Sorrow
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.
A/N: Byakuya might be a bit OOC in this one. But I guess people acts a bit out of themselves when they lost a loved one. This is inspired by "A Breath of Silence" by Lady Azar de Tamaran. I hope I did that beautiful piece justice.
Byakuya felt the familiar tightening of his chest. A feeling he became more and more acquainted after his wife died. His beautiful wife of only five years had just been cremated. Her ashes are about to be buried.
"Byakuya-sama, please find my sister. Then after you find her, please do not tell her that I am her sister. Without telling her anything, please Byakuya-sama, please protect my sister no matter what. I abandoned her, so I don't deserve to be her sister, so I hope that she can be Byakuya-sama's sister."
He was shocked when he found out that Hisana abandoned her baby sister but could not find it in his heart to condemn her. He found her wish to find her sister absurd as the possibility of that infant surviving the cold harsh winter in Inuzuri is next to nothing. But as he promised her, he would try to find Hisana's sister. He also feels a bit of anger for Hisana's missing sister, his only rival for her attentions and affections. He knows that she would spend most of her waking time looking for her sister in Rukongai and asking her contacts to look for her, even when her health started failing and almost imprisoned her to bed.
Her death brought him a mixture of emotions. Grief because of her death; anger because she was not strong enough to survive, for not loving him enough; and love, a love that he knew would transcend even her death. But did she ever really love him? He cannot help but ask. Her last words while she had been strong enough to speak would always remain in his memory.
"Even at the end, I am still asking more of you. I am very sorry I couldn't return Byakuya-sama's love. I am sorry. Being with Byakuya-sama for the past five years was like a dream come true for me, Byakuya-sama."
Not once did they spend the night in the same room. It was simply not proper for nobility to do so. She came to his rooms to consummate their marriage but not once did she stayed for the night, not once did she ever show the desire to. He always felt that she felt a bit disgusted for whoring herself to him every time they did. Yet, she did not seem to want to, never showed the desire to be near him. It is ironic considering people seemed to believe she seduced him. But that was never the case. He had always been the one to pursue her, even from the beginning.
At first he thought she merely did not reciprocate his affections because of their social difference but overtime he learned that perhaps she never did love him. She cared for him, that's to be sure but to love him would have required more out of her. It seems she did not even love herself, merely living to continue on searching for the baby she abandoned.
He had always been the one who fought for them, until the last, he fought against their critics, her illness and even her death while she lay passive, awaiting the inevitable. While he walked towards his suite of rooms, he maintained his mask, but as soon as he slid the doors close, he fell on his knees and drowned in his grief.