniss sleeping peacefully beside me, her head is on my lap. Both of us are so wet. I shake my head, trying to take my surroundings. We are in the meadow; hazily I can remember that Katniss has walked me down here. Her hands are wrapped around my waist, and her fingers are clutching a handful of my shirt. Under her closed lids, her eyes are moving so fast. Possibly she is having nightmares.
Another thunderclap shakes the earth and the shiny memories threaten to return. I lean forward and wrap my arms around Katniss's shoulder. Touching her dulls the pain a bit.
It is still raining. I wrap my arms around Katniss, and lean against the tree again. The sound of the rain lulls me back to sleep. Even nightmares can't wake me up.
Is the story getting boring? I've a writer's block recently. I like to have a few more ideas for this. Can you suggest something? Otherwise I'll lose inspiration and this story will die. So leave your thoughts in the review box or press "faves/follow" button, if you wish.
Once again thanks to Taylor Huston, TJ, raissa20, pumpkinking5, hungergames" for reviewing last chapter.