Chapter 11: A Big Mistake and a Bigger Choice

I woke suddenly. I sat up and looked around. Sam and Dean were sleeping peacefully. I smiled at Sam's peaceful face. I suddenly felt sick again and ran to the toilet. When I came out I looked at the clock. 1:57am. I sat on my bed, thinking. What had I done to get sick? Was it food poisoning? I sat for almost ten minutes then a thought so scary hit me that I gasped out loud.

"Oh my god", I said to myself, "I know what's wrong."

I slipped on my coat and slid silently outside. The pavement was cold and damp with dew. I jogged across the streets, the cold air beating against my face. I ran until I found the 24-hour Wal-Mart just a few blocks from the hotel. I stood outside, trying to convince myself that it wasn't true and I should just go back but I took a deep breathe and walked inside. The air-conditioning was cold and sent shivers down my spine. A bored and tired looking teenage girl was at the front checkout, listening to loud rock music through her headphones to keep herself awake. I turned my back on her and walked through the aisles, looking for what I was looking for. I was scared, tired and cold but I wouldn't be able to sleep until I know it wasn't true. I finally found the right aisle and walked along it until I found what I was looking for.

A pregnancy test.

Nervous and shaky, I picked one up, took a deep breath, and walked to the front counter. I put it down on the checkout and the teenager raised her eyebrow at me. She scanned it and I paid her with change that was in my coat pocket. I took the test and shoved it in my pocket. As I walked off the girl sneered and said, "Good luck."

I ran back to the hotel. The boys were still fast asleep and didn't notice my absence. I put the test on my bedside table and sat on my bed, staring at it. I was a coward. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be a mother. Finally, I took a deep breath, grabbed the test and ran to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I leaned against the door, breathing hard, scared out of my wits, my eyes blurred with tears of fear. I pushed myself off the door and walked to he toilet, sitting down. I slowly, timidly, followed the instructions on the box. I finished and the result showed up. I closed my eyes; butterflies the size of cows fluttered in my stomach, making me feel queasy. Breathing hard, scared as shit, but somehow feeling brave, I opened my eyes. Two little pink lines stared back at me.

Oh fuck.

I woke the next morning hoping that I was all just a really fucked up dream, but as I sat up I saw the jacket I was wearing lying over the back of the chair were I had discarded the earlier that morning. I squeezed my eyes shut, a tear slipping out and sliding down my cheek.

"Why me god?" I preyed silently in my head, "Why me?"

I turned over and saw Sam and Dean sleeping contently. Sam's hand was hanging over the side of his bed and our beds were so close that I reached out and held his warm hand in mine, hoping that it would make me feel safe but I just made me feel cold and empty inside. What was I going to do? Tell him? Run away like my father did? Stay quiet? I suddenly really missed Liberty. If something like this happened, I would always ask her. But right at that moment, I had no girls to ask advice from, just a bearded drunken, a sleazy big brother, a father-to-be and an angel in a trench coat. What the fuck was I going to do?! As I looked at Sam's face, overwhelmed with feeling, I made my final decision. If I told him the truth, he would get up and leave, just like my own father had done 22 years ago. I couldn't bare living without him. So that was my choice, I would lie. He could never know.

The boys woke and dressed, getting ready for the big break-in to purgatory.

"I'm coming with you today and you can't stop me." I said to Sam and Dean.

"No." Sam said but I shouted over the top.

"Yes! I can't just sit here while your risking you life out there. I'm coming with you!"

"Fine!" Yelled Dean, "but Castiel has to figure out what's wrong with you first.

"No, it's fine. I'm fine!" I bellowed but the boys weren't convinced. Castiel appeared next to me, making me jump.

"I'm never gonna get use to that." I said.

"Don't worry, I'm still not use to it." Dean admitted.

"Come on." Castiel said, raising his hand to my head.

"WAIT!" I shouted nervously. Castiel's hand stopped midair. "Can we do this somewhere private?"

All three of them looked at me with confused looks, except maybe Castiel, whose face seemed to stay with no expression at all, like it always did, but agreed to give me some privacy after looking at my generally scared face. Castiel tapped my forehead with two fingers and I felt the whole world evaporate in a whirl of dazzling colours and confusion. My feet finally found the ground again seconds later as I found myself alone with Castiel back in Bobby's panic room.

"Don't worry, Bobby is away fighting a werewolf right now so he has no need for this room." Castiel explained as if he had read the confused thoughts that were running through my head, "May I proceed with the examination."

"There is no need, I know what's wrong with me." I said, knowing he could probably read the thoughts in my mind anyway.

"What?"

"I-I-I can't tell anyone." I stammered, scared.

"I'm an angel, if you cannot trust me with a secret, well… you cannot trust anyone."

"I don't think I even trust myself with it."

"I'm going to find out one way or another." He said, raising his hand to my head again.

"No, no. It's fine. I'll tell you." I admitted. I mean, what's the point of running if the guy chasing me had wings and a halo.

"I-I'm… I'm pregnant." I finally spat out.

For the first time since meeting Castiel, I finally saw a hint of an expression on his face for a split second, the expression of surprise, then his face returned back to plain.

"Who is the father of this child?"

I took a deep breath, and whispered, "Sam."

"Oh gracious." Cas said.

"Gracious indeed." I said sarcastically. "Please don't tell him. I beg you. Please."

We returned to the hotel again, Sam and Dean standing in the same place they were when left.

"So?" Dean said.

"Just a virus. It's fine. She can hunt with you." Castiel lied.

"Ok! Let's go!" Sam exclaimed and all four of us walked out the door.