CHAPTER ELEVEN

Jacob E. Black's Point Of View... Saturday, January 1, 2011

"What?" I blurted out, feeling shocked. Had I just heard Miley say what I think I just heard Miley say? Miley looked down and fidgeted with her hands in her naked lap nervously.

"Well-well, it's just..." Miley stuttered, suddenly looking insecure again. And like she was going to start crying again. I didn't want her to cry again. "We-we were happy before, when I was pregnant... So-so if I got pregnant again then we could be happy again... And I'd be better this time, I wouldn't let us lose this baby. I swear." She explained and I felt my mouth drop. She thought getting pregnant again would make everything magically better? That it wouldn't hurt anymore? "I don't want to forget about Robert, ever, he's always gonna be my baby boy, for all of eternity... But, we were happy when I was pregnant, Jacob. I just don't want to be so depressed anymore. And I know the pain won't just magically go away, but-but... But... We were happy before..."

"Miley-" I started, not knowing what the Hell I was going to say. She wanted to have sex so she'd get pregnant because... She thought it would make us happy again?

"Hey, guys." Rachel hesitantly opened the door and Miley frowned, her shoulders sinking a little. "Uh... How-how are you feeling?"

"Fine." Miley muttered, looking down and to the side. I sighed and stood up.

"Um... Okay?" Rachel furrowed her brow, "I'll just leave you guys alone then."

"I'm going to shower." Miley mumbled after a couple of silent minutes, still not looking at me.

"Miley-" I tried again, still not sure what to say.

"No, Jacob." Miley cut me off, standing up and grabbing her bathrobe which she wrapped around herself. "You just made it pretty clear that you don't want to have sex with me, so you should just leave me alone if I repulse you that much."

"No, Miley." I ran in front of her, grabbing her shoulders to stop her from moving. "I do-I love you, Miley, and I think you're the most beautiful, gorgeous, sexy woman I have ever laid eyes on." I said desperately, but Miley refused to meet my eyes.

"Then why won't you have sex with me?" Miley demanded and I gulped nervously.

"Miley. I love you. I really do." I said earnestly, mentally pleading for her to listen. "But, I won't have sex with you just so you can get pregnant again. Not right now. Being pregnant again won't just make everything perfect again, we need to grieve for Robert." Miley winced at his name. "Just give it time, Miley, I'm nnot saying time will make everything better, but the pain will fade. We'll always have him with us, but the pain will fade eventually. Getting pregnant right now is not the way to stop the pain."

"What would you know?" Miley snapped, suddenly looking up and into my eyes and I could see the hurt and desperation mixed with anger in the stormy orbs. "What do you know about how it hurts, huh? You already have Kyla. If you lose one baby you still have Kyla, living and breathing. And I was the one carrying him, he was inside of me, a part of me. You can say how much it hurts you all you want, but it will always hurt me a million times more, and you'll always still have Kyla." Miley yelled and I was speachless. I let Miley go when she forced my hands off of her shoulders and she stalked away, slamming the door behidn her as she left the bedroom and entered the bathroom.

MACOB

Miley R. Black's Point Of View... Saturday, January 1, 2011

I was sitting in the shower with the icy cold water blasting over me, washing away my hot tears. The shower felt like the only safe place I could cry. Out there there was always someone trying to comfort me, or talk to me, or get me to talk. And Jacob was out there. I knew I shouldn't have blown up at him, but I couldn't help it. I just wanted to stop the pain and he wouldn't help me. He wouldn't let me stop the pain. And it was all fine for him, he still had Kyla. Kyla was his first baby, Robert was just... Robert was mine. Jacob had Kyla, she would always be his first, but Robert would always be mine. He was my first baby, he was my son, he was mine. Even when we lost Robert Jacob still had Kyla. And I was still empty.

And now I was going to spend the next five months in close proximity to Jacob, Paige, their daughter together and Paige's son. Two babies. Neither of them mine. Neither of them Robert. It hurt. I didn't know how I was going to survive it, it hurt too bad. And Jacob wouldn't let me make it stop hurting. I wasn't naïve, I knew having a baby wouldn't magically take away the pain of not having Robert, but it would be better. I would have my baby, and Jacob and I would be happy again, like we were before. I would always remember Robert, and he would always be my baby, but I needed to have a baby, to make it better again.

"Miley?" Jacob's desperate voice drifted through the door and over the sound of the shower raining all over me. "Miley, please?" He begged and I almost felt bad... Okay, that's a lie, I did feel bad. Majorly bad. But, that didn't change the fact that he didn't want to have another baby with me. That he already did have a baby. One that was here, right now, alive. I felt so bad. I loved him so much, and I never ever wanted him to hurt, but he refused to have sex with me, to make a baby with me. I mean, what kind of seventeen-year-old guy refuses to have sex with his wife? If he really thought I was as 'gorgeous' and 'sexy' as he said I was then he would have sex with me.

Oh, my God!

I wasn't those things. That's why he didn't want to be with me. I repulsed him. He tried to do it before, but he couldn't keep up the charade anymore. Why hadn't I seen it before? Why hadn't I seen myself before? My skin was too pale, my bones were showing, my eyes were dark, red and had purple bags under them. What could Jacob possibly find attractive about anything to do with me?

I was ugly!

"Please, Miles, I'm sorry." Jacob continued and I found myself gasping for breath. How had I not realized it before? I slowly switched off the shower, afraid that if I stayed in there the water would turn me into a prune and I'd be even more ugly. I wrapped a towel around me, trying to hide as much of me as possible, as I cursed myself for not taking clothes to the bathroom with me, now I'd have to go out there and Jacob would see me. I carefully opened the door and peaked out, Jacob was still there. "Hey, Beautiful." He murmured and I winced. How could he stand there, and lie so easily like that? "Miley, I'm so sorry about before... I do want to have a baby with you." He said and I looked down, if that was true then why did he say before that he didn't? "I just-I just don't think now is the right time, Miles, not so soon... Not when it still hurts so much for Robert."

"Excuse me." I muttered, feeling choked up. I brushed past Jacob and back into our room.

"Miley!" Jacob called, following after me, but I closed and locked the bedroom door as soon as I was inside. I couldn't let him see me like this. I wanted him to love me, not be repulsed by me. "Miley, please, I'm sorry." I heard him lean against the door and I bit my lip. I didn't want Jacob to feel guilty, it wasn't his fault I was the way I am. "Please?... Please let me in, Miles?" He was using his pleading voice, the one that was just the right amount begging and seduction. I couldn't refuse him when he used that voice so I covered as much of myself as I could with the towel and opened the door.

"Hey." I whispered, looking down, he was wearing the boxers I got him for his last birthday, the glow-in-the-dark ones.

"Miley, please, I'm sorry." He wrapped his arms around me and I inhlaed his perfect scent. How had someone as perfect as him managed to imprint on someone like me? "I do want to have a baby with you, I swear I do, just... Please? Not when it hurts so much? You know it's not the right way." I sniffled and burried myself in him. Why was it that every time I was in his arms I felt beautiful and perfect? I wasn't delussional anymore, I knew I wasn't. As soon as I was out of his touch all the ugliness would come back. "Tell me what you're thinking?" He whispered, leading us over to the bed and sitting with me still in his arms.

"You don't want to have sex with me 'cause I'm ugly." I answered unwillingly, he could always do that to me. He could make me tell secrets I wanted to keep hidden from everyone, and he didn't even know the full power he had over me. "And I feel pretty when you hold me, but when you let go it's gonna go away and you still won't want me."

"Miley!" Jacob shook his head and pulled me back ever so slightly so he could look in my eyes. I longed to look down, away from his intense gaze, but it felt impossible to do. "Miley, believe me when I say you are the absolute most pretty, beautiful, gorgeous, sexy woman to ever exist." I cringed, that wasn't true, couldn't he see me? "I could get a billion testomonies to how absolutely perfect you are." He continued and I felt his thumb wipe under my eyes when I started crying. "Mi, you should never ever doubt yourself." Jacob kissed my lips softly and I sighed against him before he let me go and set me on the bed. "Wait here, MiMi." He kissed my forehead before walking over to the desk in the corner and taking something out of the top left drawer. "I meant to give it to you for your birthday, but..." My throat closed up. Robert William...

Jacob came back over and held my left wrist gently as he fiddled with something before letting it go and looking down. It was three charms for my bracelet; a hawk, a tiger, and a snowflake?

"It's because they're all beautiful, like you, and no two are the same, like you. You're completely unique, and absolutely perfect for it." Jacob explained when I traced my fingers over the delicate little wooden snowflake. It was painted white, like the animals on the charms - except they all had black spots like my forms. And the little star on the bracelt was gold, the heart was red, the letters M, R, and S were a brilliant gold-ish-silver-ish-purple-ish color that stood out. "And..." Jacob continued, looking nervous. He had nothing to be nervous about, he was the perfect one out of us. I was the screwed up one, and he was perfect. "I know it's not the same, but I baught this instead of making it." He said, opening a little red jewellery box and I gasped.

"It's beautiful." I breathed, staring wide-eyed as he took it out of the box carefully.

"Not even a millionth as beautiful as you are, Miley." I blushed and looked down. Ten minutes, and he had already made me discard my insecurities completely. Jacob took my hand - my right one this time - and gently slid the ring on my second to last finger. It was a beautiful gold ring with a yin yang symbol made of mother of pearl and onyx on the top surrounded by little diamons all around, and tiny heart-shaped diamonds starting down the band. "It's-it's so you'll never ever forget that we are... We complete each other, we need each other to become a whole, otherwise we're just different weird little shapes. But, when we're put together we're a perfect circle and so beautiful... We need each other, and I wanted you to always have something to remind you of that in case you felt like you did in September again."

"It's beautiful." I launched myself at Jacob and wrapped myself around him, not even caring anymore. He always made me feel beautiful, even if I wasn't. "It's perfect." I found myself crying again, but I wasn't quite sure why this time. "I do need you, Jacob, so much... I wouldn't have survived at all the last month if it weren't for you, and I know you're the only reason I'm gonna survive the next five months. I need you, Jacob, and I love you so, so much, Jay."

"I love you too, Mi." I sighed and leaned into him. He smelled like Jacob and sex. "And, I know it must hurt you more, but it hurts me too, having Kyla doesn't make it any better to not have Robert. I need you. You make it better, you're the only one that can."

"I'm sorry I said those things." I whispered, hoping he wouldn't resent me for it.

"You're upset." Jacob shook his head, dismissing it, but I still felt guilty. I shouldn't have said those things, I shouldn't have thought them. I shouldn't have thought he didn't think I was beautiful when he tried so hard to let me know in one way or another every day. How could I doubt Jacob's decisions? "You don't know how to feel or what to think. But, it's good you're letting your emotions out some way, I don't want you to be bottled up, it's not healthy, Miles."

"Everything just feels so wrong without Robert." I whimpered a little. "I thought if I was pregnant again, if we had another baby, then everything would be right again." Now that I was in Jacob's arms, it seemed so childish. "And then I thought you didn't want me 'cause you wouldn't have sex with me and you didn't want me to be pregnant... I-I... I thought it was 'cause I was ugly." I didn't know that that was completely gone, but in Jacob's arms I could never doubt his judgement. He was all that had kept me alive the last month, he was my entire life now. He was perfect in my eyes, and there was no way I wouldn't trust his judgement on anything - even me.

It was easy to think harsh, and unreal things when I was left alone, it was when my mind when haywire and I couldn't control anything inside it. Jacob made that stop, he made the crazy part of me go away... Mostly... Sometimes it slipped through and I said bad things: Like how Jacob wasn't hurting over Robert because he has Kyla. I knew that wasn't true. He had been excited about Robert just like me. And now he was hurting over Robert just like me... And I accused him of basically not caring. What kind of person does that?

"Miley, you are absolutely beautiful in every way possible." Jacob said and I nodded slowly, I had to believe him now, he just had that power over me. But, when we were apart... There was nothing to stop the truth when we were apart.

MACOB

Jacob E. Black's Point Of View

"Okay, so this is the set list, your main coreography is for Hannah, and the first few songs from the Miley set, so you need to learn all that today, and then for most of the songs you'll be performing as Miley you'll just be able to do whatever you want onstage." Vita was saying to Miley, but Miley wasn't paying attention. Miley was looking at her keyeboardist who had a small son, maybe two years old. "You're starting out as Hannah for the first third of the show, then the first openers come out and you sing We Go The Party with them. Then you go backstage and change into Miley whilst they sing two songs to give you some time. You start the second third of the show as Miley, and at the begining of the last third the second openers come out and you sing with them before you get to have a bit of a rest whilst they do two songs to let you catch your breath, and you finish as Miley singing The Best Of Both Worlds with a computerized Hannah Montana duet." Vita explained and Miley nodded absently. "Miley?" Vita seemed to catch on that she wasn't paying attention. "Miley, snap out of it, you only have one rehearsal before the first show." Miley slowly turned away from the little boy and nodded, looking down.

"Right; Hannah, duet, Miley, duet, finish." She muttered and I sighed. This was so a bad idea. It was too soon. Vita was quiet for a few moments, silently assesing Miley, trying to see how bad it really was. But, Miley didn't cry in public. She didn't like to, she kept it to herself until she could lock herself away and cry alone.

"The idea is to show the world a transition from Hannah Montana to Miley Black being the public figure." Vita eventually continued and Miley nodded silently, still looking down. "Like, that Hannah was just the begining, and you're coming out in full force you're going to be bigger and better than anyone else ever was."

"Wait up." I frowned, looking at the set list Vita had orriginally given to Miley, but she had discarded. "This says that Milye's gonna sing twenty-seven songs... Is that even allowed? She'll be onstage for over an hour and a half, that's usually the entire concert, including opening act."

"Okay, yes, a normal concert is usually only twelve to eighteen songs plus an open, but this is special circumstances. The company wants to make the most of Miley's absence and outing." More like trying to make the most out of Miley.

"Who are the opening act?" Miley asked, finally looking from her hands. She'd been playing with the ring I got her for Christmas. Yin/Yang, one can't exist without the other, just like how I felt for Miley. I couldn't exist without her.

"The Jonas Brothers come out first, and Justin Bieber is second." Vita replied and Miley nodded, turning her attention back to her ring.

Okay, yeah, I used two of the acts I dislike the most. But, I needed people that Miley had duet-ed with, and other than her father, it was either them, trace - and those aren't really duets, he sings like one word in the chorus in both Hovering and Someday, over and over - or Timbaland, and I really don't know that much about Timbaland other than they sang a really good, cathy, dancey song with Miley. So, unfortunately, it ended up as bieber and the jonas brothers.
Though I did have to change the jonas brothers up a abit because... Well, because Joe Jonas - the only decent one - is Shane Mauboy in this series. So instead the middle brother is going to be Jesse, and is going to be played by the guy who played Jesse in Hannah Montana... Drew Roy? I think it was?

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!~!~!

Let's see, it's still Christmas Day here... Or technically Christmas Night, as I'm writing this :)
I got a $40 movie card, a hair straightener (? Vanity and style are so not my things)... Though to be fair, the straightene did come with my NEW PHONE!
I can finally get rid of the old Sony Ericson T303 I had, half the buttons didn't work, the screen was covered in scratches, and every single weekend stupid Hillsong church would text me when I have no idea how the H-E-double hockey-sticks they got my number... Though, it was a good phone when it let me going on the internet on it for free for eleven months when I didn't have any credit :)
But, my new phone is a pink Nokia C3 with a complete qwerty keyboard, facebook and twitter aplications, amazing internet service, camera, and video camera (a first for me with a phone) and so much more :)

REVIEW!

XOXO
Miley-Girl