(Everyone is in the dining hall eating at their own seperate team tables. Suddenly, Chef comes out with a big box and drops bread rolls and other carb-based foods onto everyones's trays.)
Gwen: (picks up a bread roll) What's with all the carb foods?
Chef: In the words of Chris..(pulls out a paper and reads it) 'You dudes better eat as many of these as you can. You're gonna need the energy.'
Margaret: Energy for what?
Chef: (angrily gets in her face) Quit askin' questions, girly! Need to know basis ONLY! (mumbles angrily as he takes the box and walks off)
Duncan: (notices Margaret is a bit freaked out and wraps his arm around her) He's like that with everyone, don't sweat it.
Margaret: Oh, okay. (blushes and smiles at him)
Duncan: (smiles too, then pulls her close and starts to kiss her)
Gwen: (secretly glares in Margaret's direction, takes a bite of a roll and starts to choke)
Cody: (notices quickly and runs to her) Don't worry, Gwen, I got ya! (gives her the heimlich maneuver, and she spits out the piece she was chewing on, which had a few cockroaches on it)
Gwen: (smiles at Cody) Uh..thanks, Cody. Y-you saved my life.
Cody: (blushes and smiles) No problemo, Gwen-o! (chuckles nervously as he sits back down, secretly smiling at her)
(Meanwhile, at Team Silver's table..)
Benson: (writing notes down in a notebook in a frustrating manner)
Pops: (giggles and plays with his sloppy joe meat, then notices Benson) Ah, drawing pictures of your food, Benson? How inventive!
Benson: (creases as he watches the meat do a backflip) No, just..writing notes down..
Benson: (confessional, still writing in the notebook and looks up while talking) Having 8 members on your team is already too much of a shortage, but 6 is cutting it WAY too close. I'm starting to think Mclean wants me to panic about all of this but..we SHOULD be okay. As long as everyone participates equally, we'll have more victories, especially now that Mordecai is becoming more useful in my eyes. Who knows, maybe Rigby'll smarten up too. (goes back to writing) It'd be a miracle...
Noah: (to Benson) So we lost two chatterboxes...big deal. We just have to work as a strong force. Chris is bound to eliminate someone in every episode anyway.
Benson: (eyes widen) EVERY episode?
Mordecai: Dude, that sucks.
Rigby: Well, if I'm gonna jump off, I wanna be close to a nacho island or..or a coffee land..or a candy mountain! (sees Eileen wave at him, he waves back with an awkward face)
Eileen: (confessional, sighs dreamily) He's so dreamy..
Rigby: (confessional, pours sloppy joe meat into toilet, chuckles) When someone comes in, they're gonna get so grossed out! (laughs then looks in the toilet) Ah what? That's not enough for it to look like diarrhea! (reads newspaper upside down and sits down on toilet) Oh well, I had to use it anyway..
(Ship pulls up to a dock and abruptly stops.)
Chris: (over P.A.) Attention passengers and passengerees, we have now arrived at our destination! Please exit through the front port onto the dock. (singsong voice) I've got a surprise for you all~
(After everyone walks onto the dock which faces the ocean, Chris walks up in front of them all, wearing a red headband, a red Canadian hockey jersey and gym shorts.)
Duncan: (chuckles) What, did we interrupt your yoga class?
Chris: I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now, we've got some fish to fry. (walks back in forth on the dock) So, in the past couple weeks, your teams have each lost two members. (glancing Benson's way, grinning) As much as I LOVE to see you guys 'panic' about this issue,(Benson crosses his arms and glares) I decided to make last minute changes and add an extra person to each team. Two more passengers will board our lovely ship, one of which you classic players will REALLY enjoy, trust me.
Mordecai: (smiles) That's cool. Maybe they'll be awesome to hang out with.
Noah: I hate to kill your optimism, but 'enjoy' means 'greatly despise' in the Mclean dictionary.
Mordecai: (smile falls and he shrugs) It's fine, atleast you're honest.
Eva: More than half of the classic players suck!
Duncan: (points threatening finger at Chris) Yeah, one of them better not be Courtney, I'm warning you!
Chris: I assure you she's not coming back...for now anyway. (to Rigby) Rigby, one of your 'friends' has been calling about you and they're worried sick, so I decided to make them the 2nd person I would bring on. (grins) Prepare to face the affection, buddy!
Rigby: (scratches head) Huh? I don't have a friend that worries THAT much about me.
Mordecai: (grins down at him) You don't have any other friends.
Rigby: Shutup! I-..you're right, I don't. (tugs on Chris's shirt) C'mon Chris, tell me! Who is it? WHO IS IT?
Chris: (pushes him off) Alright, quit it! This jersey is worth more than your life! (points to a boat in the distance) That be them coming right now!
(Boat is close to the dock and stops.)
Chris: Let's all welcome our new ship-peers..(Heather walks out, frowning) Heather..(she's being hugged by Don) and our new contestant, Don!
Rigby: (shrieks when he sees Don and points an angry finger at Chris) TRAITOR!
Heather: (irritated) Can you quit hugging me already?
Don: (stops and rubs the back of his neck) Sorry. Whenever I'm excited, I give more sugar than I usually do. (chuckles, she walks off onto dock) It's a habit, seriously. (sees Rigby and runs to him) Rigby! (pulls him up in a hug) Man, I've been worried about you, bro!
Rigby: (coughing) Can't...breathe..
Heather: (to Chris) Where is the million dollars I WON last season?
Chris: (shrugs) I don't know, it's probably volcano feces by now.
Heather: (outraged) What? No, I WON that money, I EARNED it! I want..it..BACK! I'll take you to court if I have to!
Chris: Hey, it says right in your contract..(pulls it out) Section 5, subsection 32..sub-subsection 9...ahem..'If you happen to win any amount of money while participating in any season of Total Drama and it becomes lost, destroyed or otherwise gone AFTER it is given to you by any of us at Total Drama Inc., it is no longer our responsibility what is done with the prize.' Don't you remember back in Hawaii?
(Flashback shows Ezekiel, in zombie-form, trying to take the case from Heather and shortly after, he and the case fall into the volcano.)
Heather: (blank face)
Chris: (puts away contract) But hey, like the other 13 here, you too have a chance at the million!
Heather: (angrily breathes into paper bag)
Chris: Oh, that whole subsection thing applies to you too, newbies. Let this be a lesson to you. Don't make poor decisions like our friend Heather here. (Heather crushes paper bag) Now, time to put these two on-
Gwen: (glares with arms crossed) We do NOT want Heather. I'll pay you just to keep her away from me.
Rigby: And we don't want Don! (gets punched by Mordecai) AGH!
Chris: I already know where I'm putting them, thank you. Heather, you're on Team Silver. Don, you're on Team Gold.
Don: (looks at the team, and is standing by Eileen, smiling and arms wide open) Hey guys, gimme some sugar!
(Everyone gives an awkward face except for Eileen, who goes up and gives his leg a bear hug)
Eileen: (smiles up at him) Welcome to the team, Don.
Don: (picks her up and gives her a hug, smiling) Oh, thank you..um...
Eileen: Eileen.
Don: Eileen! Pleasure to meet you! (lets her down)
Eileen: (smiling and blushing a bit) Touche'.
Chris: (rolling eyes, hating the love) Anywhoo, now that both teams are replenished with an extra member, let's see how well you guys'll do with today's challenges. (walks off the dock onto land) Meet me down by the main field.
(After they're all there, Chris is standing in front of them.)
Chris: If you haven't already figured it out by looking at my awesome apparel, today's challenges are gonna relate to sports. Not just the typical sports schoolkids play, I'm talkin' unique sports of all kinds, and they all have something in common: they require skill, strength and athletic ability.
Noah: (confessional) In that case, I should probably call a lifeboat ahead of time. Chances are we'll be over cold ocean waters.
Chris: Things are gonna happen differently today. (looks among the teams) Since there's 14 of you, we'll have 7 challenges, two players for each one. The winners from all 7 challenges will compete in the final death challenge, where there can be only one! Meaning that..the last person standing wins invincibility for their team.
Pops: And one of us scalliwags must jump ship?
Chris: Maybe...maybe not. What's the difference? You all have to participate unless you want your whole team disqualified. (some groan and complain) Heheh, I guess some of you aren't sports fans, eh? Oh well, let's get cookin'!
(They are now in front of a basketball court, which for the record, looked like it came straight from a ghetto neighborhood (ripped nets, rats crawling around, e.t.c.)
Duncan: (somewhat impressed) Hmm, it's like the court we had in juvi, only..you know, we were caged in.
Margaret: But how are we gonna play if the nets are gone?
Chris: (chuckles and walks over) Lesson for ya, dear: NEVER have high expectations on a show like this. You see something, you accept it as it is, got it?
Margaret: I-it's cool, I was just asking-
Chris: Besides, who knows if YOU are the one playing? (pulls out list) I've already arranged who's gonna play what. Okay, lemme have...Rigby from Team Silver and Eileen from Team Gold.
Rigby: WHAT?
Eileen: But I-I'm...
Rigby: I'm..
Both: Too short!
Chris: Exactly! How boring would it be if I had gotten people like Don and Mordecai to play? It'd be too easy of a challenge! Now, get on the court and I'll explain things! (to teams, gives them team flags) Team captains will wave these around and the rest will cheer for their respective team member. Remember, they're gonna need it..(chuckles and walks onto the court)
Benson:...We're doomed..
Chris: (holds basketball) As you both may have noticed, there's tons of rats and creepy rodents crawling around out here. But they're not just any old rodents that eat cute little bugs and lizards, they happen to enjoy chomping on the flesh of any species imaginable, and these babies haven't eaten since who knows when, so I hope you guys can run and jump well. Your scoreboard is right over there(points to where a chalk scoreboard is, showing a score of 0 for each team, Chef holds a piece of chalk) You get 2 points for each basket you make. First one to reach 50 points wins the challenge, the loser..(chuckles) You'll find out soon enough. Now...GO! (blows whistle and throws ball)
(Some of the members cheer. Eileen catches the ball. She runs to her hoop to shoot the basket, but Rigby smacks it out of her hands and dribbles it down the court.)
Duncan: What the? He can't just steal the ball from her like that! This ain't football!
Chris: There's no penalty against it. As long as she isn't being physically abused, it's all good, brah!
Duncan: (crosses his arms) We're in trouble..
Don: (cheers on Rigby) Yeah! Go Rigby! That's my bro! (Rigby looks at him funny)
Duncan: Hey, gym-rat, he's not on our team!
Don: I know, I was just cheering him on! He's my brother!
Duncan: Well, this ain't your brother's minor league basketball game, it's a competition, so cheer Eileen on, she's with us!
Don: Oh! Okay, sure! (cheers for Eileen) Go Eileen! You got it! (She sees and blushes)
(The two spend most of their time running with the ball down each side of the court, escaping the giant rodents that wouldn't seem to leave. Despite their sizes, they're able to get the ball into their respective hoops after a couple tries. After a bit, Team Gold's score is 20, while Team Silver's is 15.)
Mordecai: C'mon, dude, pretend it's Hoop Master 3!..Well, pretend you're actually winning it!
Margaret: Go Eileen! WOO! (to Duncan) Isn't she great?
Duncan: Yeah, I underestimated the bookworm, that's for sure.
(While Margaret and some of the others are busy watching the dangerous game, Gwen walks over to Duncan.)
Gwen: (smiles lightly) Can we..talk in private?
Duncan: (grins) Yeah, why not.
(They walk over to an isolated spot.)
Gwen: So..I was thinking..if we're both still on board, we could go watch the stars tonight..you know, just 'us'? I think there's gonna be a full moon.
Duncan: Ah, I promised Margaret I'd sneak her into Mclean's private quarters. (grins) I heard he's got a new spa tub now, with extra mechanical massage arms.
Gwen: (a bit irritated) But..I thought WE only do that stuff together...
Duncan: Psh, what? You already forgot? (quietly) I'm dating Margaret right now to get these losers outta the game.
Gwen: Hey, now that I think about it, how is dating 'Miss Prom Queen' gonna get us to the finals?
Duncan: Winning everyones' loyalty, and it takes time. I know this game, babe, stop doubting me. (Gwen pouts and crosses her arms) Wha-you're not jealous, are you?
Gwen: (shocked) No, no no, of course not. I was just hoping you hadn't forgotten the girl that ACTUALLY knows you and cares about you. (grabs his hand) And loves you..
Duncan: (lightly slips his hand out of hers) No, why would I? (shrugs, trying to hide affections) I don't like her like that, I-I told you. (She looks at him weird, he notices the game ended) Oh wow, look at that, heheh, let's see who won. (rushes away from Gwen, who is still upset)
Gwen: (confessional) I really hope my suspicions are wrong. I mean..why would he like her anyway? She's preppy, girly, stick-thin...pretty, likeable, sunny...AGH! I don't know what I'm talking about, Duncan HATES girls like that. He probably despises the way she kisses him and...makes out with him whenever they want to. (crosses arms) We'll be back together in no time...I hope.
Chris: Aaaaand..Team Silver takes the medal for the first challenge! (puts gold medal over Rigby's neck) Honestly, I expected you to get eaten, but ya proved me wrong!
Rigby: Hecks yeah I did! (runs to his team) Look guys, I got a medal!
(Mordecai and Benson high-five him, the rest congratulate him)
Benson: Great job. Let's keep up this winning streak, guys. I'm pretty sure it's all gonna go downhill from here. (sees Duncan glare in his direction and glares back)
Duncan: Jeez man, I go away for two seconds and we're already down in the ranks?
Eileen: (sad) I'm sorry, I-I'm not really the athletic type, but I tried.
Duncan: Most of us aren't, but you gotta give it your all on this show no matter what.
Margaret: She only lost by 10 points, Rigby was just TOO good!
Cody: Yeah, she just isn't good at sports, that's all.
Duncan: (shrugs) No biggie, I guess. It's only the beginning. C'mon guys.
(He and the others follow Duncan to the next part of the challenge. Don stays back with Eileen and he drops to his knee down to her level, seeing her tear up.)
Don: (trying to cheer her up) Hey, stop those tears, you're gonna make me shed tears too!
Eileen: (looks down at her feet) I let everyone down. I was nearly winning but I blew it. Now everyone probably hates me..
Don: (puts a hand on her shoulder) I can't speak for anyone else, but..if it makes ya feel any better, I don't hate you. I happen to like you a lot!
Eileen: (blushes a bit) R-really?
Don: Sure! See, Rigby's my older bro, and when we were little, he'd beat me at basketball all the time. You'd never guess it, but he's pretty good at it if he wants to be!
Eileen: (smiles a bit) It's definitely his forte' then. It's just not mine..
Don: (smiles) Well, I already know one forte' you definitely have..smiling. You should do it more often!
Eileen: (bright red) Oh my, well I-I, t-that's so nice of you, Don, I-(someone taps her shoulder, she turns around and sees Chef)
Chef: (holds a leash with chains, puts one around her neck) Let's go, dog. Time for the next challenge! (is pulled away)
Don: Wait, wait for me, Eileen! (goes after them)
(Everyone is at the next challenge area: a nice, clear looking lake.)
Noah: Gee, maybe Chris is finally done with us and he's gonna dump our bodies into the lake.
Pops: (frightened) Oh no! Tell me it isn't true!
Chris: It isn't...I would do much more interesting things with your corpses, trust me. Anyway, welcome to the 2nd challenge..fishing for treasure!
Benson: So..where are the fishing poles?
Mordecai: And the fishing boats?
Chris: (stares at them for a second, then laughs maniacally for a few seconds or more) Heh, that's funny. No, you won't need any of that. THIS kind of fishing is MUCH more unique..and fun! A member from each team will swim underwater while looking for small chests of buried treasure. They're small enough to fit in your hand and they'll definitely benefit you in a way later on, so hopefully that's enough encouragement for the lucky divers. Speaking of which..(looks at list) Lemme have...Cody from Team Gold and Heather from Team Silver.
Heather: (to her team) Looks like we're about to get another win. I'm DEFINITELY fit for a swimming challenge.
Benson: I'll take your word for it, just-(sees she's stripped into a bikini and stares, the other guys as well except for Noah)
Rigby: (drools) Duuuude, she's...she's...
Eva: (irritated and shoves Heather forward) Go and get ready, Twigs McGee!
Heather: (scoffs) She still has her jealousy..
Duncan: (to Cody, who's in swim trunks) Don't let us down, toothpick.
Gwen: Kick Heather's butt for me, and I'll totally give you props.
Cody: (rubs back of neck) Heheh, well, I-I'm not really a fighter though-
Gwen: (smiles) I meant beat her in the challenge.
Cody: Oh..oh sure! Yeah, I-I totally will heh...heh.
Cody: (confessional) If that isn't a flirtatious move towards me, I don't know WHAT is! I knew she'd see the goodness of me eventually! Take THAT, Dun-jerkface!
Chris: (to the two standing on the dock over the water, hands them waterproof bags) You'll each have a bag to collect your treasures. Hopefully you guys are good swimmers, cuz chances are you'll probably be swimming with one hand most of the time. Oh, and those waterproof watches you're wearing? They list the time you have underwater, and you only got 3 minutes to collect as many as you can.
Heather: Puh-lease, it makes more sense to be under the water longer than that. It's nearly impossible to get anything done in three measly minutes.
Chris: Yeah, well, make the best of it then. My rules, and they ain't changin'. (she crosses her arms) Oh, and if you don't come out of the water when your 3 minutes is up, those nifty watches'll start to absorb the blood through your arms and decrease your oxygen levels so it'll make you wanna come to the surface. (grins) Dontcha just LOVE technology? (they awkwardly look at him) Winner takes all, loser takes whatever treasure they have, but end up like Eileen and get to be one of Chef's chained dogs, and he doesn't play nice. The only dogs he's had all his life are Doberman Pinschers he used for hunting wild mountain lions for their meat. (Chef pulls on Eileen's leash, which is tightly strapped onto her neck, the two prepare to dive) Get ready, get set..aaaaand DIVE! (blows whistle and they go into the water)
(The two do well so far, finding the boxes of treasure, and even fighting over some when they both found one at the same time. Meanwhile, they were also facing encounters with eels, barracudas and a couple tiger sharks.)
Mordecai: (points to a shark he sees jump out of the lake) Dude, what's a shark doing in a lake?
Pops: Oh my, the poor dear is probably doomed to death!
Eva: (sarcasm) I'm so sad to hear that..
Heather: (takes a box from the same tiger shark that is trying to steal it from her, she kicks him in the nose and continues on)
Heather: (confessional) A team full of guys? Piece of cake. If it comes down to a case of elimination, I could easily convince either of those goons to vote out 'Jockstrap Psycho'. Then I'd have an alliance with them, even Noah, and presto...they all jump ship and I'm set for the finals, and I WILL win the money this time around..no tricks, no games, no zombified homeschool freaks.
(Chris is watching the two on a laptop.)
Chef: (sees) How are you doin' that?
Chris: I had underwater cameras installed. If any of those undersea creatures try to break 'em, those cameras'll spray 'em with toxic gas to scare them away. Best investment EVER!
Chef: (angry) I thought you was gonna loan me that money for my date with Miss Voluptuous!
Chris: Why? So she can flatten your car?
Chef: That ain't the point, I-
Chris: Whatever, I got a show to do, don't you have a dog to watch, Davy Crockett? (Chef growls and walks away)
(Cody has a good amount of boxes in his bag, but he sees an eel follow him. He screams in bubbles and frantically swims away as the eel begins to give off electric shocks.)
Cody: (confessional) I had a bad experience with eels once. I wasn't even in the ocean or anything, I was swimming in the public pool and they came outta nowhere! Now that I think about it, it was probably those kids that stole my keyboard once. (crosses arms and frowns) Makes me wonder if they're stealing any of my other things right now!
(The rest of the contestants crowd around Chris, and he hides his laptop.)
Chris: Hey! My eyes ON-LY.
Eva: It's been three minutes! I wanna know who WON!
Chris: Alright, alright, Hercules, relax. (points to the two coming back) There they are right now.
(They hold their bags as they come out of the water and walk over towards Chris.)
Chris: Did ya have a nice swim, fishermen?
Cody: No way! I'm grateful I even made it out alive!
Heather: Like you ALWAYS do, you didn't WARN us about those creatures in the water! I almost lost my leg and both of my eyes because of those disgusting slimy eels!
Chris: Haha yeah, I saw them. Hey Heather, didn't they make you lose some of your chests too?
Benson: WHAT?
Heather: Who cares. I already know I have way more chests than Cody does since I have stronger arms to carry them all. That and I caught like 4 chests every 2 seconds, so just give us the win already.
Chris: Not so fast, eager-riffic. We're gonna weigh your bags on the scale to see who the REAL winner is. (takes them and puts them on each side of the scale, Cody's bag makes the weight go down) And there you have it, Team Gold gets their first win! (They cheer)
Duncan: Way to go, bro. I didn't think you'd come through for us, good job. (pats Cody's back, he shrieks a bit)
Cody: Another sunburn, heh, my luck, huh?
Benson: (to Heather) It's one thing if you're confident about the team gaining victories, but you essentially made it seem like you're the only one out of us that could've won this challenge, not only that but you lost some of the cases!
Heather: (scoffs) Well, you've probably never swam with dangerous ocean creatures, but that's beside the point. No matter if I lost one measly little challenge, I STILL have experience with this game unlike most of you, I can keep all of you guys on board while those Gold losers walk the plank. All you have to do is listen and do everything I say, trust me.
Eva: We don't need your backstabbing charity. Even if Benson wasn't the team leader, I still wouldn't look to you for guidance. Ever. (walks away)
Heather: (rolls eyes, then looks to Benson) Sorry to inform you, but you barely know this game, unlike me. I've been on this show for 3 seasons, I know all of the tactics, I know all of the tricks of the trade. Pass your leadership position over to me and I'll make sure we win every single time and look back on this little loss and laugh.
Benson: (keeps a straight face) I'll think about it. (starts to walk away) For now, I'll keep things in line, alright?
Heather: But you're just setting this team up for disaster! Soon enough you'll find yourself dead in the-
Benson: (turns back to her, red and irritated) I don't need 'experience' to lead our team to wins! Don't you tell me that I'm incompetent, got it? I get that enough at work, and I sure as heck won't take it from a young girl like you, now quit badmouthing me or you're fi-(stops and sighs, walks away) Forget it.
(She attempts to go after him when a collar is pulled around her neck. She looks back to see Eileen and Chef holding the leash.)
Heather: You've GOT to be kidding me!
Eileen: (sadly) I wish he was.
Chef: Lets go, dogs! MUSH! (whips them, mostly Heather)
Heather: Ah! Stop it! OW!
Chris: (sees her struggle and laughs) You think thats good entertainment? Well then you're gonna LOVE what we have in store for you next! What rigorous sport will I have lined up for these suckers after the break? s there gonna be more tension on the teams now that we have new teammates? All these questions answered and more on...Total...Drama...MASHUP!