Note :

It's been forever sence I updated this story. All this Twilight/New Moon madness has really put me out :[

I just got tired of it all & needed a brake, no offense.

Anyways, I thought I'd take another stab at it.

all mistakes are mine :] please don't be too harsh.

OH! by the way, when im writing Tori.. I always imagine Megan Fox.. just because she really beautiful & I don't like her that much LOL

Also, just for kicks.. Im making this story a little more .. adult.. lol So be aware.

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*Okay, This is a week or so later.. Tristen has dragged Bella out of town .. unwillingly. To get her away from the Cullens after to little melt-down in the last chapter.. He's tring to talk some sence into her*

*again, I must remind you about Bella's mood swings.*

Chapter 10

I could have easly ran away from this hotel room. Turned invisiable while Tristen was in the bathroom.. easy as that. I sat on the bed, listen to the water running, as Tristen was taking a shower. But the truth is, I need this. I needed to get away from it all and take a look at the mess I have created. I still love him, Of that I was sure. But I also had a hate for him that burned just as passionalty. I highly doutb I would ever be able to forgive him.. and doutbed even more that I could be able to kill him.

I fell back on the bed, sighing deeply. I got up and went to the bathroom door. I tapped lighty and waited for a reply.

"yes?" Tristen called from behind the door.

Please.. dont give me any greif, I preyed quickly ".. Im gonna go out for a little walk, no trouble.. I promise. I'll be back in a few."

"Im holding you to that." I heard him call, as I walked out the door.

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The night sky was beautiful. It's been decades sence I had really taken the time to look up and appreciate it's beauty. I blocked out the people walking through the park. No one paid attention to me, to them, I was just some lost kid sitting on a park bench. I hadn't forgetten what it was like to be human, Infact, I was feeling more and more human each day. Consumed by my thoughts, I didn't even notice a girl sitting beside me.

"Do want one?" She asked, Thrusting her pack of cigarettes to me.

I grabbed one, glancing at her face. She was very pretty. Her bleach blonde hair hung around her face. She wasn't what I was exspecting to see in the middle of a park. She looked around with a worried look on her face

"Are you lost?" I asked

Her head turned, a small smirk playing on her lips. ".. we're all lost."

"In our own way." She added quietly.

We sat in silence, watching people walk past us...the cigarette still laying in my hand. She lit hers up, then turned to me..

"This is kinda like life, you know?" gestering to the cigarette, whirling it around in her hand.

"We all burn out eventually." She said looking at it intensely.

I wish I could burn out..

"Nothing is forever.." She turned to look at me. "Love, Hate, life.. We all die.. The world will come to an end. We all meet our fate. So why fight it, yah know?" She flicked her lighter open.

I put the cigarette to my lip and leaned into the lighter. Smoke filled my lungs.

"Some doctors call it an aferdiasin of life." She said nonchuantly. "But thats not why I smoke, We all die someday.. So why fight what you really want.."

I still believed I had a soul, Thats why I fed off animals..I don't want to be a murder. I still hope to go to heaven.. when ever I finally 'burn out'. I idly watched as the cigarette slowly turned to ashes. I eye'd the girl out of the corner of my eye, she was watching the sky.. She was odd..

"are you okay?" She asked randomly. I looked at her suprised.

I looked back at the ashes, and pondered what to say.. Am I okay? .....no. Ive lived nearly a hundred years.. not feeling anything. like a statue. The only thing thats ever made me feel.. is Charlie.. Tristen.. and Edward.. and all those thing came from love. I've felt hate and pain, but only because I've loved unconditionly.

"Im dead." I said bluntly.

..Im dead. I felt so much hate and pain for years that I've died, emotionaly. I shut out all the good emotions and vocused on the bad. letting myself die. I've lost myself.

"That's tragic." she whisperd.