The table she often ate dinner with Sasuke and Naruto with was adorned with a red felt fabric that looked soft to the touch, and a pair of candles sat in the center, lit despite the sun still shining strong. The plates her and Naruto had washed hours ago sat neatly on square napkins flanked by silverware.

She blinked, sniffing at the air that was thick with spices and sauces, it was a very distinctive smell that she had suffered far too many times; Sasuke's cooking. While her sister was talented in many aspects of life, she also lacked in pretty much everything domesticated, this was especially true for cooking. Not that her sister's cooking was bad it was just...interesting.

A sizzle came from the kitchen and the tale tell scent of red wine was added to the unusual odor that now permeated the house. It'd take weeks to get the scent out of the house, and it'd be easier just to destroy whatever pan Sasuke was ruining.

"I think," She paused reaching down to pick up one of the lit candles. It was a round scented candle that Sakura had given Sasuke for her birthday last year, the kind meant for a path or for a quiet night, not dinner, the other candle was at least decorative. "I think they're trying to seduce me."

The thought of that accidental kiss with Naruto had her face flush as her heart began to flutter especially when she mixed in his parting words to her. It got even worse when she remembered what Sasuke had tried to do a few hours ago. Maybe she should just go back to bed and skip dinner?

That sounded like a great idea, that way she could just stay in there until Naruto and Sasuke stopped taking crazy pills. She should hurry before -

The air shifted, colors became warmer, more vibrant. This was the effect Naruto had on her now, how had she not noticed it before?

"How was your nap?" Naruto asked pulling out a chair and making a sweeping gesture with his arms. His hair was still wet, and he smelled really clean and good. A tight black shirt clung to his torso almost like as second skin, reminding her of how well she remembered his body when they went to the lake. They should do that again.

She took the seat, hands in her lap, and stared at the spot across from her occupied only by the wall. She was going to be flanked by Naruto and Sasuke. No escape, not a chance, not now. She adjusted her silverware the smallest amount before her hands retreated to her lap once more. What was she going to do? "It was nice, thank you."

Naruto's hands fell to her shoulders, his thumbs digging in and working at her muscles in a way that was painful at first but then quickly began to feel good. "Wow, you're tense, don't worry, just give me a bit, I'll loosen you up."

Why did this feel good? What was he doing? Why didn't she understand? How did him knowing that she was in love with him change the meaning behind his every action? Wait, he really was seducing her! They hadn't even eaten, wasn't this too soon?

"What are you doing?" She muttered, fighting back against a sudden need to gasp as his thumbs found something. Was her shoulder supposed to feel like that? There was a pop and it felt like everything in her body had just vanished, like she was merely a soul floating in a bubble bath. It took what little strength she could muster to sit upright and not fall face first into the table.

A moan escaped her and she rolled her eyes, escaping back into his wonderful touch.

Naruto laughed, his hand leaving her and replaced by his elbow assaulting her spine with pinpoint accuracy. "Did I tell you Jiraiya taught me how to give massages? I just thought you might enjoy a little one with how stressed you were."

"I was stressed?" She asked eyes rolling in her head as her head lulled to Naruto's motions.

"Big time."

"Ah," She had no ability to question him, protest, his every motion finding some new way to loosen her up.

His hands returned to her shoulders once more, closer to the neck, his fingers digging into those muscles in the most wonderful way possible. "So, I talked to Sasuke about it a bit,"

"Hmm." About what?

"And we talked about what she wants, a lot," He coughed, his fingers still working magic. "And well, we also talked about what's appropriate, and uh, she might be a sistercon."

"A what?" Her head lulled to the side, her hair followed splashing down onto her shoulder.

"It's a word that Sakura used to describe Hinata's little sister Hanabi, and apparently it fits Sasuke. Basically, it means sister complex, in that Sasuke who is your little sister." Things that she knew. "Is in love with you." Again, she knew this. "In a romantic sense."

That brought her back and blushing into the reality, but still held down by Naruto's wonderful massage. He tricked her! "What? She is? Since when? Why? How? I'm confused? How come I didn't know?"

"Well, you Uchiha girls tend to keep your emotions bottled up, fortunately, us Uzumaki's are basically universal bottle openers." She felt his chuckle carry through her body and dancing on her fingertips before fading away. "And apparently we're also good at getting them to fall in love."

He thumbed her ear and she melted down into her chair. This wasn't fair! Why couldn't this be something ninja-related? Or even house related, anything but dealing with being social, and especially being in love. Then his hands left her and he finally stepped away, leaving her cold in the room.

"But, like I said, this is your choice, I'm lucky enough to have you in my life already Itachi. I never really had a family, so you can choose to fill whatever role you want." Naruto walked towards the kitchen. His nails scraped the wall before he turned into the room where Sasuke was still cooking and had likely heard everything that Naruto had said. "But, I don't think Sasuke's going to-"

He was silenced by a ladle slapping him in the face.

XXXX

It was hard to say what exactly Sasuke was trying to cook; other than in some vague sense of the word it could be called food, in much the same way decorative fruit could be called food. The soup smelled burnt, the noodles were still stiff, the mystery meat looked ready to evolve into a new and unusual creature that would overpopulate quickly because no creature was crazy enough to eat it.

As to how her sister could sit there looking as prideful as always she hadn't a clue.

The only things that looked edible were the store-bought buns, the rice, and the wine. Her own coffee mug of wine was especially full. Poured courtesy of Sasuke.

"You suck at cooking." The noodles in Naruto's mouth gave a crunch when he chewed them. A lot. It was almost impressive how much he chewed and how much they crunched. Her mouth hurt just looking at him.

Sasuke snorted, leveling her fork at him. "You're the one that was too lazy to cook, besides I didn't make this for you. If I did I would have made better ramen."

What part of this was ramen?

"There's nothing even remotely ramen-related here."

"There's noodles."

"I thought these were terrible french fries."

"Broth."

"Burnt soup?"

"Pork?"

"Is it supposed to be moving."

It was pork?

Sasuke folded her arms and glared at Naruto like she was planning a thousand deaths for him. "You're lucky I love you more than I hate you."

Her fork scrapped against her plate and both Naruto and Sasuke turned to look at her. Did her sister really have feelings for her? Of the romantic type! There was no doubt that her sister loved and cared for her and she did as well. But, how many different types?

"What do you think Itachi?" Naruto asked.

Sasuke leaned in a smile that she would never trust on her face. "Yea sister, what do you think about our dinner?"

"What do I think?" She asked mostly to herself. And they both nodded. She sipped from her wine. It tasted funny.

"Yea." Naruto nodded, beaming like the sun at midday, while Sasuke's sinister smile reminded her of the waning moon. "Come on, tell us what you really think."

"What I really think?" She asked, and they nodded again. What she really thought, what did she really think? What she thought was, what she thought was, what she thought.

"This has to be the worst meal you have ever made, you did absolutely everything wrong! You gave me a plate instead of a bowl for your soup which I'm fairly certain is burnt. The meat is already plotting its revenge against you, I'm fairly certain you bought it at the store and didn't even take it out of the plastic wrap. I have one teaspoon, two butter knives, a chopstick, the napkin under my plate is one of my dish rags, I'm drinking wine from a coffee cup, you're using a scented candle for decoration, and I just realized that you're using a throw as a tablecloth."

Her voice was even throughout that whole exchange and she kept her eyes forward, barely moving as she went down the list. She took a breath and stood. "The fact that both of you thought that this was a good idea makes me question how you would function without me, and that thought scares me. Now then, I'm going to go get us take-out and rent a movie or two, while I'm gone I expect all of this to be either fixed, cleaned, or destroyed."

She saw the smiles both of them wore, as she turned to get her wallet. It didn't matter if whatever scheme they had come up with worked, or even if there was a scheme and she was just making a fool of herself. It felt wonderful letting her emotions out like that. Naruto might be a can opener, but Sasuke was quickly learning those tricks as well.

"I told you it would work," Naruto muttered behind her, while Sasuke snorted.

She really should just go out and eat on her own. But that was awkward. And besides, she wanted to snuggle with Naruto during the movie.

AN: Sasuke and Naruto playing dirty! If I'm being honest this is starting to feel kind of unrealistic lol, but oh well. It's still fun to write. I imagine there's about one or two chapters left? Again, no lemon because that isn't why this fic is rated M. (besides I don't think I can write a good threeway)