I WANT EVERYTHING

"Helplessly Hoping"

Chad sat on the edge of his bed that evening, contemplating what on Earth he was supposed to do next.

It really did seem that all hope was lost.

He should've listened to his conscience when it was screaming at him. He knew from the get-go that what he was doing was wrong, but he still went through with it. Sonny had every right in the world to still be pissed at him, but now Chad was stressed as to what to do about it. He had done everything imaginable to get her to take him back, and nothing seemed to work. On top of that, there was the new anxiety of the fact that he may have even destroyed her career in the process of attempting to further his own.

He was a selfish bastard. No doubt about that.

He sighed as he fell back on his bed. He could just let her go, let her find a better life with someone honest. Whoever it was surely wouldn't be able to love her as much as he did. But did she love him anymore? The look on her face when he'd left her dressing room was undistinguishable - she was fighting whatever feeling she was having at the time. Maybe that was something.

He closed his eyes, concentrating only on the sound of the fan whirling above him. The door to his bedroom creaking open brought him out of his stage of thoughtlessness. He tilted his head slightly, preparing to ask his mother to leave him alone for the thousandth time that day, but his eyes met someone else's.

"Portlyn? What are you doing here?"

She gave him a small grin, holding up the latest copy of Tween Weekly.

"Just making sure you're alright. I can't believe your own agent sold you out like that. I doubt he'll ever work for anyone else after this," she said, settling herself down next to him onto the mattress. "Some of this stuff is pretty personal. I can't even imagine the toll this has all taken on your huge ego," she added with a laugh.

He grunted. "My ego isn't what I'm worried about."

"I take it Sonny is angry with you about it?"

Chad closed his eyes as he nodded his head, willing the pain to go away.

"That bad, huh?" she asked him, leaning back her hands.

"Just a couple of days before," he began to say, swallowing hard when he became a bit misty-eyed, "I told her that I loved her."

"Holy crap, Chad!"

"I know," he said with a sigh.

"I knew you liked her, but I had no idea you loved her," Portlyn said before frowning. "Wait, you weren't lying to her were you?" she asked him, but the look on his face gave her her answer. "Wow. Just, wow."

"I don't know what I'm going to do. I apologized and tried to explain it to her, but she still hates me." He said, his voice beginning to quiver as he spoke. "She told me that there just isn't any way for her to forgive me or trust me anymore."

Portlyn crossed her arms, thinking hard for a minute. "I don't know, Chad. This is a tough situation you've gotten yourself into. If she had any clue what this movie deal is doing for you, I'm sure she would understand-"

"The movie deal is no excuse for what I did to her," he quickly said. "True I needed it, but I went about it the wrong way. Obviously," he said, feeling an overwhelming sense of disgust for himself.

A few minutes passed by while the teenagers sat in silence. Chad lie back in his bed, arms crossed behind his head as Portlyn chipped away at the black polish which covered her nails.

Suddenly Portlyn sat up and snapped her fingers. "I've got it. What Sonny needs is a grand gesture. Something that proves how much you love her. Like when van Gogh cut off his ear, then gave it to that lady."

"Umm, I think 'that lady' was a prostitute," he told her, rolling his eyes at the idea, "And it wasn't exactly an act of love so much as one of insanity. Besides, there's no way I'm cutting of any body parts. Sonny would have me committed to the nearest insane asylum."

Portlyn sighed. "Well, it was just a thought…"

"But I do have to do something," he agreed. "Maybe," he said softly, "Maybe I should pass on the movie."

It had crossed his mind earlier, but his stomach churned at the very thought of it.

Portlyn narrowed her eyes at the boy. "Are you nuts? I know you love her, but this is taking it a bit far. Is she really worth giving up your movie career for?"

Chad sat up before looking down at his lap.

"Chad, think of all the opportunities that are going to open up for you," Portlyn reminded him. "What exactly do you have to fall back on? You're a C average student at best."

Chad frowned. She sort of had a point with that, but she was beginning to sound like Andy and it unnerved him. "But…Sonny is the most important person in my life. I-I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to go on without her in it. Losing her forever would hurt so much more than giving up this movie."

Portlyn shook her head in disagreement. "You know that there's no promise she'll take you back," she argued. "You could lose your movie and Sonny. Then you'd have nothing."

"Maybe it's a chance worth taking," he replied with a shrug. "Even if it's just proved to her that the movie means nothing to me if she's not in my life, it will be worth it," he said. "The only reason I have this stupid movie deal is because of her. As much as I want this…I don't think I can even do it anymore. This whole thing has basically ruined my life."

Portlyn rolled her eyes. "Well, it all sounds like a really dumb idea. When you're living in a cardboard box on the beach, don't say I didn't warn you.

Chad shook his head at the girl. "Gee Portlyn, you're such a supportive friend…"

X x

Quitting So Random was the hardest thing Sonny Munroe ever had to do. It was like moving away from Wisconsin - she felt like she was leaving her whole family behind by parting the show.

Marshall sat behind his desk, looking confused when she had told him her decision. He said he understood, but Sonny could see it in his eyes that he didn't. Things had been going so well for her and So Random. Sonny was writing sketches and getting rave reviews for her work on the show. Everything had been hunky-dory up until that day.

"If this is what you want, Sonny, then we'll support your decision," Marshall had offered. "You can announce your departure at the end of the show tonight.

Tawni had begged her to wait until the end of the summer to make her final decision, but it seemed nothing was going to change. Chad would still be Chad, and there was no way he could ever take back what he'd done to her.

So there she stood in the Prop House, bidding farewell to her cast mates before what would be their very final show together. There were tears. Nico and Grady hugged her, telling her how much they would miss her once she left.

Tawni was pissed, but she managed to muster up a selfless hug for Sonny before the show began. "It won't be the same without you," her blonde cast mate admitted softly in her ear before they went on.

Zora, being the youngest, appeared to take the news the hardest. "You can't go Sonny," the young girl said as she wrapped her arms around the older girl's legs and pinned her feet to the floor by sitting on top of them. "Who'll help me find spiders to put in Tawni's lip stick case?"

"That was you?" Tawni asked with a frown.

"Okay guys," Sonny said as she wiped the tears from her eyes. She was certain she had cried more in the past week than in her entire life. "No more crying! We're going on in five, and my mascara is running like crazy."

"Yeah," Tawni agreed, "have some respect for a girl's makeup."

Grady, Nico, and Zora took the stage first for a Dolphin Boy sketch. Tawni sat in the director's chair at the side of the stage, dressed in her Check It Out Girl Hawaiian-print shirt and going through an issue of Entertainment Weekly while rubbing perfume samples on herself and catching up on the newest trendy handbags. As she waited for the sketch to finish and the stage to be changed around for the next one, she flipped through a few pages about Bradgelina and teen moms before a photo of Chad caught her eye.

"Oh my God, Sonny. You need to see this."

Sonny was fixing the visor that was part of her costume when Tawni demanded her attention. She stood over Tawni's shoulder as she read the headline of the article: Chad Dylan Cooper Passes on Nicholas Sparks Movie. "That can't be, this has got to be a misprint or something," Sonny said with wide eyes. "There is no way he'd give up that part."

"Is not a misprint Sonny, there's a three page article on it."

"Why would he do this?" Sonny asked uncertainly. It didn't make sense. The stupid movie was almost all he could talk about for the past three months. He wouldn't have given up a role like that for anything.

Tawni rolled her eyes. "He did it for you, dummy."

Sonny's heart thumped wildly in her chest. "No, no that's not right. It doesn't make any sense…"

"Uh, he obviously wants you back, Sonny. I don't think you know what he's just done for you," Tawni said, still looking a bit shocked herself. "The budget for this movie is huge. It's the only thing everyone in Hollywood can talk about right now. A role like this was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for a actor as terrible as Chad."

Sonny ripped the magazine from Tawni's hands as she started to read.

"Alright girls, your sketch is up next," Marshall interrupted. "Look alive."

Sonny took to the stage in a daze. Chad had given up the movie, and essentially his one-way ticket to fame and fortune, for her? It wasn't something the real Chad would do, was it?

She had thought she knew Chad before they started dating. He was a self-centered, egotistical jerk who had no problem with using someone else to his advantage. The time he'd used her publicity to make himself look good while simultaneously ruining her reputation came to mind.

Then there was the Chad she had learned to love while they were dating. He was caring, supportive, and would easily give up a weekend of glitzy Hollywood parties to spend the day in with her when she was feeling down.

The entire week she was being torn between which one of the Chads was real: The Chad who stole her ice cream they day they'd met or the one who'd danced with her at the fake prom.

The sound of Tawni clearing her throat onstage reminded Sonny that she was supposed to be acting and had lines to say. The rest of the sketch went by without another hitch and Sonny quickly pulled Tawni aside backstage while the musical act performed.

"What does this mean?" she asked Tawni. "This is huge. I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to react to this."

The girl shrugged. "What do you think it means? Do you still love him?"

"I don't know," Sonny replied, confused. "I'm really pissed off at him right now."

Tawni smiled. "I know you're pissed but do you love him?"

"I guess I kinda want to forgive him, I just don't know if I should," Sonny admitted. "I mean, deep down I think I do still love him, but at the same time I hate him so much for what he did. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I don't know if I can trust him not to break my heart again. This is Chad, after all." She buried her face in her hands, grunting with frustration. "I am so confused!"

The band on stage began to wrap up their song, and the Randoms took it as their cue to say goodnight.

"Alright, we're closing the show now, so you'll have to figure it out later," Tawni said, pulling her back to the stage.

Marshall took the stage with a microphone in hand. "Thanks for watching So Random this season. We'll be back next season with all new sketches and musical guests. And before we say goodnight," he said, smiling at Sonny, "our own Sonny Munroe would like to make a very important announcement."

Tawni gave Sonny a questionable glance as she smiled and accepted the microphone. Nervousness washing over her body, Sonny's legs began to feel unsteady as she stared out into the audience of people who had shown up to support her, some holding signs that said 'Sonny' and others chanting her name. A smile graced her lips and her eyes scanned over her fans, young and old, when one member of the audience caught her eye.

He was standing at the very top of the bleacher seating, his hands in his pockets as he offered her the biggest smile he could muster. The lighting caught his blonde hair and made his blue eyes twinkle. Her gaze fixed on him, and she suddenly found herself incapable of forming words.

A slight nudge from Tawni encouraged her to finally say something to the audience, who were impatiently waiting.

"I-I just wanted to say," she began, taking a deep breathe. She stared up at Chad, who's smile faded as he realized the announcement she was about to make. "I just wanted…to…wish everyone a great summer!" she exclaimed, quickly pushing the microphone back into Marshall's hands.

The crowd cheered as the ending music played.

Tawni quickly grabbed Sonny by her shoulders before she had the chance to bolt backstage. "Does this mean you're staying?" she asked hopefully.

Sonny nodded, grinning widely as Tawni let out a loud squeal and the rest of the Randoms surrounded her in a group hug.

"You know I love you guys," she mumbled, still squished between her cast mates. "But there's something I have to do right now."

They released their grasp on her, and Sonny quickly smoothed the wrinkles out of her clothing while she darted backstage. The building was overcrowded, and she decided to wait for the audience to clear out before attempting to find him. When Sonny finally reached the top of the stairs, there he was, sitting in the middle of the very last row of the audience. He stood as she approached him.

"So, you're staying?" Chad asked.

She nodded.

"That's good," he said, offering her a smile.

"Chad, you gave up your movie. Why?"

He stuck his hands back into the pockets of his leather jacket, lowering his eyes and kicking at something imaginary on the floor. "It didn't feel right."

"How could that be?" she ask him curiously. "You've been preparing for this role for weeks now. You even read the book twice. I thought you wanted this more than anything."

He finally looked up, offering her a lopsided grin. "I did, too. I thought if I landed this role, my life would be made. But after this week, I guess I came to a realization."

"What's that?" she asked him curiously.

He sighed softly. "That my career isn't the most important thing in my life. That no matter how hard I try to justify it, I can't do the wrong thing to get what I want," he said. "I'm sorry Sonny. I was so dead set on becoming this famous movie star, I failed to see what I already had right in front of me. I'd gladly be busing tables when I'm 30 than to ever have done something hurt you."

Sonny tried her best not to smile, but it was a battle she was losing.

"I-I know I probably don't deserve you," he said uncertainly. "I wouldn't blame you if you hated me forever. The past few months have been a dream. You're such an amazing person and I need you in my life. I know I really screwed up but," he looked down, "maybe…maybe we could still be friends?"

He shifted from foot to foot a bit uncomfortably, looking up at her from under his wispy bangs awaiting some sort of reaction.

"I don't think I can, Chad."

His face fell momentarily until she grinned, throwing her arms around him. He smiled in relief as he held her back, relishing in the first hug they'd shared together in days. Sonny looked up at him. "Because friends wouldn't do this," she said before planting a soft kiss on his lips.

X x

A/N: I had a lot of anxiety writing this chapter. Nothing seemed good enough. I just hope the ending did the story justice. I rewrote it three times.

I'm doing one more chappie after this, an epilogue of sorts.