Remus watched Lyric as she slept, breathing in and out peacefully, safe in his bed. They hadn't made love, like she had wanted. It didn't feel right, after she had just gotten out of Sirius's bed, when Remus still had some unfinished business.

They had just gotten out of an Order meeting when everything went down, talking about more casualties, deaths, pain, war, and they were all emotionally taxed. That was probably what had prompted Sirius's outburst in the first place, and none of them were really prepared to deal with the situation properly. Remus was sure, too, that Lily and James had been particularly calm for his sake. If one of them had raised their voice he would have been triggered, the wolf would have attacked Sirius instantly and Sirius probably wouldn't have made it out of there alive.

But he knew they would all be showing up, like he would, at Sirius's flat, as soon as the clock struck midnight. Lyric could be ascertained to be asleep by then.

And when the clock signaled it was, Remus picked up his cloak, kissed her temple gently, and Disapparated, landing right beside Sirius's front door, glaring at the wooden structure as if it were the one that had hit Lyric, and not the man it held inside it.

Lily and James were there mere seconds later, frowning at him.

"I told you so," Lily sighed to James. "How's Lyric?"

"Sleeping," Remus whispered. "She cried for two hours, Lily. Cried herself to sleep, and I couldn't do anything to really comfort her. It was one of the scariest things I'd ever felt."

"Don't kill him," James warned as they knocked on the door. "If he's not contrite from words, I'll let you hurt him a bit, but don't you kill him. It wouldn't do any good, and she wouldn't forgive you."

Remus nodded, agreeing to the request that ought to have seemed far more reasonable than it felt in that moment. Sirius opened the door and frowned when he saw his friends gathered in front of him.

"I guess we'd better do this inside," he sighed, "rather than out on the street in the middle of the night."

The four of them went into Sirius's sitting room, settling down, no tea, no pleasantries, just a demanding silence.

"I'm sorry," Sirius said, although he didn't sound sorry to Remus. Or at least, not as sorry as Remus thought he should be. He ought to be wallowing at Lyric's feet.

"Why did you even do it?" James sighed.

"I don't know," Sirius moaned, rubbing his eyes like a small child. "I just… I don't really remember exactly when it started but I remember that I was so angry with her and… and… I don't know, the first time I didn't actually hit her, but then I guess a week later I hit her. At first I felt horrible about it but it just became the way I let out my frustration and she was always driving me up the wall."

Remus growled deep in his throat and Sirius looked up at him sadly.

"I never wanted any of this, Moony. I screwed up a long time ago and I always thought I could just keep going until I found a way out, but one thing always became another and… I'm just glad she's with you. She'll be happy again. I never really made her happy, Remus. I tried for a while, mostly for the sake of my conscience, but it never was enough, never right. I know I don't deserve to be forgiven, but she's not blameless either."

At this, Remus leapt from his seat and pushed Sirius back against a wall.

"Say that again," Remus snarled.

"She's not!" Sirius insisted. "She made a lot of mistakes for it to get to this point as well, and there's no excuse for my hitting her, Moony, but there was no excuse for her cheating on you, either!"

"You seduced her!" Remus snapped. "If it hadn't been for you, she would have been mine the whole time and she wouldn't have been so hurt!"

Sirius shook his head.

"She flirted back, Moony. Maybe I shouldn't have flirted, but that was as much her fault as mine."

Remus punched him hard across the face, but Sirius didn't fight back.

Eventually, James pulled Remus off Sirius.

"That's enough, Moony," James said softly. "He's suffered enough."

But Remus disagreed. Sirius could never suffer enough. He could never, ever hurt enough for hurting Lyric. Despite the fact that Sirius's face was bruised and swelling, his jaw clearly broken, Remus felt it wasn't enough. Lily would heal it and seconds later Sirius would be completely fine again. Lyric would never be fully fine again. She'd been beaten for months, at the least.

The mental image of Lyric, beautiful Lyric, curled in a corner, cringing from Sirius's blows, tears running down her cheek, a terrified expression on her face. The thought made Remus's hands shake and he said, "I'm never forgiving you for this, Sirius. We may be friends, we may be friendly, but I will never, ever forgive you for what you've done."

"I know," Sirius said, a bit hoarse. "And that's more than I deserve, after everything I've done to you."

Remus hadn't even thought of that, but looking back, Sirius had never treated Remus with the same respect James had received. Between nearly making Remus kill Severus Snape, stealing Remus's girl, and then beating said girl, Remus had definitely gotten the rotten end of the relationship. He never should have forgiven Sirius for the earlier offenses, but this… this was the final straw.

In anger, Remus left the still-irate Lily Potter to shriek at the beaten-down Sirius to crawl back into bed with Lyric back at his own flat.

Lyric was in the middle of a nightmare when he arrived, thrashing in the bed, whimpering, tears running down her cheeks, eyes still closed tightly. Remus's heart ached at the sight of her and without even changing he rushed into bed, pulling her tight against him, waking her as sweetly as he could.

"Lyric," he whispered, smoothing her hair away from her face as she shivered in his arms. "Darling, you had a bad dream. It's all right. It's not real."

"But it is real," she whispered. "It's absolutely real. It wasn't a nightmare, exactly, it was a memory. It was Sirius."

The anger bubbled up in Remus again and he wanted to run back to Sirius's house and beat the life out of him, but with Lyric shaking against his chest the thought of leaving her for even a moment was out of the question entirely.

"He's not going to hurt you anymore," Remus whispered, kissing her temple gently. "He's not going to touch you again. I'm not letting anyone hurt you ever again. I love you, Lyric, so much."

After about an hour, she had calmed down considerably and they still lay awake, her head on his chest, his hands still holding her and caressing her hair gently. He was tired, so tired that he barely noticed when she began to place kisses on his cloth-covered chest, then up his collarbone to his neck. It didn't take long for him to become more alert, the feel of her sweet lips on his skin, just as he had dreamed of since he'd first experience the sensations.

"Lyric," he moaned, wondering if he ought to stop her, have her get more sleep, wait until she was more emotionally herself, but he couldn't bring himself to stop the sensations she was creating within him.

She moaned against his skin as she pressed her lips to his neck, the vibrations driving him mad. He couldn't take it anymore, and Remus lifted her chin so that her lips met his in a hungry, passionate kiss.

Remus couldn't have stopped her if he'd wanted to at that point, and it was certainly the last thing Remus wanted, to lose the feel of her warm, eager body against his, the feel of her wrapped around him as she had not been in so long, too long. Her sighs, her moans, the way she gasped his name… How could he have ever given this up, even for a moment, for even things that made sense? Remus vowed as they climaxed that he would never, ever let go of her again.

And he couldn't sleep after that, holding her peacefully sleeping body against his, shivering at how it felt to hold her again. Remus thought he would never have a chance to be so close to Lyric again, thought she was going to spend the rest of her nights in Sirius's arms. As he ran his fingers through her silky hair he wondered how often they even slept together once things started falling apart between them. He pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.

"I love you, darling," he whispered. "I love you so, so much."

The following days were difficult, it was true, but Remus didn't find them quite so bad. The Order was just as hard of work, and it was increasingly awkward to be in a room with Sirius and Lyric, but the Order was constantly shrinking. The worst thing was, however, some of the things Remus had to do.

"Greyback is gathering quite an army," Remus told Dumbledore one night after all the others had left. "He's likely to take me in, housetrained or no, because of the sheer numbers he's attempting to gather. I'm worried, though."

"About Lyric."

"Yes," Remus said. "What will happen to her? Who will look after her when I'm gone? I don't like it. He already seems to expect me to join. I'm not sure I'm ready to do this yet."

"Of course," Dumbledore said, conceding that it would be difficult with a nod of his head. "Would you like a different mission for now to give you time to decide? I assure you, Lyric will be absolutely safe. She'll probably be complaining of boredom by the time you're back."

Remus hesitated.

"How long would it take?" he asked.

"Three days."

That wasn't very long at all…

"And you promise Lyric will be safe?"

Dumbledore gave a sad sort of smile and said, "She will be as safe as anyone can be in times such as this."

Remus didn't think it was good enough, but he didn't have much choice. If he didn't get out of there for some time, the werewolves would come looking for him and his mind would be made up for him. He needed time to think.

"All right," he said. "Three days."

So Remus went off to deal with a much smaller matter for three long days, excited to see Lyric when he came back. Her birthday was in a week, and he couldn't wait to hint at what he'd gotten for her. His excitement was thus that when he arrived back at the flat, he didn't notice the signs that something was wrong. The door was slightly ajar, and this was the first thing that he did finally notice that put him on edge.

Why would Lyric leave the door ajar? Had she stepped out for a moment?

Remus pushed the door open with a shaking hand, anxious to find her, praying that she was all right on the other side of that door. He didn't see her at first, but there was a rotten stench in the room that was so oddly familiar that he very nearly bared his teeth at the smell of it. As soon as he realized what was causing the scent, he turned the corner into the bedroom and saw the source of the smell itself: Fenrir Greyback.

"Well, well, little Remus Lupin," Greyback growled. "The prodigal pup who didn't really return. You've got yourself a pretty little bitch here. Did she know about your true nature, Lupin?"

"Remus," Lyric whimpered, shying away from Greyback's mouth, which was hovering over her neck.

"Lyric," he choked out, wondering exactly what Greyback was going to do to her, hoping it wouldn't be as bad as what Remus had seen done to several other young girls during his three days with the werewolves. "Lyric, I'm so sorry."

"Not your fault," she said softly, and Greyback's dark laugh filled the room.

"How sweet," he snarled. "Lupin, you were given a chance, and you betrayed our kind to the enemy. Here's a reminder of what happens when you cross us, when you betray your own. Say goodbye to your little bitch."

"Please," Remus gasped, but Greyback wasn't listening. He turned his head ever-so-slightly and ripped a large chunk out of her neck. Remus knew she would bleed to death. Werewolf bites, even not on the full moon, were still cursed wounds. Remus would be unable to heal it. "No. No!"

"Have a nice night, little pup," Greyback said, licking the blood off his lips. "Be sure Dumbledore knows of this, little pup. But that's what you do best, isn't it? Telling Dumbledore things…"

Before Remus had a chance to strike, Greyback tossed Lyric to the side and Disapparated. Remus rushed to her side, attempting to staunch the flow with his hands and ignoring the tears that were rolling down his cheeks.

"No," he whispered. "No, Lyric, no I'm so sorry, I–"

"Shh," she soothed, lifting a finger to his lips. "It's all right, Remus, it's not your fault."

"But you're going to die," he whimpered. "You're going to die, love, and–"

"And that's all right," she breathed. "It's all right."

"No," he said stubbornly. "No, it's not all right, lyric. Nineteen is too young to die," he whimpered.

"I want to die young," she breathed. "Saves the pain of growing old."

"What about me?" he sobbed.

But she was already gone.

Remus cradled her in his arms, ignoring her blood, which was all over the pair of them, simply gazing into her beautiful blue eyes, those eyes that had once burned with the light of the sun. They were staring up at him glassily, until he finally could take it no more and gently closed her beautiful eyes one last time, kissing them even as the tears poured onto her face.

Every day after that felt like the hardest. Moving on was difficult. Forgetting her was impossible. Every smile after her death was strained. There was nothing natural about happiness without Lyric.

The other tragedies in his life, they were bad. They hurt. But perhaps they only hurt as much as they did because he had to face them without her. No matter how many years went by, the wounds were still fresh. He never got over losing her, and he honestly never wanted to.

Because losing her was like losing the sun. He was perpetually cold and didn't want to go on living. But she would have liked the thought of someone mourning her forever, so he did. And she watched on like the angel he always knew she was as he tried to pick up the pieces of his life.

For everything was painful after that night. Everything was raw and fresh. Lily and James dying, Sirius's betrayal, Peter's death… Remus was sure he would have been unable to function if Albus Dumbledore hadn't personally made sure that he didn't forget that he'd had good days, too. Nothing could take those away.

It was true, Remus had had good days. He had known the most beautiful and perfect angel to ever walk the earth. And for a little while, he had led the world in his arms. It all fell away, though. Some things weren't meant to last, but they were more beautiful for their brevity.

Going through the life he had long since resigned himself to wasn't any easier for remembering the good days. Because he'd killed her. His foolishness, his eagerness to do something for the war and his inability to hold her at an arm's length had gotten her martyred for the fight against Voldemort. People who had known the pair of them swore up and down that it wasn't his fault. That he didn't kill her. But Remus knew the truth. It was entirely his fault.

And the boy who loved her had become the man who needed her. But she was gone. And it was entirely his fault.

/-/

"She's not a saint, Moony," Sirius said softly. "Beautiful, wonderful, perfect for you, perhaps, but not a saint. I'm to blame in a lot of her pain, and I'll be the first to admit that what I did to her, to you, was so wrong. But you can't keep blaming yourself for her death. She would hate that you blamed yourself for something that brought her peace."

"She shouldn't have died like that," Remus sniffled, attempting to drown his tears in more firewhiskey.

It was the anniversary of her death.

"Look, Remus," Sirius sighed, "none of them should have died the ways they did. But you know it's exactly how she would have wanted to die, and isn't that enough? I'm not saying don't mourn her, but don't stop living because she's gone. It's been years, mate. Please, don't do that to yourself. You know she wouldn't want you to."

"That's not it and you know it," Remus said, although that was half of what was wrong with pursuing Nymphadora Tonks.

"Whatever, Remus, she probably would have died whether you'd gone on that mission or not," Sirius growled. "Don't be so full of yourself. Don't be so stupid. She would hate you stealing her thunder, you know."

Remus smiled a little at that, in spite of himself.

She would, it was true.

Taking out his wand, he cut a small wound on his left palm and daubed his finger into the blood. Sirius groaned.

"I wish you wouldn't do that, Moony. It's gross. Ugh, please don't tell me you did this every year."

And Remus nodded and he wrote in blood on the table:

Lyric Braelyn Swanson Lupin.