A/N: Thanks so much for everyone who has taken the time to review this story. I love reading the comments and it's so gratifying to know there are others out there who are interested in this story. I really appreciate all that have added this as a favorite or have followed me. You motivate me to get this done faster!

Martha moved once again to comfort her only child. Lanie fully expected that Javi and Ryan would once again be pressed into dragging him back to his bed but Castle surprised her when his sobs ceased relatively quickly. He was really determined to help them figure out the letter's message. She hoped they weren't overanalyzing the whole thing, but then remembered that this was Kate Beckett they were talking about. Lanie smiled to herself, comforted by the memories of her fiercely intelligent friend. No, they probably could not overanalyze this letter. The real question was if they could figure out what she was saying.

"What else did people notice?" Ryan wondered once Castle had regained some control.

"What about the closing?" Javi wondered. Seeing the blank looks on the faces around him, he continued "It seems like a strange way to end a letter. I would have just said 'love' or 'good luck' or 'have a nice life' or something like that." Lanie somehow managed to refrain from chastising her sometime lover. He could be such a man at times. So freaking literal.

Castle felt all the eyes turn towards him. He was silent for a minute, hoping someone else might rescue him from this next revelation but they all kept waiting on his thoughts. "That's probably the only true part of the letter" he said hesitantly; now knowing what the letter was really about made this obvious, at least to him. "It's kind of our thing." No one spoke. No one even moved. It was clear they didn't really understand what he was thinking, forcing him to continue. "I've said it to her for years meaning I was never leaving, would wait for her until she figured out that we were meant to be. Once she did, she started saying it to me as well. It's more than just a simple closing; it is everything we are to each other."

Once more the room settled into uncomfortable silence. They all knew how difficult it was to reveal the intimate secrets of two lovers, secrets laid bare for them all to know. Fortunately, everyone in the loft loved Castle and Kate without reservation so while it was uncomfortable, Castle knew each and every one of the people who now knew so much about their private life (and were likely to learn much more until they found her) would move heaven and earth to help him find her again. That fact helped buoy him up, gave him much needed strength to prevent him from withdrawing into a gibbering fetal ball.

"Her name at the end" said Jim suddenly, startling everyone at the intrusive sound of his voice in the silence. "She never, ever refers to herself as Katherine. Her mother called her that and after Jo died Katie never wanted anyone else to use it."

Castle looked up a bit startled at his mother, who'd blushed a bit. "Except mother calls her that now" he said slowly after Martha seemed ready to never speak again. "She has never seemed to mind it." Jim looked at them with a slightly strangled look then finally said "I guess that means she thinks of you as a maternal figure then Martha. She's never allowed anyone else to use it."

Martha looked stricken for a second then stood and ran into the office sobbing. She waved off Lanie who'd stood to go after her. It took a few minutes to compose herself, crying in fear for Kate but also guilt for her earlier vindictiveness against her when she thought she'd callously discarded her son and their family. She felt unworthy of Kate and this latest revelation; now knowing how much Kate seemed to value her the guilt was overwhelming. However, she also knew her son needed her more this time than probably at any point in his life, so she gathered herself again and rejoined the others in time to hear their next discussion point.

"The only other thing I see that seems odd is that she references Nikki Heat several times" said Lanie. "She really makes a point that she's not Nikki and that you should be looking for love with someone like Nikki. I don't understand what, if anything, this means."

Castle watched as his family (both by blood and by sweat and tears) pondered Lanie's words.

"Is she Nikki, or is Nikki her?" Jim asked Castle. He'd wondered about this for years since he'd first heard the author was basing a character off his daughter. He'd read the books, all of them. His and Kate's relationship was not a particularly intimate one. They loved each other and wanted the best for each other, but when he'd managed to crawl out of the bottle after his wife's death he'd discovered that Kate had grown into an independent woman without him. She'd had to, given all he'd let pile on her. But those lost years also meant he had never managed more than a toehold in his daughter's life. Reading the Heat novels had made him wonder how much of the character was his daughter. He'd thought perhaps he'd understand her a bit better if he could read about her in the books. He'd just never had the opportunity to ask how much was really his Kate.

The author hesitated for the span of 5 or 6 breaths. He didn't normally need to think about words, especially words about her, but he wanted to make sure he conveyed his true feelings as clearly as possible for his loved ones that gathered around him.

"When I first met Kate and started following her around, the idea of Nikki was born from some of her best qualities and other qualities that I thought were necessary to make Nikki interesting to write. Like her sluttiness" he added hastily as he saw some protests rising in their throats. "Kate is a confident, intelligent woman who is tough, strong and moral. Nikki is all that, but she is also someone who is flawed in ways that Kate is not. Nikki is not Kate; she comes from a combination of her and from me. Now that Kate and I have finally gotten together, naturally I've been able to know her in ways I never could have when the concept of Nikki was born. Plus, during that time we've both changed in many ways. I love the character of Nikki and she's done very well for me, but Kate is so much more than Nikki could ever be. She has a capacity for love that takes my breath away. She carries me when I need her to and lets me carry her when she needs me. Before I knew her love I thought I had a great life: father, son, great career, friends with interesting people. Then I met Kate Beckett and realized what I thought was a great life was but a shadow of what I have with her. Her presence alone brings light to a dark room, makes the moon and stars twinkle in the sky just for me. She makes me whole, makes me want to be a better person just so I can show her how much she means to me. I would give up ever writing a Nikki Heat novel, or any novel, ever again if I could just make sure she's safe. Nikki means nothing to me without her."

Lanie and Martha both had tears streaming down their faces as he finished his declaration. Ryan was swallowing rapidly and even Javi seemed to have something in his eyes that required rubbing with his fists. Jim simply seemed stunned by the soliloquy of love from Castle. They'd all watched Kate and Castle through the years. While their love had been obvious to the people sitting there, nothing had ever been easy between the two. There were times they'd all thought these two were never going to wake up and realize what they had. Castle's words made it clear he knew what he had with Kate and they all knew how he would fall apart without her. His recent drinking was evidence of his inability to function without her.

Ryan was the first to break into the moment. "So, is there anything else?" No one spoke. While they all thought mentioning Nikki was strange, they couldn't figure out the meaning of the references. "Ok, to rephrase, we have a letter that we all agree is from Beckett." Everyone nodded at the Irishman, so he continued. "We think she wrote this letter but does not mean what it says. Our evidence for this is that she uses a name that is fairly private between her and Castle" Ryan blushed a bit with this, but when he saw the rest of the group slowly nodding their heads he continued. "She signs off with a name that no one except her mother and Martha use. And she claims to have lived in New York for all her life when we all know that isn't true. So, based on these facts we think she doesn't want the rest of the letter, namely the fact that she's leaving Castle, to be believed. Anything I've missed?"

Lanie spoke up "I would add that she's trying to give us a message about Nikki Heat but we're not sure what that message is." Ryan nodded and wrote it down.

"What's next?" Martha asked.

"When is the last time you saw her Castle?" Javi asked.

"Wednesday morning" said Castle dully.

"But exactly when?" Javi persisted

"I walked her downstairs to her cab. She had called for one to take her to the airport. It was about 7:30 in the morning."

"Ok, what we need to do first is figure out if she even left New York. Ryan and I will ping her cell from the texts she sent you Castle. I'm not sure we can use the call the AG's office made since we have no idea which number they were using on their end. We'll check with the airlines to see if she caught the flight. And if you can let us know which cab service she used, they might be able to tell us directly."

Castle gave Espo the information he needed. Knowing they needed to make a start on the investigation after so much time had elapsed, they said their goodbyes to everyone with plans to regroup the next evening at the loft and go over everything they'd learned. Lanie left with them, giving Castle a bear hug before exiting the apartment. She whispered to him "I've got some leave saved up, I'm going to ask for a few days. I can't work on other cases knowing my girl is out there." Castle started to protest, but saw in her eyes that nothing would deter her. "Kate is so lucky to have such a good friend" he whispered back.

"I'm your friend as well Castle. I'll be back in the morning and we'll start figuring out what to do. Get some rest, that girl of yours will need your strength."

After saying goodbye to the three of them, Castle turned back to his mom and Jim. Martha could see how exhausted her son was. "Richard, go lie down. We can't do anything tonight. You need to be fresh for tomorrow." He knew she was right, though he didn't think he'd sleep until Kate was home.

Jim was still sitting down, staring into space. As he heard Martha telling Castle to go to bed, he realized it was time to go. He just didn't want to leave place that his Katie had come to think of as home. He could feel her presence in the loft and the thought of losing that feeling was terrifying. As he stood irresolutely, Martha laid her hand on him.

"Jim, I know this is hard. Hard on all of us. I was wondering if you'd consider staying here. There is a spare room. I know it's an imposition, but I'd feel better having someone else here with me in case Richard has more problems. Plus, that way you're here at ground zero of operation 'find Katherine'."

Jim hesitated, not sure if the owner of the apartment would want him here. Castle had heard his mother addressing Jim and waited for an answer. When Jim seemed to struggle with the decision, Castle decided to help. "Jim, please stay. Kate would want you here. I want you here. You're part of our family, and we need each other more than ever."

With these words, Jim simply nodded his acceptance. He was so grateful they were including him. Castle turned and went into his bedroom. He knew his mother would get Jim settled. Not bothering with his usual nighttime routine, he simply stripped his clothes off and collapsed on the bed. He chose Kate's side just to feel closer to her. He was certain he wouldn't sleep, but his exhausted body chose otherwise. As he drifted off, arms clutching her pillow and nostrils finding her lingering scent, he sent her a mental plea. 'Hang on Kate, we'll find you. Just hang on.'