~Clary~

When I was young, before this all started, I never envisioned myself as a soldier. Or as a warrior. I never thought about joining the military. I was just trying not to get arrested so Daryl wouldn't have to bail me out. Now, I'm none of that. I've become a soldier, a weapon. I'm not proud of the red in my ledger, but goddammit, I'm proud as hell of the reputation I have from that red. I'm proud of the weak asses in Alexandria not looking me in the eye as I walk past, scared of me. Scared of what I've done. Of what I'm capable of. I stand tall and proud, walking ahead and waiting for whatever crowd I face to part for me.

But when I step onto Deanna's doorstep, I'm weak. I don't know how in the world to tell her that her son is dead. I close my eyes, take a deep breath, then knock on the door. I clasp my hands behind my back, straightening my posture, and wait. Deanna flings open the door, and I catch a brief glimpse of relief on her face, thinking that I'm Aiden, before utter worry. "Where is he?" the leader of Alexandria asks.

"Run team leader Aiden Monroe carried out his mission and put up a heroic fight," I inform her, keeping my voice as steady as possible. "I regret to report that he did not survive. I'm sorry, ma'am."

Deanna lets out a heartbroken cry, Reg appearing beside her as if he sensed what was wrong. She clutches to her husband, and I close my eyes, looking down in silence. I turn and walk away, Deanna's heartbroken cries over her son echoing behind me. I continue on, trying to ignore her sobs, back to the house we're supposed to call home. It doesn't feel like it. Home's always where Daryl is, where Glenn or Carl are. It's where my family is, because I've never had a tangible home. Home's always been wherever we are, as long as everyone is there.

I stop in the street in front of Aaron and Eric's house, looking up at the porch. There's a light on in the living room, so I know Eric's home. Of course, with his ankle, it's not like he'd be out and about very much. I think of Aaron and Daryl out there, how worried I am for them. I debate between continuing to the others and going inside, just to see Eric. I climb the stairs, knocking on the door. Eric's eyes widen as he takes in the blood on my clothes, my hands, and my face. "What the hell happened?" he demands. "Are you okay?"

"I'm still breathin', heart's still beatin'," I say. "Does that count?"

"Get in here." Eric pulls me inside, placing a hand on my shoulder as he closes the door behind me. "Let me look at you."

"It's not my blood," I tell him. "Some of it might be, but I don't know. I don't know whose blood this is. There was so much."

Eric pulls me over to the couch so he doesn't have to stand on his broken ankle any longer, gesturing for me to sit. "What happened?"

"I… I killed Aiden."

"What?"

"He was hurt, bad. He had no chance of makin' it. Walker's were closin' in. I put him out of his misery. The walkers, they just—they closed in. The surrounded us on every side. We were trapped. Eugene, he got away. He stepped up and saved us."

Eric suddenly wraps me in a hug, resting his chin on my shoulder as he murmurs, "I'm glad you made it. I'm glad you're okay."

"I'm not okay."

"Then I'm glad you're alive."

I pull away from him, shaking my head. "Aiden's dead. I nearly killed Nicholas. Tara… it's bad. She's not bit, but it was pretty bad. Eugene's with her. He saved her. He saved everyone that made it home."

"Glenn? Noah?"

"It hit Glenn hard, Noah's death. He thinks it's his fault." My voice breaks first, followed by the rest of the emotional barriers I always have up. I start crying, letting out everything I've had building since Beth died less than a month ago. Eric holds me to his chest as I cry, rubbing my back. "I swore—"

"Don't talk," Eric whispers. "It's okay. Just let it out."

"I swore I'd never let anyone die that way again," I admit. "And then all I could do was watch Noah on the other side of that glass. I could hear his screams. I saw how scared he was. I looked him in the eyes as they tore him apart. He had this look in his eyes. 'Why didn't you do anything? Why didn't you help me?' That's what it was sayin'."

"Why don't you stay with me tonight?" Eric questions, looking down at me. "Stay here?"

"I can't ask that of you," I tell him, shaking my head.

"We've got an extra room. I don't mind."

"I, um, I…" I pause, thinking of the others. "I've gotta go, Eric. I gotta see the others. I gotta know they're okay. I've lost so much today. Nearly lost… might still lose. I need to go and check on the others. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Eric tells me. "I'll walk you to the door." Eric stays right beside me as we make our way to the door, his hand resting on my back. I open the door, stepping out. "Clary, hold up."

"Yeah?" I question, turning to look at him.

Eric takes my hands, looking down at me. "Come back tomorrow."

"I will," I promise, and this is one promise that I intend to keep. I drop his hands, continuing on down the street. I climb the stairs to the house, catching sight of Eric still standing on the porch. He goes back inside his home, knowing that I made it to mine safe, even if it is just four houses down. I walk inside the house, the ones living in there turning to look at me. "Eugene's with Tara," I tell them. "She was hurt pretty badly, but she's one tough ass. She'll make it."

"What about Noah?" Carl asks, getting to his feet. "Glenn?"

"Glenn's with Maggie," I answer. "Noah's never coming home."

I turn and climb the stairs, sitting on the edge of the bed I share with Carl. I stare down at my hands, not looking up as the door opens. The bed dips as he takes a seat beside me, silent. Carl and I sit side by side on the bed, just like we did the day Sophia died. "All we can do now is remember him," Carl says softly.

"That's harder than you think," I whisper, and Carl looks over at me. "There are times when I can't remember Sam's smile. Or his love of music. And I can't remember the way Sebastian laughed whenever he told us that stupid ass joke about a dog with no legs." I choke back a sob, thinking of my brothers that have left me. "That shit-eatin' grin Merle wore when he threw me in that lake." I look over at Carl, grinning as I tried not to cry. "Do you remember how Sophia used to follow me around after I kicked Ed's ass?"

"You were everything she ever wanted to be," Carl says. He pauses a moment, then says, "You listen to me, Cheyenne Dixon. You hang on to those memories, whatever the cost. Do whatever it takes. Forget all the bad memories, and cherish the good ones. They're the ones that matter. I know how hard it is to forget the bad ones. All I can remember is how mean I was to my mom before she died."

He wipes his eyes, both of us trying to not cry. I realize it's my turn, and say, "I promised Sam we'd get out of his house, outta Bronwood, alive. My last words to Merle? 'No one's gonna mourn you, not even Daryl or I. We have a new family. A better family.'"

Carl reaches over, brushing my hair out of my face and wiping away the tears that spilled over. "Every time you go out there, I'm so scared that I'll never see you again."

"Whenever I go out there, there's always a chance I won't make it back. But I try so damn hard to because I would never do that to you."

"Cheyenne, it would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you." He pauses for a second, then says, "Clary, remember Sam's smile. Think about the music that he loved. Imagine Merle's smile and the lake. Pretend that you can still hear Sebastian's laugh."

I look at him for a moment, then say, "I am naked in the dark, Carl, and there is no veil between me and the eye of fire. I begin to see it even with my waking eyes, and all else fades."

"What does that mean?" Carl asked.

"It's from Return of the King, in Lord of the Rings. Frodo and Sam are on the cliffs of Mount Doom in Mordor and the ring is affecting Frodo. He can't remember the Shire. All he sees is the fire from Sauron and what will happen if Sauron gets the ring back. Basically, Sauron's power in the ring is affecting Frodo and making him forget who he is, and forget his memories of before.

"For me, the ring's this damn apocalypse. The Shire is everything before, and I'm starting to forget it. The fire and Sauron are like the future, and they're death, too. I see the same damn thing happening all the time. Everywhere we think is safe, it turns out it ain't. And then we run again, but not before we lose people. The ring is the apocalypse. They make Frodo and I forget our best memories."

~Glenn~

I find Nicholas scrubbing the back of the van, trying to get Tara's blood out. "Nicholas," I say, and he turns. "Don't talk. Just listen. Those four people you lost on the run, that's on you. One of them, Sebastian, he was everything to Clary. Aside from Daryl, he was all she had left. You don't even know how dangerous that makes her."

"She never even met Sebastian," Nicholas says.

"She grew up with him, Nicholas. They're from the same town. And what happened to Noah, that's on you, too. Those five lives, you have to carry that. People like you are supposed to be dead. But these walls went up just in time, so you're not. You don't go outside those walls anymore. Not by yourself, not with anyone else. And that's how you're gonna survive."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Nicholas demands, stepping towards me.

"I'm someone who knows who you are. I know what you did. And it's not gonna happen again."

"I've been protecting this place, helping provide for it. You just got here."

"Don't forget what I said, Nicholas."

"Are you threatening me?"

I chuckle. "No. I'm saving you. But now this, this is the threat. You try to go outside, you try to do anything that will endanger anyone, and I will send Clary after you. After all, why deny her of her revenge? And I've seen what she does to people that piss her off. I can fight my own battles, but I let her do it, 'cause she does it a hell of a lot better."

~Daryl~

I lead the way through the woods, Aaron following closely behind me. We slow to a stop, staring down at the body parts below us. Lower halves and arms. No torsos, no heads. I look around at the carnage, telling Aaron, "Whoever did this took what was left with them." I notice how the blood is still wet on the clothing. "This just happened. Keep your gun up."

He does as I say as we continue on, both of us slowing to a stop as we see the woman's body tied to the tree up ahead, her intestines ripped out of her stomach and hanging there. "She's tied up," he says softly, the horror evident in his voice. "And they fed on her. Tore her apart." Aaron turns to look at me. "This just happened?"

"Yeah," I say, stepping forward. I brush her hair out of her face, lifting her head up to find a 'W' carved into her forehead.

"How the hell did this happen?"

Slowly, her eyes flutter open, milkiness masking whatever color they were before. The walker lets out a snarl, and I draw my knife, driving it into her head before she can snap at me. I let her head drop as I pull my arm back. "Clary and I," I say. "We saw a walker like that before. With a 'w' in its forehead."

"You think the same person did this?" Aaron questions. "You think they were the one with the fire we saw last night?"

"Yes and no," I answer. "Whoever did this, they saw that fire, too. They just found 'em 'fore we could. C'mon. Just standin' here ain't gonna help nothin'."

~Clary~

From my spot balanced on the porch railing, I find myself staring at the wall, wondering how long it's going to be before it's taken down by the dead. Sooner or later, it always happens. No matter how hard you try to make a place safe, it will always fall to the dead. As the door opens, I don't tear my gaze away from the wall, ignoring whoever steps out. I hear Carol say, "Clary."

I ignore her.

"Cheyenne."

My eyes flick over as she used my first name. "What is it, Carol?"

"You need to talk to someone," she says.

"About what?" I say with a humorless laugh. "Noah's dead, Carol. He's the reason Beth and Ty are dead. I want to hate him for it so damn bad, but I just can't. He was so young, so inexperienced in this world. He had no idea what he was doing. He was so scared at that moment. I watched him die. 'I won't let go.' That's what I said to him. But I let go. I broke my promise, just like I did with Sophia. I tried to save him, I really did, but they got him. They just pulled him right out of my hands. I was holdin' on to him, like I was holdin' on to Sammy. Everyone that I've tried to save, I lost 'em. I–I don't think we get to save people anymore."

"Then why are you still here?"

"I'm tryin'. I'm so torn between livin' and just givin' up. But I'm still here 'cause Daryl needs me to be. And hell, sixteen years ain't long enough. This is the first time I've been out of Georgia."

I swing myself off the railing, dropping down into the grass. "Where are you going?" Carol asks.

"Eric's," I reply, glancing up at her. "I'll see you 'round, Carol." I walk down the street, knocking on Eric's door. "Hey, it's Clary!"

"Door's open!" comes his reply, and I open the door. "I'm in the kitchen."

I walk in to find him balancing on one leg, trying to cook dinner for himself. "Eric, sit down," I tell him. "I'll cook."

He takes a seat on one of the stools at the kitchen island, watching me as I cook him dinner. "You miss him?"

"Who?" I ask, looking over at him as I finish up. "Daryl?"

"Yeah," he says. "I miss Aaron."

"Yeah," I agree, ladling soup into a bowl and sliding it across the island to him. "I miss Daryl."

"Take some for yourself, Clary," Eric tells me. "There's more than enough."

"I'm alright," I say, taking a seat beside him. "Thanks anyway." I tuck a piece of my hair behind my ear. "Yeah, I miss my brother. But they have each other's backs. They'll be home to us."

"They'll be back," Eric says, offering me a smile. I sit in silence, staring out the window while he eats. "Clary."

"Yeah?" I ask, glancing back over to him.

"Why don't you say what's on your mind? You're thinking about something."

I look down before saying, "Those people, the ones Aiden lost on that run. Sebastian and Alex. How long were they here?"

"They were some of the first people Aaron and I brought," Eric says softly. "They came about three or four months into it, I think. It was somewhere between there. They said they came from Georgia."

"Georgia?" I repeat, slowly realizing that it really was my Sebastian that was here. I had hope that it was someone else, anyone but Sebastian Widmore, but when Aiden said Alex, I knew it was them. But I was hoping it wasn't. "They were from Georgia?"

"Yeah," Eric says with a nod, not noticing the break in my voice. "They said they were at this refugee center." My nails dig into my palms as I curl my hands into fists, trying to not punch anything. Trying not to break down and cry in front of Eric. "Clary, you okay?"

"I knew them," I whisper after a few moments, not bothering to worry about breaking down as I let out a sob. "Seb, I grew up with him. He... he was my first kiss, but don't ever tell Carl that. Alex... I only met him once, that summer before the shit hit. Seb's girlfriends, he was never happy with 'em. But Alex, he was somethin' else. He made Sebastian happy, a lot happier than I've ever seen him." I sniffle, pushing my hair back out of my face. "I can't believe they were here. And that son of a bitch got 'em killed. I almost left him for the walkers, waited to hear the screams that he heard when he killed my friends. I should've, but Sebastian wouldn't have wanted me to, so I didn't. Instead, I put a bullet through his head and then I failed Noah the same way I failed Sam. The same way I failed Sebastian's brother. 'Cause I did what Seb woulda wanted me to do. What I never wanted to do. But I did it for him. If I could go back to that warehouse, do it all again, then you can be damn well sure I'd leave Aiden for the walkers. Without a second thought." I look up, facing Eric now. "So, you regret bringin' me here yet?"

"Never," Eric answers. "You need to be here, inside these walls. You've been out there too long. You're the type of person that saves people. That's why you killed Aiden before the walkers could get him, to spare him."

"I only save the people that deserve it."

"Then why'd you save Aaron?"

"He never gave me a reason not to. I didn't have a reason not to save him. I don't take chances anymore, Eric. I can't afford to. These sonsabitches, they get one strike, and if they blow it, then I will let them die. I won't save 'em. I won't risk myself to save the people that don't deserve it."

"Well, shit," Eric says after a moment. "I hope I never strike out."

"Yeah, I hope you don't either. I like you. I don't want to see you die."

I stand from as I hear the loud noises coming from down the street. Glass breaks, and then there's Reg, calling for his wife. I look at Eric, and he nods once, silently telling me to go. I immediately take off, sprinting to the source. I arrive to find Rick and Pete duking it out, Rick trying to strangle the doctor. Pete suddenly gets the upperhand, rolling Rick over so that he's now on top. Jessie jumps in, but Pete shoves her back, removing one hand from Rick's neck. The former police officer takes the chance and flips them back over yet again. Carl's arrived by now, and he runs forward, trying to pull Rick off. "Dad!" he says. "C'mon!"

Rick shoves his son away, and he stumbles, regaining his balance beside me. I suddenly remember Shane, how he threw Carl around after he found the two of us in the barn with Randall, the prisoner. I start forward, barking, "Rick! Get the hell off!"

I try to wrap my arms in a chokehold around his neck, but he pushes me back. Not as hard as Carl, and I step forward again, barking at him to cut it out. He swings his fist, not necessarily throwing a punch, but it still catches me. I fall back, landing on my side. "Clary!" Carl cries, rushing to my side.

I push him off, quickly rushing out that I'm fine, but I do accept his offer to pull me to my feet. Deanna's arrived now, telling Rick to stop, as if that'll help anything. He pulls Pete into a chokehold, threatening, "You touch them again, and I'll kill you."

I jump back in, knowing that Rick will kill Pete if I don't. No one else has the balls to stand up to him. I get my arms around Rick in a chokehold, growling, "Let him go, Rick!" When he doesn't, I ram my knee into the back of his leg, barking, "I said, let him go, dammit, Rick! Stop this shit!"

Rick only lets go of Pete now, then turns and shoves me back, away from him. I groan as my head strikes the pavement, and Glenn kneels beside me, knowing that my head was still hurting after yesterday. "Or what?" Rick calls out, and Glenn and I look up to see that he's drawn his gun. He's playing his secret hand, waving the weapon around at us. "What're you gonna do? Kick me out?"

Glenn slowly helps me to my feet, and he keeps his arm around my waist to support me, the other protectively holding me close to him. It's almost subconscious, the way he angles himself to shield me from Rick when he waves his gun in our direction. Deanna slowly, carefully, says, "Put that gun down, Rick."

"You still don't get it," Rick pants."None of you do! We know what needs to be done and we do it. We're the ones who live. You, you just sit and plan. And hesitate. You pretend like you know when you don't! You wish things weren't what they are. Well, you want to live? You want this place to stay standing? Then your way of doin' things is done. Things don't get better because you want them to."

"To surpass monsters, you must be willing to abandon your humanity," Glenn mutters softly, recognizing what Rick's trying to do. He means well, but he isn't going about this the right way.

"Starting right now," Rick continues, "we have to live in the real world. We have to control" —he gestures towards Pete— "who lives here."

"That's never been more clear to me than it is right now," Deanna says.

"Me?" Rick says, laughing. "You mean me? Your way is gonna destroy this place. It's gonna get people killed. It's already gotten people killed. And I'm not gonna stand by and just let it happen."

"You ain't the leader, Rick," I snap at him, stepping away from Glenn. "Accept that. Deanna's in charge. What she says, goes. If she wants you gone, then you're gone. Don't worry 'bout Carl and Judy, Rick. We'll keep them safe." Rick stares at me, realizing that it's the same thing that he said to Carol about Lizzie and Mika. I look Rick in his eyes, seeing the fire, the animal in them. "Live together, die alone," I say coldly. "Right?"

I'm stalling, keeping his attention on me until Michonne arrives, one of the only other people able to take Rick on with a chance of winning. I might not fully trust him, but we've been together through it all, and I'll be damned if I let him walk out of here alone, into exile. However, I've sold my performance enough that not only does he buy it, but Carl as well. I don't miss the look I get from my boyfriend, a look of utmost betrayal. I can tell that Carl's about ready to say something, but before he can, Rick speaks, talking to everyone here. He says, "If you don't fight, you die. I'm not gonna stand by—"

He's cut off as Michonne appears behind him, smacking him in the head with enough force to knock him out. She looks around at us after taking his gun, and I meet her gaze, nodding once. She knew I was stalling, giving her enough time to take him out.

"Rick means well," I say, projecting my voice so everyone can hear. I look directly at Carl as I speak, wanting to make sure that he knows that I didn't mean what I said. "I don't trust that son of a bitch, but dammit, he means well. He does not want this community to fall to them. To the dead. He wants to give you a chance to survive in this world. 'To surpass monsters, you must be willing to abandon your humanity.' Rick's sacrificed so much for our group before we ever even came here, before we even left Georgia. The only thing he's got left to lose, other than Carl, than Judy, than his family, is his humanity. And he's ready to throw that aside to save all of you dumb fucks that can't even look at a damn walker without pissin' yourself. Rick Grimes may just be the best damn thing that's ever happened to this weak ass community."