Chapter 11 – Day Four

I was angry. No, that was too gentle. I was fuming. I was pissed like a cat being sprayed by a hose being held by a dog. I was livid like a humiliated and heartbroken woman with one too many shots of vodka and really persuasive friends. I was burning like acid, the searing pain kind and the hallucinogen at the same time.

Okay, so maybe I was overdoing it, but I was definitely not in the mood for the cheery ringback that was echoing over the phone into my ear as I waited for the line to pick up.

Maybe I'm ahead of myself. Let me back up.

Four days ago, I was my normal peppy self. Well, I was as peppy as Arthur Pendragon can ever be assumed to be. I was sitting in a restaurant on the boardwalk with Merlin, and we were enjoying possibly the best tasting calamari of my entire life. Merlin was regaling me with a tale from his childhood in which his mother saved up money for two months to pay for the transportation over to this city and then to pay for the calamari we were currently eating.

His mother lived in a rustic little town called Ealdor. It was one of those villages that survived the dark ages and was comprised mostly of farms and brand name stores that invaded the countryside. According to Merlin, his uncle lived somewhere in the city, but he'd had little chance to talk to him in the last two years. Busy schedules or something, he said. The point was, Merlin used to visit Camelot as a child to see his relatives... or erm… relative. His father was in the movie business like me, or he used to be. Balinor, Merlin called him, was a props master and second in line to be the lighting director. This meant his father got to be a big shot if the original director was out or got hurt or cancelled. Still, props master was a pretty good job. I'd met with several kinds of prop masters. Some would teach me stunts. Some warned me about the items I'd be using on set. Some, my favorite, taught me to sword fight. I briefly wondered if Merlin's father had ever worked on a movie with me.

Merlin recaptured my attention with a story about Will meeting his mother. Apparently they met Will just after Merlin's eye accident, which he still refused to tell me the details of. Will instantly offered to help Merlin find a job at the bookstore and help him keep it. According to Merlin, Will was a stuttering, rush of insistence that I would have paid money to see. Will was definitely into Merlin. Even if he was usually straight, this guy was aimed in a Merlin-sexual direction. Ever since that first meeting, Will has been Merlin's best friend. I withheld comments on Will's people skills and friend quality.

Then, in the midst of my laughter over an image of Will trying to convince Merlin's mother of his honesty and credibility, Merlin let off an activated, explosive mine. Mind you, it didn't explode immediately. Mines normally don't. Someone has to trip the alert for mines to blow.

"I'm leaving for a week." That was it right there. Four days later I would pick out that moment as when it all started. Merlin popped another fried squid into his mouth and waited for me to reply.

"A week? Where to?" I asked, trying to pretend I wasn't already coming up with possible reasons why he should stay.

"My mother wants me to visit… and my father's grandfather died, so his funeral is coming up," Merlin explained. Instantly all my arguments fell away. I couldn't be a dick and tell him not to go to that.

"You mean your great grandfather?" I asked.

"Yeah, but I wasn't really close to him. He liked to travel a lot, tell short stories, and disappear for a year with no communication between us. Still, he was my great grandfather. I have to honor him."

"Okay. Well, have fun I guess," I said, unsure exactly what I was supposed to say to that. Merlin sounded like… well, kinda like Lancelot when we spoke so traditionally. He had to 'honor' his grandfather by attending his funeral? It was definitely the kind of weird thing Lancelot would say…. Why did I never get to say things like that?

"I'll miss you," was the murmur I almost didn't catch over the sounds of crashing waves. I looked at Merlin across our food and tried to find some clue in his ever befuddling expression to prove to me that he'd actually spoken. He seemed to grow uncomfortable in the silence, and I took that as a good hint.

"Say 'ah'," I ordered, picking up a calamari.

Merlin did as he was told without fuss. I wondered if I could order him like that on a regular basis or if he would tell me to shove it. Anyway, I poked the little snack into his mouth. It must have shocked him, because he gasped and closed his mouth. That would have been merely cute, but he caught my finger in there. I pulled it out almost instantly, and nothing odd had happened because of it, and yet suddenly we both seemed stunned and unable to speak. For several moments, I couldn't remember why I'd done that, and then I jumped in remembrance.

"Listen," I began, "It's only a week. I can survive a week without you… I'm sure you could last months without me. It'll be fine. So let's just enjoy the last of this delicious food made out of weird animals and have some fun for the rest of the time we have until you have to leave."

Merlin looked like he wanted to make a comment, but I could visibly see him retract his statement and swallow it. A small, uneasy smile spread across his lips, and he nodded.

"Right," he said.

I started to get the hint that the missing comment had something to do with how long he could last without me. From that response, either he couldn't last without me, or he could probably leave me in a cardboard box on the street corner for some random stranger to take me home. I'd get rained on and nearly drown before the box would finally brake and I could escape … oh hang on. That's Oliver and Company.

I dropped Merlin off in front of a nice, but not expensive, house as I had for our last two dates. The first time, I'd asked if I could come in. However, Merlin had turned me down pretty quickly so I hadn't asked since. In a way, that in itself was pointing back to Lancelot's words on my changes. I was thinking back to that conversation a lot lately. Anyway, I watched Merlin until he was safely inside before I drove on home.

That's when the trouble started.

Day one dawned. I went to work as usual and found that flimsy blind costar had been converted into a decent actress during her period away for the broken wrist. She never looked directly at me while she acted, which was fine and actually rather good on her part. She'd straightened out most of her character till it was much more believable. I suspected the director had a chat with her after the incident where I snapped her wrist. Which I was totally, completely sorry about… Well not really, but that's what I told her to keep her from suing me.

The day went smoothly. Shooting got farther than ever before in one day. My lunch break was filled with good looking interns and Lancelot. I got home and had dinner with both of my parents. Mordred said he was almost finished with the books we'd gotten him, which meant a trip to the bookstore, but he didn't directly ask to be taken. Somehow, that little psychic must have known Merlin was out of town and that I had no interest in going book shopping without the prospect of seeing him. I got this inference from the way his big eyes kept glancing over at me while he spoke.

I went to sleep feeling pretty good. My phone hadn't gone off once that day.

Day two dawned. I woke up and went to the studio. I wasn't in as many scenes and spent much of my time in my trailer. I read more on day two than I could ever remember reading in a single setting before in my life. I nearly finished that Inkheart book.

Lancelot came to eat lunch with me in my trailer, which was great and fine, but I still wasn't completely comfortable telling him my life story per say. He knew about as much as my father, maybe a little bit more, and that was all he was going to know for now. Lunch grew tedious.

I went home and watched my competition for stardom for an hour or so until I went down one floor to have dinner with my mother and brother. This was still very enjoyable. There was a lot of laughing and a semi-food fight I'd love to go into detail about, but in the effort of time I'll refrain.

I went to sleep feeling as though I'd forgotten to do something. My phone hadn't gone off for a txt message at all.

Day three. Okay, so this was definitely the worst of it. I went to work until one in the afternoon before I was given the day off to rest. They said I looked tired. I think they were full of shit. Regardless, I went home… where I rotted my brain out counting the odd shapes I could find in the makings of my ceiling and thinking about seafood.

Of course seafood made me think of Merlin which led me to think of our last outing together before he left. It had only been three days and I was already thinking about him as though I could just go pick him up for coffee.

My mind wandered. I thought of the way he'd closed his mouth on my finger by accident and the way his lips felt around my finger and how they felt on my lips. Then my mind spiraled into thoughts and ideas and visions of Merlin's mouth. I tried to divert my concentration onto other things, but they all somehow managed to revert back to Merlin's lips.

Around four in the afternoon I decided it was time for a shower. As the water ran over my body, I winced at the cold I had stepped into before it grew warm. I focused on how to take a shower, forcing myself not to wonder about Merlin… and then I punched the wall so hard I cracked one of the tiles. I apparently had little control over my mind when it came to Merlin.

I ate dinner alone, which I was actually glad for, and went to bed early. Once again, my cell phone remained silent. I never thought I'd miss its ring so much.

So now it's day four, and I woke up mad. I had no work today. I had nowhere to be. I was left alone with myself, which seemed to be a bad thing these days. I checked my phone when I got up only to realize I was checking for messages from Merlin. I slammed the phone down on the desk and groaned at myself. I was pathetic about this.

As the minutes ticked by in my suite, my feelings festered. Annoyance and confusion for my own thoughts and actions. Annoyance at Merlin for leaving. Shock at myself. Distaste for the lack of things to distract myself with. Put that all together and let it simmer in my mind with all the hormones of a pregnant woman. I greeted the afternoon with a sizzling growl.

I was pissed like a fire hydrant after a dog gets hold of it. I was pissed like a college guy in a bar after failing his midterm. I was pissed… like Arthur Pendragon after realizing he's changed into a wussy who can't go four days without seeing some stupid blind bookie and is so bored he counts the waves in his morning Shredded Wheat!

How had I turned into this? I had become so dependent on Merlin to fill my free hours that I was flailing without him. Why was Merlin not here to entertain me and keep me company?! Why was he not here to insult my taste in coffee and compliment my acting and hate my attitude but love my presence?! And why couldn't I distract myself from all of that?

No. I HAD to distract myself. More than that, I had to find something new to entertain me during the days.

I wasn't going to stand for this! I was Arthur Pendragon, god damn it! I didn't have to sit here alone! I could call up a friend of mine and go DO something with the day! I flipped open my phone to scroll through the contacts and see who I could call for a fun time.

Oh…

I found myself torn between emotions when the cheery ring-back began. The Beatles 'It Won't Be Long' was not my idea of a good ring-back. I was starting to regret my decision to call when the line finally picked up.

"Arthur?" Morgana's voice asked in wild confusion. "You never call me. Did you need something?"

"Heh. Yeah. About that… You see, Merlin's out of town for the week, and I don't have any work to do…. So I thought I'd call some friends of mine and chat for a bit or at least set up a place to hang out later on in the week…. And uh… well that's when I noticed I don't have any friends! Heh. Heh heh," I paused here, half expecting her to begin to laugh at me too. When she didn't, I took a deep breath and ran my fingers through my hair. "I mean, we've known each other for years, right, but we're still not friends! My only 'friend' is out of town and my next closest 'friend' hates me… but I figured you didn't hate me enough to hang up on me so I called. Also,… well, I know I can be a real prat at times, but could we… possibly… just for the next five minutes or so, act like we're friends?"

Even I could tell how desperate and pathetic I sounded. If I were Morgana, I would hang up now. I was actually laughing on the inside at just how miserable I was. I rubbed my eyes and let out another sour laugh.

"I'm really pathetic," I teased myself. Morgana's voice sighed over the phone.

"Oh Arthur," she said, and though she seemed partially annoyed, there was an overwhelming caring tone in there. I almost felt my chest burst in response. "I'm free right now. Go on and tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong," I countered, feeling defensive. "Not having friends isn't a bad thing."

"No. It just makes you want to cry when, all at once, you're lonely," Morgana replied bitterly. "Stop being a prude and talk to me."

Cry? I paused a moment to think on that. She was right. My eyes were beginning to feel that obnoxious burn. I pressed at them again even though I didn't think they were going to fall.

I took a deep breath. Morgana and I had never had a deep conversation, but it seemed I was about to spill my heart out to her over the receiver, even more than I'd spilled it for Lancelot. I gripped the phone tightly and nodded to no one. Then I began to talk. I told her about meeting Merlin and the impossible desire to grab his attention because he was blind. I told her about the beach and the sounds it made. I told her how it made me feel and about the CD I'd purchased for both Merlin and myself.

I told her about how I spent every week planning on how to surprise him when I visited and how my new movie made me angry because my costar couldn't act blind to save her life at first. I told her everything. For the next hour, I rambled to her until my throat and mouth became dry. I told her about how he was my only friend and about the day he'd told me that's what we were and the day I'd realized it myself. I even told her about Paris and the force of my desire to kiss Merlin. For some reason, maybe because she was a woman, I even went so far as to talk about the actual kissing. In the end, I told her about him leaving to visit his mother and felt my eyes stinging.

By the end of the hour, my mouth was dry… and my cheeks were hot. How had I managed to live this long without realizing how pathetic I was? How had I disillusioned myself about the need for friends? I leaned my head into my hand and pushed my hair back from my face. It hurt my head, feeling all of this emotion. I leaned my forehead against the table to feel its cool surface. If this was change, I didn't want it. It pained me.

"Arthur," Morgana's voice seemed almost too sweet. "Why did you do this over the phone? It's so much easier to comfort someone in person," she scolded gently. "But don't worry. We're friends too, Arthur. Only a friend could listen to the great Arthur Pendragon whine over being friendless and not laugh at him."

I snorted. She was laughing… in her own way. She gave a sad giggle and then sighed.

"Arthur, really… I am your friend. I know we argue a lot, but we have a lot in common, and we have trust. If we didn't, we couldn't tease each other like we do. We have to trust that the other won't become so angry that shooting halts or ruins our lives. Understand?" she said.

"Yeah… Yes, I understand," I replied, a bit of my normal edge returning to my tone. "Christ, I never thought I'd see the day when we decided to be friends." Even after knowing each other most of our lives, I'd hardly seen this coming.

"Miracles do happen, I'm told. And yet fairies…," she began. I cut her off.

"Oh don't even say they don't exist," I laughed.

My eyes widened, and I froze. I… laughed? I could hear Morgana triumphantly laughing on the other end of the line. How? How had she done that? I was reeling in the emotion of realizing I was pathetic, and she says two words and I'm laughing?

"Morgana?" I asked softly. Her laughter turned into quiet giggles.

"Yes, Arthur?"

"Is this how friends act?" I asked. This wasn't quite how Merlin and I interacted. Maybe it was because he was male and she was female.

"Yes. Yes, Arthur. Friends make you smile even when you're sad. Friends tell you the truth and what you need to hear. Friends can be cruel and they can be saviors," she said and sounded both wise and corny. "We are definitely friends, Arthur… especially since I'm about to tell you the biggest truth of your life, and, trust me, I'm shocked about it too."

"Say what?" I asked, still resting my head on the table. My eyes were shut, enjoying the chill that ran through my body from the contact.

"Now listen… listen closely, Arthur, because this is the most important part," she stressed, her voice becoming more serious than caring.

"Will you just tell me?" I half barked, curious and annoyed with her presentation.

"You're in love," Morgana stated. I narrowed my eyes and clenched the phone… but the idea didn't taste as sour as it probably should have, no matter how much I thought it should.

Chapter 12 – Feeling Gay - Preview:

I think I can honestly say I have never spent more time with Morgana. The scary part? I was getting really into it. We each pointed out shirts and pants and full body ensembles. Then we'd debate the good and bad of them.

"He's not my boyfriend," I grunted. "We're just friends."

"Right."

'I missed you too.' Since it was just text, I couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"Well then why are you dressed so… handsomely?"

"First, I thank you for the compliment. Second, I'm going to see a friend."

"The anti-alcohol actress or the virgin male?"

"Mom!"

I smiled a little and looked down at my feet. To think, only a little over a month and a half ago my thoughts would have been completely opposite. That's the train whistle sounded and the bright green engine pulled into the station. Only I didn't see him anywhere in the crowd. Plenty of men, but no Merlin.

'How have you been?'