Author Notes:

Somewhat explicit.

Chapter 11

Bathtime Confessions

Summary:

Roxas works up some courage.

Roxas had been eager to nudge the awful cowboy boots as soon as they stepped onto the train. Roxas found it amusing that these shoes were ones that Axel had chosen to keep. Maybe they held sentimental value? Roxas hoped they reminded Axel of Roxas.

He wanted to lean his head against Axel's stomach so badly. And not just because his nose was freezing.

Train stops rumbled past. Roxas watched cowboy boots like a hawk. He felt impatient as he waited for Axel to decide where they would go today.

Every time Axel shifted - and he shifted a lot - Roxas' muscles tensed in anticipation of getting up. But Axel always stilled and remained rooted in place. The bastard seemed to be toying with Roxas.

Roxas glared up and was met with a cheeky grin.

But eventually cowboy boots made their decision. Roxas jumped up in excitement and followed.

They walked to a familiar hotel and Roxas shifted from one foot to the other nervously as he waited for Axel to pick a room.

His nervousness didn't abate as they stepped into the elevator. Roxas' fingers twitched and his legs felt restless.

"You ok, Roxas? You seem a bit tense today," Axel inquired.

"Yeah, just… feeling really cold," Roxas excused.

"The snow's been pretty ridiculous the last few days. And that wind… "

"Trust me, I know. Definitely don't need to be reminded." He shuddered and pulled his coat firmly around himself.

"Don't worry. We'll be," Axel yawned, "warm and toasty soon enough."

Roxas could hardly wait to get behind closed doors. And not just because of the promise of warmth. Roxas had made the decision that he would try talking to Axel. Because there was no way that Axel… didn't feel the same way… right?

There was always self doubt. Of course there was. But Roxas had made the decision and he was going to stick with it.

He had mulled over what he would say.

'Axel, I really like you.'

'Axel, I really want you in my life.'

'Axel, I'll let you fuck me if you promise to never leave.'

He supposed that last one was a bit too clingy. Roxas didn't want to give off a bad impression. He didn't want to scare Axel off by seeming too needy. He just had to try and be calm about it, and bank on the idea that Axel liked and cared for Roxas. He hoped that Axel liked him enough to want to turn what they were doing into something a little more… permanent and exclusive.

Roxas felt nauseas when he thought about Axel possibly only hanging around because he really wanted to get into Roxas' pants, and nothing else. So Roxas had tried avoiding those thoughts as best he could.

But it was really hard, because the temptation to give in to Axel was becoming too strong. And every time he thought about giving himself over to Axel, fear rose inside himself. Axel would leave if Roxas gave in. Axel wasn't looking for anything long term or meaningful.

Roxas really didn't want to lose Axel. So he had to talk to him. Roxas had to secure what they had. And he had to do it today. Because the way Axel looked at him while they bathed… the way they languished in each others presence on the bed… the way fingers stroked cheeks and began tracing lips… It was just... Too. Damn. Hard.

The door unlocked and Axel held it open for Roxas, pulling him out of his flaring anxiety for a moment. He brushed past Axel, as casual as he could, whilst simultaneously also pushing against him for maximum body contact in the narrow entranceway.

Roxas headed straight for the bed, feeling nervous. He hadn't figured out how to broach the subject yet. Should he blurt it out? Could he somehow work up to it without looking like a fool? He hoped a fit of inspiration would take ahold of him while he perused the food and entertainment menus.

Axel followed close behind, but instead of deviating to the bathroom to fill up the tub like he usually did, he face planted into the mattress, right next to Roxas.

Roxas bounced lightly from the impact.

"What's the matter with you?"

Axel tilted his head, so he wasn't muffling into the mattress. "Just really tired today. I had a long day and an even longer night."

"What happened?" Roxas put the menus down, focusing his full attention on the other man.

"Oh - you know. Just had a fight with a girl I've been fucking on and off."

"I thought you only saw people once or twice."

"Yeah. But there's a handful of… mmm… I guess you'd call 'em 'friends with benefits', though she's hardly a friend."

"Oh." Roxas never liked these type of conversations. He didn't like to think of Axel being with other people. It sometimes felt difficult to be supportive… but he always tried his best anyway.

Roxas really needed to come clean to Axel.

"Was it really bad?"

"She just wouldn't stop yammering on about our 'relationship'. I kept telling her that there was nothing. We started the thing as just being for fun - like with us, ya know? - but she takes it too seriously. Once in awhile she comes around and expects things from me. A booty call is never just a booty call with her. I really need to learn my lesson. Set some boundaries… or something."

Roxas' stomach knotted. "W-were you up all night with her? Couldn't you have just kicked her out?"

Axel groaned. "But her booty is just so fine."

Roxas' insides clenched at comments like that.

Axel stifled a yawn, and snuggled into the mattress some more. "Would you mind running the bath, Roxas? I'm just gonna have a little nap here, if that's alright with you."

Roxas' stomach sunk through the floor. He hummed quietly and got up to do as he was asked. The frown that settled on his face only intensified as he entered the bathroom. He busied himself with his duty, while quietly having a freak out.

Axel made it sound like he really wasn't looking for something significant. But Roxas really wanted to be more than just - he didn't even know what they were. They weren't 'friends'. They certainly weren't 'fuck-buddies'. Axel seemed to have enough of those in his life.

Roxas felt so conflicted. He found it hard to believe that Axel would seriously be holding out this long irrespective of how much an 'investment' Roxas was to him. Remembering that conversation always made Roxas' insides knot and cramp with irritation and anger.

Roxas didn't want to believe that he meant nothing to Axel. But then Axel spoke about shit like he had just said and… well Roxas didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to do.

He poured a generous amount of bubble bath into the small oval tub and watched the foam build and rise along with the water level.

The conversation with Ventus and Melissa went through his head.

This was precisely why he needed to speak with Axel. Clear the air. Lay out the expectations. Get an understanding around what they were even doing together. If Axel was going to leave him Roxas should speak with him and find out sooner rather than later. Otherwise this was just wasting both their time. Roxas could be out there looking for someone to date. Maybe Roxas should already be doing that?

Thoughts of that nature always made it hard to swallow and left a bitter taste in his mouth. Roxas really liked Axel. So he really should go out there and have the all important heart to heart.

But Roxas didn't.

No - He remained, watching the bath fill, and listened to the soothing sound of gushing water. He mulled over his conversation starters again. Inspiration still hadn't struck regarding how to bring it up in conversation.

All the things he wanted to say seemed useless to him at this point anyway. Why couldn't Axel's booty call have happened any day but today?

Roxas turned the taps off, and headed outside to tell Axel that the bath was ready.

"Ax-"

A soft snore cut Roxas' words short.

A smile, tinged in sorrow, settled on his face. Axel truly was exhausted from last night. Roxas moved closer sat down next to him, staring at that gorgeous face.

Axel would surely never agree to Roxas wanting something more. He would surely never agree to a relationship. He was a free roaming bird who loved the conquest of winning over people's hearts and bodies. He was an untamable fire, consuming everything and everyone he came into contact with.

Axel was just hanging on to Roxas because Roxas was playing stubborn.

It seemed inevitable.

Roxas grew frustrated. Why should he miss out? What did it even matter if Axel left? Roxas should just have fun with Axel. He wanted to know what Axel tasted like. He wanted to know what it felt like to run his hands down Axel's naked body.

His previous resolve melted. Forget talking. It was time for action. And if Axel left… then so be it. Whatever. So Roxas made a decision. It caused his heart to leap up to his throat. His pulse throbbed and twitched through all body parts.

Roxas lowered himself down towards the slumbering flame. He was almost touching Axel's defined nose with his own. Warm breath exhaled softly and caressed Roxas' cheeks and lips.

Being so close to Axel's face ignited Roxas.

He was so beautiful, even with the makeup on. Roxas craved to wash it all off though. Roxas hungered for green piercing eyes to look at, and see him. Roxas wanted Axel to only see him. But that was a pipe dream.

Eyes drifted to lips. They were beautiful when they smirked, grinned, smiled, and even when they just rested in this neutral position. Roxas groaned inwardly at how bad he had it for Axel. Surely Axel must feel the same… urgh, who was Roxas even kidding?

His tongue flicked out, moistening lips. He swallowed down his nerves. Would he be violating Axel if he pressed his lips against that mouth? Had Axel ever done this to him?

Sleeping beauty. That's what Axel had written in that note so long ago. Roxas still had the piece of paper. He still looked at it from time to time to reflect back on how his opinion of Axel had changed.

Had Axel kissed him back then? In the past that thought would have appalled and disturbed Roxas. But now it just filled him with a faint thrill that hammered his heart harder against his sternum.

Axel was the sleeping beauty now.

He breathed in deep. Axel's scent was rich and warm.

Roxas' lips parted. He leaned a fraction closer. His heart fluttered. Palms grew sweaty. Mouth dried up.

He swallowed.

Lips pushed against soft warmth. A delicate sigh escaped Axel's throat.

Roxas yanked away. Eyes wide and darting. His heart hammered into his chest. Yet Axel was still fast asleep. His face bathed in bliss and tranquility.

Roxas' chest heaved as he stilled his panicked breathing. He was terrified of waking Axel. But he also wanted to try for another kiss. Axel was so cute - when he wasn't running his mouth off.

That sigh had been adorable too. Those lips had felt so soft. Roxas thought he understood why Axel was forever licking them now. He wanted to make sure it hadn't all been his imagination, though. So with more courage than before, he pushed his lips against Axel's one more time.

His lips fit so perfectly against Axel's.

Those lips were so pleasant.

So toasty.

So supple.

So -

Pressing against his own!

Roxas threw himself backwards in panic. He almost toppled over due to the sudden force of his launch. His heart smashed into his chest with greater ferocity.

A content sigh, more akin to a moan though, rumbled forth. Lips quirked into a smile as green eyes drifted open like a beautiful sunrise peeking over the horizon. Tongue flicked out, licking at lips. Another pleasant hum sounded from Axel's throat as if he really enjoyed and savored whatever trace of Roxas might have been left behind.

"S-sorry," came the breathless stammer.

Axel raised himself, slowly. "If I had known that all I needed to do to get a kiss from you was to fall asleep, I'd have taken naps without you much earlier."

Roxas' throat felt like it was made of sandpaper. He stood up all too quickly. "Th-the bath is ready."

With bowed head he rushed off towards the bathroom. When he got there he stripped as fast as he could and hopped in. Roxas didn't want to give Axel a show. He didn't want to be seen. He felt too ashamed.

Moments later a pleasant tune accompanied and announced Axel's arrival. "Feeling too cold, Roxas?" Axel inquired, still sounding sleepy.

Roxas hesitantly cast a brief glance towards Axel. "I really hate winter. It can't go away fast enough," he mumbled for an excuse.

Axel chuckled as he stepped into Roxas' field of vision and undid his shirt. "But it's not even winter yet."

"Whatever. A couple of weeks to go. The snow is already terrible," Roxas sulked.

"Maybe I'll buy you a set of hand warmer gel packs. My friends always go snowboarding in the winter and swear by them. My roomie claims he would be the victim of frostbite if it weren't for those magic gel packs."

Roxas kept his eyes on the bath, not feeling in the mood to even enjoy the strip show that Axel always gave him at this point in the evening. He worked on piling the bubbles high, like he had done, what felt like so long ago now.

"Don't bother. I've tried those things. They're good for the first five minutes but after that they're pretty useless for me. I need something a lot stronger." - 'Like your body next to mine,' Roxas thought ruefully.

Axel slipped into the bath. "Do you need me to ply you with alcohol?" Long legs sidled in next to Roxas', and feet tucked themselves against his backside. Roxas loved this part. He had no complaints about the smaller bathtubs any longer. But right now it ached. Was this the last time they would ever do this together?

Roxas felt unwell.

"You know that's a myth, right? Alcohol only makes your skin feel warmer. It opens up your capillaries but then all that cold air just forces your blood to cool, which then drops your core body temperature," Roxas educated. "So it's one of the worst things you could do. Short term relief for long term suffering. No thank you."

"Hmm, you learn something new every day."

"You certainly do. You know I once watched this documentary on glaciers. I think I saw it on the TV guide. We could watch that later, but anyway, this doco was talking about how Polar Bea -."

"Roxas, what's wrong?" Axel interrupted.

"Huh?"

"You're not being your normal self, and you look unhappy." A toe stroked Roxas' side with affection.

Roxas bit his bottom lip, gently worrying at it. He wanted to desperately forget confessing to Axel. Just slide back into how they had always been with each other. Forget wanting more. Just leave it alone.

Roxas could surely come up with a myriad of viable excuses for his rambling behavior. He could totally forget about his need to come clean. But that damned toe… that affectionate tone… the fact that Axel knew something was up… it hurt.

Roxas didn't want to lose Axel. He didn't want to lose what they had. But oh how he also wanted more. But Roxas couldn't have Axel and have more. It wasn't gonna work like that.

He needed to tell Axel something though. Roxas swallowed, hard. "I'm sorry I stole that kiss from you."

"I'm not. I just wish I hadn't been asleep for most of it."

An internal groan rattled around Roxas' head. He hated feeling this way. He hated sitting on all this anxiety. He wanted the discomfort out of his life. Forget waiting for the opportune moment. Forget finding the perfect time. It would never come.

"I want to kiss you more."

There. It was out. Everything else be damned.

Axel seemed taken aback by how forthright Roxas was being all of a sudden. Eyes fluttered as he strained to comprehend the meaning and implications. In a few more moments brows narrowed in some sort of conclusive determination. "Then do it. You know I want the same thing."

"But I don't want to give you what you want."

Roxas' heart hammered away, causing foam to vibrate along with him. Why was he pursuing this conversation? He should have left it where it had been. He should have lept at Axel and kissed him instead. He shouldn't have let himself 'wing it'. He should have made a commitment to just giving in and watch Axel disappear into the distance once they were done with each other.

But no… he was apparently hard set on the talking route. Roxas' mind screamed at him with frustration. Had he learned nothing from the past? Was Roxas really this stupid?

Axel tilted his head up sideways in confusion. "A-are we really doing this again, Roxas?"

Other than that first apology this was the only time either one of them had made reference to that awful time in the past.

Yup. Apparently Roxas really was that stupid. "Yes. We are." Roxas fought to keep the pain off his face.

"Why?"

"Because I - I actually know now what the problem is."

Problem. Roxas scoffed. His feelings were the problem. Axel's rigid worldviews were the problem. Fancy not wanting to settle down and have a long term relationship. Axel truly was weird.

Axel sighed. "So then tell me. What are you so worried about?"

"I -." Roxas took a deep breath.

Should he? He was already too deep into this mess. He couldn't get out of it now. This was it… this was crunch time. Roxas swallowed down the lump in his throat… with some difficulty. He grimaced at the bathwater and began letting out the painful truth, "I - don't want what we have to end. I - don't want to have sex if you're not going to be here anymore." He felt like he was turning green with the broiling nausea inside himself.

How would Axel take those words? Roxas' eyes took a tentative peek up. Axel just looked… confused?

"Is that why you've been holding out for so long? To… keep me?" There was an edge in Axel's voice. A sharpness to his narrowed eyes.

Roxas' toes curled in discomfort. His mind drifted over what Axel had told him months ago and even just earlier on the bed. Fear flooded him. His head drooped. 'Don't be stupid. He doesn't want a relationship! Abort! Abort!' Roxas yelled at himself.

He didn't want to lose Axel. Forget what Ventus told him. Forget what he told himself. Those two weeks without Axel had been torrid enough. He didn't want to experience something like that ever again. How could he save this? How could he brush this off as something frivolous?

He laughed. Loud and clear.

"Oh no. Oh God no. Nothing like that, pfft!" Roxas waved his hand at Axel, sending water and foam hurtling through the air. "What we've got right now is… well almost perfect." Roxas' heart was hammering. He ventured a more confident look at Axel, to help with his charade. Was he overdoing it? Roxas couldn't read Axel's expression. All it said was 'serious'.

"I just want what we have to continue. I really like our weird bit of fun. I like having things to do, and someone to do them with in the evenings, that's all. I like that we can both live our lives and not get caught up in… ," he shrugged, "well all the shit that comes with… expectations or commitments." Roxas almost choked on that word. And his next sentence wasn't any easier to say either… but he had to…

"I -I like that you just go and screw whoever you want. And I like that I can go on dates with whoever I want." Roxas tried for a casual smile. His heart smashed into him uncomfortably. Had he managed to save it? Had he covered himself? And if he had… at what cost?

"Oh… you seeing someone?" eyes narrowed further. Axel's voice sounded strained.

Roxas was taken aback by that question. "N-no. Not at the moment. But it's good to know that if I wanted to I could." He was amazed at the bullshit he was pulling out of thin air.

"If you do start dating someone you need to tell me," Axel said sternly.

Roxas' stomach seized up tight. His heart fluttered. "Why?" he croaked.

"Well the moment you do I'm out of here. I don't mess around with people who are taken. No matter how hot they are."

How Axel managed to make Roxas feel both hot and cold at the same time was something he never understood.

"Really? But I though -"

"You thought what, Roxas? That I'd just fuck anyone irrespective of anyone else's feelings?"

Axel's nostrils flared and his lips formed a thin line.

Roxas tensed up. He'd never seen Axel look quite this angry before. He stammered incoherent sounds.

Axel kept firing. "Well you fucking thought wrong, didn't you."

"I -I'm sorry," Roxas managed to get out, completely taken aback.

Axel inhaled sharply, and exhaled softly. His features relaxed. Tension seeped out. "It's ok. Just… promise me you'll tell me when you hook up with someone and it gets serious, ok?"

Axel's ferocity had put Roxas into a semi state of shock. It took a moment for his mind to start working again. 'Serious'... Roxas might have scoffed at that. He didn't even know the definition of the word. It seemed to mean different things to both of them. But Roxas nodded regardless, hardly squeaking above a whisper, "I promise."

Axel's eyes soften further but he looked away, lost in thought.

A gulf of silence opened up between them.

"I… didn't mean for this conversation to go this way," Roxas muttered. "I just… ," his eyes drifted back down towards the water, only throwing the most tentative of glances towards Axel, "I really like how carefree and fun this is, Axel. I… ," he breathed deep. "I get so worried that if I let you fuck me you'll leave. And then… then… I'll be left to my boring, non-weird life." Roxas felt so childish saying that stuff. He felt stupid and ashamed. But he was so desperate to make Axel stay. To make Axel continue believing that Roxas didn't care for Axel outside of their hotel world.

Green eyes returned to look at Roxas and seemed to grow marginally larger. But Axel's gaze dropped, like he had no clue what to say to Roxas.

Was he surprised? Was he put off? Roxas hated not knowing.

Truthfully Roxas was slightly angry at himself and this massive cop out. He was supposed to have professed his desire for the other man. He was supposed to have been crystal clear and then let them figure out where to go from here. But no! Instead Roxas was being unfair on both of them. He was apparently working on keeping them in this stasis of mismatched expectations.

It upset Roxas. It upset him that he couldn't let go of Axel. That he was so uncomfortable with the idea of not having him in his life.

He fixed his eyes back on Axel and muttering quietly, "I -I worry that things will change if I let you fuck me. I don't want things to change."

Roxas watched Axel's mouth open, and his chest rise with an inhale of breath. Something was forming on lips but then it seemed to be swallowed up again. He seemed to struggle with finding words for once in his smug life.

And… Axel's eyes narrowed again.

Maybe Axel didn't believe Roxas' lie that he didn't want anything more significant? Maybe Axel would bail on Roxas right here and now?

No… surely not. Roxas was Axel's… investment. He wouldn't leave without getting a return. Roxas' throat constricted with disgust. He wanted to throw up with the overbearing nausea inside himself.

Axel started up slowly, seemingly picking his words carefully, "I like what we have too, Roxas."

Relief squeezed Roxas' innards, forcing a small exhale of breath to seep out of his chest.

But why did Axel look so pained?

"If you're holding out because you think I'll leave you then… ," Axel searched around the tub for something. He looked like he was searching inside himself for something. "Well there are a few casual fucks I let hang around in my life. You can be one of those if you want to be." Axel's head drifted up. A weak smile was offered up to Roxas.

It didn't make him feel better in the slightest. Roxas groaned in distaste and openly frowned.

"Sorry. It's not supposed to sound that revolting."

"Well it does," Roxas muttered.

"Mm, ok let me try again. - I, um… Things won't change. Everything will stay exactly how they are right now. No matter if we fuck or not. I'll be here to take you to weird hotels for as long as you keeping finding this fun."

Roxas felt floored. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. I have a lot of fun with you, Roxas. I really enjoy your company. If this is what you want we'll keep it how it is. Nothing more, nothing less." A weary smile briefly came to life on Axel's lips.

Roxas felt exhausted. The nausea and anxiety evaporated. But what he was left with was a dull ache. He wanted more. But Roxas felt unable to fight for it. He was so drained. He had lost a fierce battle and there was no way back from this defeat.

Roxas breathed in the humid still air between them. He swallowed down the sting behind his eyes. This would surely be for the best. As long as they kept things casual everything could remain as it had been over the last four months. As long as things didn't get too serious Axel would stay in Roxas' life.

He should be happy about that. He shouldn't be childish about this. Being an adult was knowing that you couldn't have everything you ever wanted in life, and Roxas was definitely an adult.

Ok. Surely he could deal with that, right?

"Roxas?" Axel called out in a much too small voice.

Roxas lifted his gaze. Axel still looked gravely serious.

"I'd like that," Roxas said with a small, sharp nod. He flicked up a smile, trying to lighten whatever mood they had sunk into.

Axel returned a weak smile of his own.

They quietly breathed in the steaming air around them.

Why did talking about stuff like this always leave them drenched in awkward silence?

Axel shifted, causing water to lap against the edges of the tub. Roxas ventured a look up to see a mischievous grin growing on Axel's ' shoulders suddenly relaxed. The knots in his stomach loosened. Something terrible was coming. Roxas felt too eager for it.

Axel's voice shifted tone, "Well, now that we got that out of the way maybe we can get something going." Feet caressed Roxas' hips. "Maybe now would be a good time for us to visit the dungeon rooms," he chuckled.

And there is was. Roxas felt a million times better. He put his old defiant mask on and pursed his lips. "I don't think I want to see."

"Why not? When we finally get to screwing each other you're gonna change your tune," Axel smirked.

Roxas' heart thudded to life, stirring his innards and sending pulses down his body."It's weird."

Axel's glorious laughed bounced around the bathroom and caused the water and foam to ripple.

It injected pure warmth into Roxas' veins.

"What's weird are the Chocobo and Moogle rooms."

"The… what?" Roxas choked.

"Yeah, you heard me. I'm totally taking you to those too. Life sized and so many feathers and pom poms. It's like a tickle torture room." Axel kept laughing, which seemed to infect Roxas as well.

The knots in his stomach untangled completely. His lungs loosened and were able to soak up all the air they needed. He was glad he had been able to get some of that stuff off of his chest. It hadn't fixed anything, but at least he knew Axel would still be around in some capacity.

But the thought that Roxas should try dating other people drifted to his mind again. It brought his mood down once more, just when it had started to soar.

The light laughter within Roxas died down.

If Roxas couldn't have a relationship with Axel maybe he needed to try out other people? Maybe he was just so wrapped up in wanting Axel because he had no one else in his life?

Roxas didn't know. His head began hurting from too much thinking. He wanted to be wrapped up in Axel's arms right now. So he squeaked and scooched closer to him.

Roxas was warmly received. His legs folded in and knees pressed against Axel's chest. Firm long limbs slid around Roxas. A wash cloth was handed to him, right on cue. Roxas focused on his job. He looked at nothing but his hands and where he was wiping.

The discomfort of their previous talk still hung and lingered.

Conversation didn't flow. Axel didn't even hum his ridiculous little tunes. They just sat together in silence.

He felt Axel's heart beating with vigor against his legs - but maybe it was just an echo of Roxas' own racing heart. He wasn't sure. Axel seemed pretty carefree and put together most days. Surely he hadn't been fazed by what they had spoken about.

Roxas worked hard on keeping that fake smile on his face. It dropped from time to time, but he plastered it back on. Axel seemed to be faring much the same way.

It was terrible.

What if Axel saw through his charade? What if he had said that stuff about sticking around just to lure Roxas in to getting a return on the fucking investment? Those were horrendous thoughts to be plaguing Roxas. But he couldn't shake them.

Roxas finished exposing Axel's true face but continued wiping down cheeks, over lips, and towards his neck.

Slight sloshing of water sounded. Their combined breathing filtered softly to Roxas' ears.

Everything was so still.

Fingers grazed Roxas' shoulders. He felt winded by the touch. The washcloth slipped out of fingers and dropped into the water below, with a quiet splosh. Axel's touch melted him. It melted his demonic thoughts. Roxas wanted to drown in how good that caress felt. Roxas wanted to feel more.

Weakness overcame Roxas' body. Maybe he was too hot for once in his life? Maybe he needed sustenance? No, it was just Axel having that effect on him. It was the newfound knowledge that Roxas could take things to the next level if he wanted to, without the fear of losing anything. Because Axel had said that he'd stay around. And Axel was a man of his word.

Roxas' hands trembled. He felt ready to burst with anxious energy. He had no way to let it out - bar one. His eyes focused on lips. Roxas' hands cupped Axel's face. Thumbs drifting over tattoos. His gaze shifted up towards intense green eyes.

Roxas' heart only pounded harder. "Axel… ," Roxas tried breaking the silence.

Axel didn't move a muscle. Eyes scanned over Roxas. Why was Axel always searching? What was he looking for?

Axel's smile bloomed after a moment longer. It slowly spread out and touched every part of his face. "I'm up for anything you want to do," Axel rumbled in that tone which scratched the deep itch Roxas only knew he had when he was with Axel.

Roxas could barely feel Axel's chest rise and fall with a single breath. All there existed was the ferocious pounding of hearts and the far off echoing drips of the leaking shower.

Roxas got the message. Everything was always on his terms. Axel would never push the issue. He would mercilessly tease and insinuate, but he had always waited for Roxas to make the first move - to give his consent - to accept the myriad of invitations.

He felt so completely sad all of a sudden. Sad to lose the man. Sad to ever have thought of him as a pervert. Sad for having taken so long to do this and to put his trust in him.

Roxas gently pulled that face he loved to look at towards himself. Axel's chest heaved with anticipation.

Roxas drew himself up against Axel, meeting him halfway. His heart was racing, his pulse hammered.

Lips pushed together. Soft and moist. Gentle yet firm.

Hands on Roxas' shoulders swept towards his back, pulling Roxas closer towards Axel. Gentle kisses were left at first. Hushed sucking and pecking sounds filled the room as lips explored and tasted each other tentatively.

This felt even better with Axel reciprocating. The way Axel sucked on Roxas was divine. The pressure intensified. Roxas' body buzzed. Throbbing pulses sent heat coursing through every part of himself. Axel's body was hot and hard against him. Lips were soft and sizzling. Axel's warm scent wafted and engulfed him. Fingers rubbed and stroke.

Axel's tongue came out to play, licking and tracing the crease between Roxas' lips. He wasn't able to stop it - a moan of pleasure stirred in Roxas throat. Axel felt so good.

Roxas' sound seemed to light Axel's fire. He pushed harder against Roxas' lips. He sucked a little firmer and started nipping gently, as if wanting to devour Roxas. The way their lips hungered for one another intensified. Teeth grazed and nipped at soft puckered flesh. Axel began sucking on Roxas' lip as if he had waited for this moment his whole life.

Roxas drew his arms around Axel's slight shoulders, lifting himself up. They shifted. Roxas found himself sitting on Axel's lap. He wrapped his legs around slim waist, and felt Axel's thighs and knees against his back, pushing Roxas closer. The movement served to deepen their passionate and needy kiss. Roxas' mouth had opened, giving Axel a reason to dive in.

The water felt cold compared to Axel's heat. Another sound shook out of Roxas and into Axel's mouth. The pleasure was immense. He wrapped his legs tighter around Axel, pushing their chests flush together. Roxas ground his growing erection against Axel's own hardening one.

Axel pushed Roxas backwards, sandwiching him between Axel's propped up thighs and that tilted and taut chest. Axel's tongue plunged deeper into Roxas. Axel sucked harder. Roxas moaned louder. Everything was pushing against, and into Roxas.

It felt incredible.

Breathing became labored. Pleasurable buzzing and nausea built inside of Roxas. He rubbed his tongue against Axel's. They entwined and rolled against each other. Delicate searing hands ran down Roxas' sides, massaging and kneading as they traveled down, down, down. They stopped at hips, where fingers stroked, thumbed, and pushed against skin.

The heat was overwhelming in Roxas' stomach. Axel tasted so good, Axel felt so good. Axel pulled away but Roxas chased those lips and captured them. A softer exchange followed, full of affection. But Axel pulled away again, smiling.

Roxas' breath labored, his chest heaved. He bit his lip to stifle the sounds which threatened to escape, as he pushed hips against Axel's stomach. Pleasurable tingling ran through his body. He buried his head in the crook of Axel's neck and rubbed up against Axel, harder.

"Ahh shit, Roxas. I knew you would be worth the wait," Axel moaned with raw lust.

Axel's hand roved down to thighs. He stroked Roxas firmly. His fingers moved to the softer and far more sensitive skin on the inside of thighs. Roxas squirmed against Axel's touch. Warm hands were dangerously close to his throbbing erection. Roxas' hips pushed forward, rubbing his sensitive head against heated skin.

He hissed but also berated himself. This was only supposed to have been a kiss. He couldn't give in just yet, no matter how much he wanted Axel to stroke him. But thinking about it made Roxas arc his back even more. He wanted as much of himself as possible against Axel's skin. He craved that contact so badly.

"You want me to touch you?" Axel's fingers kept trailing towards Roxas' amazing need.

Roxas lifted his head and looked at Axel through half lidded eyes.

He didn't want to lose Axel. He still didn't completely trust that Axel wouldn't up and leave after they screwed. So that's ultimately what made him stop himself before he began begging for Axel's touch.

He gnawed his lip and used every available ounce of self control to not buck into that touch. He squeezed out the words, "Let's go make out on the bed."

"Alright," Axel agreed, almost as breathlessly as Roxas.

They untangled themselves from one another. Roxas' skin pricked with sensitivity against all of Axel's touches as he lifted himself off Axel's lap. His body shivered as his erection brushed past Axel's face. Green eyes were half closed, following Roxas' upward motion.

"Mmm, you're such a tease," Axel licked his lips and craned his head towards Roxas' erection as Roxas turned and hopped out of the tub.

That had been so embarrassing… but Roxas was also so incredibly turned on at having had his penis so close to Axel's mouth.

He kept walking, grabbing a towel on his way out and drying off as we went.

With a wild and racing heart he sat himself down on their bed. Axel was towering above him in a matter of moments.

He looked like a God. Bare chested, glistening with moisture, and towel loosely held around waist. Axel could make all of Roxas' fantasies come true, if Roxas was brave enough to take a chance.

Lust smoldered away behind green eyes. Axel wet his lips. His free hand cupped Roxas cheek, thumbing and then sliding down to Roxas' neck and came to rest on his shoulder. Everything tingled. Roxas' breath escaped, dragging a light moan with it. Axel bit his lip. The man's towel dropped to the floor. Both hands suddenly clamped onto Roxas' bare shoulders. Roxas' eyes widened.

Axel moved atop of Roxas. Long legs spread apart as they engulfed his thighs in a straddle. Roxas was pushed down onto the bed. Hot hands swept over Roxas' chest, grazing nipples. The pressure of Axel's hands traveling up to Roxas' neck was divine. Roxas was sure Axel could feel the ferocity of his pulse thumping as fingers swept over his jugular before cupping his jaw.

"Is this ok?" Axel husked with a lot of hope. Fingers stroked cheeks.

"Yeah," Roxas heaved with desire.

He reached up behind Axel's head, pushing Axel down into a forceful kiss. Mouths opened. Teeth clashed. Tongues explored.

Roxas couldn't get over how soft Axel's lips were. He couldn't get enough of that tongue rubbing at him, wild, wanting.

Hands in Roxas' hair didn't seem to want to lose contact with Roxas ever again. Roxas knew, because he felt the same way as he massaged the back of Axel's scalp with his own hands.

They kept sucking on each other. Axel began moaning in the back of his throat and Roxas felt like it was finally ok for himself to do the same. His soft, involuntary moans were replaced with forceful and deliberate ones.

Axel dipped his hips, and rubbed his sensitive head against Roxas' body. Roxas pushed right back, albeit regretting still wearing a towel.

Both groaned into each others mouths.

Axel's hands wandered and ran all over Roxas' torso. Fingertips brushed. Palms pressed. Hands grasped and squeezed.

Roxas followed suit. He palmed tentatively against Axel's chest and stomach. His fingertips drank up the feel of Axel's body above. That cream skin was too delicious. Sinewed yet silken. What a wonderful contrast. He had fantasized and dreamed about this. How overwhelming that it was finally happening.

Roxas worked one of his legs free from underneath Axel's thighs and hooked himself over the slim waist. Roxas pushed and rolled them both over.

Yet it nearly caused them to topple off the bed.

"Shit, sorry," came the apology as Roxas caught Axel around the chest and pulled him closer to the middle of the bed.

"This is why I like round beds," Axel winked. "That way we can roll around as much as you want. Especially if you like to be on top. - Do you, by the way?"

"I don't know. You'll have to help me find out."

"Mmm, with pleasure," Axel moaned.

Roxas dove down, busying himself with attacking all the places he had wanted to mar for months. Roxas started his journey at Axel's neck. Hungering there like a vampire. He sucked, he bit, he licked. Axel tasted so fucking good.

He could feel how Axel was unpicking the towel which still wrapped around Roxas' waist. Roxas was glad Axel was making himself useful. He burned to be completely naked and pressed against the flame beneath him.

Roxas nipped and licked his way down to Axel's chest. He was finally at the destination he had wanted to go to the most. Axel had loved teasing him, and now it was time to get revenge and tease him right back.

He took one budding nipple into his mouth, lapping at, and around it, while tweaking the other between fingers.

"Harder, Roxas," Axel egged on and with a final tug he pulled the offending towel off.

Roxas collapsed onto Axel, craving that full body contact. Axel was such a delightful mixture of soft and coarse. And so hot, all over. Roxas grazed and sucked. Axel moaned and writhed. Hot hands traveled up and down the length of Roxas' body. His buttock was cupped and kneaded.

"So cute," Axel moaned.

Roxas didn't care. Well… maybe he cared a little. He bit and pinched harder. Axel sounded pleased though. Long legs wrapped around Roxas, leaving him nowhere to go but stay put and pleasure Axel.

Roxas didn't want it any other way.

Roxas' free hand continued to roam down Axel's side, feeling the valleys and peaks of the lithe body below him. It seemed to set Axel's world on fire.

"Oh Roxas, I love your cold hands. Run them down - oh yeah," he gasped and moan.

Roxas obliged Axel's requests with much enthusiasm.

"Ah - right there. Yes, yeah. Mmmm."

Roxas felt Axel's skin pricked under his touch. The way Axel was getting off on Roxas' roaming hands made the butterflies kick up a firestorm inside. Sharp pulses and throbs ran directly to his groin.

Axel's legs released Roxas, and before Roxas realized what was happening he was flipped over and on his back once more.

"Unlucky for you I also like to be on top," Axel smirked down. "Which is exactly why we need a round bed. Coz I'll fight you for this position."

"No round beds. Just -."

Roxas pulled Axel down into a kiss. There was too much talking going on. Roxas just wanted to get lost in Axel's hot touch.

And he did. Quite easily.

Axel's tongue left Roxas' mouth. Hands maneuvered all over Roxas' body, while lips sucked hard on Roxas' neck. Almost in revenge of Roxas having left what would certainly become a hellish bruise on Axel's own neck. Roxas' collarbone was nipped. Axel rubbed his fingers across Roxas' sternum and nipples. His warm hands traced the outline of ribs, swept down Roxas' stomach, and finally came to rest on hips.

Roxas couldn't help the way he writhed in pleasure, nor the way he bucked and ground his penis against Axel. Insane shivers rippled through him. Every body part was ablaze with electrified tingles.

That rusty, seductive chuckle out of Axel's throat only made Roxas squeak with need. "You want me to touch you?" Axel asked once more, with teasing pleasure.

Roxas' stomach was rock hard with desire. "Yes," he whined, and followed it up with a "Please."

"Please, what?"

Roxas had lost all resolve. This was it. They were gonna have sex and Roxas would lose Axel. But his need was too great. He didn't want it to stop. He didn't care for consequences.

"Please… touch me, Axel," Roxas whimpered. He bucked his hips upward to help get the point across.

"Ahh fuck, Roxas. I've been dying to hear you say that for so long," Axel muffled against Roxas' skin.

Roxas received a sharp nip on his collarbone and the hand on his hip finally moved to where Roxas wanted it to go. He groaned from the pit of his stomach. He groaned even louder than what he usually did in his own private bathroom at home. It felt so much satisfaction of hot fingers stroking the underside of his shaft was intense.

The pressure and fingertips traveled up towards Roxas' swollen and slickening head was so great. Millions of nerve endings blazed alight as tips traced ridges and rubbed against Roxas' slit.

Roxas lost himself in the warm touch. His arms raised above his head and Roxas sunk his hands into his hair, pulling gently and groaning. It was so fucking nice to have someone else's hands on him.

It was perfect that this someone else was Axel.

Kisses trailed up Roxas' body, but he hardly took notice. Not until lips were against his own. They smothered the groaning sounds of pleasure escaping Roxas' throat and gut. Roxas writhed helplessly. His hands left his head and slithered into Axel's hair, pulling him closer.

As their kiss intensified Axel's silvery tongue began thrusting in and out of Roxas's mouth. Axel plunge in with ferocity and desire, over and over again. He reached a little deeper each time.

It was sublime. Axel tasted and felt so good.

Fingers danced around Roxas' weeping head, sending chills and shivers down all of Roxas' nerve endings. He had never felt so much pleasure before. He pulled harder at Axel's hair, forcing that blazing furnace closer to himself. Pushing that tongue deeper into himself.

For a brief moment Roxas wanted Axel to do what he was doing with his tongue, but with his penis instead.

Roxas' eyes flew open.

Axel's firm tongue fled Roxas' mouth.

Both men looked towards the door where the soft rap had come from.

Rasps and heavy breathing filled the room. Roxas' heart slammed against his breast. His chest vibrated with ferocity. His eyes returned to the sight of flushed skin and bruised lips above himself. "What -?" was the only word Roxas managed to get out.

Green eyes returned and settled on Roxas, appearing far cooler than they had been moments before. A kiss was placed on Roxas' burning cheek. Roxas' stomach clenched at the gentle gesture. He wanted more affectionate kisses.

Axel quirked an eyebrow and nodded slightly towards the door. "It's for you," he labored, with heaving chest.

"For me?" Roxas said dumbly. His brain was too lust addled to compute.

"Yeah," Axel rumbled, clearly amused. But he also slowly pulled away.

'No, no. Don't go,' Roxas' mind screamed. His hand reflexively reached out for Axel.

Axel gave a soft chuckle and took Roxas' hand, pushing it back down onto Roxas' body as Axel slid back a little to straddle cool thighs.

Roxas regretted the loss of that full body contact. But what he regretted even more was Axel's hand leaving Roxas' shaft. He whimper.

Axel moved off Roxas completely. "Go on, get your treat."

"But I was just getting it then," Roxas pouted, raising himself onto elbows.

A breathy laugh cascaded out from Axel. Roxas wanted to drown in it. Green eyes burned into Roxas and Axel licked his thumb, seemingly savoring the taste Roxas' weeping erection had left there.

"Mmm, you're right. That was a pretty nice treat. Tastes just like vanilla."

Roxas exhaled with shaky, wanting breath, but still managed to roll his eyes at Axel's stupidity.

Axel chuckled, "You don't believe me?"

"No."

"You… wanna have a taste?" Axel held out his glistening thumb.

How did Axel manage to make it seem alluring? Roxas' eyes drifted from the held out finger to green eyes. His mouth drifted open. His chest rose and fell with great strain.

Axel looked surprised but a cheeky smile engulfed his face. He slowly pressed his thumb against Roxas' lips.

Roxas was too turned on at that moment to think straight. He pushed his tongue against the offered up digit, slowly licking at it.

Axel moaned in pleasure. He wet his lips as he watched Roxas take his thumb into his mouth.

Roxas closed his eyes as he slowly sucked on the thumb. His stomach buzzed. The coil in his abdomen tightened. He sucked and sucked and swirled his tongue.

Axel moaned deeper.

Hairs on Roxas' skin prickled and stood on ends with pleasure instead of the cold.

He could have kept going but Axel pulled out and thumbed over lips with tenderness. The action pulled Roxas' eyes open. "You're such a liar," he rasped with husky desire. "Tastes nothing like vanilla."

Axel retracted his hand and stuck the thumb into his own mouth, sucking a little. "Mmm, you're right. It just got spicy. Completely cinnamon."

Heat pricked Roxas' face. He nibbled his bottom lip. Roxas yearned to resume their kissing.

"But c'mon," Axel rolled Roxas over. "We can have plenty of fun later. Now go."

Later? There would be a later? That's right. Axel would be here. He said he would be. It was overwhelming.

Roxas' bare arse was slapped and he relented.

Grabbing his towel he wrapped it back around himself and headed towards the small service hatch, recessed next to the main door. His body was pulsating with pleasure. His head was swimming. He felt so cold being away from Axel. He needed to get this over and done with as soon as possible.

When he got to the hatch he found his treat - apparently a sea salt milkshake. It surprised Roxas. This particular hotel didn't actually offer this specific treat. The surprise helped to calm him somewhat. By the time he returned to the bed he felt a lot cooler where his desire was concerned.

Axel had maneuvered himself under the covers, and pulled them back to let Roxas slip in next to him.

Roxas did, sitting upright, and resting his head against the headboard. He sipped his drink through a straw while Axel wrapped arms around Roxas' hips, snuggling against him.

"Thanks, Axel." Roxas didn't just mean the sweet treat, but couldn't bring himself to say it.

"My pleasure," Axel purred. He placed a kiss on Roxas' stomach and snuggled closer.

Flutters erupted, and Roxas smiled softly.

"We can put that doco on about the polar bears if you want," Axel muffled against Roxas skin. He waggled the remote lazily.

"Sure."

The TV came to life, the volume low.

It was weird how the heat of the previous moment had fizzled out. Now there was just a relaxed calm. The only trace of what had happened ghosted in the way Roxas' heart was still pounding, and by the wetness still clinging to Roxas' sleeping arousal.

He ran a hand through Axel's hair, gently massaging his scalp. Roxas felt Axel's lips turn up into a smile, followed by a peck against Roxas' belly button, before Axel stilled his movements.

Roxas thoughtfully sucked on his sweet and salty treat. Images of melting ice caps receding over the years flickered on the screen before them. Roxas didn't need to hear it. He knew all about the world heating up.

Just like Axel was heating up Roxas' world.

Axel was so warm. God, how Roxas loved it.

Roxas kept running fingers through red mane.

Axel had willingly stopped. He had made Roxas stop. What was that all about? Familiar and unavoidable affections rolled inside. Something so much bigger and brighter than lust and need bloomed. Something more beautiful and delicate.

"Axel… I- I really like you," he whispered. "I don't want you to ever leave me."

But Axel didn't respond. He was fast asleep.