I'm back (for now)! Yay! Well, first of all:

Wow nine reviews? You guys have a thing for sexier chapters, eh? Just a warning, I'm kinda a tease when it comes to writing stuff like that. Sexual suggestions? Damn straight. Innuendos? Of course. Grinding scenes? You bet. Strip teases every now and then? Uh, yeah! Hot make-out scenes? A must. Anything else? We'll see. ;)

Anyway, this scene has Ragnor in it so, if you're sick of him… Oh, well. They're best friends and I think you guys like him and, he's kinda like Magnus' voice of, not reason… Okay, who knows? He's that slightly annoying best friend that continually pesters you in order to keep you sane. He's essential.

Title: Memories

Characters: Magnus, Ragnor, and a little bit of Alec later on

POV: Magnus'

Song 1: Summertime by My Chemical Romance (I just happened to be listening to this and, if you guys know anything about Gerard Way, you know he hasn't had an easy life at all so, the fact that he has that in common with Magnus, and this song sounds so hopeful, is enough reason for me. Oh, and have I told you guys that they're one of my all time favorite bands? Well, they are.)

Song 2: Roll Away Your Stone by Mumford & Sons (Magnus' secret little obsession, as well as mine. It sounds artistic to me- Like they see things a little differently than a lot of other artists. I have a deep rooted respect for those guys.)

Disclaimer: Have I done one of these for this story yet? Well, I'm gonna do one now. All songs up to this point that have been listed and featured in my story are not my property in the least. Neither are the characters used because they belong to Cassandra Clare. HOWEVER, this plot is absolutely mine. So is Ragnor's attitude and Lysander. And, Hank. Oh, and Andy. I own a lot more than I thought…

"So, you really like this boy don't you?" Ragnor asks, frowning at the idea.

We're wandering through the mall but, talking more than shopping which is odd for us. It's been a few days since I went with Alec to the Institute.

"Yeah. I don't know what to do exactly." I admit, feeling defeated and excited over the idea at the same time.

Alec told me all about how he's taken care of his family for years. He's practically been Max, Izzy, and Jace's guardian for the past few years and he's so selfless. The entire opposite of me.

He's so adorable, too even though a part of me really wishes he wasn't. Every moment that I'm with him, I feel like one of the million walls that I've created are bulldozed, gone.

If I'm being honest, which I almost always am, I don't like it. I don't like that this one kid, who I didn't even know existed months ago has that kind of power over me. He shouldn't.

That scares the hell out of me because those have been my protection all my life. They've always ensured my safety, or at least, my lack of emotion, lack of caring too much.

And, now, of all the stupid things I could be doing, some of which are quite illegal, I'm letting this boy in that be able to make me feel so much.

But, if I'm being completely honest (See? I said I usually don't lie), the truth is that I like it. A lot. I like that someone can still make me react that way. Truthfully, I thought that part of myself, the part that can be so affected, was dead. It's nice to see that I haven't turned into some completely cold-hearted bastard.

"What do you mean? You just let it happen." Ragnor says, as if it's the easiest thing in the world. Trust me, it isn't. "Just promise me you won't hurt yourself in the process?" Ragnor says, only scaring me further.

"Why am I so fucking scared? Alec's the farthest thing from scary…" I say, annoyed at myself because I know what's so scary even if I won't voice it aloud. I'm afraid that I'm changing because of Alec and too much personal change in such a short time can cause horrible things to happen. With that, I'm all too familiar.

"Maybe it's because you haven't done this in a while, sweetheart." Ragnor suggests and I think that may actually be a valid point.

"You know what really confuses me?" I ask all of a sudden since I don't want to really discuss that part with Ragnor just yet. It'll make me feel pathetic.

"What?" Ragnor asks wearily. I do feel guilty about unloading all of this on him under the pretense of a shopping trip, though.

"My other relationships were so physical. This, this one isn't at all. I mean, we've kissed and everything but, more than anything, this relationship, or whatever we have, is so emotional. It's so heavy." I say, thinking back on our conversations. "I mean, even when we kiss, it's like emotional overload. Happy, confused, needy, vulnerable." I whisper the last word but, I'm sure Ragnor catches it.

I don't know if Alec's feeling so much but, he's definitely making me feel all of that and more. It's like he's an emotional baggage magnet or something.

Most of the emotional aspect of things seems to be coming from me, in actuality but, I'm positive that Alec hasn't realized it since all my life, I've had to keep a flawless poker face.

"Well, maybe he's the one." Ragnor suggests lightly. "You never know." He add.s

"The one. Yeah, right. I've had that thought before." I shake my head at him but, can't help smiling at the idea, frightening or not. Of Alec being all mine and no one else's. Ever. Forever. I do really like him.

"Damnit, Magnus! Stop comparing him to the others. He's not like them and you know it. So, just shut up for a second." He says suddenly and I make a move to start in again but, he holds his hand out, effectively shutting me up. I swear this boy can read minds, which is what makes me listen to what he has to say.

For now, at least.

"Magnus, you said yourself that it's heavy, right?" Ragnor asks suddenly. I nod at him. "Then, stop worrying. Just live in the now. Don't worry about anything and whatever you're feeling, just feel it. Take it day by day and don't even bother thinking about the rest. You dwell too much on tomorrow, or yesterday, for that matter, you'll miss out on today." Well, hell. That seems to be the most sensible thing Ragnor's ever said.

"You're right. I'm Magnus fucking magnificent Bane. I need to stop brooding so much." I say, feeling better already.

"Exactly!" Ragnor encourages me, grinning.

"I like the kid, you know? I like him a lot and not just because he's unbelievably, deliciously sexy. I really like him for him, which is admittedly unexpected but, I'm just gonna date his ass and what happens will happen." I say, pulling him into my favorite store and earning a few weird looks but, not caring.

"Yes! Magnus is back to his non-philosophical, somewhat annoying bitchy self." Ragnor applauds softly and links my arm with his as we scan through what seems to be a million clothing racks.

We continue to shop for the next hour before I decide that it's time for me to probably get back home.

"Aw, why? I was having fun." Ragnor whines but, I don't change my mind because there's that familiar nagging in the back of my head and, slight as it is, I don't want to ignore it.

"I know. And, really I'm sorry. Rain check?" I say, already knowing that he'll forgive me.

I get to my apartment in what seems to be record time. It's one of those times where I have to think and I can't do that properly with others around.

I have an urge that's become all too familiar in the past few years but, the only difference is that I don't have even an inkling of what's inspired me. I go with it, though because I have a feeling that it'll be good.

I scour my flat for one of my sketchbooks and my graphite kit, feeling the sudden urge to draw something. Anything.

Usually, drawing helps me sort out my thoughts and just relax. The feeling of a tool in my hand, scraping lightly against paper, canvas, emits a calm over everything and suddenly, the world just isn't there anymore.

All of the outside problems, the rushing waves of people going in all directions just vanishes until there's just me and my art, how it's been for a while now.

It gives me the opportunity to express myself without having to explain. It allows me the opportunity to just let my thoughts roam wherever they want to. I don't have to stop my train of thought because if something strikes a chord, who'll ever know besides me and Chairman?

When I've bottled everything up, my art allows me to release it all, one stroke, one line at a time.

Art isn't just a safe place for me, it's a part of me, much how it was once a part of my mother.

She didn't do visual arts though, only performing but, it's all the same in the end. You're actively expressing yourself and putting little bits of yourself out there for the world to see and judge.

Your perspective on everything is suddenly thrust out into the unknown and you have absolutely no idea how it will be received.

I always thought it took an extremely strong person, stronger than myself, at least, to be a good artist. I think that still may be true but, strength didn't help my mother much, in the end. And, at any rate, my professors seem to like my pieces.

I quickly abandon thoughts of my mother because once I get started, it's hard to lull me back into the present and, given the fact that I'm alone, the only one that's here to snap me out of it is Chairman Meow and I don't think he'd care long enough to actually be successful.

I wonder if I fed him today?

Once I start a rough outline though, it surprisingly doesn't turn out to be something. More like someone.

I'm not sure how Alec appeared on the page before me but, I just go with it, marveling at how his body is toned and defined, yet so soft in some places.

I wave my hand, making my Mumford & Sons disc appear in my CD player and start playing. It always helps me with my art, even if it isn't something I'd normally listen to.

I start with his dark, uneven hair, having to fill it in with my charcoals before moving to his delicate face. It isn't necessarily easy since the lines of his hair are jagged and then, suddenly, his face is completely gentle, soft. Complete opposites.

I continue to sketch out his lithe figure, filling certain parts in and trying with some difficulty to give his eyes that sparkle that makes my stomach flutter with excitement. That depth that makes him seem wise beyond his years. Timeless, even.

It takes a while before I'm satisfied with it but, after a while, it's almost as if my gorgeous boyfriend- is he my boyfriend now? - is on the page. I'm surprised that it turned out at all, less known well.

I feel kinda pathetic for memorizing every detail of a boy that I just met at the beginning of the school year.

I move the page over to find another and start draw two perfectly circular orbs before drawing a sloping line on the top of them, followed by an almost flat line on the bottoms.

On the top lines, I take my charcoal stick and draw thick, jagged strokes that slightly curl upwards before drawing a series of shorter, lighter strokes on the bottom.

I put dots in the centers of the orbs before expanding them and highlighting certain parts.

Before I know it, Alec's eyes, in black and white, are staring up at me but, something's missing. Something crucial.

I haul myself off of the floor, spilling my supplies everywhere (and scaring Chairman Meow) and rummage through some drawers, trying desperately to find my watercolor pencils and oil pastels.

I finally locate them and situate myself back on my pink rug.

I stare at the pastels for a second and none of them seem to be the right color. Same with the pencils.

I end up using all of the blues in both kits, trying desperately to make them become Alec's color. That's what it is in my mind now. Alec's Color. With a lot of intense smudging and trying futilely to use my eraser, the color finally comes out right.

The eyes seem to be made of the ocean, reflecting the world through a film of honesty and innocence.

I love Alexander's eyes. They show his every emotion even if he doesn't want them to. Despite his default façade of stoniness and coolness, they show his fear at being found out, his hesitance and confusion at us, his love and compassion for his family.

I scrawl my name in the corners of the two drawings before taking them out of my oversized sketchbook and staring at them.

I'd like to show them to him but, I'm not sure what he'll think. Maybe he'll think I'm creepy? I don't want that.

Or worse, he'll think that I'm infatuated with him, falling for him. That isn't true, is it? You can't fall for someone that easily. Especially me. I don't fall for people anymore.

What is it about Alec that makes me feel everything that I don't want to? I don't want to have such strong feeling for anyone but, I can't make myself stop. Or, at least slow down.

I sigh to myself and take my cell phone out to text Alec.

Magnus: Hey, sweetness. ;)

Alec: Hey. :D How are you?

Magnus: I'm good. You?

Alec: Great. What are you up to?

Of course he had to ask that. Couldn't hurt to tell him. I'm pretty proud of how they turned out, though.

Magnus: I just finished drawing.

Alec: That's cool. What did you draw?

I take a deep breath and try not to think about what I'm typing, just send it. What's the worst that could happen? He likes me too, obviously.

Magnus: You. And then another one of your eyes.

Alec: Wow. Really? I'm honored. Could I maybe see them tomorrow?

Magnus: Of course. They probably aren't that good though.

Alec: Magnus. I've seen your work. You're amazing.

Magnus: Thank you! But, do you mind my asking? Where did you see my pieces?

I don't remember ever showing him any of my pieces… No, I'm positive I never have.

Alec: I saw them hanging around campus. They're in just about every hallway. You're really good.

I'd forgotten about that.

Magnus: Thanks. I just draw what's on my mind.

Alec: I was on your mind?

Magnus: Yes…

Alec: Good or bad?

Magnus: Good. I was just thinking about how I love your eyes so much. They're beautiful.

Alec: Thanks :) I think your eyes are really pretty.

I can almost feel Alec blushing through his phone. He's so adorable!

Magnus: You're too kind. Most people just find them scary or monstrous.

Alec: That's horrible. There's nothing monstrous about your eyes. They're so beautiful. Really.

I feel my eyes start to get cloudy. He's doing it again, breaking through my walls that I've spent years building.

If it weren't for my eyes, maybe I would've had a decent childhood. As soon as I opened my eyes for the first time, everything continuously went downhill. I try not to think about it but, for a second, it's as if I'm there again.

In that old house in the hills, crouching down in sheer terror, trying desperately to make it all go away by clutching my ears and clenching my eyes shut. Rocking myself on my heels, trying to comfort myself. I was only a child. Someone should've comforted me, taken me into their arms and held me. But, she was too busy getting beaten.

The sound of my phone interrupts my thoughts.

Alec: Did I say something wrong? Are you still there?

Magnus: No, you didn't say anything.

Alec: Magnus, are you okay?

Before I get the chance to respond, my phone starts going off. Alec's calling me.

"Hello?" I will my voice not to crack and it almost works. Almost.

"Magnus, where are you?" I think I hear panic in Alec's voice.

"I'm at home. I'm fine, though, really." I try to reassure him.

"Magnus, I'm not stupid. I can tell that you aren't fine. Tell me what happened." He presses.

"Nothing, really. I just- You said my eyes were beautiful and it reminded me of something. That's all." I say, trying not to let the stupid tears pooling in my eyes fall.

Damnit! I'm over this. I'm over what happened. It was a long time ago and it doesn't matter now. Calm the hell down, Magnus. What's done is done. Don't dwell or you'll break. You don't want that to happen. No one'll be able to help you get it back together. Chill out.

"Magnus, you can tell me." Alec says gently over the phone.

"No. No I can't. Not yet. I'm not sure if I can tell anyone." My voice cracks on the last word. "But, uh, basically, my dad, the man my mother was married to, hated me because of what I was. Half demon, you know. Not his." I try to tell him all that I can because I can tell that he cares but, I haven't told anyone and I'm just not ready to talk, to think about it yet.

Not even Ragnor. I told him some of it but, I just ended up sobbing grossly, with Ragnor having to comfort me after.

Being traumatized a bitch, I can tell you that.

"I'm sorry." Alec whispers sincerely. "I- I didn't know." He says after a while.

"Oh, I know. I'm fine, really. Don't worry about me. It's nothing." I respond, taking a deep, calming breath.

I haven't even told my dad, Hank, everything. I just gave him an overall outline of what happened and left it at that.

There's no way that I can tell Alec. Maybe later but, definitely not right now.

"Thanks for being here, Blue Eyes. Really." I say, smiling sadly.

"I- I didn't even do anything. I was just checking on you. I was worried." Alec says honestly, still sounding every bit as worried as he was before.

"Yeah, uh, thank you for that. Thanks for listening, even though I didn't really tell you anything, huh?" I chuckle softly.

"It's fine. You don't have to tell me anything." Alec reassures me. "But, if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, I'm right here. I'll listen." And, when he says that, I know he's telling the truth. Of course Alec would listen. He's so kind and pure and understanding.

Plus, in his household, someone has to turn out patient, right?

"I'll keep that in mind." I say, knowing damn well that I won't tell him anything. It's not that I don't want to but, I just physically can't. It hurts when I try, like I'm falling, burning. Drowning. It feels horrible. "I gotta go though. I have class in the morning." I say, telling the truth.

"Alright. If you need to call, you can. Anytime, okay?" Alec says seriously.

"You are so cute when you're all worried." I say, laughing lightly. "And, will do. But, I promise, I'm just fine, okay?" I say and before we hang up, I decide to mess with Alec a little. "Worried Alec really turns me on, by the way." I purr softly into the receiver, remembering how much he seemed to like it before.

I can practically feel his face heating up with embarrassment over the phone.

I chuckle to myself, momentarily forgetting what just occurred.

But, knowing Alec, and I like to think that I know him fairly well now, he won't give me any weird looks.

That's just not his character.

So, there's a bit of the drama I promised you guys. And, yeah Magnus is kinda stubborn but, hey. I've edited this stupid chapter like five times already and I'm to the point now where if I re-read it again, I definitely wouldn't notice even the biggest mistakes so, I'm just gonna update now.

As for when I'll update next, I'm not too sure. My life's calming down significantly and now, the things that may interfere with my updates are auditions, practicing for auditions, and maybe getting a little distracted because I've updated my little music studio. Oh, and of course, school's starting back up so, there's that. For those of you interested in my other Malec fic, Just to Make Sure, I updated that last night so, go check it out if you want. I just wrote a chapter for it that I'm extremely proud of. Like, it's one of the best things, in my opinion, that I've ever posted and it stands alone, if you guys just wanna skip to chapter 19, although, there are some other fun chapters in there. I thought about making it a one-shot but, I didn't.

Please review and tell me what you think! I know some of you guys don't like reviewing but, if you would please just tell me your thoughts? They really do help me to develop as a writer and they mean the world to me. I don't care if it's super short or super long or even anonymous! Plus, all of you shy readers have to have some thoughts on this, right?

-Alexis