Title: A Complicated State of Happiness

Author: ZombieJazz

Fandom: Law & Order: SVU

Disclaimer: I don't own them. Law and Order SVU and its characters belong to Dick Wolf. The characters of Will (and his family) and Noah have been created and developed for the sake of this AU series.

Summary: With her son now two, Olivia moves into a new condo where she has a friendly but geeky neighbour. She continues to navigate being a single mom and her work - while now also trying to find her place in a new neighbourhood and figure out what she thinks of and wants from this Will guy.

Author's Notes: This AU series is for SVU fans and readers who want Olivia to have something that resembles a more normal life outside of work and a family of her own - hopefully somewhat realistically within the canon of SVU. Her relationship with Elliot is that of partner and protective older brother and colleague. It won't devolve from that - they aren't ever going to get together in this series. If you're an E/O shipper, you likely won't enjoy these stories. The timeline is a little loose and since most of the stories ultimately takes place outside of the work environment, there aren't too many references to cases from the show. But this series would generally be starting in about Season 10/11 of the show. Please let me know what you think and if you distribute elsewhere.

She was starting to wonder why her and Alex had even gotten together for lunch. They were hardly talking at all.

"So how's life in Appeals treating you?" she tried again, as she worked at spearing more of her salad onto her fork.

Alex glanced up at her from the salmon that she seemed to be picking at exceedingly slowly. "Still boring," she commented without adding anymore.

Liv nodded but didn't know what else to say at that point. Every conversation attempt seemed to have fallen flat so far.

She didn't really fully understand what was going on between her and Alex.

She'd been so happy when her friend had returned to the city after spending almost three years in witness protection. She'd hoped they'd be able to pick up that friendship where it had left off. God knows, she needed friends in her life and she thought Alex likely would too as she settled back into the New York lifestyle and got used to dealing with the workload of an assistant district attorney again.

But Liv supposed her own reality had changed a lot by the time Alex had come back. Noah had been about four months old when she'd reappeared. Alex hadn't even known she was pregnant. How could she?

Her having a baby had come as a bit of a shock, she supposed – to more people than just Alex, herself included. After all, it was kind of unplanned. She was single. It probably didn't really fall into the character realm or life prospects realm of how most people around her envisioned her – at least not with the walls she kept up and the arm's length she kept most people at. Still, she'd kind of thought Alex might be happy for her, maybe even excited for her. Hell, Liv had been excited at the prospect of getting to show Noah off to her – and at the concept of hopefully getting some adult, female company occasionally to talk to and spend time with, to vent at. Someone else to share Noah with besides Elliot, who really was probably only so interested in hearing her baby stories and ranting, venting and frustrations. He was actually likely kind of sick of hearing about Noah, no matter how supportive he'd been during the whole pregnancy and with her still working at figuring out motherhood and managing it in relation to her job so far.

But Alex's reaction and openness to interacting with her, now as a single mother, working as a full-time cop, rather than just a single women, hadn't really worked out that way Liv might've hoped.

Alex had been more than a little shocked about her having Noah and it hadn't seemed to have been in a positive way. She'd never gotten a concrete read from her about what was going on – but she'd sure had a lot of thoughts about what the hell was going through the other woman's mind. Liv had basically decided that Alex was treating it as some sort of betrayal - in the friendship or in life or just to all single women working in jobs they did? To feminism, maybe? Or maybe a bit more than that.

Still, it hurt a bit. It bothered her. But there was only so much she could do about it. She'd still tried to maintain the friendship. The reality, though, was it had become more strained. It always seemed like Alex didn't know what to say to her or just didn't want to talk to her. So between that – and their jobs and her time outside of work being taken up more and more with Noah, they just really saw each other less and less. And, really that gave them less and less in common and seemingly less and less to talk about.

"How'd the move go?" Alex finally asked after another extended silence of them just slowly eating. Liv wasn't eating quite as slowly. She was at the point she was pretty much ready to get out of the awkward situation and back to work. Some days rapists just seemed easier than dealing with female politics. Why'd it have to be so fucking complicated? Sometimes dealing with guys – even the bad ones – really was just simpler.

She nodded. "Yeah, it was good. It went smoothly. Basically settled at this point. It's been almost two months now."

Two months and they'd managed to hardly speak to each other in that period. A few scattered emails. Some unreturned phone calls.

Alex hadn't offered to help with the move. Nor had she offered to help with the packing or unpacking. It was another thing that just felt like she'd kind of pretended wasn't happening. Helping friends move in New York was just … something you did. When you aren't in the Fifth Avenue bracket and paying people to do it all for you – rented vans, jammed packed trunks of friends' vehicles and as many extra hands as you could get to make short order of it was just how it was done.

Liv had helped Alex move before. Hell, she'd helped Elliot with getting some of Maureen's crap out of the dorms and into the apartment she was sharing with girlfriends. It was just what you did for friends – even just colleagues. But not a peep came from Alex about the matter until now.

"I still can't believe you moved all the way up there. That you gave up an apartment in that neighbourhood for Hamilton Heights," she said.

Liv had heard it before. Alex had treated it like some atrocity that she'd give up her apartment in Chelsea to move all the way to the top-end of Manhattan – far away from the downtown and the nightlife, and even just work. But it had always cost a small fortune to live there – especially on her salary. She'd been able to justify it with the rent-controlled building she'd managed to wait ages for to get into – and really, before she didn't have anything else to spend her money on before. She might as well have been living in an area she liked and in an apartment she loved.

She'd held onto it for long enough, though. Within weeks of having Noah home from the hospital, it'd been clear that a one-bedroom apartment just wasn't going to be all that practical. During her pregnancy she'd convinced herself that a one-bedroom would be fine until he was out of a crib. She'd figured she could make it until he was about 18 months or two-ish. Lots of time to find something else. But the explosion of baby all over her space, the need for extra storage, the longing to get to sleep in a room without a crying baby had grown quickly over the first several months of Noah's life.

She'd still managed to keep to the original plan of waiting until he was a little older before moving. Not so much for the reasons she'd told herself before her son was born – but because she'd spent some time being unrealistic about where she wanted to live – still in Manhattan, she wasn't switching borros and dealing with some sort of ridiculous commute – and what she was willing to pay. Not to mention dealing with waiting lists and just even finding the time to go and look at places. She'd put her name on the waiting list for a two-bedroom in the building she was living in. By the looks of it, though, she'd manage to get into one by the time Noah was about 10. So that wasn't going to work.

Eventually she'd just given up, gotten more realistic about what she could afford in the city now as a single mother and where she'd be willing to raise her son. It had meant going north. Really, she'd lived in Chelsea – and the apartment – long enough anyways. She was due for a change.

She was getting kind of sick of the Chelsea Boys and the LGBT scene and the assumptions made just because of her attire or hairstyle - and her job. She wasn't sure how much more she could listen to about art and yet another gallery opening either. The shopping options in the area were dangerous too. She didn't need to be tempted to be spending money on boots and purses and dresses that she hardly ever got to wear and definitely couldn't afford anymore anyways.

Liv glanced at her from her meal and shrugged. "Well, living in a one-bedroom just wasn't really working anymore – and I couldn't afford a two-bedroom in that area. I'm actually paying a bit less than before and it's a hell of a lot bigger."

"But you're in West Harlem."

"I'm in Hamilton Heights," she corrected. She didn't care that the neighbourhood was still in Harlem – it was different. "It's going through a lot of gentrification right now."

"So in about a decade it might be worth living in," Alex commented.

Liv sighed and shook her head. "There's a lot of history in the community. It's a newer condo building. It's on a good block. I feel safe. We're walking distance to Riverbank. I'm close to transit. It's working for us. You should come and see the place some time – and what's going on in the neighbourhood. See Noah," she offered.

Alex examined her for a moment and then went back to her meal. "How's the kid anyways?"

Liv really had to fight not to roll her eyes – or worse put down her fork and end the lunch date. "Noah," she said purposefully. She hated that Alex almost never referred to her son by his name – like she couldn't bring herself to say it or fully acknowledge him. "He's really good. He's starting to get a lot more chatty. Some of the stuff he comes out with is pretty funny. He's a little bossy, though. He likes the word 'no' a lot – and it's variations."

Alex offered a small nod but not further comment. Olivia had a recent photo of Noah in her purse. Alex hadn't seen him in about six months. But she didn't get the sense at all that she cared to see how much her son had grown and changed in that period.

"How's Kurt?" Alex dropped, though.

Olivia sighed and looked across the table again. "I have no idea. I haven't heard from him in about eight months. Any interactions are through our lawyers."

"Healthy relationship," she'd offered drily.

"We aren't in a relationship – beyond his financial responsibilities to his son, which he isn't living up to. End of story."

Alex didn't say anything. Olivia thought her even asking was slightly obnoxious. The only reason she even allowed the comment was because she'd previously asked Alex for some general legal advice when she'd started pursuing Kurt for child support.

Still, Alex knew they weren't in a relationship. That they hadn't been in a relationship for years. Alex never even fucking met the man – but she still felt the need to imply Kurt was some how still in Liv's life. Olivia just wanted to forget that Kurt had even happened – as much as that was possible when she had a daily reminder that it had.

"Are you seeing anyone? Trevor Langdon?" Olivia shot back, equally as harshly and purposefully, just to rub some vinegar in her wounds after the attorney so clearly trying to be hurtful to her. She thought that Alex's relationship with the defence attorney had been about as stupid and career-damaging move as her sleeping with a newspaper editor. Though, Alex had seemed to have moved through that relatively unscathed – and it had also been eons on ago. Still. The mention of his name made her point and go across her distaste about the Kurt comment.

"Who has time for that?" Alex said and glanced at her with hard eyes.

"Maybe you should make time," Liv said.

It was true. She thought about adding something about the stick shoved up Alex's ass or that getting laid might do her temperament some fucking good. But she knew that would just be obnoxious, uncalled for, and just add fuel to whatever the hell was apparently simmering between the two of them today.

Still, Alex's temperament since being shuffled into Appeals after she lost her position as bureau chief of Homicide had been pretty awful. It was getting worse every time Liv saw her. She got that she was bored, she was unhappy. But she really didn't need to be taking it out on people around her – especially people who cared about her. That just got you into trouble – Liv knew that from experience. Not to mention, if the job was really that fucking boring, you'd think she'd actually have some time to maybe establish a relationship while she had the fucking chance.

Alex made eye contact. "Maybe you should take some of your own advice. You've never seemed to be very good at that either. You used to be about the job."

Olivia shook her head. "I thought we were getting together for lunch – not some sort of passive-aggressive argument about what? How I'm living my life? I'm still about the job. I still do my job. I still love my job. I love being a mother too, Alex. I'm sorry that that's so … whatever the hell it is to you …"

She put her fork down at that point and glanced around the restaurant. Their waitress hadn't checked on them in a while – she was about ready to pay her half of the bill and leave. If the waitress didn't show up soon, she was actually ready to throw a $20 on the table, not worry about the change or the split, and just get out of there.

She hated being judged by someone she had long considered a friend; worse, by another woman who worked and waded in the same shit as her. Alex, out of anyone, should at least sort of understand what it was like. How hard it was to balance work and to have a relationship with that they saw. How their fertile years – how their years as young, eligible women in the eyes of men – where basically fading and pretty quickly at that point. Olivia figured hers were basically gone – especially now that a kid was part of her package. Alex at least had a handful of years left – if she could manage to be less of a bitch and not be quite as married to the job. She knew the woman had been through a lot. But fuck – they all had.

And, really, Olivia, didn't care about the less than ideal circumstance she'd gotten pregnant with Noah. She was happy to have him. There was no way she'd trade it – and she wasn't going to have someone suggest that she'd made a poor decision there or had given up something more important. The job? She loved her job. She thought it was important. She was still driven by it. But she loved her son too. She'd wanted a child for years. She wasn't going to feel guilty about that.

Alex seemed to consider her for a moment and what she'd said. "So are you seeing anyone?" she'd said. There was a softness to her voice now though. The edge wasn't there. She was trying.

Still, Liv glanced at her from scanning the restaurant. "Who has time for that?" she said sarcastically back to her with more than a little bit of harshness in her tone.

"Maybe you should make time," Alex said back just as drily and allowed a small smile.

So Liv snorted and rubbed her eyebrow and was quiet for a moment. She tried to let her anger fade – to try again, to salvage the lunch at least, if not the friendship.

"There's a guy at the new building – my neighbour – I don't know what he's up to," she said. "Flirting, I guess."

Alex gave her a little smile at that. "Have you forgotten what flirting looks like?" she teased and went back to poking at her plate.

Liv snorted and cautiously picked up her own fork again, letting herself simmer down a bit more. "I don't get out much."

Alex glanced up again and at least gave her some smiling eyes. "So what, you aren't interested?"

Olivia shook her head. "Not really. I told him as much. He said he wasn't looking for a relationship either. But he's been … persistent anyways."

"Persistent how?"

Olivia sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. Little things. We end up walking to the subway at the same time at least couple times during the week and he's always helping with the stroller on the stairs. He can't ride the elevator in silence. If he sees me in the store or café – he'll chat at me. He's bought me fucking tomatoes."

Alex laughed a little. "Maybe he's just friendly," she suggested.

"We live in New York," Olivia said and Alex snorted. "It's other stuff too. He wanted to take me on a tour of the neighbourhood. Invited himself to sit down with us while I was out at a coffee shop on a Saturday morning. Showed up with pizza and beer on a Friday night. Always offering to help with things – unpacking, watching Noah, picking up groceries."

"Slightly creepy," Alex allowed.

Liv nodded. "And I'm stuck living next to him for at least another 10 months."

"Maybe you need a restraining order," Alex offered with a smile.

Liv snorted. "I don't think he means any harm. I think he's just lonely. It's just kind of … pathetic."

"Pathetic is not attractive."

She snorted again. "No kidding."

"Not cute?"

She shrugged. "He's OK. He's not unattractive. No fashion sense. Dresses somewhere between frumpy and hipster. Sort of geeky. His clothes fit so badly it's hard to tell what he's got going on under there. Nice eyes, though."

"You get out of him what he does?"

"A math professor."

Alex snorted at that and gave her a grin. "That is a little geeky. What? City? Columbia?" she asked, listing off the two schools closest to where she was now living.

"NYU. Courant."

"That's impressive, though," she offered.

She shrugged. "I guess."

"He's still not worth just having some fun with?"

"I don't do fun," Liv said.

Alex snorted. "At least some things don't change."

"Well, I've got a lifelong reminder of the last guy I thought I was just having some fun with. So I think I've gotten that out of my system for … a very long time," Liv commented.

She wouldn't trade Noah. Ever. But sometimes she was still mad at herself that she'd let herself get pregnant. Or maybe more that she let herself get pregnant unplanned and with Kurt. At least she got a baby out of it. God knows if that chance would've presented itself again – in the good ol'fashioned way anyways.

"At least Noah's a cute reminder," Alex said and gave her a small look.

Liv allowed a little smile of that – partially out of gratitude that she'd at least acknowledged her son and said something nice about him. Noah was cute. Too cute and he knew it.

"He's a widower," she said, though, not commenting on her statement about Noah's adorableness.

Alex gave her a look. "Wow. He is chatty."

She gave a small nod. "A 9/11 widower," she added.

Alex's eyes widened a bit. "Ah. Damaged goods."

She nodded. "Yeah. Very."

"So what are you going to do about him?"

Liv shrugged. "I don't know. I've been trying to be polite about it but he's not really taking the hint."

"You do rude well," Alex offered. "Give that a go."

"Thanks," Liv spat a bit but sighed. "Noah really lights up when he's around. It's nice to see."

Alex gave her a look.

"It's like little boys are inherently trained to know … when they're around other males. They need it or want it or thrive on it … or something. It's the same thing when I have him into the squad him. Him and Munch …"

"He likes Munch?"

"Noah adores John," she smiled and shook her head. "It's funny. This is different, though. And Will … he's good with him."

"But not in a creepy way?"

Olivia smiled. "Yeah, don't worry. I've already embarrassed myself with paranoia and nearly accused of him of being on his way to becoming a rapist or a pedophile with his awkward social skills and strange courting methods."

Alex snorted.

"He's not creepy, though," Olivia allowed. "He's nice – just a little … unique, I guess."

"His name is Will?" Alex said and Liv nodded. "What's his last name?"

Olivia glanced at her again from her meal. "McTeague. Why? Do you think you know him?"

"Will McTeague?"

She nodded again. "Yeah. Did I miss something on my little background check of the building and area?"

Alex tapped her fork on the plate a bit. "Well, they're both really common names."

Olivia snorted. "No kidding. I Google-stalked him and read his bio on NYU's website and there about six Wills just in the math department."

Alex looked at her again, though. "Is he from around here?"

She nodded. "Yeah. He grew up on Staten Island. He went to Harvard, though. Know him from there some how? He's likely more your age. You might've been there around the same time."

Alex shook her head. "It's not that. Is his family involved in the fire department?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. He hasn't said much about his family."

"What's he said?"

Olivia gave her another strange look. "You're starting to make me feel like I really missed something about this guy."

Alex shook her head. "No, it's nothing creepy or anything like that. It's a common name. It could be nothing."

Olivia pushed what was left of her lunch around her plate a bit. "Ah, he's mentioned that he has two older brothers. That they're both married. That he has a bunch of nieces and nephews. That his brothers live on the same block as his parents back on Staten Island. That's about it."

"He hasn't said any names?"

"Ah … I think he said the brothers' names are Tom and Rob. I don't know. All very run of the mill Irish-Catholic names."

"Tom, Rob and Will McTeague?" Alex said again and looked at her.

Olivia shook her head and shrugged. "Yeah. What did I miss about this guy?"

Alex shook her head. "Wow," she said.

"Wow what?"

"I think your suitor …"

Olivia sighed and interjected. "He's not my suitor. He's my neighbour. I'm not looking for a relationship right now."

"Whatever. I think he might be Ted McTeague's son."

"Is that supposed to mean something to me?"

"He's a high-up in the UFA. He's been really involved in a lot of the WTC disability negotiations and has been at hearings around some of the legislation proposals. He's offered testimony. He's publicly talked about his three sons – Rob, Tom and Will. A firefighter and an FDNY EMS – both involved in 9/11 efforts, and his youngest son, Will, who lost a wife in the Towers."