A/N: FF is SUPER annoying. So is my cat. It wouldn't let me post last night. Thanks for reviewing :)

Jake walks into the living room carrying something small and furry.

"What is that?"

"Do you like him? I got him at the pet store."

"You didn't answer my question."

"It's my new kitten. I'm going to name it either Jacob Jr. or Eddie Jr."

"You got a kitten?"

"Yeah…you got a problem with that?"

"No, It just seems like an odd choice."

"Why?"

"Aren't werewolves suposed to hate cats?"

"Well, but vamps are like the non-furry mythological equivalent of cats, I thought maybe you'd like him more.'

"But why an animal in the first place?"

"You underestimate how hard it is to be the only furry thing in a house full of bloodsuckers!"

"Hey!"

"Sorry. I'm working on reforming my language. Would you prefer 'Oh great and powerful bloodsucking one'?"

"Yes."

"Okay then."

"You do realize that all small animals are terrified of us, right?"

"He's not terrified of you!"

"Hissssssss"

"Yes he is. Besides, one of us is going to murder him eventually."

"You don't kill me!"

"You matter too much to Nessie."

"I'll protect Eddie IV from all the big bad vampires"

"So you decided on a name"

'Yeah. Edward Jacob IV"

"IV? There aren't 4 other Edward Jacobs"

"There are somewhere. Besides, then I can call him Four."

"What kind of name is Four?"

"Well, It's better than calling him Eddie or Jake…"

"You could have just named it something original…"

"But this will annoy Eddie so much more."

"I'm not sure he deserves all the annoyance we give him"

Jasper "Yes he does. What is Jake holding?"

"He bought himself a kitten"

"In a house full of vampires?"

"Yep."

"I say two weeks before someone snaps."

"I say one"

"You're on. No biting."

"Did you two just bet on the lifespan of my kitten?"

"Yes."

"That't terrible!"

"We all know someone's gonna kill it prematurely."

"But you guys are around tasty humans all day!"

'No one's gonna kill it out of thirst…someone's gonna kill it out of annoyance"

"I'm sure that there are much more annoying humans than Eddie!"

"But we're not allowed to kill them."

"Don't you care about him at all?"

"Does a shark care about a plankton?"

"No…"

"That's how much farther up on the food chain I am then a kitten"

"You all seem so nice, too.'

"Don't be fooled by appearances. Everyone here exempt Esme has a sadistic side"

"Even Carlisle?"

"Yeah…Remember he served on the Volturi guard?"

"Oh. Right."

"He may respect human life, but even he will pounce on a cat without a second glance."

"Mew"

"Look. You're scaring him"

"I don't really care. I am a predator"

"I'm taking him to my room"