Disclaimer: Purely for entertainment. Please don't steal the characters I created.
Rating: R for language and talk of adult nature

A/N: Thank you for patiently waiting, as always it is very appreciated. Hopefully next update should be very soon.

Part 11 – The Definition Of…

So no one really told me why or how Buffy came to die, and having gotten out of jail less than a week back, I don't know if the guys were ready to sit me down and explain it all to me.

Wes and I had barely set foot outside of his apartment for the rest of that day and the day after that. I think some much needed sex-sessions had been in order. But seriously, after that, it was time for the more appropriate stuff, like the reason why I was now on the other side of the penitentiary walls.

I couldn't really sleep; I had kind of got used to that itching feeling inside of me everyday, forcing me to stay switched 'on.' So I got up, fixed myself a drink, something to eat. A sandwich. Man. I hadn't had a good sandwich in so long. I had a think to myself whilst I ate, about the whole situation on B, and what I'd have to do now.

I don't know if I woke him up or he was half up anyway but he came out of his bedroom all groggy, rubbing his eyes and padding along the floor towards me, grumbling something I couldn't understand.

'Come again?'

'What time is it?'

'Oh…' I glanced at the oven clock. 'Three-twenty.' Took a bite out of my sandwich. 'Can't sleep?'

'You were making a lot of noise…fumbling around in the kitchen…I see why…' Soon enough he was pressing his lips to mine (although my mouth was still half full with lettuce and cucumber and ham and all the rest) and giving me a little smile.

'Sorry…was hungry,' I told him as I held the sandwich up to him. 'You want some?'

He shook his head and sat down beside me at the kitchen counter. 'You don't sleep much, do you?'

I shook my head, more interested in chewing the food in my mouth.

'Eh. A lot on my mind,' I finally answered having cleared my mouth of food. 'This whole situation. Being here. B's situation. Being with you.'

'Being with me?' he repeated, as if it was something in need of discussion. Not while a girl's stockin' up on sandwich, y'all.

I nodded.

'How do you mean?'

I shrugged. 'You know.'

He contemplated my words a little with a thoughtful expression and silently came to the conclusion that no, he didn't know. He shook his head with a growing grin and I couldn't help but mirror it. He was so hot when he grinned.

'Tell me what you mean by that.'

I sucked in a breath. God. Explanation. I never explained myself. I'd have to put down the sandwich for a few.

'It's kinda difficult…' I started, not really wanting to say what I really meant by 'being with him' and he knew it. I licked over my lips and tried to pass it nonchalantly. 'It's just what it is, you know.'

Had he not stopped my hand reaching towards the sandwich, I would've thought he'd comprehended my brushing off the topic. But I think he was seeing beneath that, and probing me to unfold a little.

Maybe I did.

I sighed quick and closed my eyes. 'Can I just have my sandwich, please, I'm really hungry,' I said quickly.

He shook his head and took it, along with the plate it was on. I watched him surprised, as he took it across the apartment and returned with a slight smile on his lips. 'Only if you tell me what you meant by that.'

I sighed. He wasn't gonna let me have it. He really wanted me to talk to him. What would it hurt?

I scoffed and watched him as he leant against the counter, mirroring my folded arms. 'So c'mon.'

I couldn't stop looking at him. I mean, look at him. Trying to get me to talk. I watched him a few good moments before rolling my eyes and mumbling a couple of stupid, incoherent words. 'It made me feel worth something.'

Explanation over. I headed for the direction of my sandwich, visible on the coffee table in the lounge. But nooo. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me back.

'No, no, no…didn't even hear that. Tell me what you really meant,' he said calmly, now pulling me in close to him and looking deep into my eyes. 'I promise I won't tell anyone.' And there was that gorgeous kiss, on my lips again. 'I promise.' Followed by that smile. Gooood. I couldn't have imagined this four years ago when B and I were back in that library meeting him for the first time.

I felt myself relax. Like honestly, my shoulders fell and I exhaled and my stomach sunk…but in a good way.

I drew in a breath slowly, still holding his gaze, and begun speaking, fully aware of his arms on me and his attention on me, solely. 'Being with you, it…' I couldn't do this. But then I felt him give me a little squeeze. I shook my head a little, aware that my eyes were portraying a look of something a little more desperate and sincere now. 'This is stupid, Wes.'

'No, it's not, of course it isn't…just…relax.'

So I did. Again. And took a breath. We were fully serious now. I even felt my jaw clenching a little. 'Being with you made me feel worth something. Not just a murderer who could care less. Being with you kinda made me feel…normal…and maybe…loved, I don't know…' I drifted off at the end, hoping he wouldn't have heard that word I said (by accident).

But now my eyes were at the floor, and I couldn't hold him back and I was hoping he'd just let me be. But I felt him slide a hand up, up my back, into my hair and rest at the back of my head. And then he was asking me to look at him, this gentle and warm voice, so un-invasive and true.

'Faith…' He waited for me to look into his eyes until he started speaking.

'Being with you made me realise how much I wanted to make you feel…loved. And I saw you before, broken and helpless and I wanted to hold you, and kiss you and…tell you…that…maybe I could fall in love with you. A strong, beautiful, misunderstood but beautiful woman. Lost. I wanted to be your found.'

What?! What the hell was he saying? That he could love me? Panic. No wait. I shouldn't panic because he was trying to tell me something that maybe wasn't such a bad thing. Maybe he meant it.

I could feel tears threatening to tumble down my cheeks and I knew my face was showing that of a surprised being. And then I was holding him back and we were holding each other and I'd found this new kind of, respect for him. Willing to help me, to find me, and maybe even to love me.

Hell knows I still wanted to get that sandwich, though.

TBC