What's My Other Line

"You're the vampire what?" Jack repeated flatly.

Buffy leaned into Kendra's personal space. "Nice try. What are you really?"

"Ah am de Vampire Slayer!" Kendra insisted, glaring. "Why don't you tell me what you are, demon?"

"Vampires?" Carter repeated.

Buffy almost blurted out that she was the Slayer, but stopped herself as she realized she didn't want SG-1 to know that.

How can she be the Slayer? I'm the Slayer! Buffy sent to Willow-para and Xander in frustration.

"You know about vampires?" Daniel asked Jack.

"Doesn't everybody?" Jack asked. "It's just one of those things nobody talks about."

Willow gave her a wide-eyed look. When one dies another is called. You died, Buffy!

Only for a minute! Buffy replied.

I guess that was long enough, Xander sent.

Daniel facepalmed. "Jack."

"Vampires, Sir?" Carter asked faintly.

So you guys think it's true? Wait, holy crap, if it is this could be the perfect cover,Buffy realized.

"I was under the impression that vampires were a fictional being?" Teal'c put in.

Only if Giles goes along with it, Xander pointed out.

"There are several fictional species that are called vampires, but there is also at least one real species," Daniel explained.

Carter watched this exchange with a shaken expression, and then sat down heavily, whispering, "Oh you have got to be kidding me. How did I miss this?"

Willow-icos just beamed down to the library and is filling Giles in, Willow-para sent.

Buffy glared at Kendra. "If you are the Slayer, why'd you attack Teal'c?"

"He is a demon," Kendra declared.

"Only a little bit," Buffy protested. "But, he's so totally a good guy."

For the first time, Kendra looked uncertain, but then she frowned suspiciously. "And what are you, then?"

"None of your business," Buffy told her.

"Hold it!" Jack cut in. "You fellas have heard of this Slayer deal? Wanna share with the class?"

Willow answered, "You learn things, living in this town. We know someone who'll be able to find out if Kendra is really the Slayer. Giles. He's a Watcher."

"A what?" Jack asked, glancing at Daniel only to get a shrug.

"How about it, Kendra?" Buffy asked. "We let you up, and you promise not to wig out until we talk to the Watcher."

"Wig out?" Kendra repeated in confusion.

Buffy regarded her carefully. "Yeah, no attacking, no fighting?"

"Very well. Ah agree," Kendra gave in after a moment.

Xander knelt and started undoing the chains. Kendra tried to remain stoic, but her gaze kept sliding onto Xander's bare torso. Sheesh, you'd think she'd never seen a boy before.

"Hey, hold the phone," Jack exclaimed. "Slayer Girl there almost killed Teal'c!"

"Ah tought ah was protecting you," Kendra told Jack stiffly.

The last of the chains came off, and Xander offered his hand and a smile. "Hi. I'm Xander."

Flustered, Kendra avoided looking at him as she stood up warily and mumbled something half-way polite. She stumbled on her sprained ankle, and Xander caught her. She blushed visibly.

Giles is calling the council, Willow reported. And he agreed to keep Buffy's slayerness a secret from the government.

Daniel frowned thoughtfully. "Kendra, would you mind standing next to Teal'c for a moment?"

Teal'c raised an eyebrow and Jack exclaimed, "What? Why?"

"They're both hurt, Jack," Daniel pointed out.

"Daniel," Jack growled.

"Not classified, Jack," Daniel reminded him stubbornly.

Jack threw up his hands. "Fine! T?"

Daniel stood in front of Kendra and Teal'c, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. He closed his eyes and concentrated, suffusing himself in the emotional state that is most commonly associated with heartfelt worship. It was kind of difficult, since he'd actually met the being he was going to invoke, but Daniel had a lot of respect for Oma and that was close enough to be a good starting point.

He didn't have any of the material components, but the texts all agreed that the more familiar one was with a spell or the power it invoked, the smaller a part of the ritual one needed to perform. That made sense to Daniel. If the important part was the worship energy, he only needed to draw Oma's attention and indicate which spell he was casting.

Once he'd achieved the necessary mental state, Daniel spoke, "Exaudi orationem meam, matrona Desala. Hoc fractus corpore vocat ad ducem. Consano!"

Power rushed through him, and Daniel focused on Teal'c and Kendra's bodies. All Daniel had to do was aim it at the damage, and Oma would take care of the detail work. The mental effort involved was still somewhat taxing, but nothing like what would be involved in trying to repair a wound at the cellular level on his own. It was impressive, Daniel thought, and quickly seized that impressed feeling and rolled it into the worship that was fueling the spell.

Finally, it was done, and Daniel took a long breath as he stepped back.

"Oh. Tank you, sir," Kendra said shyly.

Teal'c inclined his head.

"We've been looking at this the wrong way around!" Samantha Carter suddenly blurted as the group of eight filed out of the hotel room.

Everyone jumped a little, and Jack gave her an inquisitive glance. "Carter?"

"We came to Sunnydale to make sure that there weren't any security concerns due to the Fae's presense," Carter explained. "But the question we should have been asking all along is, why here? Why did the Fae show up in this town in the first place? There's something here, something about this town specifically. There's just too much coincidence any other way you look at it, Sir."

"Well, you're right about that," Buffy admitted.

Kendra stepped back in surprise. "You don't know about de hellmouth?"

"Hellmouth?" Daniel repeated thoughtfully.

Willow tapped her chin in consideration. "Well, if magics are like wind, then the hellmouth is like Jupiter's great red spot."

"That is a horrible analogy," Xander complained.

Willow pouted. "Well let's see you do better, mister. Anywho, what it is isn't as important as what it does. What it does is drastically reduce the energy required to reach other branches of this multiverse, and it has a bunch of side-effects, like forming pocket worlds, and giving everything in a few miles radius some small measure of magical recognition."

"it tis a convergence of mystical energies," Kendra recited. "Demons and vampires are drawn to the hellmouth, for its evil strengthens them."

"How does it do that?" Carter asked.

"Evil begets evil," Kendra answered. "It just is."

Carter frowned in disappointment and looked to Willow for clarification.

Willow shrugged. "Sorry. I don't know how it works. I mean, I could guess. I can think of a few ways it could work, but studying a hellmouth closely enough to find out is like super dangerous."

Carter sighed. "Well, that does make me feel a little better about apparently being the only one in the room who didn't know Earth has a population of vampires. If they mostly congregate around these hellmouths..."

"Well, let's go so you can talk to the expert on hellmouthy stuff," Buffy said.

Everyone continued down to the ground level, and Jack unlocked the SUV. Carter claimed shotgun as usual, but Jack stopped short.

"A bit of a problem," Jack commented. "How're we gonna fit eight people in this thing?"

"We'll stack up," Buffy answered, sliding into the back seat.

Jack, Daniel, Carter, and Kendra stared as Xander climbed onto Buffy's lap, and then Willow perched on Xander's lap, pulling the seatbelt across all three of them.

"That has got to be a moving violation," Jack muttered as he got in the driver's side.

Kendra squeezed in between Daniel and the tower of Fae, leaving just enough room for Teal'c on Daniel's other side. It was a bit cramped though.

"Is Buffy okay under there?" Carter asked in concern.

An arm stuck out in front of Kendra and made a short series of signs.

Daniel snorted. "It's sign language. She says she's fine."

After Jack started the engine and pulled out, Willow reminded them, "You know, I could have just beamed us all over there."

Jack resisted a sudden urge to smash his head on the steering wheel.

"So what is a Watcher?" Daniel asked once they were on the road.

"They're... well," Willow said. "I suppose to you guys they're the organization that buried your you-know-what way back in ancient Egypt in the first place."

Daniel choked. "The shadowmen? They're still around?"

Willow shrugged and Xander said, "Never heard them called that."

"Wait just a minute!" Jack exclaimed. "This Giles guy knows about the..."

"Well, he does own a first-hand account of its burial," Willow said.

Daniel looked like an eager little kid. "Do you think he'd let me read it?"

"Aht," Jack cut Daniel off. "You're telling me there's some big magic secret society that's been around since the whole rebellion thing?"

"Yup," Willow confirmed.

Jack groaned. "Just once I'd like a mission to stay simple. Get some NDAs signed,not find any evil plots, go home. Of course we stumble into vampire mecca and magical shadow wars and overzealous teenage superheroes... and what's the deal with that anyway?" Jack looked at Kendra in the rearview mirror. "How's a girl like you end up a Vampire Slayer, and what the heck is a Slayer anyway? And what's it got to do with these Watchers?"

"Ah was Called," Kendra answered. "Ah am de Chosen One, de one girl in all de world with the strength to fight de forces of darkness."

"Chosen by who?" Carter asked. "How'd they make you so strong?"

"It is de power itself dat chooses," Kendra explained. "When de Slayer dies, a new girl is Chosen by de power."

"How does it choose?" Carter asked. "Is it intelligent? Or does it operate on some simpler criteria?"

"Ah... it is not me concern," Kendra said.

"And the Watchers?" Jack prompted. "How are they involved?"

"Dey find girls dat might become de Slayer," Kendra said. "Dey train dem, prepair dem. Dey watch de world, and send de Slayer where she is needed."

"How long as this been going on?" Jack demanded.

"Ah do not know," Kendra said. "It has always been dis way."

"Hmm..."

"Daniel?" Jack prompted.

Daniel looked up. "There's a story. A very old story about the shadowmen. I don't remember it that well, and I'm not sure I even still have the volume I read it in, but this Slayer power... I think it might have some kind of relevance."

"How long have you been the Slayer, Kendra?" Carter asked.

"About seven months," Kendra replied.

"Is it normal for the power to choose someone so... young?" Carter asked delicately.

Kendra nodded. "It is de way it is."

Jack growled, but didn't say anything.

When they got to the school, Giles confirmed Kendra's status, and SG-1 found themselves with a whole new headache. Daniel got along with Giles instantly, of course, and once a Watcher confirmed that Teal'c was not an enemy and the three humans weren't civilians, Kendra got along great with Daniel as well.

Of course, that was after SG-1 almost started a fight, when Giles recognized Teal'c as a jaffa, and immediately concluded that they were the ones who had the Stargate. Daniel just wanted to read the Watcher's account of the rebellion against the Goa'uld, but Jack and Carter tried to convince Giles to sign an NDA, which went over about as well as one would expect, with numerous exclamations of, "bloody arrogant Americans!"

It certainly put to rest any thoughts Giles may have had about ratting the scoobies out to SG-1.

"My test says that I should look into law enforcement," Buffy said wryly. "Somewhere, someone is laughing at me."

"Well, it kinda makes sense," Willow pointed out as they ambled through the Career Fair

Buffy paused as she spotted something, nudging Willow. "Hey, Wills, that guy over there..."

Willow smiled. "Oh, that's Oz. He wants me, so he's expressing a computer nerd solidarity thing."

Oz made his way over to them. "Hey."

"Hi Oz! Do you know Buffy?" Willow asked.

"Hi," Oz greeted.

Buffy grinned at him. "Nice to meet you. Well, I'm gonna go find Xander. Later, Wills."

Willow and Oz stared at each other for a short moment, sharing a little smile. Impulsively, Willow reached over and brushed a fingertip along Oz's hair.

"Your hair is very brown today," Willow said.

"Yeah, it was a brown kinda day," Oz told her. "So, uh, did you decide? Are you gonna be a corporate computer suit guy?"

Willow chuckled nervously. "Oh, well, I think I'm gonna finish high school... and some other things... and you know, there's arguments to be made for staying open-source, and hey I don't know about the suit guy stuff. I'm not really much for the suits, or the guyness."

Something strange flickered across Oz's face, and was gone in an instant. A touch of pain, a hint of irony, a spark of guilt quickly smothered. Without her Fae memory she would have been sure she imagined it, but it was there, and Willow had no idea what it was about.

"So, what about you?" Willow asked.

Oz shrugged. "I'm not really a computer person. Or, y'know, a work of any kind, person."

"Then how'd you get selected?" Willow wondered.

"Oh, I sorta test well," Oz told her. "Y'know, which is cool. Except that it leads to jobs."

"Pesky things, those jobs," Willow teased. "What about an ambition?"

"Sure. Yeah," Oz said. "E-flat, diminished ninth."

Willow blinked. "You mean the guitar chord?"

Oz nodded. "Well, the E-flat, it, it's doable, but that diminished ninth, y'know, it's a man's chord. You could lose a finger." There it was again. That flicker of something she couldn't identify.

Willow smiled coyly. "But I like your fingers." Willow loosely twined her hand into his. "I'd be totally sad if any of 'em died for the cause before I got to know 'em."

Oz actually blushed.

Cordelia Chase was walking down the hall when a pair of hands came out of nowhere and hauled her into an empty classroom. She shrieked and flailed but a moment later she was released and found herself face to face with Buffy and Xander. The door shut behind her with an ominous slam.

"We need to talk," Xander said.

"Agh, what is your damage?" Cordelia demanded.

"Oh, I think you're gonna wanna hear this, Cordy," Xander told her.

Cordelia huffed and crossed her arms. "What do you want?"

"Remember halloween?" Buffy asked.

"Ugh," Cordelia grunted. "How could I forget."

"You know when you met our costumes?" Xander prompted.

Cordelia looked away from him with a faint blush. "Yeah, so?"

"Well, Cordelia," Buffy said seriously. "That whole thing had some, like, major lasting effects, if you know what I mean."

Cordelia looked at her sharply. Buffy was deliberately wearing a tight little shirt for this conversation, and puffed her chest out. Cordelia's eyes went wide and she pointed accusingly.

"Oh my god you got a magic boob job?"

"Nope," Buffy replied, popping her 'p' and grinning.

"Oh, this is so much better than that," Xander told her.

Buffy smirked. "How'd you like to be completely immune to vampires and stay beautiful forever?"

Cordelia's eyes narrowed. "Explain."

"Looks like Cordelia's taking the upgrade as soon as she can come up with an excuse to disappear for a few weeks," Buffy announced as she strolled into the library ahead of Xander.

Willow was already there, chatting with a somewhat uncertain Kendra. Willow pouted at the news.

"Of course she is," Willow grumbled.

Kendra looked up in confusion, but Xander smiled at her and suddenly she was too shy to ask. She'd been told a basic explanation of the halloween spell and how it changed the three scoobies, but not any of the details.

"Ah, Buffy, Xander," Giles greeted. "I wished to speak to you. All three of you, actually."

"What about, Giles?" Buffy asked.

"Well, I do think it was rather clever of you to hide your true identities in plain sight by claiming them as aliases, but I am curious about why you felt the need to go to so much trouble," Giles admitted. "What's so important about the halloween spell, in regards to concealing it from these SGC people? You've revealed quite a lot to them..."

"Two reasons, G-man," Xander said. "And a lose-lose scenario."

"How is that?" Giles inquired.

"The first reason is simple," Buffy said. "Teenagers aren't people in the eyes of the law or the government. If they found out who we really are, they would start a war with us, trying to take our ship and our technology, just because it wouldn't even occur to them that we have any right of autonomy."

Giles grimaced. "I wish I could say you were being cynical, but I can imagine that occurring all too easily. And the other reason?"

"They might not treat us like teenagers," Willow said. "They might decide we are aliens and the proper owners of our technology, but that we destroyed and over-wrote ourselves, and accuse us of our own murders or body-snatching or whatever."

"Either way is badness all around, Giles," Buffy said.

"Yes, I imagine so," Giles admitted reluctantly.

Xander sidled up to where Kendra was sharpening a dagger. "Nice knife."

"I knew I'd heard of Sunnydale before," Elizabeth Weir said.

Jack O'Neill shifted the phone to his other ear. "You knew about this hellmouth business?"

"Rumors," she said. "I saw a lot of the underbelly of the world in my previous line of work, Colonel. There was talk."

Jack scrubbed a hand through his hair. "And these Watcher's Council people?"

Weir hesitated. "Yes, them. A long-standing British NGO with very deep connections. I'm afraid they're a step ahead of us Colonel. This morning I received orders straight from the President that we're not to interfere with Rupert Giles or his operation in Sunnydale."

Jack groaned.

"It gets worse," Weir said. "Apparently the Watcher's Council has surviving historical documentation that proves their prior claim to the Stargate."

"Son of a bitch."

"Fortunately, since the Stargate we're actually using now was pulled out of Antarctica by the Russians, we had some negotiating leverage," Weir told him. "We had to give the British a presence in Homeworld Security, and the US government is paying some small monetary reparations for the loss of the first Stargate, but it looks like we've avoided any further conflict."

"What about our current mission?" Jack asked.

"You have until the end of the week to convince the Fae to sign the unaltered NDAs. If you don't convince them by the deadline, I've been ordered to accept the modified NDAs and pull you out," Weir informed him.

Jack snorted. "Yeah, I really don't see that happening. Until next check-in, Doctor."

Willow leaped from the grass and grabbed a low branch of the tree outside Buffy's window. She swung her body up, climbing with ease until she landed lightly on the roof outside Buffy's room.

Smiling at the sight of Xander with his head between Buffy's legs while Buffy writhed around on her back, Willow eased the window open and slipped inside. Xander glanced up at the sound of the window shutting and Willow waved.

"Ahhhuh. Aahoh. Aauuh. Ohaaah!" Buffy moaned as her thighs clamped Xander's head.

Willow stripped off her clothes and tossed them onto Buffy's desk. How long have you been licking her?

Since she woke up from her Slayer Nap four hours ago, Xander replied.

Willow giggled. No wonder she didn't notice me come in. Four hours? And you haven't gotten bored yet?

Hey, this is fun when my tongue can't get tired and I don't need to come up for air, Xander pointed out. It's actually, um, kind of hard to stop. I'm like, in the zone or something. Help?

"Ooohha! Oh fuck. Ohhh! Aauuuhhgn!" Buffy gasped as she climaxed again.

Willow snickered as she slid a hand down between her legs and rubbed a slow circle. She knelt down behind Xander at the edge of the bed and pressed herself to his back, rubbing her breasts on his warm smooth skin. Wrapping both arms around him, Willow straddled his hips and ground her pussy against the base of his spine.

Buffy reached another orgasm. "Aaahnnngnah. Aohhh. Aauhaaahhh!"

Licking buffycum off Xander's cheek, Willow reached down and grasped his wet thickness, twisting her hand around his slippery glans, making him twitch and moan. With a shudder, Xander's cum spurted into her hand and he reared back from Buffy's crotch with a gasp.

Buffy's legs flopped to the sides and she lay there in a limp panting heap. The panting wasn't from an actual need for air, so it was a slower and more shuddery thing than out-of-breath panting.

A moment's focus cleaned Xander's cum from Willow's hand with her Utility Cloud. She climbed the rest of the way up Xander's back until she was on top of Buffy. Willow greeted her with a kiss.

"Willow? When did you get here?" Buffy wondered.

Willow laughed and dropped herself flat on top of Buffy. Buffy pouted playfully and rolled them over, pinning Willow's arms over her head as she resumed the kissage. Xander took the opportunity to flop down on his side in the vacated space.

Buffy released Willow's lips, and Xander leaned in to kiss her hard while Buffy held her down. Her tongue greeted his with eagerness.

"Spoons?" Willow suggested.

Xander slipped an arm under Willow and dragged her back to his chest. She wriggled happily in his arms, arching her back to provide a better angle for Xander's cock. Positioned at her opening, he thrust, and Willow's vagina swallowed his length with a wet squelch until her butt squished snugly against his hips. Willow shivered with pleasure.

"Xander," Willow sighed softly.

Facing Willow, Buffy squeezed her leg under her two friends and crossed her ankles behind Xander's back. Willow pulled her close with a smile, using Xander's arm as a pillow. Xander brushed Willow's hair out of the way and started softly kissing her neck while Buffy and Willow exchanged little affectionate kisses of their own.

"So, what's going on with you and that Oz guy?" Xander asked after a while.

Willow grinned. "There's totally sparkage."

"He seemed nice," Buffy opined.

Willow nodded. "I like him. I think he's had a crush on me for a while. He's so cute and serious and stoic and whimsical."

"Stoic and whimsical," Xander repeated teasingly, flexing his erection and making Willow's breath hitch.

Willow giggled. "You have to meet him to see what I mean."

"What're you gonna tell him?" Buffy asked. "I mean, do you think he's gonna understand... this?"

Xander shuddered and Willow felt his penis spasm inside her as he ejaculated. His slow, languid thrusts continued without pause.

"It kinda depends, I guess," Willow said. "I don't really know him well enough to guess how he'll react, yet."

"Polyamory," Xander said.

"Huh?"

Xander shrugged. "It's a thing people do, and probably the most accurate way to describe the way our friendship looks from the outside. You could start with that, and go from there if he's okay with it."

"Hmm," Willow hummed thoughtfully.

Buffy sighed. "It's too bad we can't just invite him over to hang and bang."

Xander snorted. "Hang and bang?"

"What?" Buffy asked. "Isn't that what we're doing?"

"Well yeah," Willow agreed, "but it does sound kinda funny in english andaahooh oooh."

Willow convulsed as Xander's slow thrusts finally pushed her over the edge.

The next day at school, Willow spotted Oz getting a box of animal crackers from a vending machine. She went over and waited for him to notice her.

Oz stood up and smiled when he saw her there. "Hey. Animal cracker?"

"Sure." Willow bit into a giraffe as they walked together.

Oz pulled out a cookie of his own and paused. "Oh look. Monkey! And he has a little hat. And little pants."

"Yeah, he does," Willow agreed, smiling at him.

"You have the sweetest smile I've ever seen," Oz suddenly told her.

Willow accepted the compliment with a bashful expression, bumping Oz's shoulder affectionately.

Oz ate a bear. "The monkey's the only cookie animal that gets to wear clothes, you know that?"

Willow nodded with mock seriousness. "Oh. I did know that."

"So, I'm wondering," Oz continued. "Do the other cookie animals feel sorta ripped? Like, is the hippo going, hey man, where are my pants? I have my hippo dignity!"

Willow giggled. "Or maybe, the monkey feels left out 'cause the other cookie animals get to do the nude thing, but they're all like, we don't like monkeys. Monkeys are gross! You cover up your vulgar monkey parts, you monkey you."

Oz smiled in amusement as he gave her a raised eyebrow. "You don't think the monkey lords it over them, up in his treehouse," Oz put on a french accent, "I mock you with my monkey pants!"

Willow laughed. "The monkey's French?"

"All monkeys are French," Oz told her. "You didn't know that?"

"No," Willow giggled. "That I didn't know. Maybe the monkey's all like, if you're gonna make me wear pants, I'm gonna wear the best darn pants in the cookie box! Mwhahaha!"

Oz smiled.

"I like your smile too, you know," Willow told him. "Hey, I bet the other cookie animals are jealous of the cookie bear, 'cause of the dancing. Bears do that, you know. Dance."

"Hey Giles," Buffy greeted. "Where's Kendra?"

"Ah, I believe she is resting," Giles said.

Buffy strolled over and took a seat. "You two seem to be getting along like... two getting along really well, people..."

"Erm, yes, I suppose," Giles said. "Her watcher, a Mr. Sam Zabuto, has assigned her to work under my leadership for the time being."

"So, I guess there really is a New Slayer in Town," Buffy said wryly.

Giles polished his glasses. "I'm sure no one means to, to step on your toes, so to speak..."

"No," Buffy interrupted. "No, it's okay. I'm kinda okay with stepping aside and letting Kendra be the Slayer. Just... don't let her get herself killed, okay? If something big comes up, don't leave me out of it."

Giles looked at her. "It never occurred to me to do otherwise."

"Really?" Buffy asked innocently. "Because recently I've been kind of feeling like you don't trust me very much."

Giles sighed. "I may believe you are somewhat misguided in... a certain endeavor, Buffy, but you have never given me reason to doubt your heart, or your heroism."

Buffy smiled, more relieved to hear him say that than she would have thought.

It was SG-1's last day in Sunnydale, and they hadn't found anything. Samantha Carter winced. Well, they hadn't found anything more to do with any of Stargate Command's purview, but Sunnydale seemed to be the inspiration for every cheesy horror movie ever made. The newspapers barely even made a token effort to hide it. She'd actually seen an old headline that read, Monsters Not Involved In Halloween Riots!

Samantha settled into her seat in the town's most prominent coffee place and opened her laptop as she sipped her hot beverage.

It didn't sit right with her at all, that all this was going on and people just accepted or ignored it. A part of her wanted to just evacuate the town and then bomb it, but it wasn't her call, or the SGC's for that matter.

"Well ain't that a beauty," a man's voice said.

Samantha looked up from her laptop and saw a casually dressed man giving the computer a genial smile. He looked to her with a sincere expression.

"Excuse me?"

"My pardons," the man said lightly. "I was admiring your system there." He rattled off the specs and made a few remarkably accurate guesses about her customizations.

After a short chat on the merits of various hardware choices, she offered her hand and introduced herself. "Samantha."

"Well hello to you, Samantha. It's a pleasure," the man said. "You can call me Ted."