Peter took a few moments to collect his thoughts before stepping closer to Neal. He could see that Neal didn't want to be touched by him. He'd figured that out just by observing how tense Neal's back and shoulders were the closer he came to Neal. "Felix was a man I met in Paris a long time ago," Peter told him. "He and I had been soldiers, but he was drafted after the Franco-Prussian War, which I fought in." Neal turned to look at him then. "I met him in eighteen seventy-nine, when he was nineteen years old."

"Did you love him?"

After a few moments of hesitation, Peter nodded. "I did," he whispered. He could see how much that hurt Neal, but he wasn't going to lie to Neal about this. "He was the first mortal who knew about my immortality, but I…couldn't allow him to give up the life he was living."

Neal's brows furrowed as he asked, "Why didn't you offer to turn him?"

"I did." Neal's eyes widened. "The offer remained until I discovered that he was a married man with an infant son." Peter could remember how painful that moment had been. Felix had lied to him for a year and still refused to come clean about it until Peter found a letter from Felix's wife. "I loved him for a very long time even though he hadn't been honest with me. Felix was a good man and we had good times together. He even tried to convince me that we could abandon our posts and run away together." Neal frowned and looked down at the ground as he listened to Peter talk about his past lover. "He was willing to give up his marriage and child to be with me, but I couldn't let him do that, so I…faked my death." Neal's head jerked up at the mention of that. If Peter did that to Felix, he had the potential of doing that to Neal as well. "He went on with his life after my 'death,' but he wasn't the same afterwards."

"Did you stay close to him like you were close to me?"

Peter nodded. "I loved Felix very much and I would have done anything for him, but I couldn't let him throw away his life for me." There was a brief pause and Neal could see the agony in Peter's expression as he whispered, "Felix lasted five years."

Wondering what he meant by that, Neal asked, "What do you mean he lasted five years?"

"He committed suicide." Neal's heart broke for Peter. "I have a memorial card from his funeral in the box you seem to have discovered if you'd ever like to read it." Meeting Neal's eyes, Peter whispered, "After all, he was your great grandfather." Neal's eyes widened. Well, that made sense. It explained why Neal looked so much like Felix. "Felix Turner had a son named Luc Turner, who went on to marry a lovely woman, Vivienne Caffrey." Neal recognized the names immediately. "Luc had a daughter. His daughter is your mother." Neal wondered why his mother had never mentioned her own grandfather to him. He'd never known about Felix. "Luc and Vivienne divorced three years after your mother was born, which is why your mother took on her mother's maiden name—Caffrey. I don't know your situation with your own father, but I would assume your surname is Caffrey because of your mother and grandmother."

Neal could see how difficult this was for Peter and he regretted making this so hard on him. He had one more question about this particular topic though. "Did you fall in love with me because of Felix?"

Peter shook his head. "I didn't make the connection between you and Felix until recently. You have a different scent and yours is much more potent than his ever was." He sighed for a moment before giving Neal a sad smile. "In a way, I think my love for him and my attraction to his scent was preparing me for you." Neal wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. "I meant it when I said I've never felt the way I feel with and about you." Stepping closer to Neal, he took Neal's hands in both of his hand held them up between their chests while staring into Neal's eyes. "I don't love you because I loved Felix. I loved Felix because I was going to fall in love with someone in his bloodline. You are the reason I was attracted to Felix. My mate would be part of his bloodline."

"How could you possibly know that someone in his line would be your mate? I came three generations later."

"I don't quite understand that myself," Peter admitted. "All I know is that I love you and I haven't thought about Felix in over a century, until now." Neal nodded silently as he glanced away from Peter. Gently, Peter squeezed Neal's hands and told him, "I don't see Felix when I look at you. I see my mate, my Neal, when I look at you."

"I look just like him though…"

Nodding, Peter said, "I can't explain why you two share such an astonishing resemblance to each other aside from the fact that you're his great grandson." He lifted Neal's hands a little more and kissed his fingertips. "I don't love you because of him. You've always been my Neal. Until I watched you smile a certain way, I didn't see the resemblance to Felix." Neal nodded, but he wasn't quite sure if he wanted to believe Peter. Of course he wanted to believe him, but he still felt like Felix was the reason Peter had become interested in him in the first place. "I haven't made comparisons between you and Felix, Neal. The two of you are completely different men, but I'm glad I was able to meet both of you." Neal looked at the other man sadly. This was very hard for him. What if Peter ever called him Felix? He wondered how angry and jealous he'd act if Peter ever referred to him as Felix. That would be as bad as calling out the wrong name in bed, which Neal was guilty of. Nonetheless, Neal didn't know if he wanted to stand in Felix's shadow. "What are you thinking?" Peter asked curiously, tilting his head to the side a bit.

Neal shook his head, but Peter kissed his fingertips again in the hopes of encouraging him to open up. "I don't know," Neal whispered. "My great grandfather was your lover once and here I am now."

Peter gave him a sympathetic smile. "He and I never had the bond you and I have. Neal, I have never shared my venom with another man before I shared it with you." Neal's eyes widened a little and Peter nodded silently in response. "I gave my venom to you not only to save your life, but to…indicate that you are mine." He loathed how possessive he sounded, but he knew it was his way of staking his claim on Neal. His venom had been in Neal's veins and had healed Neal's wounds. "I also gave myself over to you."

"I know you're going to get upset…" Peter's brows furrowed. "Elizabeth and I talked about blood and venom—between mates." Peter was clearly trying to mask his irritation. Neal knew Peter had warned her about opening up to him. Peter wanted to be the one to give Neal answers and explain things as their relationship progressed. He didn't want to suggest things in advance because he didn't know how deep Neal wanted to immerse himself in their relationship. "You've shared your venom with me, but you refuse to let me share my blood with you."

Silence ensued for several, very long moments before Peter sighed. "Your blood has always tempted me and I don't think that temptation will ever go away. My biggest fear when it comes to this particular subject is that I'll go too far and end up hurting you—or worse." Peter released Neal's hands and framed the sides of Neal's face instead, caressing his soft, warm skin. "You're so precious to me. I'm afraid that I will lose control and I don't want to live in a world where you don't exist ever again."

Gripping Peter's hips gently, Neal said, "I trust you. I wish you would trust yourself." Again, Peter sighed. Instead of allowing Peter to continue down this path of self-loathing, Neal interjected with, "You've been exposed to my blood already and I'm still alive."

"I'll…think about this," Peter said. He would do anything and everything for Neal, but, as he told Elizabeth before, the only thing he's ever been afraid of is Neal. He didn't want to hurt Neal or lose him, but he wasn't so sure that he could go through with drinking Neal's blood without killing him. "I'm not saying it's out of the question or that I would one hundred percent prefer to not consider this, but I think you and I need to bond in other ways before we get into risky things, such as this."

Neal nodded. If Peter at least gave it some thought, he figured that was good enough for him. For now, at least…

•◊•

The two men were sitting in the grass in the backyard, gazing up at the stars together. Peter glanced at Neal and noticed that he seemed to be lost in thought. He wondered if thoughts of Felix were plaguing the young man's mind, but his heart indicated that that may not be the case. Neal was anxious and Peter didn't know why. "Do you remember your parents?" Peter's brows furrowed in confusion at how abrupt and random Neal's question was. "Sometimes, I look at the stars and wonder if my parents are looking at those same stars. I wonder if they miss me."

"Why did you leave your mother's home at eighteen?"

Neal raised an eyebrow. "I thought you knew everything about my life." Peter grimaced when Neal looked at him. "I think I told you that my dad died a hero when you saved my life." Peter remembered that. "My mother lied to me. As it turns out, my father was a dirty cop—and he's not dead." Peter's lips parted. He could hear the anger in Neal's voice, as well as resentment. "I'm almost twenty-five years old and I have no memories of my father aside from the pretty picture of lies my mother painted for me." Neal closed his eyes and Peter believed he could almost feel Neal's pain. "My father hasn't been in my life in nearly twenty-two years and I don't think he's tried to contact me since. The stars constantly remind me that he's out there and that he doesn't care enough to track his own son down."

Peter nodded slowly before whispering, "My mother died in childbirth." Neal looked at him immediately, gasping quietly. "In a way, I was born a killer."

"Don't say things like—"

"It's true," Peter insisted. "Granted, maternal mortality wasn't at its best when I was born, but… Nonetheless, there were safe deliveries and then there were deliveries like mine. My mother knew she was going to have complications and she insisted that the doctors do what they could to save me." Tentatively, Neal's fingers curled around Peter's left fingers. "I don't think my father ever forgave me for being born. He lost his wife and was unable to have more children after me for fear that he might remarry and lose another wife." Peter laughed sadly as he said, "My father believed I was cursed. He tried to drown me when I was young. To be honest, I don't entirely know how I survived all of his attempts at homicide."

Neal didn't know what to say at first. He couldn't imagine how Peter felt and he resented himself for making this a pity party for himself when Peter's own childhood had been…awful, to say the least. "You're not a killer," Neal whispered. Peter shook his head and sighed. It was obvious that he didn't agree with Neal, but Neal had every intention of making Peter see things from his point of view someday. Leaning towards Peter, Neal gently kissed Peter's jaw. "I love you. You're a lover, not a killer." He was honestly trying to make Peter feel better, despite knowing that Peter had killed far too many people for his liking.

"You're naïve," Peter said with a sigh. "I've lived so much longer than you have and the lives I've taken are much greater than your own age." Neal swallowed hard. When Peter heard his reaction, he nodded. "That's exactly how you should react." He gently squeezed Neal's fingers, attempting to calm the heart he could hear pounding in Neal's chest. "I killed a lot of people without intending to, but I've taken more lives that deserved to end abruptly."

Neal decided to take that particular comment and use it as a lead-up to his next train of thought. "Speaking of which…" Neal began, trailing off as he bit his lip. He could see Peter cringe because Peter knew where this was going. He'd been waiting for Neal to ask him the question he was about to ask. "Peter, did you kill Vincent?" Peter chose not to answer, but that was answer enough for Neal. As much as Neal loathed Vincent for everything Vincent had done to him, he hadn't wished death upon him. He'd never wished anything horrible upon anyone who did him wrong. He'd wanted justice that he never personally sought out. It seemed like Peter was the personification of justice in this case…

Before Neal had the opportunity to continue, Peter said, "I killed him because I heard him tell a coworker about what he was planning on doing to you. You'd been broken up for about a week and he was plotting to get you back so he could…could…" Neal nodded, understanding what Peter didn't feel comfortable saying. "I've loved you for more than a decade and I couldn't allow a monster like him to torment someone as innocent as you." Peter met Neal's gaze and he could see that Neal didn't hold any of this against him. In all honesty, it seemed like Neal was trying to understand why Peter did the things he's done. "I've gone after people who have hurt you severely. I couldn't allow you to live in a world where it was necessary for you to constantly watch your back. Vincent and Keller were among the first to go, but—"

Eyes widening, Neal exclaimed, "You killed Keller?"

Peter's brows furrowed at the unexpected outburst from his lover. "I did. Considering he indulged Vincent's interest in harming you, I couldn't allow him to live either. He even gave Vincent ideas." Neal gaped at Peter in horror. "Neal, what's wrong?"

"Keller isn't dead," Neal whispered.

It took Peter a few moments to understand what Neal was implying. "He's the vampire. He's the vampire you've been—"

"—I stopped sleeping with him!" Neal assured Peter. Peter stared at Neal in silence after that. All of these unexpected moments were actually beginning to bother Peter. First, he'd had no choice but to reveal his true nature to Neal because Neal may have died otherwise. Second, Neal found out about Felix. And now Peter discovered that he'd made a mistake when he'd tried to kill Keller. He didn't quite understand how that happened, but he did know that it was necessary to track him down and end him before he had the opportunity to harm Neal. He couldn't allow Neal to witness Keller's death because killing a vampire was an extremely brutal, agonizing process that included severing various appendages from the body and setting them ablaze. Neal watched him tear a human apart. Tearing a vampire apart was a bit of a challenge, but Peter was willing to accept that challenge if it saved Neal's life in the long run.

"He bit you and tasted you," Peter hissed. He released Neal's hand and pushed himself up. "He… He was intimate with you."

Neal stared up at Peter. He was a little terrified by the anger he could hear in his lover's voice, but he knew that Peter wouldn't harm him. "It meant nothing," Neal said quietly. He hoped that made Peter feel a little better. Naturally, that wasn't the case.

Scoffing, Peter snarled, "It meant nothing. He only made love to the fragile creature I've loved for so long and—" Peter abruptly cut himself off. He even turned away from Neal completely, putting a few steps between them. Neal was still sitting in the grass, but he could see Peter's fingers flexing angrily. "It may have meant nothing to you—or to him, but you are everything to me. He could have taken everything from me in a split second."

Neal tentatively pushed himself up and moved to stand behind Peter. Resting his hand on Peter's back, he whispered, "He means nothing to me. I hope you know how much you mean to me, Peter." He kissed the back of Peter's shoulder before sliding his arms around Peter's torso, pressing his front against Peter's back. "I want to be with you and experience an intimacy I've never had before." Peter's hands rested over Neal's and Neal knew he was getting through to Peter. "I want to become a vampire like you and spend eternity with you, but I want to give my blood to you." He closed his eyes as he rested his head against Peter's and breathed in Peter's manly scent. "You've given your venom to me. Let me complete our bond by giving my blood to you."

"I could kill you," Peter whispered solemnly.

Peter ended up turning around in Neal's arms. Neal had to lift his head up a bit and ended up staring into Peter's eyes. He could see the hunger in his lover's chocolaty eyes. "It doesn't have to be right now," Neal told him. "I don't know if I'll ever be less tempting to you, but I'm willing to wait until you're more comfortable with my fragility."

After a few moments of silence, Neal watched Peter smile at him softly. "You're just like Felix," he whispered. Neal wondered if Peter knew that he didn't necessarily want to be like Felix… "But there's one difference between you and him."

Even though he was afraid to ask, he did. "What would that be?"

Peter kissed Neal's forehead and loved the fact that Neal's eyes had closed and remained closed even as he pulled away to look at Neal's face. He waited until Neal opened his eyes again before saying exactly what Neal needed to hear to spark some hope in his heart, "I need time, but it's impossible to say no to you forever."