Smashing Parodies
The Smash Bros. Movie Part 4
"Uh...is this Cloud Cuckoo Land?" Shulk asked as they now were in some fantasy world. "I don't see any clouds, or cuckoos."
"No, no. This is Hyrule." Robin explained. "A wondrous land full of knights, castles, muttons, torture weapons, poverty, leaches, illiteracy, and um..."
"DRAGONS!" Shulk shouted as a dragon flew by them.
"Yes, that too." The aircraft transformed into a car and landed on the ground and began to drive through the woods. "Once we arrive in Cloud Cuckoo Land, we will raise an army of Master Brawlers..."
"Yeah, yeah, anyway. You guys gotta check out these new subwoofers I installed in the back, I call them 'The Dogs.' Listen to them bark!" Meta Knight turned on the stereo, causing extremely loud music to blare through the back, making Shulk and Robin jump.
"Aaah! Can you turn that down a little bit?!" Shulk asked over the loud music.
"This is a song I wrote for Marth!"
"This is real music, Shulk. Meta Knight's a true artist. Dark, brooding."
"Well, I'm dark and brooding too!" Shulk then noticed something up ahead. "Oh, guys! Look, a rainbow!"
"So, you are going to drive up the curved part, take it all the way to the top and park the car." Meta Knight drove up the rainbow and stopped at the very top. "Friends, welcome to Cloud Cuckoo Land. Now, I just need to give the secret knock." Robin knocked on the cloud door, and after waiting for a moment it burst open and they went inside where everyone was happy and dancing around.
"Okay. I'm just gonna come right out, I have no idea what's going on or what this place is, at all." Shulk said.
Suddenly, a giant pink puffball came up to them. "Hi! I am Princess Jigglypuff, and I welcome you all to Cloud Cuckoo Land!"
"But there's no signs or anything! How does anyone know what not to do?"
"Here in Cloud Cuckoo Land there are no rules! There's no government, no babysitters, no bed times, no frowny faces, no bushy mustaches, and no negativity of any kind."
"You just said the word no like a thousand times." Marth said.
"And there's also no consistency."
"I hate this place." Meta Knight groaned as a clown and a man in a crocodile suit danced around him.
"Any idea is a good idea, except the not happy ones. Those we push down deep inside where you never, ever, ever, EVER..." Jigglypuff suddenly got extremely angry for a second before being extremely happy again. "Find them! Your fellow Master Brawlers are gathered in The Dog."
"The...what?" Shulk asked, and the four went to a giant dog head shaped dome where all the other Master Brawlers were gathered.
"My fellow Master Brawlers, including, but not limited to: Link, Dragon Lady, Princess Rosalina, Lucario, 1980-something Angel Guy, 1991 F-Zero Racers and Samus Aran. You have traveled far to be here for a moment of great import. We have learned that Lord Tabuu plans to unleash a fully-weaponized Dark Cannon on Taco Tuesday, to end the world as we know it." Robin announced, and the Master Brawlers all gasped in shock and outrage. "Please, calm yourselves. Sheik, Lucas, Mr. Game and Watch, Greninja, Wii Fit Trainer and Bayonetta. There is yet one hope, the Special has arisen." He pointed to Shulk, who looked absolutely terrified.
"Can the young man step forward?" Rosalina asked.
"As you wish, Palutena."
"I'm Rosalina!"
"Really? I thought the goddess with the green hair was Rosalina."
"No! She's Rosalina, I'm Palutena!"
"Petunia?"
"No! Palutena!"
"I thought you said Petunia."
"Robin!"
"Ah, we have got to write all that down because I am not going to remember any of it, but here we go. The Special will now give an eloquent speech." Everyone stared at Shulk who looked around the room. "Go ahead, man. You got this."
"Okay." Shulk walked up to the platform and waved to everyone. "Hello. I'm Shulk. Oh, and this is the Monado." He pointed to the weapon on his back, and everyone expressed their excitement. "Thank you. Well, uh...I know that I for one am very excited to work with you guys. To get into the Smash Tower, find the Dark Cannon and put this thing on the thing! And I know it's going to be really hard, but..."
"Really hard?" Suddenly, a man in stealth armor came in. "This is impossible! The last time we tried to storm Lord Tabuu's office we used every plan we could conceive, the result was a massacre too terrible to speak of."
"Who are you?"
"The name is Solid Snake! And I'll tell you my tale of woe."
"Oh, great. Here we go again." Robin muttered.
"I arrived at the foot of the tower with my Master Brawler crew, only to find the Dark Cannon was all the way up on the infinitieth floor guarded by a army. And security measures of every kind imaginable: lasers, sharks, laser sharks, overbearing assistants, and strange dangerous relics that entrap, snap and zap. And there be a mysterious room called 'The Think Tank.' I barely made it out of that room alive!"
"Okay."
"So if you think it'd be a good idea to return to that foresaken place, Special, what idea have you that be better than the ideas of one hundred of our fallen Master Brawler brothers?"
"Well...well, technically I'm not exactly a Master Brawler yet..."
"What?!" Snake asked in shock, and everyone else became outraged.
"Please, everyone. Everyone! Please! Yes, it's true. I may not be a Master Brawler. I may not have a lot of experience fighting or leading or coming up with plans, or having ideas in general. In fact, I'm not all that smart. And I'm not what you'd call a creative type. Plus, generally unskilled. Also, scared and cowardly. I know what you're thinking, 'he is the least qualified person in the world to lead us.' And you are right."
"This is supposed to make us feel better?" Lucario asked.
"What? No. There was about to be a but..."
"You're a butt!" Rosalina shouted.
"Yes." Palutena agreed.
"You'll all be on your own! I'll be leaving this lost cause!" Snake said as he jumped onto his hovercraft and flew away.
"Why are you leaving? Come on! Guys! We can still do this! Right?" Shulk asked as the Master Brawlers started throwing things at him.
"Well, you were right about him being a ding-dong." Meta Knight said to Marth.
Shulk turned around and started walking off sad and disappointed. "Well, at least it can't get any worse." Suddenly, a golf ball flew through the air and crashed right through the dome. "I was wrong!"
"It's the orb of Titleist!" Mario exclaimed.
Wolf and his army of Primids broke through in their aircrafts. "Breakthrough, it's the bad guys!"
"Whoa! How did he...?" Shulk asked.
"Go! Run! Come on, everyone! Protect this vessel!" Marth ordered as her, Shulk, Robin, Meta Knight, and Jigglypuff ran back inside the dome.
"What's that on his ankle?" Kamui asked.
Shulk looked down to see something attached to his ankle. "It's a tracking device!" Link exclaimed.
"Take the Master Brawlers prisoners." Wolf ordered the Primids.
"Oh, he led them straight to us!" Rosalina groaned.
"Guys, no, no, no. I...it's not my fault."
"Oh, you are the worst leader I've ever seen. To the Halberd!" The Halberd got shot and exploded. "Dang it."
"To my gunship!" Samus's gunship got shot and exploded as well. "Dang it."
"Every man for himself."
"No! We must protect the Monado! Falcon, do you know what time it is?" Mario asked.
"It's game time!" Captain Falcon and the other F-Zero racers created a car with a catapult at the top of it. "Y'all ready for this?" Falcon threw a ball to hit the Primids's aircraft, but it didn't do any damage. "Oh, no! They were read for that."
"It didn't break!"
"Machine gun! Fire!"
The Primids shot chewing gum at Mario and caused him to be stuck to the ground. "I can't move!"
"Don't worry, Mario! I'll get you out of there."
"No! Don't..."
Sonic went over to try to rescue Mario, but his hands got stuck in the gum. "Aah! Oh, my gosh. My hands are stuck." He moved his legs around and they got stuck in the gum too. "My legs are stuck as well."
"I super hate you."
"Babe, help me get him out of here!" Marth told Meta knight as a bunch of Primids were holding onto Shulk.
"I said every man for himself."
"Hey, you gotta be there for me."
Meta Knight groaned as his eyes spun around his head. "Fine! Fine, fine, fine." He reluctantly went over and fought off the Primids attacking Shulk.
"I need you to have a better attitude about it!"
"I have a great attitude!" Meta Knight got the tracker off of Shulk and threw it at one of the Primids.
Wolf picked up the tracker in his ship. "The Special's in the north west quadron. We've got him cornered." He looked down to see a Primid with the tracker attached to his head smacking into a wall. Where did he go?"
"Oh, no! They've hit out silly cloud stabilizer!" Jigglypuff exclaimed.
"Let's go! We need to get Shulk out of here!"
"Can't we build something?" Shulk asked, when an angel suddenly went over to them.
"Hey, I'm Pit! And I can build an airplane. Watch this." Pit started to build an airplane and chanted while he worked. "Airplane! Airplane! Airplane! Airplane! Airplane...
"No! You can't. The skies are surrounded." Marth reminded.
"That's okay, I didn't really wanna build a spaceship anyway, that's cool." Pit looked visibly disappointed he kicked his half-built airplane and it fell apart.
"Well, where can we go where we can't be found?" Jigglypuff asked.
"Maybe we could go underwater?" Shulk mumbled.
"What if we went underwater?" Meta Knight suggested.
"Great idea, Babe!"
"Thank you, Meta Knight! You're ideas are the best!"
"But I just said that..."
"We could build a submarine!"
"A Batsubmarine, patent pending."
"With rainbows!" Jigglypuff added.
"And dream catchers, in case we take a nap." Robin added.
"With an underwater airplane!"
"Well, you can't build all of them at once."
Marth, Robin, Meta Knight, Jigglypuff and Pit all huddled together for a moment. "Ready! Break!" They all went off to build the submarine.
"Okay."
"These are the colors I'm making, blue raspberry and sour apple."
"If anybody has black parts I need them, okay? I only work in black. And sometimes very, very dark blue."
As they continued to build the submarine, Wolf continued to search for Shulk. "Where is he?"
"Guys, hey? Just tell me exactly what to do and how to do it."
"Shulk, do not worry about what the others are doing. You must embrace what is special about you." Robin said, and Shulk suddenly got an idea and smiled to himself.
Wolf then spotted Shulk on the submarine. "There he is! All units, attack the sub!" They began to chase after the submarine and shot at it. "Stop him! Stop him!" The submarine went off the edge of a cloud and began to plunge down. "Don't let him get to the water!"
The submarine then plunged into the water, and Cloud Cuckoo Land was being destroyed by the Primids and the Master Brawlers were being handcuffed and taken as prisoners.
Inside the submarine, Jigglypuff watched in sadness as she watched the remains of her home going down in the water. "My home. It's gone! I feel something inside, it's like...the opposite of happiness! I must stay positive." She tried her absolute hardest to remain positive. "Bubblegums! Butterflies!" Jigglypuff looked out the window and see some more fallen debris from her destroyed home. "Cotton candy!" She began to cry and Shulk went over to try to comfort her.
"Gosh, I'm so sorry, Jigglypuff. Do you wanna sit down and talk about it?" Shulk pointed to a couch right behind them.
"What the heck is that?" Meta Knight asked.
"It's a double decker couch, which seemed like a good idea at the time, but I now realize it's not super helpful. But it does, you know, it has cup holders, seats flip up with coolers underneath."
There was silence for a moment, and then Meta Knight shook his head in disappointment. "You are so disappointing on so many levels."
"Why are my pants cold and wet?" Robin asked, when suddenly the walls burst open and the sub started to fill up with water.
"The walls are crying!" Jigglypuff exclaimed.
"We're falling apart at the seam!" Pit exclaimed as well.
"This is not how Meta Knight dies!"
"Shulk! Hold on! Hold on!"
"Marth!"
"Deep breath! Deep breath, everybody!" The submarine suddenly exploded, and above the water Wolf and the Primids were hovering in their aircrafts.
"Micro managers, what's going on down there?"
"Scanning submarine wreckage. No survivors detected." A Primid reported.
"Scuba Primids, dredge the entire ocean if you have to. We have go to find that Monado. Let's get these prisoners back to Lord Tabuu and give him the good news. The Special is no more."
The captured Master Brawlers were taken to Tabuu's Think Tank in his office.
"Hello, everybody! Mario. Samus Aran, I had no idea you'd be here. Mr. Captain Falcon. Greetings, all. Welcome to my Think Tank!"
"All the Master Brawlers you've captured over the years, you brought them here."
"You're a very perceptive person, Mario. They come up with all the instructions for everything in the universe. Primids!"
"No! No!" The Primids strapped a device to Mario's head and then his chair shot up to the top. "Can't get much worse than this."
"Uh...hello, neighbor." Mario looked to see Sonic strapped in the chair next to him. "It's Sonic the Hedgehog. Oh, my gosh. We're roommates! How crazy is that?"
"Does anyone have a blue shell that they could give me?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where is the Special?" Tabuu asked as the other captured Master Brawlers were being strapped into the Think Tank.
"The Special and the Monado are at the bottom of the ocean." Wolf answered.
"Wait, are you telling me you don't have him?"
"Sir, my scuba team is looking for his remains as we speak."
"Wolf, he could still be alive! The Monado could still be out there!"
"The only remanent of the Special was a double decker couch."
"Wait, hold up. A double decker couch?"
"Yes, sir."
"Really? So it's like a bunk bed couch? Is that what it's like? That's weird. If you're sitting in the top middle, how are you gonna get down without climbing over someone? If you're sitting on the bottom, and you're watching TV, are you gonna have to watch through a bunch of dangling legs? Who's gonna want to sit on the bottom? It is literally the most useless idea I have ever heard."