A/N

Ratings and disclaimer from the first chapter apply.

Chapter 11.

They walked together back to the cottage and Anita guided Brittany to the couch then disappeared into the kitchen. She returned five minutes later with a plate of food and a glass of wine.

"I figured you could use a glass of wine." Anita said kindly.

"Thank you. Yes I could really use a glass of wine." Brittany said and managed a small smile.

She was so grateful, Anita really had a heart of gold.

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Brittany had been really hungry after all and the food was delicious. Anita had joined her on the couch and refilled her wine glass.

"Feeling better?" Anita asked.

"As long as I don't think about it, it feels better but it's really hard to not think about it..." Brittany answered.

"I can understand that." Anita said.

"Have... have you talked to her since she left?" Brittany asked tentatively.

"No, she's turned off her phone. I've left messages though. She'll call me when she's ready." Anita said.

"You know-" Anita started but was interrupted by the sound of her phone.

Brittany's heart started to beat faster when Anita picked up her phone to see if it was Santana who was calling.

"It's Jack." Anita said to Brittany before she answered and noticed how the other woman's face fell.

Brittany couldn't help but feel disappointed that it wasn't Santana who called. She leaned back against the cushions and her heart started to slow down again, until she heard Anita's conversation with her father.

"Tomorrow? I thought you wouldn't be back until earliest Thursday?"

Brittany's heart started to beat faster again. Would they be back tomorrow? She was so not ready to meet Nathan yet. He would know that something was up. She looked at Anita again just as she ended the phone call.

"Obviously there was no fish and the weather forecast had changed so they've decided to cancel the trip and plan to make a new one in two weeks." Anita explained.

The look on the blonde's face showed that she wasn't too happy about the news.

"Are you alright?" Anita asked?

"No... no I'm not... I can't face Nathan now, he'll know something's up and I won't be able to act like nothing's wrong. I have zero poker face and Nate knows me so well, he'll know I'm keeping something from him! God! I'm not ready to deal with this! " Brittany rambled feeling slightly panicked.

Anita took her hand and tried to calm her down.

"It will be okay." Anita said gently.

"I'm not so sure about that..." Brittany said.

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Santana was lying in her bed staring at the ceiling. The whole drive back she'd been in a daze and had no idea how she actually made it home. She'd gone from having the best night of her life to the worst day she'd ever experienced. Again she cursed herself for letting things get so out of control. Acting like this, wasn't really her, 'control' was her middle name but being close to Brittany made her so called 'control' completely eradicate. Then again, she'd never met anyone who made her feel like Brittany did. She usually didn't fall in love easy, it was quite the opposite actually and the way she felt about the blonde made her question all her previous relationships. She realized that she'd actually never been in love before, not if being in love felt like she was feeling right now. She wanted to be with Brittany, she wanted her to want her back and it killed her that it wouldn't happen. She would marry the perfect guy, have kids and probably get a dog. She would move on with her life. Just thinking about it made her heart shatter into thousands of pieces and she wasn't sure she would ever be able to put it back together again.

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It was two very disappointed men that returned from the cancelled fishing trip late Tuesday afternoon. Brittany and Anita were in the kitchen making dinner when the two men walked into the cottage. They heard noises coming from the kitchen so they made their way over there to let the women know they were back.

Anita smiled widely and greeted her fiance with a hug. Nathan immediately walked over to his fiancee and kissed her. Brittany kissed him back but it felt wrong and when Nathan wrapped his arms around her and held her tight her whole body screamed that this wasn't the right arms that should be holding her. She swallowed hard and forced a smile when Nathan pulled back to look at her.

"Are you okay honey?" He asked.

Brittany nodded, she felt like she could start crying any second but with willpower she managed to keep it together.

Anita glanced over at the couple and saw the look on Brittany's face. She only hoped that the woman wouldn't let fear keep her from what her heart truly wanted.

"I'm just a little tired and have a slight headache." Brittany answered.

"Okay, do you wanna go lay down for a while? I can help finish the dinner." Nate offered.

"Yes, I think I'll do that." Brittany said and started to walk over to the door. Jack's voice stopped her.

"Where's Santana?"

Brittany thought that if she'd turn around now her rapid heartbeat would show through her t-shirt. She stood frozen to the spot.

"Uhm, she had to go back to Chicago. She was called back to work, some sort of emergency." Anita lied and glanced at Brittany.

"Oh, well too bad. I was looking forward to spending some more time with her now that we came back early." Jack said.

"Yeah, well. Next time." Anita said and smiled.

Brittany exhaled and continued out the door and went straight to her room.

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She didn't return for dinner, when Nate had come by to ask if she would join them for dinner she said that she really wasn't feeling well and that she would stay in bed and rest.

Lying there in the dark she thought about how she'd felt when Nathan kissed her. Again, she asked herself what the hell was wrong with her and since when didn't she enjoy Nathan's kisses?

Since I kissed Santana and she kissed me back...Oh my God...No NO! I can't feel this way... I... I can't...

She pulled out the pillow from beneath her and put it over her head instead, hoping she could hide away from the these feeling that just wouldn't leave her alone.

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Later that night Brittany had gone to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash up before bed. It was another really warm evening so she'd plan to sleep in nothing but her underwear. She pulled off her t-shirt and removed her bra then turned around to drink some water before she'd return to bed. As she met her reflection in the mirror she froze. On her shoulder, or rather on the beginning of her neck was a very visible hickey. How hadn't she noticed that before? With a slight panic she threw her t-shirt back on and thanked God that the mark didn't show by the collar of her shirt. Her heart was beating so fast, seeing that hickey reminded her of what she'd done and the thought of Nathan finding that mark on her skin made her feel completely terrified. She wasn't ready to deal with that and definitely not here at the cabin.

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When Nate came to bed a couple of hours later she pretended to be asleep. He crawled up behind her and started to kiss her neck.

"Are you awake babe?" He mumbled against her skin.

Brittany didn't respond, hoping he would stop if he thought she was asleep. That didn't work though. Nathan continued to kiss her neck and moved his hand under her t-shirt and started to move upwards. She couldn't take it so she stopped his hand before it reached its destination.

"Nate, please... I really don't feel well..." she mumbled.

"I can make you feel better..." He said and wriggled his hand free and continued his path upwards.

"I've missed you..." He said as he kissed her jawline and pulled her closer.

The more Nathan touched her and kissed her the more she felt like she wanted to crawl out of her skin. How could her feelings for him change so quickly? She pulled his hand out from underneath her t-shirt and sat up by the edge of the bed.

"What's wrong?" Nathan asked feeling rejected.

"I'm not feeling well. I think I might be coming down with something, it started yesterday and it's gotten worse today." She lied.

"I'm thinking about going home tomorrow." she continued.

"Home? But I just got back and I was looking forward to spending some time here." Nathan said.

"Why don't you stay then? Really, I'll probably be staying in bed and won't be much of a company anyway. I really don't mind." Brittany said and turned towards her fiance.

"But if you're sick I wanna take care of you." He said sweetly and Brittany's heart broke.

He was such a great guy and anyone who'd get a chance to marry him should feel like the luckiest woman on earth but Brittany didn't.

"And we only have one car so maybe I'd better just go home with you." Nathan said.

"I know you wanna take care of me but really, it's okay. Stay and enjoy yourself, and you can probably borrow dad's car. He and Anita are staying longer and they brought both their cars so I'm sure it's not a problem. Look, I know you're disappointed about the fishing trip but maybe you and dad could go out on the lake and try your luck here. There's got to be fish, I mean the lake is huge. So just stay, really I'm fine." Brittany said and smiled.

"Okay. I'll stay for a day or two but then I'm coming home to you." Nathan said.

"Okay."

He kissed her gently.

"Come back to bed, I'll be good I swear." Nathan said with a smile and Brittany laid back down and let Nathan hold her.

How can I let him down? He'll be crushed... What am I gonna do?

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Brittany packed her things together the first thing next morning. Nathan was still asleep when she sneaked out of their room to go grab some coffee before she'd leave. When she entered the kitchen Anita's sat by the table. She noticed Brittany's bag and looked at her questioningly.

"Good morning. Are you going somewhere?" Anita asked.

"I'm going home..." Brittany answered.

"Oh..." Anita didn't question the woman. She understood her need to leave.

"What did you say to Nathan?" she asked.

"I told him I wasn't feeling okay, that I might be coming down with something. He's gonna stay though. Just for a day or two but hopefully it will give me enough time to figure this out." Brittany explained. Anita nodded.

"Are you leaving right this minute or do you have time for breakfast?" the older woman asked.

Brittany smiled.

"I have time for breakfast."

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After breakfast she went back to her and Nathan's room to say goodbye to her fiance. When he leaned in to kiss her goodbye she turned her head and the kiss landed on her cheek instead. She told him she would call him later.

Anita had gone outside after breakfast and was sitting in the sun on the front porch. She got up from the chair when the blonde stepped outside.

"I'll walk you to your car." she said and smiled.

As they walked to the car Brittany noticed her father down by the lake.

"What is he doing?" she asked Anita.

"He's attempting to fix the old rowboat. Since the fishing trip ended up a fiasco he's determined to fix that old thing up and go out on the lake to try his luck." she explained.

Brittany chuckled and shook her head.

"Typical dad. Well, it should keep him occupied with something at least. You know how he gets if he's too restless." Brittany said.

"Oh don't I know it. I think that boat is beyond saving but I don't have the heart to tell him and as you said, it keeps him busy so I'll let him be." Anita said and smiled.

Brittany put her bag in the backseat and turned towards Anita when she closed the door. The older woman pulled her in for a hug.

"I know you're confused and that you don't want to hurt anybody but whatever you decide to do, do it because it will make you happy. Not anyone else. Promise me that okay?" Anita whispered.

"I'll try... Thank you for everything Anita." the blonde said and hugged the older woman a little tighter before she pulled back and smiled.

"Anytime sweetie, anytime..." Anita said. She opened the door and Brittany got in.

"Take care of yourself now you hear?"

"I will. Please tell dad that I wasn't feeling good and went back home. I can't face him, he'll know I'm hiding something." Brittany pleaded.

"I'll tell him. Drive safely."

Brittany smiled then pulled out of the driveway and down the old dirt road. She felt like she could breathe for the first time since Nate got back yesterday. She hated lying to him but she had no idea how she ever would be able to tell him about what happened between her and Santana. He would be devastated, that much she knew and she really didn't want to hurt him. Then her thoughts wandered to Santana and just thinking about her made her whole body tingle and she could actually feel butterflies dancing around in her stomach. She remembered how Santana touched her and kissed her and how wonderful it had been. Could she really ignore those feelings and just settle with what she had? Could she marry Nathan and spend the rest of her life with him? And if she did, would she be filled with regret every time she saw Santana again? Regret for not giving her a chance? Giving them a chance? Could she live with that?

No... no...I can't live with that.

At that moment she made a decision.

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When she saw the big sign saying Chicago and the distance, printed in large white letters she didn't hesitate.