If on a Winter's Night

by Touchstone67

One fateful, winter's night, Edward and Jasper's lives are turned upside down. Is their relationship strong enough to withstand the aftermath, or will they be driven apart forever? Rated M for sexual situations, language. AH J/E slash

11. I Feel Like that Ice is Slowly Melting

Disclaimer: S. Myer owns all, but what I wouldn't give for a Jasper of my very own-sigh.

A/N- So let's find out what happened after that wild and windy night. We left our boys dancing in a meadow…

The list of 'no read zones' is getting longer, Chick fil-A (during Cowboys game) and your child's community awards are the latest additions. Epic A/N at the end.

As always hugs to Dannie for her prereading, hand holding and knowledge of all things WoW.

Thanks to OfTheTurningAway for her beta on this chapter.

Now Jasper pov

"**~~**"

If on a winter's night he hadn't trusted me …

"**~~**"

Our hands were tightly clasped on the seat between us.

His skin was soft and warm, his thumb absently stroking the back of my hand while he looked out the window. The wistful look on his face gave away the sadness that always hovered around him.

"Shit," I mumbled as I pulled into his driveway and parked behind his mother's Volvo and next to his father's. "This isn't going to be fun, is it?"

"I'm thinking no," he sighed, resting his head against the seat.

"I thought we'd be back before they got home," I groaned.

After one last dance to "Here Comes the Sun", we had decided it was getting late. I could have stayed all night, but I felt Edward tremble and I knew the cold was starting to seep through his layers of clothes. After setting him back down and making him drink more hot chocolate, I packed up the bag and put it on.

"Can you carry the blanket?" I asked him and he nodded. While he fisted it with one hand, I squatted down and picked him up, bringing the blanket with him. Once I was upright again, he pulled the fleece up, bunching it up on his legs. My body screamed in protest at his weight, the cracked rib had begun to heal, but I winced when I felt the pressure of his body against it. My mother would have killed me if she knew what I was doing. Turning, I headed for the trail. Daylight was quickly disappearing and I hoped we would make it to the truck before it got too dark.

Edward held me onto me, relaxing into my arms completely, trusting me with his battered body. His head rested on my shoulder, bobbing against me with each step I took. He had wrapped both arms around my neck, trying to help support himself as much as possible. I felt his gloved fingers playing with the ends of my hair sticking out from under my hat and my heart leapt at the tender caress.

Even though my body ached and cramped, I felt as if I could carry him forever.

"You warm enough?" I asked him just as I turned onto the trail and began down the hill. The snow had soaked through my sneakers and I hoped I wouldn't trip over anything with my numbing feet. Glancing down at him, I saw he had closed his eyes and had a slight smile on his face. I could feel his warm, moist breaths on my neck, sending a shiver down my spine. He nodded, his cheek rubbing against my shoulder and I swear he snuggled even closer. He actually seemed comfortable.

Walking as fast as carrying him would allow, I continued down the trail, my lungs burning from the cold air I inhaled in panting breaths. I had been exhausted before we'd even left Edward's, I was certainly too tired to carry him up and down a hill, but nothing, not even the pain it caused my body, would have stopped me. I felt stronger when I held him, like I could take on the world even though I knew I'd collapse as soon as I was alone. The look on Edward's face when we took our first steps into the meadow had made every single second of despair during the past month worth it.

I would have carried him up that hill every day for years on end if I got to see him smile like that every time.

By the time we reached his wheelchair, night had fallen. I was used to being able to make the trip in less than ten minutes without effort but carrying Edward had slowed me down more than I had expected. Carefully, I lowered him to his chair and he sat back to look up at me.

"Do you want to keep the blanket on your legs?" I offered.

"I don't need it but I'll keep it so you don't have to carry it. It's pretty wet," he answered as he folded it up and placed it on his lap.

"Are you okay? Warm enough?" I asked, twisting my back to relieve some of the soreness I knew I would be feeling for days.

"I'm fine, Jasper," he sighed, frustration leaking into his tone.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I just want to-"

"I know."

He adjusted his knit hat and then slowly turned his chair toward the bottom of the hill. Unlike the trek up the trail, I stayed behind him on the way down, making sure he didn't slip on the packed snow. I admired the way he guided his chair over the uneven terrain, his hands gliding along the rims of his wheels quickly before reaching back and repeating the motion. I hadn't really paid much attention to the chair lately, it was as if it had already become an extension of him. Over the past month he'd gotten better at maneuvering it around corners and into smaller spaces.

Although there would always be places he couldn't go.

Going down the trail was easier for him, gravity easing his workload, but I saw his breaths become heavy as he pushed through the brush and leaves and snow until we finally reached the end and saw the truck. I walked ahead of him and opened the passenger door. When he pulled up to me, I lifted him from his chair and into the cab. I handed him the keys and he reached over to start the truck while I put his chair in the back.

When I got inside, he already had the heat on full blast and was rubbing his hands together before cupping them to his mouth and exhaling on them. I took off my gloves and turned to him, taking his hands into mine. Not only were my gloves thicker and warmer than his knit ones but his hands had been holding freezing stainless steel for half a mile. Putting his cold hands between mine, I rubbed them furiously until I felt them begin to warm. He watched me curiously the entire time, never saying a word, just a slight turning up of the corners of his mouth. I focused on his hands but I felt his gaze on me and I glanced up at him quickly before looking back at his hands.

"If you rub them much more, you're going to start a fire," he joked, trying to pull his hands from mine. Refusing to let them go, I brought them both to my lips and placed a kiss on each one, my eyes meeting and never leaving his. Finally, I released his hands and did up my seatbelt before pulling out onto the road. Reaching across, Edward took one of my hands from the steering wheel, weaving his fingers with mine.

On the way home a few cars had approached us from the other direction. Each time, Edward tensed gripping my hand with a strength I didn't realize he had, but his eyes had grown less wide and frantic, his breaths less rapid and shallow.

In his driveway, I turned the truck off, silencing "Here Comes the Sun", and sighed.

"Time to face the firing squad," I said. Slowly, his hand loosened in mine and he nodded. I undid my seatbelt and got out, stopping to get his chair from the back before going to his side. Positioning his chair, I opened his door. Without hesitation, he reached out to me, running his thumb over my lips, his eyes watching the movement.

"Here comes the sun," he whispered to me.

"I say it's all right," I murmured the next line. He released his seatbelt and I slid my arms under his knees and behind his back, lifting him. With his arms around my neck, he clung to me.

I clung right back, holding him with what remaining strength I had. We both knew something powerful happened in the meadow, something we didn't want to let go of quite so soon, and as long as we were in each other's arms, we wouldn't have to.

"I don't want to go in there," he admitted, his face buried into the crook of my neck.

I knew Edward, perhaps even better than I knew myself, and I felt his desperation for a sense of normalcy. He'd been growing weary of his house and his parents. He was strong willed and independent. Each time he was forced to accept help from his parents, my father, his physical therapist and even me, it shaved off a piece of him and he was wearing thin. Our rebellious trip to the meadow had given him a taste of his old independence and he was hungry for more.

I nuzzled his mussed hair with my nose. "Me either, but if we don't they are going to come out here and find us like this."

Closing his eyes, he nodded and I bent over to place him in his chair. He pushed it back and I closed the door, following him as he turned to head up the ramp. I went to open the door and he grabbed my wrist.

"No matter what they say…" he began, looking up at me pleadingly.

Did he really think I would let them keep me away from him?

"I promise I'm not going anywhere," I repeated my vow from earlier.

Relieved, he took a deep breath and then motioned for me to open the door. I held it open for him as he wheeled himself inside and immediately came face to face with his parents sitting on the couch. His mother stood up and practically ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck in a hug. Biting my lip, I closed the door and stood behind Edward.

"Oh my God, you're freezing!" she scolded as she stood up. "Where have you been? Why didn't you answer your phone?"

"I'm fine, Mom. We just went out for a ride. I told you the other day I wanted out to get out of here," Edward replied with a hard edge to his voice. "I didn't answer my phone because I left it here."

"Jasper," his father began, "come have a seat."

Glancing at Edward, I walked around him and sat across from Mr. Cullen. Edward moved his chair around his mother to join me.

"Edward, why don't you get changed out of those wet clothes while we talk to Jasper for few minutes?" his mother suggested.

"No," he answered defiantly, staring at his mother. "You're not going to be pissed at him for something I asked him to do."

Edward was taking the blame for me.

His father cleared his throat. "Edward, no one is blaming anyone," his father said. Edward hung his head in defeat.

"Fine," he muttered under his breath. Looking at me, he silently asked if I was all right without him and I nodded my head. I saw the pleading in his eyes, his lips almost mouthing the words 'no matter what'. "But I'm coming back out when I'm done."

Turning his chair, he glared at his mother for a few seconds before pushing himself past her and down the hall. Once he was in his room, Edward's mother began.

"What were you thinking, Jasper? Alice said you were taking Edward outside for fresh air and the next thing she knows, you're both gone. How could you just take off with him like that? It was irresponsible and risky." Her voice had taken on a very distinct motherly panicked tone. It wasn't one I had heard often. My mother's career often prevented her from panicking, her voice always seemed to be calm no matter the situation.

Edward's father looked at his wife. "The boy needs to warm up. Why don't you get Jasper some hot chocolate, Esme?" he asked her pleasantly. After a glance at me, she went into the kitchen. "She's just concerned for Edward. We both are, but she tends to get more heated up about things. Mind if I ask where you went?"

"Just out for a drive," I repeated Edward's lie from earlier. My leg bounced nervously and I kept my eyes on my hands in my lap. "We were studying and Edward got frustrated and said he needed to get out of the house. I offered to take him for a ride because I had my dad's truck."

"Do you always bring a backpack when you go for a drive?" he asked with a quirked brow, pointing the bag at my feet.

Fuck.

"I just brought some extra stuff in case it got cold."

"Cold in the truck?" he countered quickly. Glancing up at him, I shrugged. "Jasper, I understand Edward wanting to get out of the house, but you have to remember a few things. Physically his body is still healing from a very a severe trauma. He's had some physical therapy but he has a long way to go before he is capable of the things he wants to do. Because of the trauma, his immune system is weakened and it will be easier for him to get sick. A simple cold could lead to something more serious for him. Do you understand?"

"I kept him warm," I muttered quietly. "I swear."

He leaned forward and patted my knee. "I know, son. I know you want to take care of him and be the friend he needs, which hasn't been easy. His mother and I both appreciate everything you've done. When he goes back to school, he'll be able to pick up right where he left because of you. But until he gets stronger, you've got to clear things like this with us first. I know Edward can be very convincing-"

"It was my idea," I interrupted. "He didn't even know until we got outside to the truck."

Mr. Cullen leaned back against the couch and tilted his head. "How was he in the car?"

"Nervous at first. He didn't like other cars coming at us, but he was better after awhile."

I didn't tell him that Edward trembled and closed his eyes, that the thing that helped him focus the most was staring at me.

"That's to be expected. I'm sure it will be quite some time before he is okay with driving again."

"Will he be able to drive again? I was online and saw a lot of things about converting a car so a paraplegic can drive and I wondered if…" I stopped when I saw a smile on his face.

"You've been doing research?"

"A little," I admitted.

"You're a good friend, Jasper," he sighed. "As for a car, Edward's car was obviously totaled, but we should be reimbursed by the insurance company for that. However, converting a car for him is costly at best, but when the time comes and he shows an interest in it, we can look into getting him something."

"I think he'd like that," I agreed, feeling more comfortable. Mrs. Cullen returned with two mugs of hot chocolate and handed one to me. "Thanks," I mumbled as she went to sit next to her husband.

"Esme, I think Jasper understands the risks of taking Edward out without checking with us first. Right, Jasper?"

Looking at them both through my lashes, I nodded and apologized. "Sorry."

"I appreciate you wanting to help him, Jasper, but he's just not capable of the same things anymore," Mrs. Cullen said.

Her comment angered me. She had no idea what her son was capable of doing. I wanted to tell her how he had pushed himself up hill through half a mile of snow and leaves until his arms ached so bad he couldn't go any further. How he'd caught up on a month's worth of schoolwork in only a few weeks. How he let me hold him to dance even though it killed him to not be able to hold me back. How he just kept fighting even when he wanted nothing more than to give up. Instead of telling them all those things, I sipped my hot chocolate.

"Why don't you go say goodbye to Edward?" Mr. Cullen hinted. Nodding, I stood and went to turn toward Edward's room but stopped.

Sticking my chin out a bit, and hoping I wasn't doing the wrong thing, I spoke. "Edward's a lot stronger, physically and mentally, than either of you are giving him credit for."

Mrs. Cullen's eyes widened a bit but she remained quiet. Mr. Cullen just gave me a small smile and slight nod. Before anything else could be said, I turned and practically ran to Edward's room. Glancing down the hall to the living room to see if they were coming after me, I knocked on Edward's door. After a muffled 'what' I opened his door and entered, closing the door behind me and dropping my bag. Edward was lying bare-chested on his bed, gasping for breath as he struggled to pull his pants up.

When he saw me, he stopped, leaving the Star Wars pajama bottoms I'd given him for his birthday bunched around his knees, and looked at me with concern.

"I was trying to hurry. How'd it go?"

"Okay, I guess. Your dad just said I had to check with them before I took you anywhere because you could get sick easier and stuff."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. I wanted to be there but-"

"It's okay, it was worth it."

"It was?"

"You smiled in the meadow. It was definitely worth it," I whispered honestly. "I would have faced a thousand Murlocs to see that smile."

"Dork," he said, rolling his eyes. Then just for me, he smiled again, and I swear I saw his cheeks flush as he lowered his eyes and fell back onto his back. "Fuck," he mumbled. "They just don't get it? They don't get how much it sucks to need help or have to ask permission to fucking leave the house. We used to go out all the time before, I never had to ask, I just went."

Sitting next to him on the bed, I couldn't help but look at his legs. His skin was as pale as ever, his bare thighs still looked muscular and firm and my fingers twitched with the curious need to touch him. Propping himself up on his elbows, he stared at me.

"They look normal, don't they?" he asked, his eyes following mine to his legs. I nodded and glanced at his face. His permanent sadness was there, etched into his eyes and skin, hovering around him like an aura, but there was something else keeping it company. It was a passive acceptance of his new reality, one that certainly didn't help him understand why him, why he was chosen to fight this battle, but that gave him some strength to continue to fight it.

"You can touch them," he mumbled, staring at me. Tugging my lip firmly between my teeth, I lifted my hand from the bed and held it above his leg, close enough to feel the heat rising from him. Slowly, I lowered my hand to his thigh, grazing the tips of my fingers over his flesh. I watched myself touch him, running my hand lightly up and down his thigh. Normally the action would have had him writhing and begging for more while his cock twitched to life. Now it just had him staring blankly at my fingers as they caressed him.

"Nothing?" I asked, amazed that I could see myself touching him, I could feel him, and even though he was watching me do it, he shook his head and sighed.

Bringing his eyes to mine, he tried to smile. "I really fucking want to though." He sat, watching my face as I continued to stroke his leg, my fingers kneading his flesh in a little massage. "Where did you learn to do that stuff you did on the trail?"

"What stuff?" I asked, never taking my eyes off his leg.

"The massage stuff, when you rubbed my legs and arms."

"Your circulation might not be as good as it was, especially when you're cold, so I did it to keep you warm, make sure blood still flowed." I finally glanced up at him and saw a curious smile teasing his lips.

"But how did you know that?"

"Umm…Google."

"You've been Googling about me?"

I nodded and quickly averted my eyes back to his legs. No matter how hard my fingers gripped his flesh, his body showed no reaction to my touch. In my heart, I knew this was his new reality, to be an observer of his own body, to watch from the outside in. He could still live a full life, actively participate in things but he would always view his body as a stranger now. I just wanted to take it all away for him, turn back time, make his life about him again and not his disability.

"If I could…"

"I know you would," he sighed.

I moved my hand from his thigh to his cheek, cupping it. Leaning toward him, I went to kiss him again, to assure myself that our kiss in the meadow wasn't hadn't been a hallucination of my exhausted body.

"Don't," he whispered just as my lips were about to touch his. "Please, don't."

I pulled back, removing my hand from his cheek.

"I just can't right now, Jasper…I just…"

"I understand," I lied. Sitting back, I look at the small R2-D2s and C-3POs on his pants and remembered a time seeing Edward half naked would have had me barricading the door and crawling on top of him. "Do you need help?" I asked motioning to his legs.

He shook his head and reached down with one hand while using the other for balance and tugged one side up before switching arms and doing the other side until the elastic was under his ass. Rolling onto his side, he pulled them up the rest of the way.

"You're getting pretty good at that," I said, watching as he grabbed his tee shirt and put it on. Reaching to my bag, I opened it and unpacked the extra clothes and thermos. When it was empty, I stuffed my books back into it and zipped it up.

"Don't have much choice," he uttered in a defeated acceptance.

We had so much to talk about, and there was so much I wanted to say to him.

"Edward," I began hesitantly.

"Not tonight, Jasper," he pleaded quietly. My chin dropped to my chest and I closed my eyes. I felt his hand in my hair, his fingers threading through the waves as he brushed them off my face. Opening my eyes, I saw him gazing at me. "It's not like that, love. I'm just so tired. Our little excursion took a lot out of me. We can talk tomorrow after school."

"Okay," I agreed. "But I'm not going to let you push me away anymore, Edward."

"I'm counting on it," he smiled. Tugging on my waves, he pulled me to him for a soft kiss. It was too brief, but it was long enough to taste the remains of hot chocolate on his cool, dry lips. His hand curved around my neck, drawing me in even closer. Brushing my lips across his, I felt myself trembling, a combination of exhaustion and relief. Breaking the kiss, he released a sweet breath that washed over my face. "Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for tonight."

"You're welcome."

"Tomorrow?"

"Definitely. I'll be here right after school." With a small smile, I stood up and grabbed my bag. "Get some sleep, Edward."

Be safe, baby.

"You too, Jasper," he replied as he pulled himself toward his pillows.

See ya soon, love.

I opened his door and looked at him one last time, watching him as he sighed and settled back onto his pillows, his body weary and fatigued.

Hoping his parents weren't in living room anymore, I walked down the hall and peered into the kitchen. Thinking I was safe, I headed for the front door.

"Jasper?"

Shit.

Stopping, I sighed before turning around.

"How is he?" his father asked from the corner chair in the living room.

"His mood seems okay but he's tired," I admitted, my cheeks even blushing a bit.

"That's to be expected. He got outside, fresh air will do a body wonders. But you do understand why his mother and I were worried, right?"

"Yes, sir," I mumbled.

"I know you meant well, but until he's stronger, we need to keep an eye on him."

Stronger.

There was that word again.

Even his own father had no idea how strong his son was, how much he'd accomplished. If only he'd seen Edward on the mountain, breathing heavy behind me, forcing his chair up the path until his body gave out. The pride he had given up to let me carry him the rest of the way.

"Mr. Cullen?"

"Yes?"

Believe in your son. Let him do these things on his own. Let him fail and fall down. He will pick up himself up again and again. Let me love him.

"Night," I sighed.

"Night, Jasper."

The cab of the truck was cold when I climbed in and as I waited for it to warm up, I turned up the radio, smiling when "Here Comes the Sun" picked up where it left off.

Edward and I had planned to lose our innocence together a month before, we shared our hearts and were ready for that final step of sharing our bodies. Our innocence was lost that night, but not in the way we had intended. Edward's accident robbed us of almost everything we had known. Before that night, we had woken up every day, knowing exactly what to expect. We did well in school, we had friends and our sports, we had our futures planned and knew without a doubt we'd be together forever. Then in the matter of one night, we were both suddenly traveling down a path neither of us knew how to navigate. Life had thrown us a challenge, a test of sorts, and while there were days I definitely felt like I was not up to it, that I wanted nothing more than to give up, I never would. This new path of our lives was confusing and we were lost, blindly searching and reaching for an end we weren't sure existed, but as long as we were lost together, I knew we would find the way hand in hand.

And it would be as fulfilling as anything we'd ever dared to dream of.

No chair was going to stop me from making his dreams come true. It only meant I was going to have to work harder. I heard my phone ring from inside my backpack and I fumbled to get it out.

"Everything okay?" I asked, panicking.

"Yeah, I just wanted to say good night again," he mumbled, the sleepiness heavy in his voice.

"Night, baby," I chanced the nickname. There was a pause and I immediately yelled at myself for letting the nickname slip.

"See ya soon, love," he whispered before hanging up. Putting my phone on the seat, I wiped the one tear that rolled down my cheek.

I had been waiting to hear those words since New Year's Day.

I felt Edward's presence sitting next to me and holding my hand the entire ride home.

At my house, I went right to my bathroom after a quick hello to my mother. Stripping out of my wet clothes, I got into the shower, letting the hot water slowly thaw my frozen body and soothe away the aches I felt. There wasn't one part of me that didn't hurt in some way. My legs were unsteady and shaky, my thighs burned even just standing still. My arms were so weak that I dropped the shampoo bottle when I grabbed it. Then there was the constant throbbing in my lower back and the tenderness I felt developing around my rib again. As I stood under the stream of water, I closed my eyes and thought back to Edward lying on his bed in the Star Wars pants, how seeing him struggle with them was so different to how it had been a few months before when I'd given them to him.

"What is it?" he asked, shaking the hastily wrapped box. Rolling my eyes, I let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Always with the questions, just open the damn thing," I scolded him with a smile.

"I just have a curious nature," he shrugged.

"Yeah, and what did the curiosity do to the cat?"

"What you're going to do to me if I don't open this now?" he smirked.

"Ding, ding, my smart boy. Now open it."

"If I'm a cat, do I have nine lives?"

"If you don't open that box you will be down to eight lives in about thirty seconds," I threatened.

Sitting cross-legged on his bed, I watched him as he ripped the paper off the box. With one last mischievous glance at me, he pulled off the top and then started laughing.

Really, really hard.

Like falling onto his back and holding his stomach laughing.

Frowning, I peeked into the box to be sure it was what I had wrapped. Inside was the pair of perfectly folded Star Wars pajama bottoms I had bought him. They were a dark blue with tiny R2-D2s and C-3POs all over them. I thought it would be a good way to break the ice for my Halloween costume suggestion for a party we were going to in a few weeks.

"What's so funny?" I growled, folding my arms across my chest. Stifling the last of his fits of laughter, he wiped the tears from his cheeks and sat up. He pushed the box off his lap and leaned toward me. I let his lips press against mine, tasting the saltiness of his tears on them, but when his tongue asked for entrance, I stopped him. "Not until you tell me what's so funny."

"Jasper, love, you are the most beautiful dork ever," he grinned and shook his head. "I'm gonna put them on."

Jumping off the bed, he pulled down the old plaid pants he was wearing and then paused to make sure his door was shut tightly. I turned to face him, shivering when I put my feet on the cold floor. Standing in front of me with in nothing but a Beatles tee shirt and his boxer briefs, he gazed at me as he hooked his thumbs under the elastic of his underwear. My eyes grew wide and I was torn between watching him take them off and watching his eyes as he did it. Not even caring if his door was locked, he slowly lowered his underwear, sliding them over his growing erection. Once it was freed, he let the briefs fall to the floor before he kicked them off.

"Edward?" I choked out, peeling my eyes from his beautiful cock to his fuck-me eyes.

"I want to feel the soft cotton against my cock," he murmured. I swear his fingers twitched with eagerness to touch himself but he resisted and put a hand on my shoulder for support as he reached to his bed for the new pants. Bending over, he put one foot in, followed by the other, and pulled them up until his hard on was pressing against C-3PO.

"How do they look?" he teased, jutting his hips toward me. Swallowing thickly, I glanced up at him before grabbing his hips and pulling him to stand between my parted legs. "Mmmm," he approved.

Arching his back, he ran a hand under his shirt along his abs and I moaned. I yanked him closer, pressing my face to his cock, inhaling the scent of the cotton as I ran my nose along C-3PO, feeling Edward's cock bulging behind it.

"I need you," he moaned, threading his fingers through my hair as he ground his cock into my face. I lifted my head and nodded, moving back so he could get onto the bed. We didn't like to give head when his parents were home, it was too risky, but we had given plenty of hand jobs. If we got interrupted it was easier to explain us lying on the bed next to each other, where hands could easily retreat and blankets could hide erections. Being caught with his cock in my mouth would have been more difficult to explain.

Eagerly, he climbed onto his bed, moving up so he was half sitting against his pillows. Once he was settled, I moved next to him. Propping myself up on an elbow, I ran my hand under his tee shirt, gathering it to expose his abdomen. Placing a kiss on his stomach, I dipped my tongue into his navel while my hand rubbed his cock through the cotton.

"Oh, fuck," he groaned loudly, not even containing his excitement.

"Sssh, baby, they'll hear you," I reminded him quietly. Instead of crying out when I slipped my hand under the elastic and into his wiry curls, he bit down on his lip and fisted the blanket on his bed. I left random kisses over his chest and stomach, pausing to suck and tease his nipple and trace the lines of his abs. When my fingers grazed along the underside of his cock, his hips thrust off the bed, reflexively seeking more.

"Gonna make you feel so good," I whispered to him. He watched me with half-lidded lusty eyes as he reached up and brushed my hair off my face. He tucked the strands behind my ear, leaving his fingers tightly weaved in my curls while I wrapped mine around his rigid erection and began to stroke him as much as I could under his pajamas. Whimpering, he clenched his eyes and released his hold on the blanket to grab his pants and yank them down over his cock until it was free. Without any restrictions on my movements, I pumped him harder, my fingers holding his cock firmly as my hand slid up and down. I continued to kiss his body, leaning down to suck on his hip bone and lick along his 'v', leaving a trail of saliva behind.

"Oh, Jesus, yeah, love. More," he begged, his slim hips bucking up to fuck my fist. Knowing just what he wanted, I moved my mouth to his ear.

My baby loved dirty talk.

"I want to see you come, baby, I want to see your cock shoot your load for me," I whispered. "I want to feel your hot cum on my hand. I want lick it off and taste you. Would you like that?"

"Yeah," he gasped, trying to open his eyes.

"Fuck my hand, baby, make yourself come."

He moaned.

There was no rhythm to his hips, his thrusts were erratic and frantic. I felt his cock swelling in my hand, his precum seeping from the slit, traveling over the flared head. His labored breaths were loud, and I realized even if someone walked in right then, there was no way Edward could stop; he was too close to his climax. Kissing along his jaw, I quickened my pace, attempting to match the jerky movements of his hips.

"Close, baby? Gonna come for me? Jesus, I can't wait to fuck you, feel your ass around me," I murmured along his jaw line.

"Shit, gonna come," he warned just as I felt his cock pulse in my hand. Enthralled, I watched his face as his tongue darted out to lick his lips repeatedly and his eyes opened to meet mine the second his cock exploded in my hand, releasing streams of warm cum onto his abs as his body tensed when his orgasm washed over him.

He was so beautiful when he came.

Leaning up, I kissed him, my tongue plunging into his mouth. Moaning, he pulled me even closer, deepening the kiss while the remnants of his climax still flowed through him, his hips still moving his sensitive cock into my loose fist. Beads of sweat had gathered on his upper lip and I kissed them away before moving my lips back to his ear.

"You're so fucking hot," I mumbled before dropping my head to his shoulder. Chuckling, he finally stilled his hips and loosened his grip on my hair, running his fingers through the twisted curls. He sighed and I lifted my head to see a lazy smile on his face. Releasing his cock, I brought my hand up to my mouth and I lapped it clean of his climax, my eyes never moving from his.

"Jesus," he moaned as I finished and kissed him again, sharing his musky flavor. "Fuck that felt so good," he announced happily. "Can you get me a towel?"

Nodding, I sat up, my eyes drawn to his softening cock resting against him, cum still dripping from the slit, and I paused. Raising himself to his elbows, he quirked a brow.

"What's wrong?"

"You got cum on R2-D2," I frowned.

"Dork," he laughed, falling back onto his bed. "I'll make it up to you."

"How?" I asked as I reached into his laundry for a towel.

"You'll see," he promised.

Ten minutes later, we disregarded our no blow job rule when my back was pressed against his locked door, my cock buried his throat while my hands were buried in his hair, I found out how he was going to make it up to me. After grunting and coming in his mouth, I slid down the door and pulled him to me for a kiss.

"Apology accepted?"

"Fuck yes," I moaned, kissing him again. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I have another present for you." I crawled out from his grasp, not bothering to put my cock back into my pants, and reached into my bag. Pulling out another wrapped present, I sat back against the door and handed it to him.

Of course, he shook the damn thing.

It was a long, irregular shaped package as poorly wrapped as the pajama bottoms. I had apparently missed out on the gay gene that contained good wrapping skills. Excitedly, he ripped the paper, tossing it aside. When he saw an image on the box, he stopped and looked up at me.

"Is this what I think it is?" he whispered.

"Open it and find out," I returned. I sat with my legs out in front of me, parted a bit, with my sated cock in my hand, stroking it gently.

"Holy shit," he murmured when the last of the paper was gone, revealing a flesh colored, flexible, seven inch long dildo, looking exactly like a cock. His cheeks flushed a deep rose and heard his gasp. "Is this for…"

"Practice," I filled in for him with a lazy smirk.

"You're bigger than this," he said, biting his lip. I smiled, he knew my cock so well.

"But not as wide," I corrected."Open it, touch it."

He opened the box and pulled out the fake cock, gripping it firmly in his hand.

"Jesus, it feels heavy," he said, stroking it.

I moaned.

I wasn't sure when I'd seen something as hot as Edward stroking a dildo. Well, besides stroking his own dick.

"You look pretty fucking hot right now," I whispered leaning forward for a kiss. Instead, he ran the head of the dildo over my lips and I parted them, letting him slide the head in. The silicone didn't taste nearly as good as Edward did, but I loved the weight of it on my tongue.

"Fuck," he groaned, sliding the toy in and out of my mouth a few times, watching the saliva gather on it. "When can we use it?" he asked, withdrawing it from my mouth.

"This weekend? Why don't you sleep over and bring it with you? My mom's working the nightshift but my dad will be home."

"This isn't going to fit in my ass, love," he said worriedly.

"Babe, don't worry. We won't rush it, we've got time. I think it'll be good for you to know what to expect before we make love. You trust me, right?"

"Of course," he replied without hesitation. "I just don't want to disappoint you. I want it to be good for you."

"Are you shitting me? Edward, it is going to be amazing because it's you."

His blush deepened and his smile widened. "You always say the right thing."

"My Jedi Master taught me well."

"Now I'm Yogi?"

Shaking my head, I dropped my chin to my chest. "Yoda, baby."

"Oh, right. Sorry."

He put the dildo back into the box and went to his dresser. Opening the bottom drawer, he hid it under some clothes.

"Hey, Jasper?" he said as he moved back to me and pulled me into his lap, pushing my hand off my cock and replacing it with his own. My hips bucked up into his fist. Edward could make me hard so fucking fast.

"Yeah?" I panted, looking at him.

"I love you," he murmured.

"I love you, too," I replied just before his lips met mine and his hand quickened its pace.

In my shower, I rinsed my hair, feeling my cock twitching at the memory of Edward coming so hard and his hand stroking me. Sighing, I reached down and wrapped my fingers loosely around my erection. I hadn't jerked off since the morning of the accident. Even on the rare days when I woke up with morning wood, I ignored it. Prior to the accident, I usually wanked twice a day. I always had to take care of it in the morning or I would go through school with a hard on all day. There was no way I could sit through classes with Edward's scent nearby and not get hard. Then I would usually jerk off later at night before I fell asleep or for Edward after school. He loved watching me touch myself, and I loved him watching me because it usually led to him touching himself.

And there was nothing fucking sexier than Edward masturbating.

Bracing one hand against the shower wall, I began to pump my cock efficiently, knowing how to bring myself to orgasm quickly. My mind settled on images of Edward lying on his bed with his Star Wars pajamas around his thighs while he stroked himself. As his orgasm approached, I kissed him, murmuring words of love until I felt his body shudder as his climax spread throughout his body.

"Edward," I cried out as my own orgasm hit me, my cock spraying cum onto the wall only to be washed away by the hot water. Panting, I leaned my head onto my arm and slowed my strokes until my cock softened. Physically drained, I turned the water off and got out. I dried off quickly, tying the towel around my waist and bolting to my bedroom where I put on a pair of sweatpants and fell onto my bed. I put my phone in the iHome and selected Edward's playlist, putting "Here Comes the Sun" on repeat. My eyes drifted closed, a smile on my face.

I slept, really slept, for the first time in a month, dreaming of two boys dancing in a meadow.

"**~~**"

I bit into the apple as I scanned the last chapter of our English assignment. I'd had enough of George and Lenny and their problems. I'd meant to do the reading the night before but Edward and sleep had taken priority. The cafeteria was loud, but I blocked out the mindless chatter with Edward's music. The highs and lows were soothing, each note flowing seamlessly into the next, reminding me of just how brilliant and talented he really was.

I ignored her when she sat down across from me, slipping her tiny frame into a seat and sliding her bag off her shoulder and onto the chair next to her. Chewing on her lip, she pretended to be interested in her food. I kept my head down, my hair shielding my eyes. Reaching across, she tapped my book. I sighed and pulled out an earbud.

"Edward told you," she assumed correctly. I raised an eyebrow and returned the earbud to my ear. Ever persistent, she tapped my book again.

"What?" I snapped, yanking the buds from my ears.

"I'm sorry, but I had to tell him, Jasper."

"You could have lied," I countered quickly. "Not eating? Looked like shit? Won't talk?"

"I was worried about you. I knew if anyone could help you it would be him."

I couldn't argue with her there.

"Worry about him, not me."

"You're my friends, I worry about both of you."

Sighing, I held the apple up. "I'm eating. Happy now?"

"Yes," she beamed.

"You betrayed me, Bella."

"I know," she whispered, keeping her eyes on her food as she pushed it around with her fork. I noticed she didn't apologize for it.

"Don't do it again," I growled under my breath.

"I won't," she promised eagerly. "Did you see him yesterday?"

"Yeah, after his PT, we did some homework."

We danced.

We kissed.

He smiled.

"I really wanted to go over but I just feel so weird."

"He's still Edward, Bella," I smirked. "Same guy he always was."

"Can I ask you something?"

I shrugged, knowing she would ask it regardless of my answer.

"Do you feel…I don't know…strange when you're with him? Like because you can walk and he can't?"

"Honestly? At first every step I took, every time I ran, I thought about how he couldn't anymore. It pissed me off that I could still do all that shit and he couldn't. It's different now though. Now I think if I can walk, I am going to help him."

"How?"

"I don't know yet, but I'll figure it out." I tilted my head, shaking the hair from my eyes and watched her. "Are you worried about seeing him because you think he won't like you anymore because you can walk?"

When I saw her bottom lip go between her teeth, I knew I was right.

"Bella, he's not going to hold the fact that you can walk against you. The only thing that has changed about him is his ability to use his legs, and he tends to get frustrated easily."

"That's nothing new," she scoffed.

"True," I agreed, taking another bite of my apple. "Just go, Bella. It'll be fine. I think he'd really like to see a friendly face. He's pretty tired of seeing me and his parents all the time."

"When I talked to him, he mentioned his physical therapist. Um…"

"Emmett," I supplied for her.

"Yeah. He sounds pretty cool. Edward seems to really like him," she began to eat in earnest. Shrugging, I returned my attention back to my book, trying to focus on it and not on the memory of Emmett's hands on Edward's ass.

"Have you met him?"

Sighing, I gave up and closed the book. It was only a quiz anyway, failing it wouldn't make much difference on my grade, which was already shit due to the essay I forgot to turn in and the test I had failed the week before.

"Yes," I replied flatly. "He's a nurse, works with my mom at the hospital."

"Is he nice?"

"Jesus, Bella, I don't know. We talked for like two minutes. I guess he seemed nice."

You make him smile.

"Yeah, he is nice," I corrected myself. I couldn't help but be jealous of Emmett. It wasn't that I thought he was after Edward or got off on touching Edward's body. I knew how technically nurses viewed everything; they had to in order to get through their days. I was jealous because he could touch Edward.

Freely.

Openly.

He could touch Edward's naked body with his parents in the next room and not have to worry about being caught. And deep down, I didn't like seeing anyone's hands on Edward. I wanted to be the only one who knew the feel of his muscles and smooth skin. I wanted to be the only one who knew how to make him feel good. From my research online, I knew how important massage therapy was to paraplegics and the strain they put on their shoulders and arms from the repetitive motion of constantly pushing their chairs. It also helped relieve and prevent muscles spasms. I had been reading about them when I was supposed to be doing my homework.

"That's good." She took a few bites and I thought it might be safe to go back to reading. "Jasper?"

"Mmm?"

"Do you think he'll ever be able to walk again?" she asked quietly. Looking at her through my hair, I watched her sadden quickly.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I hope so."

"Me too," she sighed. "I think I'll stop by his place tomorrow."

"I think he'd like that." Finally quiet, she finished eating while I attempted to finish my chapter.

At home, I walked into the empty house and dragged my sore body upstairs. I tossed my bag on my bed and fell into my chair, booting up my computer to check my email. I leaned my chair back while I waited and clicked my TV on, not surprised when a music video channel came on. I watched the mindless shit until my computer was up and running. Opening a browser, I logged into my email and began scrolling through the spam I had from registering at the porn sites I had visited. I had just spotted an email from Jake when he pinged me in a chat. We had chatted for a few times, usually only a few minutes or when I had a question.

thebigbadwolf: Hey Jas how's it going?

ForeverDusk: ok. you?

thebigbadwolf: not too bad. Totally bailed on work today though. How's your boyfriend? Is he talking to you yet?

ForeverDusk: yeah I think we made progress last night. I took him to a place we like to go to. His parents were pretty pissed though.

thebigbadwolf: why?

ForeverDusk: because we left without letting them know.

Thebigbadwolf: bad boys ;)

ForeverDusk: You should've seen him though. He was so strong but sometimes he just shuts down and idk what to do.

thebigbadwolf: Give him time. It was months before Embry finally adjusted. They'll be good days and really fucking bad ones but hang in there.

ForeverDusk: Thnx Jake. hope you're right.

thebigbadwolf: I always am! I gotta run but anytime you want to talk or have any questions, give me a call. I'll email you my number.

ForeverDusk: Thanks Jake ttyl

thebigbadwolf: Ttyl Jas

Less than a minute later, his email with his phone number arrived and I entered it into my phone.

"**~~**"

Taking a deep breath, I knocked on the door, feeling pretty fucking uncertain.

I was uncertain about what Edward's mother might say without Mr. Cullen around to stop her. She'd been pretty upset with me the night before, and I understood why, but honestly when I had the idea to take Edward to the meadow, his condition was the last thing on my mind. Getting him back to a place where he could remember what being us was all about was all I had been thinking about.

I was also worried about seeing Edward again. I tried to cling to the memory of the meadow, the dancing, his smile, the kiss we'd shared after so long. Every day for weeks, I had known what to expect when I saw him, the disheveled appearance, the outbursts of anger and frustration that he wore daily.

Our relationship had become one of push and pull, of a step forward and many more steps backwards. I was constantly playing catch up, my mind confused on the next move I should make. I knew Edward needed to be pushed, but I feared the wrong one at the wrong time would be the end of us. The eggshells I'd been walking on since the accident were weakening by the day, crunching and cracking under my weight.

As I stood on their doorstep waiting for Mrs. Cullen to answer, I hoped that the talk that I knew Edward was going to make us have didn't leave me without a heart.

"Jasper," Mrs. Cullen greeted as she opened the door and let me inside. "Your hot chocolate is on the counter."

So far, so good.

"Thanks, Mrs. Cullen." As quickly as I thought was polite, I bolted for the kitchen to get the mug and then headed to Edward's room. She caught me on the way out of the kitchen. I stopped midstride and sipped my hot chocolate to avoid saying something I shouldn't.

"About last night," she began, looking up at me with that stern motherly look. Kids always thought it was the fathers that they should fear, but nothing scared me more than a protective mother with a disappointed look on her face.

"I'm sorry I got a little…excited over you taking Edward out. It's just that, as corny as it sounds, he is my baby, Jasper. He and Alice are my life, and we came so close to losing him…" she paused, taking a deep breath to control her emotions. "If something happens to him after all he's been through, I don't know if either of us would ever recover."

"I know," I agreed softly, "but Mrs. Cullen, you know he's been working hard with his PT and he can't be in that room all the time. He can't even get into the kitchen right now. It's frustrating him to not be able to do all the same shi-stuff he did before."

"I know and I realize that is something I need to work on. I'm a mother, and watching your child suffer, physically or emotionally, is the worst kind of pain. To sit by helpless as they struggle…there are no words. I guess what I am trying to say is, I don't want him to struggle or hurt anymore than he has to, and to prevent that, I might be a little overprotective….sometimes." She sighed and folded her arms across her chest. "You never think it will happen to you or your family but when it does, you realize that you love them even more than you ever thought possible. You'll realize this someday, Jasper."

I wanted to tell her I already did.

"Anyway, I apologize for yelling at you last night, but I hope you can understand why I was so worried. Especially when we couldn't reach him."

"I understand," I nodded.

"Why don't you go down there. He's been quiet today, I think he's tired."

My fault.

"I'll try not to stay too long then," I offered as I walked by and down the hall. My heart pounded anxiously in my chest when I knocked on his door. When he didn't answer, I slowly opened it.

He was on his bed, his Star Wars pants still on, lying on his back propped up by his pillows as he slept. Setting my bag down, I moved to the edge of the bed and stood over him. His Abbey Road tee shirt was pulled up a bit, exposing a few inches of his abdomen, of the 'v' in his hip. One arm rested across his stomach while the other lay by his side. His head was tilted, his mouth open as he snored lightly. There was a serene look on his face, something I hadn't seen in a long time. Long lashes fanned over slightly flushed cheeks and his hair looked as if his hands had run through it many times.

Something he did when he was nervous.

After I closed his door, I gently sat on the edge of the bed. Edward flinched when it shifted under my weight, but he remained asleep. He was obviously exhausted and I debated on leaving, but I didn't want to leave without at least saying hi.

Resting my hand on his thigh, I shook him. "Edward?"

Nothing.

I moved my hand with more force. "Baby?"

I began to worry when my shaking didn't wake him and was about to call for Mrs. Cullen when I realized my hand was on his leg.

He couldn't feel it.

Hanging my head in shame, I sighed.

I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to get used to his paralysis anymore than he would. Moving my hand to his, I grabbed it and called his name again. That time his eyes fluttered opened and I witnessed those few precious seconds he'd told me about, the ones when he first wakes up and believes he can walk but then realizes he can't. I saw his eyes fill with such enormous hope at seeing me, at thinking his life was like it had always been, then the hope emptied, replaced with the anguish of his reality.

"Hey," he mumbled, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. "How long have you been here?"

"Only a few minutes."

"Sorry," he sighed, closing his eyes again. "Really tired today."

"Because of last night," I stated, not asked. Prying his eyes opened, he gave me a shrug.

"Maybe. It was good PT though," he tried to smile.

"You're too tired to do work. I'll go, but I wanted to say hi and let you know I was here."

"No, stay," he said firmly. "I'm too tired for work, but don't go yet. We need to talk."

"Edward, it's not a good idea if you're tired." I didn't want his exhaustion to affect his ability to think about us clearly.

Rolling his eyes, he shook his head disbelievingly. "Not you too."

Frowning, I knitted my brows and removed my hand from his. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"They got to you last night. They gave you the fucking 'he's fragile' speech and you bought it," he almost growled.

"Not even fucking close," I shot back. He raised a brow to challenge. "It's not that I don't think you can handle it, fuck, you pushed yourself up a fucking mountain yesterday, but I don't want to have this…talk when you're obviously fucking tired because I'm afraid you won't be thinking straight."

"Thinking straight as in I will try to tell you to leave?" he asked, his voice softening. Looking down at his bed, I nodded. "Even if it is for the best."

"But it's not, you fucking know it."

"Jasper," he began, trying to sit up straighter, but failing and letting himself fall back against the pillows. He reached for my hand, entwining our fingers. While his eyes watched our clasped hands on his bed, he spoke in a trembling voice. "I'm not sure I am the same Edward you fell in love with. I'm not sure he exists anymore."

"That's okay," I answered quickly and without doubt. His eyes shot to mine.

"It is?"

"I will love you no matter what," I replied.

"But someone else could love you better. Give you so much more," he sighed, looking away. I squeezed his hand.

"But I could never love anyone else," I reminded him firmly. "First, you are the same person you were before. Your heart is still generous, your mind is still brilliant. Nothing has changed. So you can't walk. Big fucking deal. Your legs were nice, but they weren't the best thing about you. It wasn't your legs that I fell in love with."

"I know," he sighed sadly. "Sometimes I just feel so…lost."

"I know, baby, me too. We can be lost together," I promised.

"I get angry, I strike out without thinking. I never used to do that shit and now I can't stop myself."

"That's all completely normal. I've been reading and it turns out that going through something like this is like grieving for the loss of a loved one. You go through stages."

"Stages?"

"Yeah, like denial, anger, acceptance."

He shook his head violently. "I will never, ever fucking accept this," he spat.

"I think you've already begun to," I responded quietly, remembering the look on his face the night before.

"Never," he repeated. I liked the fight that awoke in him with his words. He was going to need it. This was the Edward I knew. We were quiet for a few minutes, our hands still gripping each other, his thumb occasionally stroking my skin. "I blamed you for the accident."

"I know."

"If you hadn't wanted me over that night because your parents were going away, then I would have been going home."

"I know." My voice grew quieter even though I began to steel myself for the battle I suspected was coming.

"Then I realized I wanted to be at your house as much as you wanted me there," he whispered. "Maybe even more."

"But-"

"Jasper, I wanted to make love with you desperately. I was driving too fast for snow. I wanted to get to you by midnight. I should have fucking known better. If I'd been going slower, maybe I could have avoided him and-"

"Don't you fucking dare blame yourself, Edward," I growled. "This was not your fault. I felt the same way. I would lie in my bed at night and think 'if only he hadn't been coming to see me'. I did it for weeks, and I believed it. I believed I was to blame, and honestly, I still do. Partially anyway. But you, you are not at fault. It was some fucking asshole too fucking stupid to know better."

"Doesn't change this though, does it?" he asked, glancing down at his motionless legs.

"No, it doesn't."

He pulled his hand from mine and reached up to touch my hair, fingering the ends briefly before letting his hand fall.

"Just like silk," he tried to smile. "Come 'ere," he said quietly, spreading his arms. Kicking off my shoes, I moved up the bed. Curling into his body, I rested my head on his chest as his arm wrapped around my back. I laid my arm over his stomach and closed my eyes. He felt so warm and solid and...normal. I heard his heart beating, steady and courageous. He really had no fucking idea just how strong he was.

"When I was at Forks General, did you ever come see me?"

I hesitated, wondering how pissed he was going to be when he found out I had disobeyed his demand to stay away from him.

"Because one night I imagined you were there. I saw you leaving my room, there was a glow around you. I thought you were an angel coming to save me."

Guilt swept through me and I closed my eyes. "Promise not to get mad?" Beneath my ear, his heart skipped a beat, but he nodded. "I was there every night but one," I admitted quietly. "There was a nurse who knew me, she let me in to see you, but she only let me stay for ten minutes."

"You drove down to see me for ten minutes?"

"I wanted to stay longer but Mrs. Fuller wouldn't let me."

His hold around me tightened and I felt him press his lips to my head. "You weren't my imagination," he mumbled into my hair. "What are we going to do, Jasper?"

Lifting my head, I rested my chin on his chest and brought a hand up to his face. Running my forefinger along his jaw line, I stared at him. He thought he'd changed, that he wasn't the same boy anymore, and I think in some ways, he was right.

But in so many ways, he was wrong.

"Edward, I don't care about…this," I began, motioning to his legs. "It doesn't change who you are. You're still the same beautiful, perfect boy I fell in love with. Nothing will ever change that. Nothing."

The words had barely left my lips and I was wiping a tear off his cheek.

"How do you always know the right thing to say?"

"Because I learned from the best…you," I smiled at him. His face saddened and he sighed.

"I don't know if I can do this, Jasper."

"What?"

"Us, spending my life in a chair…all of it," he whispered softly.

"You can, Edward."

"What about school? I want to go back because I want to get out of this fucking house, but how am I going to face everyone? What if they look at me funny or say something?" He didn't bother to hide the fear in his voice. I heard it quiver and pulled my body closer to his in support.

I sighed, my finger traveling up his jaw to trace the dark circles under his beautiful eyes. "Fuck them, Edward."

"I'm not like you, Jasper. I grew up with these people. For years I've been the quiet guy, the smart kid who plays the piano and happens to be good at basketball. Now I'm nothing more than a cripple in a chair."

"Edward-"

"Don't say I'm not because that is all they are going to see. A fucking chair. A cripple in a chair." He looked away, his eyes settling on the far corner of his room. I felt his heart pounding against his chest as his frustration and worry grew, feeding off each other. Nothing I said was going to convince him.

And he was right.

Some of the kids would see nothing but a chair, but they didn't matter. The ones that honestly cared about him would see past his disability.

"You got me," I murmured. He tried to smile, but his lips refused to turn up.

"I know."

Laying my head on his chest again, I let his rhythmic beat soothe me. Even more soothing than his heart were his long fingers threading through my curls.

"Jasper?"

"Mmm?"

"I can't have sex," he whispered sadly. "I can't do anything like that."

I remained completely still, clenching my eyes at the pain in his voice, anguish for missing something he'd never had the chance to experience. Being physical was important to us both. I loved his body and the way it made my heart race and cock twitch. The chemistry we had was unmatched and amazing, but it wasn't his body that I had fallen in love with.

Lifting my head again, I looked up at him.

"You know that doesn't matter to me, right?"

"It does to me," he countered. "I'm not…a man anymore. I can't get hard, I can't come, I can't satisfy you."

If I had to live with only hand holding and kisses from Edward for the rest of my life, I'd do it, but I knew we could do more. I'd done my research, I knew there were other ways besides intercourse to enjoy each other. Looking into the saddest eyes I'd ever seen, I saw the future that he was going to miss. I saw our limbs eagerly entwined as he thrust his hips into me, as our hands roamed freely and our mouths communicated the intense love we felt. It was all there in the facets of emerald and forest, the fractured life of possibilities that would never come to be.

"Your cock doesn't make you a man," I sighed, wishing there was a way to make him understand. He looked away again, unable to hold my gaze, to face the reality of us in a sexless future.

"I really wanted to make love to you, Jasper."

"Someday we will," I vowed.

He rolled his eyes, ignoring the few tears that escaped them. "Yeah, right," he scoffed.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, him staring at the corner of the room, me staring at him, willing him to look at me. I was comforted that his hand never left my hair and I found myself leaning into his touch.

"Do you remember the day you gave me these pants?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah." I felt myself blushing at the memory of him writhing under my touch and how I'd jerked off to it in the shower only the night before. "Do you remember why I gave them to you?"

Then a miracle happened.

He laughed.

It wasn't loud and full, it barely qualified as a giggle, but his chest vibrated under me and his lips curved into a smile.

It was music, pure and clear and full of hope. If it could happen once, it could happen again.

"Yeah, Chewie, I do," he chuckled, finally bringing his eyes back to mine.

I shook my head. "I can't believe I let you talk me into that."

"Me? It was your idea."

"Yeah, to go as them, not to be Chewbacca," I argued.

The day after I had given him the pajamas, I had gone by his house after school, ready to break the news of my Halloween costume suggestions to him. Not even knocking on his door, I walked into the house and found him sitting on the couch with his feet on the table watching something about The Beatles on TV.

I sat next to him, mirroring his position and sighed.

"What's wrong?" he asked, turning his head.

"Well, I was thinking about the party that Newton is having next weekend."

"The Halloween one?"

"Yeah. I think we should go in costume. It'd be really fun," I suggested, easing my way into the tough part.

"No, I am not dressing up as that."

I raised a brow. "I haven't even said anything yet."

He smiled. "You don't have to, love. I know that mind of yours just as well as I know my own."

"Fine," I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest and turning away. We each held our ground for a few long minutes until I finally caved. "But it was a fucking awesome idea."

He raised both brows.

"Just saying."

"Okay, what's your idea?" he sighed, giving in like I knew he would.

And he claimed he knew me better.

"Well, I was thinking that we should go as the ultimate dynamic duo."

Wide green eyes stared at me as he shook his head. "No fucking way are we going as Batman and Robin."

"Pftt, as if they are the ultimate dynamic duo? Please. Give me some credit, Edward. I have taste, you know," I brushed off his insult. Actually, I didn't have anything against Batman and Robin, they had their cool tool belts and cod pieces, but the pair I had in mind was much better.

"Okay, so who is the ultimate dynamic duo?"

"Han Solo and Chewbacca," I announced proudly. His reaction was similar to when he had opened the pajama pants. Throwing his head back, he laughed until he had tears in his eyes and was gasping for breath.

It had gone a little better than I had expected.

Waiting out his fit of laughter, I stared at him, watching the way his body shook, the way his lips curled over his teeth.

Fuck, I wanted to suck his cock right then.

Well, I always wanted to suck his cock, but then more than usual.

He stilled when he saw the uncontained lust in my eyes.

"My room. Now," he demanded as he stood up, practically dragged me up the stairs. We turned the corner and ran right into Alice. Edward's hand slid from mine and I turned my body to hide my straining erection. "Jesus, watch where you're going."

Alice looked up at him and put her hands on her tiny hips. "That was your fault. Why such a rush to get to your room?"

"Whatever," he mumbled and pushed past her. She nodded to me and I returned it, almost running her over to get into Edward's room. He barely closed his door before he was undoing his pants and pushing me to my knees. I shoved his hands out of the way, my own working faster to free his cock. I could already smell his arousal, thick and musky when I inhaled it.

"Mmm, yeah," he moaned when I held his cock in my hand, dragging my tongue along the vein that ran on the underside of it. "Please, love, take me in," he begged.

I could never resist Edward's begging.

Watching him through my lashes, I parted my lips and wrapped them around his erection, relishing in the feel and taste of his velvet soft skin as I began to slowly take him in. One of his hands curved behind my head to hold me firmly in place while his other hand pulled his tee shirt up over his head, exposing his tensing abs as his body flexed with my movement. Moaning, I bobbed my head a few times, slickening his cock before stopping and letting him take over. Holding my head, he began to thrust shallowly into my mouth. Lolling his head back, he groaned. I reached up and placed my hands on his hips, my thumbs resting on his hip bones briefly before moving around to his ass. Desperately pushing his pants lower, I groped his ass, kneading his firm flesh.

"I love your mouth, especially when it's around my cock," he mumbled, sucking on his bottom lip and watching me through half lidded eyes. Relaxing, I let him thrust deeper, feeling him strike the back of my throat. Holding off a gag, I released his ass with one hand, moving my fingers to his balls, where I tugged on the hot, wrinkled skin and was rewarded with a sharp buck of his hips.

"Fuck, Jasper. Shit, ahh, love…" His words were barely coherent as his hand fisted the waves on the back of my head. "I want you so bad," he smirked at me. Right as my finger slipped behind his balls, seeking out his entrance, he grunted. "Coming," he warned, his hips thrusting one last time before his cock pulsed and released his warm cum into my mouth. I swallowed around him, earning a loud 'fuck' from him as his cock continued to empty down my throat. With one last swirl of my tongue around the head of his cock, I released him and looked up at my sated boy proudly.

"Fine," he sighed, completely content. "But I'm Han."

Grinning, I stood and drew his lips to mine in a deep kiss.

A week later, I stood in that very same spot in his room with my hands on my furry hips.

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," I growled, looking down at the reddish brown costume I had on.

"Me?" he asked as he ran his hands through his hair, attempting to style it. As much as I hated to admit it, he looked pretty fucking hot dressed as Han. His black pants were a size too small and hugged his ass perfectly, the white shirt clung to his chest while the black vest hung loosely over it. A leather holster was slung low on his hips. "As I recall this was your idea."

"But why am I Chewbacca?" I pouted.

"Because you're taller and have shaggy hair already."

"Shaggy?"

He turned to me with a fucking sexy as hell crooked smile, his eyes lighting up with a glint before he spoke again. "Sexy, just got fucked by my hot boyfriend, shaggy hair. Better?"

I licked my lips and felt my cock jerk behind the fake fur.

Stepping forward, he dropped his hand to palm my growing erection. "At least you can hide this all night. If I get hard, everyone is going to know." He tilted his head, his eyes searching mine. "Jasper, did you get the wrong size on purpose?"

I wished I'd had my mask on to hide the smile. "If I am going to suffer dressed in this all night, I am going to at least enjoy the view," I admitted with a shrug.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"You look beautiful tonight," he teased with a smirk, his eyes hungrily roaming over my furry body.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Fuck you."

With a grin, he leaned in and kissed me.

"Are you ready to go?" he asked as he broke the kiss and adjusted his confining pants. I reached around him and grabbed my mask off his bed. "I wish I had a lightsaber though."

Sighing heavily, I opened his door.

"Baby, I love you, but your knowledge of Star Wars sucks. Han didn't have a lightsaber, only Jedis had them. Han had a blaster."

"That's why I have you, to keep me straight on all the dorky things I don't know," he grinned.

"I'm going to bookmark Wookiepedia on your computer for you. I want you to study it…nightly," I said firmly.

"Anything for you, love," he chuckled. "Do we have everything?"

"I think so…oh, shit."

"What?"

"I should have made a C-3PO to carry around on my back," I groaned, frustrated.

"Geek."

"Your geek."

"Always. Let's go."

I sweat my ass off in the car and insisted Edward keep the windows rolled down the entire drive to Newton's. Once we were there, he parked on the side of the road and turned the car off.

"You sure you want to do this?"

"Yeah, we never do shit like this, it might be fun," I said, grabbing my mask. "Should we have a safe word?"

He quirked a brow. "You're not even tied up."

"Shut the fuck up, you know what mean. A word in case either of us needs to get the fuck out of there."

"Yeah, good idea. How about 'I really need you to suck my cock'?"

"Nah, too long," I grinned. "Umm…nerfherder?"

"Huh?"

I sighed. "Forget it. Ya know, baby, someday soon you and I are going to have a Star Wars marathon."

"As long as you're there to explain them to me."

"Oh, I got it!" I almost bounced in the seat. "Fluffernutter!"

"Sounds so dirty when you say it like that," he moaned. Edward snuck in one last kiss before I pulled the mask on over my head and got out of the car. He led me up the walkway to the front door, which opened before we even knocked.

"Dudes! Come the fuck in." A half drunken Newton dressed in nothing but a red silk robe greeted us. Edward and I looked at each other and I shrugged. "Welcome to the Playboy mansion."

"You're Hugh Hefner?" Edward asked with a slight tilt of his head.

"Yeah, can't ya tell?"

"Umm, sure," Edward smiled as he walked past.

"Hey, Cullen, where's your lightsaber?" Mike called out from behind us. Edward whacked my arm.

"Told ya."

"Newton doesn't know shit," I replied, shaking my head.

Once we entered, I began to rethink my idea about going. The house was filled wall to wall with teens gathered in every corner talking or dancing, their hips bumping and grinding. A few were drinking but not everyone had a beer in their hands, though just about everyone was costume, ranging from Jessica's Playboy bunny to Eric's Clark Kent. Next to me, Edward shuddered and I looked at him.

"Just picturing Eric in spandex. Not a pretty sight," he told me with a smile. We turned to head into the kitchen and Jessica spotted us. Hopping over in her tight pushup white corset, she flung her arms around my neck, throwing her barely dressed body against mine.

"Jasper!" she slurred. "I'd recognize your fantastic body in any costume."

"Hi," I mumbled from behind the mask. Behind her, Edward rolled his eyes at me and then headed into the kitchen.

"Come sit with me?" she purred with a finger under my chin, tugging on the fur.

"Maybe later, I'm going to get a drink with Edward first." She pouted and batted her eyelashes. "I promise I'll find you later."

Unable to stand the heat inside the mask, I took it off and carried it under my arm as I followed Edward. "You can't just leave me with her like that," I growled at him when I found him grabbing a bottled water from the fridge.

"You're a big boy, you can certainly handle a girl," he smirked at me over his shoulder.

"Not a half-dressed one throwing herself at me," I complained. "Unlike you, that's not exactly something I have experience with."

"At least you've got all the fur between you and her," he offered handing me a water. While Edward and I had gotten drunk before, it had always been at his house when I was sleeping over. Edward was too responsible to even consider having a beer when he was driving.

We walked around the house, socializing with just about everyone, and I was actually having a pretty good time until the doorbell rang and Newton answered it. Bella stood in the doorway in what seemed to be a white sheet with her hair in two buns around her ears.

She was Princess Leia.

Han's soul mate.

I glared at Edward with narrowed eyes and he shrugged. Tensing my jaw, I looked away, but felt his hand pulling on my paw. He led me into one of the bedrooms at the end of the hall and closed the door.

"Did you tell her?" I accused lowly, my heart already pounding.

"No, I swear, I never said a word. I didn't tell anyone what we were wearing."

"So this is pure coincidence?"

"Yeah."

"Fucking great," I sighed, sitting on the bed.

"Why is that bad?"

"Because now she will think it was fate that she was dressed as Leia and you're Han."

"Love, you need to speak English please."

My boy and his lack of knowledge all things Star Wars. "Han and Leia were destined for each other, they fell in love. Soul mates."

"Oh," he replied flatly. Standing in front of me, he reached out and brushed my hair back. "I didn't tell her."

"Just sucks, ya know? At least she's not in the slave costume." I sighed, looking up at him.

"Slave?"

There was a knock at the door and we both jumped. I stood and Edward moved away from me.

"Come on, fucking come already so the rest of us can have a turn," someone said from the other side.

"Fuck," I moaned. "Come on, let's go."

I opened the door to find a surprised Angela and Eric. "Hey man, do ya mind, I want to get some before the night is over." He shoved by me to find Edward standing behind me, but he was too drunk and too horny to give a shit. We heard them moaning before the door was even closed.

Even fucking Eric was getting more than I was.

"Hey, Edward," a sickly sweet voice said from behind us. He turned and smiled at her.

"Hey, B."

Unable to deal with them together, I headed into the living and sat on the couch. Jessica found me only a few seconds later, holding out a full beer to me.

"Drink this, gorgeous," she said as she sat on my lap.

I pulled off my paws and set them on the table before taking it from her. I downed it in one long gulp. The effects of the alcohol warming my blood were almost immediate. When I looked back at her, she seemed fuzzy around the edges.

When I felt her hand high on my thigh, I moved to get up but she pushed me back down, her breast pushing against my chest. "I need to find Edward," I told her.

"I think Edward is just fine," she replied, nodding toward Edward and Bella in the corner dancing. His arms were loose on her waist, hers were draped around his shoulders while her head rested on his chest.

I felt sick.

I knew I had no reason to be. I had no doubt Edward loved me, not her. I knew that. I really did.

But it didn't stop the sinking feeling in my stomach.

I watched them turn in a small circle until Edward was facing me and his eyes met mine.

They were apologetic.

After that our eyes never left each other. I saw him try to pull away, to put some space between their bodies but Bella pulled him close again. I saw his hands barely holding her, I saw him lick his lips when he saw my drunken gaze.

Jessica began to stroke my thigh and I let her even though it did absolutely fucking nothing for me.

"Jess, aren't you and Newton together?" I asked her. Resting against me, she ran a finger down my cheek.

"Nah, we just fuck sometimes. You're the only boy in the school I really want," she admitted her in the drunken state.

Lucky me.

"Don't you want me, too?" she pouted.

Not even if you had a cock.

"I'm not really into the dating thing. Just concentrating on school and track, ya know?"

"Oh, Jasper," she giggled. "We don't have to date." She put her lips right at my ear. "We can just fuck," she murmured wetly.

My eyes widened and even though I couldn't see around Jessica's big hair, I felt Edward's presence near.

"Need help?" he chuckled, sitting down on the chair across from me. Jessica sighed and leaned back, allowing me to see Edward. I almost moaned when I saw the white shirt stretch tight across his chest when he leaned back in the chair. Bella sat next to him on a table, staying as close as possible.

She wasn't ever going to give up.

As gently as I could, I picked Jessica up put her on the couch.

"Edward," I said sharply as I left the room. He followed me, just as I knew he would. I walked through Newton's kitchen and into what appeared to be a laundry room. As soon as I turned around, Edward entered. The small room was dark, the only light filtering in from the kitchen.

"What?" he whispered. I didn't answer. "Are you drunk?"

"Not yet," I warned him right before I pushed him against the wall, my lips on his, forcing my tongue into his mouth. He returned the kiss, deepening it as he tilted his head and moaned. His hands went to my hair, separating the damp waves as he breathed heavily into the air between us when we parted. I pushed his vest aside, running my hands over his tight shirt, pinching his nipples through it. When he arched his back, he groaned and I covered his mouth with mine, swallowing the sound. There was no door, anyone walking by could easily see our entwined bodies by the shelf of detergents or hear our moans coming from the dark corner.

Breaking the kiss, my lips moved along his jaw to his ear. "I saw you dancing with her. I didn't like it."

He tried to shake his head but ended up just angling it to allow me to reach his neck.

"I brought you in here to remind you of something, Edward," I growled. Holding him against the wall with my weight, I pressed my hips against his, grinding in a slow circle.

"What?" he gasped.

Pulling away, I looked into his lust crazed eyes. "That you're mine, baby. Not hers, not anyone else's." I punctuated it with a sharp thrust of my hips. "Mine," I whispered. "All mine."

Breathless and desperate, he fisted my hair.

"Are you hard, baby?"

"Fuck, yeah," he replied.

"Good because your cock is mine later," I told him just as I put some space between our bodies. He grabbed my hips and pulled me back to him, fusing his lips to my neck, sucking on the tender skin. "Someone might see us," I reminded him.

"Don't fucking care," he mumbled against my neck.

"Aw, fuck it," I sighed, moving us further into the shadows, partially hiding us. "Wanna suck you so bad, baby."

"Then do it," he encouraged, his hands leaving my hair to undo his pants. I heard the zipper lowering and then he was pushing the material out of the way, freeing his reddening cock. With one last glance over his shoulder, I kneeled before him. I couldn't even imagine what would happen if someone had caught Chewbacca giving Han head. "Need you so fucking bad," he moaned as I licked my lips. Burying my nose into his curls, I took his cock deep into my mouth, wrapping my lips tightly around it.

In Newton's dark laundry room, I sucked off my boyfriend, watching him writhe before me, attempting to contain himself as I began to pull his orgasm from him.

"Fuck, yeah, right there. You're so fucking good at this," he said huskily. Soft whimpers and loud grunts escaped him as I fondled his balls and took his cock as deep as I could. "Jasper, God, fuck, fuck…more."

A few bobs of my head later, I paused with him sitting low in my throat and swallowed hard.

"Fuck," he groaned and shot his load, filling my mouth with his salty cum. His body twitched and jerked until he was empty and sated. "Jesus," he sighed as I licked him clean and stuffed his cock back into his pants. After I stood up, he drew me into a kiss, his tongue twisting with mine, tasting his excitement.

"We should get back," I whispered as someone walked by the room.

"Yours," he said, kissing me one last time before he turned and left me, hard and panting alone in the room.

When I returned to the couch, Jessica was still there, waiting patiently. Edward had sat back down on the chair, barely glancing at Bella. I couldn't help the satisfied smile I wore as his eyes fell on me, not her.

Jessica climbed back into my lap, wiggling as she turned to them. "Are you two back together?"

"No," Edward replied sharply and quickly. Bella laughed and shook her head.

"Nah. Although it is pretty funny we're Han and Leia and didn't even plan it."

"A riot," I snarled. Edward shot me a glance and I looked away. Angela and a very happy Eric joined us, flopping down on the other chair.

"Edward, where's your lightsaber?" Jessica asked her in her heavily flirty tone. "I bet Bella would like to see it again."

"Solo didn't carry a saber," Eric chimed in. "Only Jedis."

"Thank you!" I almost yelled. Edward tried not to smile.

"Are you two back together?" Angela asked Bella.

"Nope, just coincidence," Bella responded quietly.

"Cool."

We sat there and talked about all the gossip in the school and even with Jessica sitting on my lap, and Bella touching Edward every chance she got, I actually had a good time. Perhaps it was the buzz I had going on from the beers Jessica kept handing me, or maybe it was the wink Edward gave me when no one was looking. Whatever the reason was, I felt relaxed and smiled and laughed. Turned out Eric played WoW too, so we had a heated discussion on the most recent update while the rest of them talked about school shit. A few more kids came up and asked if Edward and Bella were back together, and I had to admit, Bella was as quick to deny it as Edward was.

I tried, really tried, to keep my eyes off Edward's crotch, and I succeeded.

A few times.

If other people hadn't been around us, if he'd been teasing me with those tight pants at his house, I would have had his cock in my mouth again in a second. My heart began to race.

"You're hot," Jessica said, pressing her hand to my sweaty forehead.

"It's the fur," I lied, my eyes on Edward as Bella leaned toward him and whispered something in his ear. He laughed and then licked his lips. When Edward caught me watching him, he gave me his crooked smile. Shifting my body, I eased the tension on my cock, letting it twitch hidden behind the fur. He noticed the subtle movement and began gnawing on the inside of his cheek. Knowing he was as affected as I was, I let my eyes freely roam his body, allowing him to feel my gaze on him, crawling up his skin, undressing him as I went. Anxiously, his hand went to his hair, running through the thick strands a few times before he moved his hips and casually covered his cock with his hand.

I knew it was beginning to strain against the tight black pants.

I wanted nothing more than to free it again.

Taste it again.

Suck it again.

A few minutes later, Edward stretched and yawned.

"I could really go for a Fluffernutter," he said casually and my ears perked up.

"Me too," I said, almost knocking Jessica over when I stood up. "See ya, guys," I mumbled, already heading for the door. I heard Edward saying goodbye to everyone just as I walked out of the house.

The night air was cool, refreshing me, even sobering me up a bit as I stumbled toward Edward's car. Leaning against the Volvo, I waited for him, smiling when I heard his footsteps behind me. He pressed his body to mine, pinning me against the car. Reaching around me, he palmed my cock and kissed the nape of my neck.

"Get in the car," he whispered.

Didn't have to tell me twice.

Opening the door, I got in. Unzipping the costume before I even had the door closed, I climbed out of it until it rested on the floor at my feet. I had worn a pair of basketball shorts and a tee shirt under it. Edward started his car and pulled out, concentrating on the driving as he hummed along with "Come Together". As soon as we reached a more deserted stretch of road, he pulled over. Long fingers were pulling at the elastic of my shorts, yanking them down over the erection I'd been sporting for an hour.

"I've been waiting to do this all fucking night," he moaned as he leaned down.

I buried my hand in his hair just as his lips embraced the head of my cock. Sucking hard and fast, he bobbed his head up and down my rigid length. An endless stream of obscenities mixed in with his name and praise to his mouth flowed from me. His skill quickly had me on the edge of my orgasm. Sitting in his dark car on the side of the road, I cried out his name, bucking my hips up as my body was flooded with the warmth and tingling of my climax. My cock emptied in his wet, hot mouth and after swallowing and licking me clean he sat up and grinned.

He drove us home with very satisfied smiles on our faces.

His fingers twirling my hair brought me back from the memory and I purred under his touch.

"For the first time in a long time, I was jealous of Bella that night," I told him.

"You had no reason to be."

"I know, but I couldn't help it. I wanted to be able to flirt with you like she did. Dance with you like that."

"But I left with you, that is all that mattered."

"You looked hot in those pants," I recalled with a smirk. Reaching up, I pushed his hair off his forehead, running my fingers through it before letting it fall back down. It was the most beautiful, crazy hair ever. It never did was it was supposed to do and still always managed to look perfectly fucked.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

He swallowed and closed his eyes, summoning courage before continuing. "I'm really scared."

"Of what, baby?"

"Everything. Going back to school, my future…losing you."

"You won't lose me."

"Jasp-"

"No, just fucking no, Edward. You. Will. Not. Lose. Me," I said firmly.

"Why do I feel like someday I will?" he asked in a shaky, honest voice.

"I don't know, because I'm going to be with you forever."

"I can't ask you to live this life."

I dropped my forehead to his shoulder and sighed in frustration. "Jesus fucking Christ, Edward. You're not asking me, I want to live this life with you. I don't care if it means not having sex or pushing each other around when we're a hundred and ten, I want to be with you. I'm not going anywhere. No matter how hard you try to push me away or think I am going to leave you, I'm not. I won't. Don't you know you are everything to me, Edward? That day I kissed you in the pool I risked our friendship because I had to. I knew in my heart that you would be my everything."

His hand in my hair tightened and he lifted my head, forcing me to look into his eyes. They were stormy, clouds of uncertainty obscuring their normally brilliant green.

"Edward, I know you're scared, baby. I am too. Terrified honestly, but I know we can do this. I know it won't be easy, but please, just let me help."

He considered my offer, his eyes studying mine as our hearts beat in time with each other.

"Do you know what this means? Being with me? You're going to be the closeted boyfriend of a fucking cripple who can't even have sex with you."

"I'm going to be the boyfriend of Edward Cullen. The most wonderful, beautiful person ever."

"What if it doesn't work out?" he asked in a hushed whisper, the tremor in his voice fading.

"It will," I replied.

He shook his head. "So fucking stubborn," he muttered. Sighing, he closed his eyes for a second. When he opened them, I saw them begin to clear, the turmoil behind them beginning to calm. His breath caught in his throat and a tear slid down his cheek.

"No regrets," he whispered desperately. "Promise me, Jasper, no regrets."

"I could never have any regrets where you're concerned," I assured him.

With his thumb tracing my lips, he waited for me to promise.

So I did.

"No regrets, Edward, I promise," I vowed to him with all that I was.

"**~~**"

Thanks for reading~

Sometimes I think I could write these boys forever. I want to write every second of their lives, even the most mundane…color me obsessed. *I* know that Edward can/might be able to have sex (sustain an erection) however HE does not, and while Jasper might, he isn't going to tell Edward that now, it's not the right time. (Jasper doesn't want to tell Edward, a 17 yr old boy that he might need Viagra to get an erection) Thank you for the messages about parapelegics having sex, but remember this is in their pov-they might not know what we do. There is more story to tell, including how they will deal with being physical again.

You guys freaking rock! We received enough donations to purchase Dannie a full size laptop. It has been ordered and should arrive between December 10-18. We are planning a little something special for those that donated because we can't begin to thank you all enough. Seriously, thank you, thank you, thank you!

The very generous kaytes made a banner for this story. It's beautiful and so fitting for them. The link is on my profile. Thank you, kaytes!

The average handicapped van can cost 35k new and 25-30k used. There are two types of ramps, rear and side entry. They must also be equipped with hand controls for gas and brakes. If you already own a van, it can cost about 14k to convert it to be wheelchair accessible.

Have questions about the boys? Follow me on Twitter theslashawards or visit the M&A thread on Twilighted http:/www DOT twilighted DOT net/forum/viewtopic DOT php?f=44&t=9674