Reluctant Hero

by Amaya0kami

Levi has a personal vendetta when the unforeseen murder of his crew occurs. In the midst of finding the culprit, he's left with no other choice but to take unfortunate children under his wing. After facing good and bad times together, they soon discover their situations aren't so different and help each other find what they're looking for most. Thug!Levi ErenxLevi(ch16)ErwinxLevi

11. Promises

Summary: An amusing conversation takes an unbelievable turn and Levi is left baffled at Eren's words. The kids try to make Christmas and Levi's birthday a good day, but it ends with Levi annoyed and red in the face. The celebrating doesn't end there, because he's greeted by one more uninvited guest.

A/N: Hey...guys...remember when I said the last chapter was long? THIS ONE IS NEARLY TWICE AS LONG (it was even longer but I cut a lot out!) WHAT—HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I swear, I really just planned on having a brief Christmas chapter but it turned into a cluttered nightmare. I was going to split this chapter too, but three chapters to cover this arc is just ridiculous so here you go, long-ass chapter!

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The crackling of the fire was replaced with the logs smoldering in the pit. A chill was sent over the living room; making me frigidly stiff, but the rest of my body wasn't nearly as stiff as my shoulder—Eren really did have a big, heavy head.

Mikasa and I passed the time for an hour or so making small talk as Eren slept not-so-soundly against (he groaned and sighed heavy in his sleep) but this didn't disrupt our conversation. Little fragments about her parents and some of the traditions they shared were revealed to me. As curious as I was, I didn't ask about what happened to them. Reliving the good times made her happy, I didn't want to be the reason for reminding her of the bad. Since we almost had an unspoken gift of telepathy between us, I'm sure she suspected that was the single question I wished to ask, but she didn't give in and ended the night on a pleasant note.

With a light yawn, she showed herself to her room with a gentle "goodnight". I sat a while longer, tsking at the heap nestled compactly against me.

Being in the contiguous position I was, my strained eyes cornered down at an angle, getting a close inspection of the messy brunette hair brushing up against my neck. Eren's breathing was steady, almost calm, yet his eyes moved rapidly under his lids, sealed shut by his dark lashes. A morsel of disappointment overcame me. It was almost a crime to see his teal-green irises hidden from view because he honestly had the most beautiful fucking eyes I've ever seen in my life.

Deciding against waking him, my shoulder was replaced with my palm, holding his head securely until I got a firm hold around him. As his arms dangled off my shoulders, I held him up by his thighs until we reached his bed.

Being mindful not to startle him out of a dream, I laid him down easy on the mattress and retreated up, his arms loosely dragging away from my shoulders the further I pulled us apart from each other.

The same body that was so loose a second ago tightened. Even though his eyes remained shut, his face held so much expression, grimacing and squishing his features. Tossing his head side to side on the pillow, his arms surrounded my neck once more, nearly strangling me with the force as he heaved me headfirst. My footing was lost immediately. Standing in an awkward slant as I was, it only took a tug to throw me off balance and send me tumbling over Eren.

My fist dented into the mattress, my teeth showing. Fucking brat, what is he pulling—well, me obviously, but why? Is he even sleeping?

Watery eyes were revealed when his lids pulled apart, fluttering once or twice to clear his vision that likely appeared to me tricking him, because from another perspective my current position looked awful. Like thirty-years-to-life awful.

"W-What are you—you really are a perv!" The room was dim, but I didn't need a spotlight in order to see that his face was blazing red; I can feel the heat radiating from his cheeks.

"For Christ sake Eren. I was putting you to bed and you fucking yanked me in with you." For a kid, he was strong and I half-wondered how strong he'd be with full alertness.

"Oh. Sorry." Finally, he collected his arms from me, using one of them to wipe his sleep on. "I was—I was having a bad dream." he said as if he just recalled.

Being shaken up from a nightmare would explain why he clung to me, but there was no explanation as to why he resumed doingjust that a second later. One of his hands went from my shoulder to my face, tracing the indentations of the structure blindly as if trying to figure out what expression was concealed beneath the shadows. His fingertips were warm and just a little clammy and I was almost tempted to respond to his touch by rubbing my cheek into his soft palm.

"Sleep with me."

All motion stopped, even my breathing. I moved his hand away by the wrist. Something that sounded like a half-laugh and a half-groan of disgust mixed together and poured from my mouth. "Listen, kid, I might be a criminal but I don't touch little boys. It's not my style."

"What are you talking about?" The pitch he used was a little higher than usual, and he made unnecessary emphasis where it wasn't needed. Either he was slurring from fatigue or it was an attempt to show his mood through his words, not his face that was difficult to detect. "I just want you to lay next to me, even if it's only until I fall asleep."

"Oh." He meantthat kind of sleep. You know you get around a lot when you assume the former.

Believe it or not, I actually complied and scooted under the warmth of the blanket. Whatever the dream was about, it must have spooked him enough to scoop low and vaguely ask me to guard him. When I was his age, I didn't have anyone to protect me, so I could at least do this much no matter how awkward it was to sleep with a kid you had no relations to.

Eren rolled away, facing the wall. The back of my hand was relaxed on my forehead as I blinked several times at the ceiling.

"Levi—what did you mean when you said you won't touch me? You've touch me plenty of times, what does that have to do with you being a criminal?"

I opened an eye in his direction, dropping my jaw before the correct phrasing came out. "I was referring to a different kind of touch. If you don't know what I'm talking about than you're too young and we'll have to end the conversation here."

Rolling back to me, Eren rested on his side, holding the blanket over his mouth. I peeked his interest. Fuck.

"I'm going to be thirteen in March, that's not young."

"To me it is."

He wiggled against the mattress, a tantrum building up. "That's because you're old. Everyone is young to you."

I take it back—he's not cute. Not cute at all. I closed my eyes, silently ending the conversation. Just as my lungs caught on to a steady rhythm, Eren voice rang right next to my ear.

"Please tell me?"

Kids never know when to just drop it, do they? "I'm not going to be held responsible for tainting your little mind even more than it has been already. Now if you don't shut up, I'll have to leave and go to my own room."

"...Does this have to do with puberty?" Eren waited a long while for my reply.

"...Sort of." Why was I even answering him? I suppose I didn't find the conversation boring—and I wasn't exactly tired since I was just suddenly told to lay down. "How much do you know?"

"About what?"

"Puberty, Eren."

"Um..." He flopped to his back, looking to the ceiling for answers. "I noticed my voice changing...and I get weird urges I didn't have before."

"There you go; that's what I'm referring to—urges, ones you didn't have before."

"Like what?"

"For fucks sake Eren. Don't make me be so specific." I pinched between my creasing brows. "You know—like urges to touch others or even yourself. In a way that feels ...good." First of all, what the fuck. Second of all, who the fuck am I? This isn't me. I feel like a father giving the birds and the bees talk. I'm not trained enough in this area—okay that's a lie, I was very trained in sexual activity, a scholar, really, but that's only because I experimented until I figured out what-goes-where. I never had the talk, though.

"Oh. That's normal?" he said.

"...What."

A hushed squeal became muffled by the blanket held over his head, but I soon heard an embarrassed giggle coming from beneath. "I do that already. You know, like, touching myself..."

I propped up, my elbow on the pillow. I suddenly found the topic amusing. I never before witnessed puberty blossoming right before my eyes. It's like the trivial side to nature unfold before you.

"When did this start?" I had to know the dirty details—I like sex and I like talking about it, even if the source was coming from a dumb virgin.

"...A few days ago."

". . . . . ." A few days ago? I hadn't expected that, I thought he'd say a few months ago at least—of course I was a poor-excuse for a human and couldn't block out the images of him doing that in my house, in this bed, likely even my bed too. Ugh. Perverted brat was making me perverted. It's contagious.

Call it a coincidence, but the most significant event within the past few days that was relevant to the topic was Eren coming to my work.

...My performance influenced the birth of his arousal, didn't it?

I wanted to be sure, but knowing Eren he wouldn't be straight about it—as straight as a little curious boy who witnessed a males erotic performance could be.

"Is there a reason why you started, or was it just random?"

There was a very long uncomfortable pause. "Yeah, it was kind of random."

I bet his ears are on fire.

I could tell he was embarrassed, even though I felt like I was talking to a fucking bundle of blankets since he remained hidden, but I cut him slack and nodded into my palm. "Well, all I'll say is it's totally normal."

"It doesn't seem normal, it's kind of weird, doing stuff like that."

"Yeah, but everyone does it at one point, even me." That was what you would call my failed attempt at comforting.

He finally peeked from the edge of the blanket. "Really? You too?"

"When the mood strikes me." I spit out quickly to get the reply over with, then rolled to my back and spoke to the ceiling. "But listen, Eren, it's normal to dothat stuff, but it's also private so don't go around talking about it openly to others unless you like them in a special way—like if you want to touch them. Got it?"

Okay, so maybe I'm a hypocrite—a person didn't have to be special to me in order to bone, but they did have to be hot. With a nice body, that was a must. And be the owner of a nice piece. I received a mental image of Erwin: he most definitely fit that bill.

"That means we're special to each other, since we're talking about it now."

No, no not at all. Got it all wrong again, dumbass. I hated when he twisted my words. "We're not special in that kind of way."

"Why not?"

"You're fucking twelve. I ain't touching you with a fifty-foot pole. I'd consider it if you were older."

"So you would touch me, is what you're saying." A glint of a satisfied smirk was floating in his words.

". . . . . ." This kid should be a lawyer with the way he picks apart sentences to find what he wants to hear. I brushed his bangs and put my palm on his forehead.

"O-Oh—I—This is not the kind of touch I was talking about, but you're the adult here, I guess you'd know more than me."

"Idiot. I'm checking if you have a fever because you're acting strange."

"How is that strange? You just said it was normal!"

"Let me add something to clear up your confusion: it's normal for adults. It's fine if you want to experiment on yourself, but don't expect others to join you in such activates until you're at least a teenager."

Irritatedly, Eren rolled his head away from my hand, cursing something under his breath. "What difference does it make how old I am? You do stuff like that and so do I...so why not just do it together? No one would know."

God is testing me.

Not even metaphorically speaking—this is an actual test from God right before me; deciding right now whether or not I'd go to Hell or Heaven, that kind of test, but it was cloaked in the image of a little boy. This is what they call one of life challenges that placed you between a fork in the road: you can either take the moral, safe route, or the corrupt, tempting road.

Until now I never put in the situation to think about it, but it wasn't that I didn'tlike Eren, I just didn't like his age. As long as a guy (or girl on some occasions) is decent looking, that's enough for me. I had my own list of kinks, but this damn age barrier proved to be out of my zone completely; not even worth the time to consider the pros and cons.

The kid was annoying, rude and not even close to my ideal type (but definitely had the potential to be, depending on what the rest of puberty had in store for him) but he was also a good kid underneath it all and at times I found him unbearably cute but...no. I'll have to pass this opportunity up. If only he was a few years older, I would have took the invitation and went wild with it—demonstrating all his naïve questions with toe-curling actions.

There was something that occurred to me shortly after coming to my final decision—it passed me up the first time around given how typical it is for guys to offer me sexual favors, so I didn't think twice at first, but it hit me that Eren was asking me—another boy.

"Do you think you're attracted to boys or something?"

He shrugged into his pillow, angling his head slightly my way. "I don't know, I never really thought deeply about it before—is it weird if I do, though?"

"Nope, not at all. It's natural. Even I like boys more than girls." Of course I left out the part where I never actually liked anyone before and just had meaningless sex with people, but who needs details? I didn't give him time to reply to my confession, knowing he would have a comment on it. "What about Mikasa, though? Technically you aren't brother and sister, I thought you two might hit it off in a few years."

"Nah. I mean, I like Mikasa a lot and I think she's really pretty, but I just don't see her that way—like someone I'd marry or something."

"I see. Have you ever had a crush on a boy before?" When I was his age, I thought it was strange to have an interest in boys since all I seen was couples made up of the opposite gender—I really thought something was wrong with me; that a negative aspect of my life affected me until I discovered there were more people like me (very late in life, I might add).

I ended up spending a good portion of my life confused about sexuality—this was probably because I was alone and had no one to question about it, so it was refreshing to tell Eren the facts, even if he's just bi-curious for now. At least he'd know down the line that it is perfectly fine to screw whoever he wants without feeling guilty about it, like I did for a while.

"I kind of liked my friend Armin, but since we're close friends I decided it wasn't a good idea. I got over those feelings though, but lately it's like I know what a real crush actually feels like."

I closed my eyes slowly, my lips tensing. I meant to say the following in my head, but the words built up and overflowed from my lips. "Please don't say you're referring to me."

He hid under the blanket again, his voice roaring in a jitter. "S-So what if I am? What's so bad about it? I thought you said it's natural."

"For starters, I'm twelve years older than you. Even when you finally are an adult, I'll be in my thirties. There's no telling if we'd even be in touch that many years from now."

He curled his legs around the blanket, his hands squeezing at the fabric. He scooted in a little closer until his head was rested on my shoulder. "I don't care. I got used to the idea of you being an old man. But I still like you. I don't mind if I have to wait."

I breathed deeply as I nudged Eren's head off me belligerently. "Listen—Eren. If you want my advice, just push those feelings away before they get out of hand. Find someone your own age, like that Armin friend of yours. You'll be happy in the long run. If you're serious about liking me, I'll telling you right now you're bound to get hurt. There's zero chance of it working out."

I pulled out the facts with little remorse. It may have sounded cruel directed to a young boy, but it was better than telling him he had a chance of leading a happy and domestic life with me if he held onto such feelings for years to come. I suspected these feelings were just a phase, though. Children went through a lot of phases, right? This is temporary. It's late, he's probably tired and confused—he can't be serious about this. If he is being serious, at least I told him how it is.

I wasn't sure where this side of Eren was coming from, but I was sure of one thing: I wasn't going to tear this kids heart apart while it's still mending. At that age, it's really not possible to have serious feelings for someone. There wasn't much to worry about—he was likely just very grateful to me and was confusing those feelings with a crush.

The blanket fell off him as he sat up slowly. The slow motion had me unprepared for his sudden lunge into my gut, he pinned me down from above, those eyes of his practically burning the dark away with a teal-green glow.

"You don'tget it, that's not how feelings work." He wasn't brave enough to keep that heated contact long, so he disconnected our gaze by looking to the side. "The only way you can hurt me is by telling me it won't work out before giving it a chance. I know I have nothing to offer you right now; I know I'm just a stupid kid mooching off you, but in a few years I'll be stronger and smarter. If you don't find anyone you love by then, I want you to think about giving me a chance. After that, if you don't feel the same, I'll give up and take your advice. But you can't be the one giving up before trying—aren't you the one who told me that?"

This is the first time I actually felt trapped—not physically (I could easily fling him off me if I wanted to) but I felt emotionally cornered. I never had someone confess their feelings to me, not with passion. A few one night stands would utter their love for me in the heat of climax or a few morons at the club would claim to be interested in dating me, but it was all easily detected as lies just to get in my pants. But Eren's words were spoken with genuine honesty, every syllable as passionate as his eyes.

I hated to make promises I couldn't keep, but I nodded against the pillow. Thinking he couldn't see the gesture, I exhaled out, "Whatever. But don't hold your breath." It wasn't a promise for the future. It was more of my way of getting him to shut up about this ridiculous conversation.

I was still thrown off by the whole situation—one second he's knocking on my door asking for medicine, the next he's living with me and influencing me to unlock all my cluttered baggage before him and now he's pinning me down while claiming I'm his first crush.

Eren retracted away slightly, giving my face some breathing room. He didn't look pleased but he didn't look upset either. He was still hunched over, his hands still on either side of my face as he remained seated on my torso. I wondered how long he was going to stay there.

The heat of his passion died down a little, but he still remained in the situation, forcing him to own up to the responsibility. "I know that all seemed really weird—but I've just beenfeeling weird lately, okay? I can't help it. Sorry, but I still mean what I said, I really like you."

"Why?" I said sharply, barely allowing a beat to pass. I was beyond skeptic. Maybe him explaining these 'feelings' of his could paint a better picture.

"I guess—everything? You're rude I'll admit, even scary sometimes, but you're a very kind person underneath it all. I like that you're not caring for praise—you purposely avoid praise, actually. That means you're not phoney or doing it for others approval, but just caring about others with nothing in return is enough to satisfy you." He withdrew his hands from the sides of my head, they rod across my chest until they slid close enough to support his rickety posture. "You're also v-very good looking..."

God damnit he's fucking adorable.

I couldn't say I agreed with his claim about me, but his words hit me harder than the time I got knocked in the head with a baseball bat—yeah, his words really hit that hard. I tilted my head to the side, masking my face with the back of my hand. I could feel Eren's fingers tightening on my shirt.

"Your heart is beating really fast."

"Shut. Up."

It really was though, the beating throbbed through my entire body. I can almost hear my blood circulating.

My voice cut off before I was able to speak, and Eren bent down, his hands cupping my shoulders as he stared intently at my mouth, anticipating the words about to come out.

"...Get off me."

"Awh. I thought you were going to say something romantic. Mood-ruiner." Complying, he crawled back to his side of the bed, taking more than his share of the blanket with him. I was entirely too hot for a blanket anyways. What is this kid doing to me? No—it can't be his doing. All that binge drinking was coming back to me, that had to be it—thatbetter be it or else I'm in trouble.

"Before we sleep, can I ask one more thing?"

"This is the last thing, Eren." I was actually getting tired—tired of this conversation, that is. This previously interesting chat about an innocent child being kissed by puberty took an unsettling turn.

"What age do I have to be—you know, for us to be together?"

I almost laughed, but then realized he's being serious. I didn't have the heart to tell him there wasn't any guarantee we'd ever be together after he poured his emotions all over me, but the truth is, I went this far in life without ever having a serious lover and didn't see it happening, but I humored him despite my low intentions.

"You'll just whine if I say eighteen, so how about..." I thought a while, sorting through ages I found disturbing and settled on "fifteen."

That was still dangerously young and I wasn't sure if I was even comfortable with that, but then I recalled that's the age I started screwing around by my own will, I'd be a hypocrite to decline him at fifteen when I already had my share of sexual experience by that age (with people even older than myself, I should add). It all depended on how well Eren matured in those years and what his personality would transform into. Eh, well, even if he changed I'd still fuck him, but that was about it. That was all that would likely happen between us, if that.

"So, not next Christmas, but the next?"

"No, you said your birthday is in March, so you'll have to wait an additional three months."

"Oh c'mon! That's so not fair!"

"I said fifteen, not fourteen. Either you agree with those conditions or you get nothing."

He squished his lips side to side and I could tell he was thinking out loud with his following words. "Hmm. I guess that would be a good birthday present—if you touch me, then it would become the best present."

"Geez, Eren. You're just a hormonal wreck, aren't you?"

"I don't really know what that means but probably."

I remember getting desperate hormones at that age too. Good times.

Joking aside, I wouldn't take advantage of him as he is now, no matter how much consent he gave me, or how much he begs or hints. I didn't have many rules for myself, I acted on impulsive desire with little regret: If I wanted to get high, I'd score some drugs. If I wanted something, I'd steal it. If I was horny, I'd fucking whatever was in front of me if they were decent looking.

But Eren—he was young and puberty was doing the talking for him right now, but he might regret the decision later in life if I went through with it. He had enough of bad memories, I didn't want to add to that.

So no, I didn't turn into a child predator and lay a single finger on him that night. I did, however, dream about it. As much as I was appalled, I was greeted with a morning wake up call of my bodies unmoral reaction to the dream. God shouldn't dangle tempting bait in front of me. Nightmares and haunting memories were preferable over wet dreams about a twelve year old. For the first time I felt my sins went too far.

Definitely secured a spot in hell after that one.

~x~

The next few days passed uneventfully. The only time I left the house was to pick up some groceries and cigarettes while the children were still occupied with their part-time job. While at the shops and noticing everyone buying gifts for their loved ones, I half-considered getting gifts for Eren and Mikasa (scary, I know) but changed my mind last minute. For one, I had no clue what to get them. They were too old for toys and I already purchased them clothes. Candy was always in the house (one of my friends had a sweet tooth so it remains a habit to keep sweets in stock) so it wouldn't make much of a gift. I don't know why I even thought of getting them anything. I never got a gift for anyone, not even my friends. Maybe that Christmas tree planted in my living room staring me down with a festive glare was making me bask in holiday cheer, or maybe it was indigestion and I needed to puke. It was hard to tell.

I had temperately dropped my nocturnal lifestyle and been awake during the daytime, which proved to be boring as hell while I wait for the kids to come back. I had nothing to do other than clean and sneak a few shots of whiskey to keep my sanity. When the kids got home it was another job on its own to keep them busy. It was more entertaining than rewashing the floor five times over during the day, though. How do those housewives manage?

The only notable difference these past few days was my sleeping arrangements. I've been crashing in Eren's room or he's been sleeping in mine. If there was a reason behind this, then I didn't know, but I did know that it didn't make an ounce of sense. The reason I gave Eren his own bedroom was to make space between us. It wasn't much of a bothersome request of him, though, since it didn't really make a difference where I slept and it made the brat smile when I agreed.

It should also be noted that Eren didn't let go of the subject of this crush he declared the other night. He hasn't change much, but there was a new tradition between us: every might before we'd go to sleep, he promises me that he'll make me happy when he's older; along with something about exploring the world together. His ramblings of future plans would go on until his voice faded from my consciousness. All I could think during his speeches was that he already had more charisma than an adult.

The first thing I did upon wakening was nudge Eren's big head off my shoulder, only to discover my sleeve was drenched in drool. What a wonderful way to start off the morning of Christmas, but being half asleep as I was, I didn't even realize what year it was, never mind the day.

I wandered in the kitchen, removing the cap of my coffee jar once I reached the counter only to discover there wasn't enough of coffee to make even a single cup. Damnit. There's not even any stores open today to get more. How was I going to get through this day without any coffee?

My hips were suddenly restricted by a tight grasp. Unable to move, I twisted my spine to look at the beaming brat clinging to me. This had been a new habit lately, too; Eren would randomly hug me out of no where even after all the times I told him not to touch me—he was more affectionate since he professed his feelings for me.

"Levi~ Guess what today is?"

"The day you move out?"

"You're really cold." He pouted, finally releasing me and I turned to him, my back against the counter.

"Merry Christmas! And—"

Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't fucking say it.

"Happy birthday."

Ugh. He just had to say it, didn't he?

"Now you're even older—I hope I got enough..." he mumbled, and I didn't catch the end of his sentence.

"What did you say?"

"I said do you want me to heat up water for your coffee."

"Are you going to heat it with your ears, liar?" A dumbfounded expression was on his face as he massaged his lobe, checking for himself how scalding it was.

Who cares—I don't want to know what he said anyways. "I ran out of coffee. Suppose I'll have to do without today." I twisted the cap back on hostility.

Eren was in deep thought over the time span of a few seconds, he then slowed his blinking with a sigh, his joints slumped. "Man... I was hoping to give this later but I guess it can't be helped now."

"...What? Is talking in riddles a Christmas tradition of yours?"

"Just wait here."

I was left behind, scratching my head until he returned.

"Here." He set a large, clear jar filled to the rim with brown grain on the counter. Pulling his weight up, he sat beside it as he dangled his feet, explaining casually, "I know how much you like coffee, so I got a bulk of it from the cafe for you. Consider it a birthday or Christmas present."

Not bad. This was the same blend I always ordered. Did he really pay that close attention or was it just a coincidence? Just one cup alone was quite pricy, I was left wondering how much all this would cost.

"You didn't have to do that."

"But I wanted to."

Before I replied I put the kettle on and set out a cup. "...I appreciate it." The gratitude fell flat on my tongue. It wasn't that I wasn't grateful of the thought, it was just weird to receive gifts. To make up for my thankless reply, I gave him an offer. "What do you want for breakfast? I'll make whatever you want."

"Let me cook, it's your birthday."

"That doesn't make me an infant."

"Would you just let me do something nice for you?"

Feeding me those gross meals was his idea of being nice? Before I can interject and push the argument further, Eren had wrapped a light blue apron around him that seemed to come out of thin air; I never noticed it around before, or even in the kitchen prior to coming in here.

"Where'd that apron come from?"

"Oh, the woman at work gave it to me..."

It was a little too big for him, effectively making it more appealing—something about him in oversize attire was pleasing. There I go, thinking like a child predator. What has this kid done to me?

"Trying to look the part of my wife, are we?" I wanted to stir a reaction out of him and I was allowed to because apparently the day of your birth grants you immunity.

"W-Wife? Don't be ridiculous—I'm a boy. I'd be your husband."

Yeah, because that totally doesn't sound just as ridiculous when referring to us.

The kettle whistled just as Mikasa made her entrance in the room, her presence replaced those silly thoughts of husbands and wives floating in my head. In unison, Eren and Mikasa recited a morning greeting followed by "Merry Christmas". Taking the role of brother and sister must give that type of skill.

"Oh, and Happy birthday, Levi."

"Eren, you have a big mouth."

Standing there in that oversize apron looking dumber than usual made me almost feel sorry for him; it must not be fun to be on the receiving end of my quips.

"What—are you mad?"

I didn't actually care that Mikasa knew my birth date and proved this by boredly blowing into the coffee Eren just placed in front of me.

"Mikasa's birthday is February 10th. There, now it's fair."

"I really don't care if she knows."

"Then why are youacting like you care?"

He was becoming a nagging wife already. I shook my head at him and landed on Mikasa seated across from me and tried to change the subject. "Your birthday is coming up soon."

"Yeah."

Nice and simple. This is why Mikasa was my favorite child. Eren would have a fit if he knew that.

Busy at the stove, Eren carefully cooked breakfast and I sipped my coffee, silently attempting to burn off my taste buds in preparation of his meal until Mikasa directed a question at me. "What are we doing today?"

"Nothing. Everything's closed."

"No." Eren spun back with a pop of his hip, looking at me with a rolling eyes as he darted the spatula at me. "She means what are we doing today."

I had to rewind the words, reluctantly hearing the same derisory phrase a third time.

Is he fucking serious? I narrowed my eyes on him to check that for myself. Whether him or Mikasa recited the question didn't alter the meaning. "...Like I said, nothing."

Eren waved me off and angled his sight to Mikasa, leaving me lost, like I was missing something obvious; Eren made me feel that way more times than I should.

"...Eren, myself and his parents would attend church on Christmas." Mikasa filled me in.

"The church for the creepy wall people or the creepy Jesus nuts?"

Eren rolled his eyes at me for what felt like the fifth time this morning. "As if I would attend mass with a bunch of cultist who obsess over the walls like they're Gods. My family and I weren't crazy-religious, but enough to show our respects on the holy day."

Despite the fact my parents were extremely religious, they never attended church. It took me until I was older to realize that the reason was pinned to the fact that they were criminals and couldn't go to public ceremonies. While at the orphanage, I attended some masses; the church was founders of orphanage and handled the funds to keep it running, but as I got older and my fate faded, I lost the incentive to ever step foot in a church again. The mere idea of being trapped in a church left me queasy.

My short time at the orphanage wasn't pleasant, let's just leave it at that.

"You're free to go if you want to keep up the tradition. But you're on your own."

"You won't come?" he asked me while I had a mouthful of coffee, but even after it was down I still didn't feel entitled to answer. I think I already made myself clear.

His eyes left me in favor of Mikasa. "What about you? You wanna go?"

"I'll go if you do."

"Alright, we'll go after we eat. We should be able to make it in time for afternoon mass—Levi, I feel bad leaving you alone on your birthday, are you sure you don't want to come with us?"

"I'm quite sure." He was asking, not begging, which seemed out of character for him—but I savored having a choice in the matter of one of Eren's schemes for once. If anything, it was a gift on its own to have some peace and quiet for an hour or two on my birthday.

After Eren whipped up a meal (that was decent enough to be called edible) we ate in near silence and they headed out, leaving me seated alone in the dinning room chair with nothing but the ticking clock and leaky sink keeping me company.

~Eren's POV~

The residents of Wall Sina didn't mix well with our kind—that much I gathered in my time here. Our kind being the poor class who obviously stood out, so Mikasa and myself tried to remain undetected, like one of the marble statues out-skirting the church by taking a seat in the back row. Natural light seeped in through the stain glass windows, which displayed images of spiritual nobles and beautiful angels. There was so much detail decorating the interior—this was much nicer than the small temple in my hometown.

Once I thoroughly surveyed the elaborate architecture of the church, my gaze fell back to its natural level, half-expecting to be greeted by my mothers smiling face beside me with my father beside her, dressed in their best Sunday clothes.

Emptiness traveled through me, yet the dread was filled when I looked to my right. Mikasa was there, staring onwards and focused at the priests echoing blessings bouncing around the cathedral. I guess all wasn't lost—she will always be by my side, won't she?

Already becoming bored with the preaching, I skimmed over all the families attending the mass to pass the time. The crowd was made up of mothers, fathers and their children, along with aunts, uncles, grandmothers and grandfathers.

Before living with Levi, I never noticed this obvious pattern before, or rather, there wasn't any other pattern even worth considering. It was normal for every family to consist of a man and a woman and their offspring, who would evidently marry and make more children.

This was something everyone see's around them, but it never sinks in deep enough to deliberate because the reoccurring theme of men and women together was considered a normal structure of life. Just like everyone doesn't question the walls around us—they're there and that's it. It was a part of every day life to accept the walls as a part of our existence.

I silently went on a mission—a mission to try and find a single couple in this church that consisted of a man and a man or a woman and a woman.

The mission was a failure.

Was Levi just teasing me? Maybe it really was strange to have romantic feelings for a boy. Up until now, it felt like a given to find a wife and make children—but what happens when you don't want that? What if you wanted to fall in love with a boy? Was that really okay?

I wasn't sure of the right answer. There was one thing I was sure of, though. I like Levi. A lot. Even if he's a boy, even if he acts cold, even if he's an old man, even if he's a thug—I still like him, with all the negative sides to him taken into consideration. I don't care if society wants me to marry a girl, it doesn't feel right. Not since I meet Levi, that is.

This sense of obligation takes over me when I look at him. Sometimes, when he doesn't know anyone is around, his face just looks so...broken. Broken beyond repair and there's this nerve inside me that twinges, like I just want to run up to him and mend everything that hurts and forever protect him from future pain.

Those eyes—that appear expressionless at first glace—are a major giveaway that he's been through troubling times that I can't even begin to comprehend at my age. There's no fooling me, no matter how much he tries to hide his past. I know he's troubled. With eyes like that, there's no covering up the truth.

Out of fear of hurting him more, I never ask him (no matter how much I want to) what's really on his mind when he's having a sudden starring session or pauses mid-sentence with a questionable expression. He probably thinks no one can pick these little quirks up since he actively tries to hide them—he especially wouldn't expect me to catch on, he thinks I'm a dumb kid, but I do notice. I noticed everything about him.

Eventually, I do hope he opens up fully to me and let's me see those internal scars, allowing me a chance to heal them. I'm not expecting anything soon, we're still new around each other, but I want to know everything about him. All his thoughts, fears, things that make him happy, his past.

I know it took a lot for him to talk to us about his parents, his bravery inspired me to talk about what happened to my mother, which was something I never planned to talk about to anyone other than Mikasa—even talking about it to her was still something I could only describe as a struggle.

As intimidating as Levi appears sometimes, I feel comfortable enough to open up to him and I took it to the next step by telling him about my feelings—which stunned me just as much as it stunned him.

I don't know where they came from exactly. Emotions are weird that way. One minute you're laughing, the next you're crying. One minute you're on the street with a dying sister, the next you're saved and taken care of by a man who had enough of problems, but didn't hesitate to add more to his plate for the sake of two needy children. And lastly, one minute you're an oblivious kid, the next you're having impure thoughts about a man twice your age.

Puberty was still a foreign word to me, but I knew enough to understand I was currently going through it. I think it may have awakened the day I followed Levi to work—the sight of him wearing next to nothing as he moved his body in ways I didn't even know were possible completely hypnotized me. As much as he's against the word stripper, that's exactly what he was if he liked it or not. I've heard that strippers were people that danced in adult ways for money, but never actually saw one before. Who knew Levi would be the one to demonstrate that for me.

The mental image of him swinging around and shaking body parts I didn't previously find appealing would pop into my head so many times a day that I actually considered it a normal daily routine now. Being in church right now couldn't even scare those thoughts away. It wasn't long after that I got these urges—it was the next day, actually.

I was so confused—not understanding what was wrong with my body, my mind or emotions. I couldn't get him out of my head, I just kept thinking about him, so much that I freaked out just by looking at him because I couldn't stop thinking of what was underneath his clothes, or to be more precise, what wasn't.

My heart would race when he set his sharp stare on me, melting me in ways that stirred me up and frightened me at the same time. All the blood would flood in my skull, making my head numb as the rest of my body underwent strange (yet exciting) sensations I never felt before—sensations that told me I needed to do something to satisfy them.

That's when I figured out what "urges" were and I started doing stuff I never done to myself before. It was weird, but it was quite the discovery because it felt amazing—I didn't even know my own body could feel like that good. Sadness and anger wasn't the only strong sensations a human could feel, I learned. But, that made me even more guilty, so much that I got mad at myself, then I got mad at Levi because he's the one that caused all this to happen.

More guilt came when I started thinking of Levi in impure ways while I did this to myself—like imagining him without clothing and picturing him doing the touching for me. I guess this is where the phrase "guilty-pleasure" came from. I understood it far too well now.

Even after the conversation a few nights ago, I still felt wrong about the things I did to myself, even though he claimed it as normal. By thinking such dirty thoughts about him, I felt like I was tainting him. To make it worse, I still continued to do stuff to myself even when Levi slept beside me, oblivious to the fact that I was doing that right beside him every night as he slept.

It was his fault though. When he slept he looked even more attractive with the way his features would relax. The way Levi's body would twitch slightly and how he'd sometimes mumble my name in his sleep would just send me off the edge. Sometimes I just wanted to touch him so badly; just attack every inch of his flesh with my hands...but I told myself I'd respect his decision. If he didn't want to be physical, then I was going to comply with his wishes.

This goes beyond attraction though. There was a lot of other things to work on in the years I waited for him. I felt something strong for him. A need to protect him, a need to get to know him and a need to give him the love he deserved.

I'm not a very patient person, but if I have to wait years, so be it. All I can do in the meantime is pray he will wait for me to grow up and not fall in love with anyone else until then. He might think it won't work out right now, but once I'm old enough I know I can change that way of thinking. I'll let him know it's okay to depend on me, to let his walls down and grant me access to everything that made the Levi I grew so fond of in this short amount of time. My fondness for Levi would surely grow as my body did and I was sure I'll be able to prove it to him then.

"Eren. Pay attention." Mikasa nudged me, just like my mother would when I'd lose concentration on our yearly trip to church. This happened every year, I'd always get distracted midway through mass, but a kid trying to pay attention to bible verses never ended well, but just being here counted for something, right?

"Sorry." I whispered back and looked forward, my hands interlaced on my lap when I noticed everyone was praying.

I was far too invested in my thoughts and continued to think of Levi until mass came to a close.

When we stepped out from the warmness of the church, we were rudely greeted by the brisk air piercing through our clothing. The cold breeze whisked, fog coming out through my chapped lips as I breathed into my hands.

Winter holds no remorse, does it?

We reached the bottom of the cathedral steps—and a figure dressed completely in black stood out from the snowy white scenery. Propped up against the lamppost with a cigarette in hand stood Levi, looking to be untouched by the cold as he ignored the passerby's and they paid him no mind in return.

How he was able to stand out yet blend in undetected added another mystery to the long list.

With Mikasa at my side, we approached him. My mouth gaped a little as my head tilted back; I was glad to see him, but surprised he was even here. He finally took in our new presence without a flutter from his lashes.

"Ready to head back?"

I was thrown off just by seeing him, so when he spoke as if he was tagging along with us all along with his casual comment, I was even more confused. He wasn't tagging along, though, because he didn't want to be here and I accepted that without question—why did he decide to come anyway, then? I'll never figure him out, but it was the hope of putting the little fragments of him together that made me want to chase him even more.

When I made progress, more doors would open, leaving me wanting more; I was never satisfied when it comes to him.

"Levi—what are you doing here? I thought you didn't want to come." I asked.

He stomped out his bud in the snow, paying closer attention to his boot indenting the ground rather than us."I didn't, but then I remembered this area is more dangerous than being in my shitty neighborhood."

Why would he suddenly say such a strange thing? Well, he's the adult, he would know more than me. "Oh. But I thought this was the richer area of Wall Sina?"

"People with money aren't automatically good, in fact they're the worst."

"How come?" Every time I spoke to Levi, my sentences would often end in a rising intonation. It probably annoyed him, but I couldn't help it. He either said things I don't understand or he spoke vaguely, begging for a question.

"They just are. Quiet."

One of my questions annoyed him yet again, adding that to a never ending list. But he couldn't be that bothered because something just popped in my head—he was worried about us. That's why he came all the way out here.

That's really cute.

"I'm kind of glad you showed up—I don't really know how to get back home. We only got here by following the sound of the bell. Wall Sina's still really new to us—you seem to know it well, though. This town is kind of like a maze, everything looks the same. It's impressive you know your way around so well."

Levi was walking at a faster pace in front of us, giving me a back view of his black tench coat swaying with his pace as fuzzy snow flakes glazed his sleeves. "Hard not to. I lived here half my life."

I ran up to his side, desperately trying to match his footing. "Does that mean you like it here?"

"No."

"Then why not go somewhere you do like?" Questions—that's really all the came out out of my mouth around him, wasn't it?

"Everywhere sucks. There's no place I like within the walls. Or outside, but that's a given."

"Oh." he was a hard person to talk to, but I still never gave up. "I think you would have liked the Shiganshina District. It wasn't perfect but it was a nice town. I hope someday it'll be restored so you can see it."

After all my efforts to keep the conversation going, he rewarded me with a blank look. Being joyous of his acknowledgment as I was, I must have made a weird face, causing his stare to move off me with a scowl. "Yeah why not—I'd like to visit there someday. I lived there briefly when I was a baby, but I was too young to remember it."

"You lived there? No way! We were neighbors and didn't even know it!"

"Idiot. You weren't even born yet."

"Oh, right..." Every time I find a way to tie us closer together I end up pulling us further apart with my own stupidity. At this rate he's just going to keep thinking of me as a dumb kid. I can't let that happen.

Being as focused on Levi as I was, I didn't notice until now that our surroundings have changed. The once pristine architecture of the central was replaced with older, crumbling designs and we were the only people on the street now. Now that church was out, everyone likely retreated back to their homes to spend the rest of Christmas to be showered in the warmth of their families love.

"It was a good thing you didn't come to mass. It was really boring. I couldn't even focus on a word the priest was saying."

"I figured. No one approached you two there, right?"

It was an odd turn in the conversation, but I answered without hesitation. "No, not really. At one point they asked us for donations for the orphanage. We couldn't give much but it helps, I guess."

"Hate to tell you this, but your good deed was wasted. The donations won't go to the children. The kids there are lucky if they manage to eat once a day—it's a crooked place."

Sometimes when Levi would suddenly spit out a lot of words it took me a moment to gather them all. It wasn't often that he would add a lot of his own input to a conversation, so it always took me off guard when he did. "Why do you think that?"

"I don't think it, it's true. That's the orphanage I attended when I was young."

Why didn't I put that together sooner? "Is that why you ran away?"

"Yes, among other things."

Come on—he must know that vagueness kills me by now. "Like what?"

"I'm not going into details. All I'll say is bad people belong to that church. That's why I came to pick you two up."

Something bad happened. A painful tremble waved through my body when I thought this. He's talking from experience, a bad experience. It was hard to believe there was even more bad experiences he had other than what he told me. How much can one person go through, I wondered.

It's a good time to stop talking to him now. Another time I may have pressed the issue in hopes of him opening up to me, but there was no need to open up painful wounds. It was Christmas and his birthday; I couldn't give him much for either but I could give him silence, something I knew he savored.

When we arrived back home we had a round of tea and Levi fell asleep not long after on the couch. I found it funny how he could nap while sitting up stiffly with his arms and legs crossed, but I didn't have much time to etch the image of him in my mind as Mikasa and I took advantage of this time given to us.

~End Eren's POV~

Fright overcame me as my head nodded me awake, giving me the feeling someone might get before falling off a cliff. I blinked myself into full alertness until I discovered that I wasn't miles away from the ground falling to my death, but on my couch safely.

I must have dozed off. I checked my watch and it told me I did a little more than doze off. It was six o' clock at night. Why didn't anyone wake me? Surely Eren's big mouth would have shook me out of a dream sometime during the lengthy rest—where is the brat anyway?

That numb rejuvenated feeling conquered me as I stood from the couch. For some reason I only got that feeling after a nap. If I were to get that effect after a night of sleeping, I'd have the potential to become one of those chipper morning people.

Coffee was calling my name and I stiffly crossed the flooring to answer that call, until I was stopped by a stubby obstacle dressed in an oversize apron at the arch of the kitchen.

"Hey."

"Hey...?" I duplicated Eren's greeting in a questionable tone. "Move."

"I'm making dinner, you'll just get in the way."

"I want coffee."

He pointed behind me, his finger directed at the couch. "Sit down, I'll get you some."

I rubbed my forehead in aggravation and let a yawn pass before blinking over his head. "Eren—you realize you're short and I can see right over your head, right?"

Stupid brat sucks at hiding things.

I knew it—I knew the little bastard would make a damn cake—well, likely Mikasa did most of it in fear Eren would screw it up. Cake was cake though, so I can't be upset.

He slumped his shoulders, his face too disappointed to make the effort of making an expression. "Can you at least pretend to be surprised?"

"No, I want coffee and some of that cake."

"That's for after dinner."

"Can I at least have coffee—wait, why am I asking permission?" I asked myself out loud and pushed him aside, or rather walked right through him.

"Eren really tried to surprise you, you know." Mikasa put on a strict tone when I filled the kettle.

"Oh, but I am."

"You don't seem it." Poor little Eren looked so glum. What was he expecting? Was I suppose to gasp and wave my arms about? ...Abort that mental image.

"Look at it this way," I was about to cheer them up, wasn't I? "You two are the first to talk me into even remotely celebrating Christmas and my birthday, so that on it's own is a shock to me." Yup, I did it—I scooped too a new level of lame. I know why, I was hanging out with Erwin way too much recently—he's rubbing off on me.

Thoughts about Erwin were always riddled in double-entendre's, or maybe I was turning into more of a pervert.

Eren's frown couldn't be held down any longer, he cocked his head to the side, scratching at his cheek shyly. "I guess that's good enough for me."

"So can I have some cake now?"

"No! It's not even done yet, we're still adding stuff to it."

I groaned, but a more important concern filled me as I became aware of the state of the kitchen surrounding me, if you can even call this dumpster a fucking kitchen anymore. My eyes scanned the area, bulging out more and more as I caught sight of all the flour, icing and eggshells scattered everywhere. My mug nearly slipped from my hand as my voice rose and nearly knocked Eren off his feet. "If you don't clean this fucking kitchen I will throw you out of my house this instant!"

"I'm getting to that! Geez, you don't have to threaten me! You woke up too soon. Everything was suppose to be done and cleaned up when you came in—blame yourself!"

So all of this was my fault. I still stand by what I said, he definitely should be a lawyer.

The night remained peaceful after my outburst, though. I didn't have to throw him out in the cold because he cleaned up efficiently in a flash. He reminded me of a nervous squirrel the way he would keep checking on my reaction, waiting for me to tell him he was screwing something up, but as dumb as he is, he's a quick learner when it came to cleaning and did good—at least well enough to lessen my anxiety. All the while, Mikasa kept icing the cake, stopping now and again to check the stove and ensure whatever was for dinner wouldn't burn.

I wasn't really hungry for whatever it was because I had a sudden craving for cake, which I kept eying up across the table like it was a hot stud at the bar. I wasn't crazy about sweets, but enjoyed it now and again and when I did get a craving, it was hard to control. Obsessive personality, remember?

Instead of me being the adult calling the shots here, I was being lectured by two brats telling me I had to eat before my dessert. Who do they think I am, a bratty child like them? How dare them tell me I can't have cake when I want it.

The meal they prepared was actually good, though, so I couldn't complain much. I knew Mikasa had a lot to do with it—Eren would have screwed something up; that itself was a dead giveaway. Still, I appreciated both their efforts.

I made some tea, because tea and sweets went hand in hand, but when I turned back to he table, I saw Mikasa doing something awful to the cake.

"Don't put candles on. I'm not ten years old."

"She's going to put more on than that, don't worry. We bought extra because we know you're old."

Eren is officially a fucking moron.

"No, I mean don't put any on at all. Only children blow out candles."

"You said so yourself that we're making you celebrate special occasions you haven't in a long time, think of it like that."

"Just let me eat the damn cake already." My voice shamefully turned into a whine. I stood there sulking with my mug and Eren tried hard not to giggle at me, but failed.

"Who knew you had such a sweet tooth..."

"Knowing you, the cake is probably too sweet."

The dig made him stick his tongue out in my direction.

"Is this enough?" We both looked over to Mikasa's work, abandoning our childish bickering. The fact that I saw more candles than cake made me think it was a bit too much.

"You're both assholes."

Eren lashed his head back, laughing hard. This went on until I curled my lip at him, he stopped, a chortle still coming out. "I'm sorry, it's just funny because only twenty candles comes in a pack, so we had to get two and we figured why waste them?"

I rolled my eyes away. He needs to stop with these old man jokes or I'm going to relentlessly beat him and that sounds like a very troublesome ordeal for a birthday boy like myself to go through.

"Give me your matches."

"No, like I said, I don't want to blow out candles."

"I'll blow them out for you."

"I don't want your filthy child-breath all over my cake." Seriously, gross. That's another holiday tradition I will never understand. What's appetizing about spitting out your germy breath all over a cake fresh from the oven and then serving it to guests?

"Then fan it away, I don't know!"

He's not going to shut up until he gets his way so I might as well bite the side of my cheek and comply. I tossed him the book of matches from my pocket onto the table and it took him five times to get a single candle lit. When he worked on the second, the flame went out before it touched the wick, and this happened two more times until I sighed hard enough to make the first (and only) candle go out.

"Aw man... now I have to light that one again..."

Like hell I'm going to wait for him to light all those damn candles. I'll actuallybe forty by the time he lights them all. I reached over and plucked both the single match and the book from his hands. "That's enough. You're too young to play with fire anyways."

"Levi."

"Eren." The hard stare between us was broken by him looking away with a defeated sigh. See, I can play his stupid games too.

"Can I eat the cake now?" I was annoyed by the fact my tea went cold by waiting, so if there was another delay I might scream.

"Yeah fine, go ahead—oh, wait!"

I'm going to scream.

"I gave you a present earlier, so now it's Mikasa's turn."

"Oh no, not accepting any more gifts." Exchanging gifts made me feel uncomfortable, not to mention it was pointless. Anything others can buy me I can buy myself. Well, it saved me a trip to the shop, I guess.

"Well, it's not really a gift anyways." Mikasa spoke as she plucked the candles off the cake. "I just noticed your broom was broken, so I bought you a new one. I put it in the storage closet for you already."

"Oh." I almost wanted to say it was thoughtful of her but she didn't have to do much thought with the way I kept complaining about it being broken these past few days, but it was still much appreciated. "Thanks."

Like a gofer emerging from a hole, Eren rose his head, giving me a wide stare as he slapped his palms down on the table. "How come you say thanks to her but not me?"

"Jealousy is an ugly color on you, Eren."

"Jealousy isn't a color."

"Touché."

After refilling by mug with a cup of hot tea, I sat back down and indulged in the cake before me. Since I ate beforehand, I only managed to squeeze in a piece, but I really wished I could have ate more because it tasted better than I expected. I hardly could enjoy it in peace though, because Eren eating like a barn yard animal with icing covering his face bothered me until I reluctantly grabbed a cloth and roughly wiped up his sloppy face. Honestly, he acts mature sometimes but times like this make me think he's an infant. His cheeks squished and warped as I rubbed vigorously to clean the mess he created around his lips. I refused to stop no matter how much he pulled away.

"S-Stop! I can clean myself!"

"Apparently you can't. Look, you got some on your shirt too."

With his chin dipped down, he inspected the damage and shot back up. "I'll change later!"

And he did once he took a bath, followed by Mikasa and finally myself and we all regrouped in the living room after to warm up near the fire.

Eren was on the floor, his legs out and crossed at the ankle. Mikasa was seated beside me on the couch and she broke the prolonged silence. "Levi, you said your dad used to tell you Christmas stories, right?"

"Here and there. Can't really remember. Why?"

"I'm just bored, I thought you could tell us a Christmas story."

Bored? They just stuffed their faces in cake. Kids are so needy.

"Hate to break it to you but everything I told you before was all I could really remember, well, except.." There is a God. I stopped myself in time, but this proved to perk Eren up.

"Except?"

"Nothing, I forgot."

"Liar."

"As if you can tell. We don't all have obvious glowing ears when fib, like you."

"I can still tell. What were you going to say?"

I was going to say: 'I can't remember the other stories my father told me, but I do remember the songs he sung to me.' But then I remembered I was talking to children—veryneedy children that would want to hear said songs and wouldn't stop nagging me about it until next Christmas.

"Whatever, I don't want to know anyways." he said, flopping down on the floor.

"Are you actually desperate enough to try reverse psychology on me?"

"I don't even know what that means."

"Levi, will you tell me?" Mikasa asked me, smiling. An actual smile, one I haven't seen on her before. Shit. Not you Mikasa, don't be like Eren. How are these two not related?

"Songs—my dad would sing me songs. That's all."

Eren rose up and made a face at Mikasa that made my skin boil.

"Did—did you just wink at her?"

"No."

Those fucking ears say otherwise. "So you guys are teaming up now, is that it?" Clever little bastards.

Eren's giggling almost made him unable to lift off the floor and plop beside me, now I was seated in the middle of these two corrupted children.

"Do I even have to ask at this point?" he said as he rested his head against my shoulder—the action stunning enough to forget what he even asked.

"...What?"

"Sing."

"NO."

"But it's Christmas."

"It's also my birthday so you can't make me do anything."

"Think of it this way, it's the only thing I want for Christmas."

". . . . . .tch."

I couldn't help but feel guilty that the kids went all out for me, with the gifts and cake and all, and I didn't get them anything in return, but this wasn't a way to make up for that. Anything but this.

"If you're worried because you're not a good singer than don't fret. I just want to know the lyrics, I don't care how you sound."

"Exactly. We won't laugh, if that's what you're afraid of." Mikasa added.

I huffed in offended amusement. "I'm not afraid of anything." Is that what they thought? That I was scared that two dumb brats would laugh at me? Give me a break.

"Prove it."

"I hate you both."

But they just smiled at me, encouraging me (or plotting against me, it was hard to tell). After silently sorting through my thoughts, I took a breath and I began—not just reciting the lyrics, but I fucking sang. Was their drugs in the cake? I'm pretty sure there was. They confused sugar with crack, an understandable mistake. That was the only explanation for what was coming out of my mouth—all these Christmas-y words that burned my tongue.

When the song came to an end, I wanted to go outside and bury myself in snow and stay there until I couldn't feel anymore. The song I sung used to be my favorite, but now I hated it more than anything.

"Levi..."

"Not a fucking word." Why did I do this to myself?

"I'm not going to lie,"

"I'm going to beat you so hard, Eren." I wasn't even remotely kidding.

"I really didn't think you'd have a good singing voice,"

"I'm going to throw you back on the street." If he thought it was an empty threat he's mistaken.

"I was wrong, though, your singing voice is beautiful."

"Get out and die."

The choir of out out-of-sync exchange of threats and compliments ended, leaving Eren's giggle the last surviving sound in the room. "You don't have to be embarrassed..."

"I don't get embarrassed."

"Then why are your cheeks red~?"

My chest sunk when I noticed Eren's ears weren't flaming. That suggested he was actually telling the truth. What did I do to deserve this? A flash of many, many reasons popped in my head. Never mind. I deserve it.

I held my head up by the forehead, my shame weighing me down. "Go to your room, you too Mikasa."

"Oh c'mon! One more song!"

"I'll be singing it at your funeral if you don't do as I say!"

The friction of his hair nuzzled on my shoulder as he sulked. "Aw you're so mean..."

"Don't say that, Eren. Appreciate the fact that he sung for us at all—thank you Levi, you honestly do have a beautiful singing voice."

I twitched. Her words stung me even more than Eren's—speaking of Eren, what the hell is he doing to my shoulder?! "Stop rubbing your head on me and go to bed!"

He drew his head away weakly. "Promise you'll sing like that again, and maybe I will."

"I promise I won't beat you right now if you do." He cowered back at my deadly-sharp words and found his feet.

"T-That seems like a good deal to me."

Mikasa stood soon after him. "I think this was a good day—I hope you had a good birthday, Levi."

Do you think telling her it was the worse day of my life would disappoint her? Maybe just a tad.

Mikasa gave Eren and I a goodnight and went into her room, closing the door behind her.

I shooed Eren before me with a flick of my wrist. "You too, brat, go to bed."

"You're not coming with me?"

"...I'll be there in a minute. Start without me."

"Alright." Just before he entered the hall, he spun around with a grin. "I really do hope you had a good day...you deserve it." With that, he entered his room, leaving me with those words floating behind—but the words dissolved a few minutes later by a brute knock on my door.

". . . . . ."

Well that sure as hell isn't Christmas carolers at this hour. I peeled myself off the couch and cautiously crept to the door, listening for a sign of who could be on the other side. I wasn't paranoid, but I just wasn't kidding when I said I don't get many visitors.

"Levi, it's me."

I sighed so loud that I'm positive it was heard through the thick door. Said door whooshed open to reveal a man standing just as tall as the arch way, giving me a gentle smile.

"Sorry for disturbing you at a late hour but we're leaving at dawn tomorrow, so I thought I'd come see you."

I folded my arms and propped my weight onto the door frame. This was yet another routine Erwin and I shared other than having sex after he came back from a mission—he'd always see me off before he left. I guess he did it just in case he never returned; his way of giving a proper goodbye.

"You guys don't waste any time. A mission right after Christmas?"

"Nothing like ending the holiday season with slaying Titans."

A rare smile plastered on my face and I leaned myself in a little closer to his magnetizing body, but I resisted the urge to yank him into the house and have my way with him. Instead, I pulled back.

Right. Erwin's little rule still existed: no sex before a mission. When he'd come over before he left, it was strictly just to say his goodbyes. Apparently he's afraid sex will cloud his judgment or weaken him or something. Voting that down as a very dumb rule. If anything, sex is a good luck charm.

"Oh, and I picked this up for you on the way here."

I took the bottle from him and examined the label. Expensive, high-proof booze was held inside. "How about that—you got me exactly what I wanted this year, Santa."

He gave me a hooded glare; his previously kind smile turned into a frisky smirk. "Well, usually bad boys don't get gifts, but I made an exception for you."

How dare him turn me on when he's off limits.

Erwin was truly a cruel man if you cut through that trustworthy aura—that was my dick thinking, but in all honesty he's a good man. I still couldn't see him (or anyone) as a love interest, but he was definitely becoming a person I wanted in my life for a long time. He lives at least a half-hour away and he came deep into this shitty neighborhood just to see me on a freezing Christmas night. Actions like that, intentional or not, can tell you a lot about a character.

I rubbed at the prickly hair at the back of my head, looking down to Erwin's feet as I spit out the following words awkwardly. "Erwin...It's late. Why don't you just crash here tonight?"

I didn't even need to look up to see his expression, the tone of his voice painted it for me. "Really? But you never let me sleep over."

It was true. Even when he would come over for a fuck session I'd (sometimes literally) kick him out of my bed soon after. I don't even now what came over me but I wanted him to stay.

To hell with all this warm and fuzzy Christmas shit. Gives me the creeps—can't wait for it to be over tomorrow.

I took a step backwards to make room for him and shut the door before placing down the bottle of booze on the end table near the door.

"That's cute, you got a Christmas tree. Didn't expect that." He stopped all movement in order to admired it properly, his hands in his pockets.

I followed his line of sight, looking at the cluttered mess in the corner like it was a complete stranger to me. Even after all these days I couldn't accept that thing as apart of the house. "...The kids wanted one. I hate it and it's being thrown out tomorrow—and don't use the word cute, Erwin. It's gross."

He only gave me a chuckle and I was positive now, crack was definitely in that cake or else I'd never willingly invite this ox to spend the night.

The sleeves of his coat rolled off his arms as I helped pull them down, while doing so, I had to think of ways to keep my dick down—removing Erwin's clothing always ends in sex, it was a natural reaction. I couldn't help it.

After hanging the coat on the hook, I returned back to stand before him, he looked down at me, the anticipation clear on his face with a hint of worry—he was thinking the same thing as me: that it would be hard to restrain ourselves from sex and just have a friendly sleepover. He's never been in my house without sex being the main objective of his reason being here.

This wouldn't stop me from having a little fun, though. I've been around kids all day, I wanted a little adult time. Against the idea of lifting myself higher by the tips of my toes like a teenage girl receiving her first kiss, I reeled him in by the two ends of his scarf, forcing him to bow down to my level, lower and lower until our faces met at a perfect angle. I disliked kissing—it felt like a time-staller before the main event, but since said event was canceled his evening, I could at least get this much from him.

I released his scarf in favor of wrapping my arms around his shoulders and our lips pushed together. It started slow, as it always does with Erwin, but it wasn't long before his hands were roaming my back as I sucked on his bottom lip, my fingers combing through his hair as I did.

A thunderous bang caused us both to leap in the midst of our heated kiss, it ended with us clashing our teeth together. I whipped my head back, holding my mouth, but it did nothing to lesson the throb in my gums. "What the fuck was that?"

Erwin returned to his full height and glanced around with a shrug. "Maybe the wind knocked something over."

"Yes, Erwin, it was a draft coming in from my windowless house."

His head cocked in disbelief, then spun around the room to inspect. I waited for his 360 turn to end with my arms folded.

"Would you look at that, you're right. Never noticed that before."

"The only thing in this house that's familiar to you is my bed—speaking of which, you have to get up early. Let's just go to sleep."

With a nod he followed behind me. Once we made it in the bedroom, Erwin decided to strip down to his underwear, knowing I wouldn't have any sleeping clothes that would fit him. Despite the fact I had plenty of sleeping attire perfectly my size, I removed my clothing too, all of it, because I'd be damned if I was going to be the only one teased by his body being displayed like it's a damn statue in a museum with a big "don't touch" sign on it.

If I have to suffer, he has to as well.

I bit my lip as my head slowly dented into the pillow beside him—I was given a perfect view of his pecks cycling though a calm breathing pattern. Both his arms were bent above him, his hands supporting the back of his head.

We never actually slept in the same bed before. We'd finish each other off then go our separate ways, but I could get used to this view.

"Can we seriously not have sex right now..."

He chuckled, and I'm pretty sure that was the last straw that caused my erection. "You know I need my head sharp tomorrow."

"Yeah but—what about a blow job? That's technically not sex, and it'll help you sleep."

"This is killing me too."

If it's killing him now then there's no reason to hold back just to survive tomorrow—we're both going to end up dead at this rate. Less casualties the better. He should know this.

"...What about a handjob on me? That way you're not getting off and all you're doing is moving your hand—totally not sex."

"Hmm." The bastard is smiling at my misery. "It'll be hard to stop at that, though. I won't be able to resist going all the way."

I propped myself up, surely my face looked appalled. I couldn't even be ashamed at how horny I was getting. "And you tell me to have self-control? I'm suffering right now because you can't control your dick—go learn dick-control, Erwin."

His blaring laugh made it it difficult for him to reply. "You're actually really cute when I hold out on you. Remind me to do this more often—but at another time because the begging is actually turning me on."

"You shouldn't have said that."

"Levi, no. Don't you even think about it. You know I'd love to, but I can't."

I suddenly know exactly how Eren felt. It sucks being horny and being told no. That's just cruel. I'm totally giving Eren handjob tomorrow just to make up for it—wait, no, he's twelve. That's why I said no. Right.

But Erwin didn't have a good enough excuse. We were both adults—adults that were very physically attracted to each other. Just because he's worried sex will 'distract him from his mission' I can't get off right now. Bullshit.

"I didn't even get birthday sex on my birthday. How lame is that?" I was thinking out loud, but my plea stirred an unexpected reaction from Erwin.

"...It's your birthday?"

"Mm-hm." I groaned into my pillow and the body beside me shifted; Erwin was against mine, arms encircling my back tightly as his hand petted my hair until my bangs were out from my face. He placed several kisses everywhere but where I wanted one; on my forehead, my cheek, and finally my nose before he pulled away slowly to study me with ambivalent eyes. He took a long while before his parted lips made a sound.

"A handjob—that's all you're getting."

It's a Christmas fucking miracle.

I licked his lip to show my appreciation like a needy mutt. He pushed me onto my back, his leg clinging around mine as his head nestled in the crook of my neck, sucking the skin as his hand cupped my face, but I quickly grabbed hold of his wrist and maneuvered his two fingers into my mouth, only releasing them from around my lips to lick the length and bite the tips. I felt his hardness grow against my hip and it felt like such a waste that I couldn't play with it. Once his fingers were nice and lathered, he loped his hand down, running over my belly button slowly to build me up more. The sudden hold on me was so tight that I gasped on impact.

That ribbing build-up of thinking I wasn't getting anything from him had me reacting more intensely to his stokes. My entire torso was consumed with pinching sensations and the pleasure steadily branched out to my head and limbs, making me grasp the pillow and lower my lids. The heel of my foot dug into the sheet, my hips driving upwards into his hand to add to the rhythm he created.

My body was relaxed and tense at the same time—only Erwin could make me remember to never underestimate the power of a handjob.

When Erwin's hand left my stiffness, I was left panting at nothing until a lone finger tucked beneath me and sensually stirred my opening with the tip of his finger. My bodies first reaction was to bend my knees and drive my hips off the mattress to give Erwin full access between my legs.

"Ah—haa, I knew you wouldn't have any self-control to stop at a handjob."

His chin left my shoulder and he traveled to my chest, giving a suctioning suck to my nipple before speaking over my humiliating yelp. "I figured playing with you won't affect me much, so you're in luck."

"Can't say the same to you." I was getting all the pleasure and he was getting nothing in return—seemed like a shitty deal but I wasn't complaining since it benefited my side. My toes curled when that caressing finger previously teasing my puckered opening entered.

Erwin's velvet voice floated to me calmly, making me realize how unrestrained I was in comparison to him. "I'm more satisfied with pulling reactions from you—playing with you like this is the best way to do it."

I knew he got off to my reations—and I plan on rewarding him with them if he keeps this up.

In my rapture state, I didn't even notice he had moved positions until he was yanking at my dick and probing me simultaneously. His sight roamed all over my body, doing filthier things than his hands by the wild look in his eyes. When a second finger entered me, my head made a sharp turn into the pillow, my teeth biting the fabric.

"Ah...that's it, I love when you make expressions like that."

My mouth left the damp pillow and I cornered my hooded eyes on him. "You fucking pervert," was all I could spit out, but it wasn't even close to an insult. That side of him turned me on so much. He likes me looking like a dog in heat, I like him putting that up-tight front down and handling me like his personal toy. That's all we were to each other, really: toys.

With his hand and fingers traveling faster, I was tempted to just beg him at the top of my lungs to stuff himself inside me and thrust as hard and deep as he could with little remorse for my body, but I knew he'd be against it despite the very solid evidence of his arousal.

Erwin's hand, dripping in my pre-cum, suddenly pressed against my lips; my blaring moans were blocked, only a drone vibrating against his fingers now. "Shh. You'll wake the kids up."

Shit. I completely forgot. I'm so accustom to being as loud as I want; my friends would blow off any sexual sounds coming from my room at night with a simple congratulatory thumbs up the next morning.

Now I had two children right next door of my bedroom. Anxiety mixed with my arousal, making an unsettling combination as I thought about how thin the walls were, but that lingering thought vanished as Erwin's hands returned to me, ramming in a third thick finger. The pleasure made me forget who I even was for a moment; I was in no position to keep my voice down now as he handled my stiffness at the same time. Erwin was quite dexterous—that being the final thought I had before my mind went blank and my vision went white with a breathless moan.

I was left panting, catching my breath as Erwin crawled over me and returned to his spot beside me. He cupped my shoulder-blades and pulled my flimsy body in close to to him.

When the aftermath of my orgasm wore of, I wiggled in his hold, trying to break free, but he only pulled me in closer, barricading me in secure enough that I couldn't escape. "Don't even think about it."

"I feel filthy. I can't sleep like this." Even though we didn't go all the way, I was still covered in my own liquids with sweat in the mix. Sex was fun but it was messy as fuck. I guess that's the price to pay for such enjoyment.

"Let me fall asleep next to you—you can clean yourself in the morning."

Being in a current restricting lock, I didn't have much of a choice. I think what we were doing is suppose to be cuddling, but with Erwin and myself being such rough creatures, it wasn't as cute as it sounded—but then his breath breezed against my skin in a steady rhythm and his muscles around me loosened, his pleasant dream allowed him to let his his guard down.

"Erwin."

His head bobbed up into attention the moment I called his name, his grip reflexively tightened around me. An acknowledging groan was my only reply.

"...Sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up. But I need to tell you something."

"What's the matter?" His concern mixed with that groggy tone made me tell him without the hesitation I felt prior.

"Be careful tomorrow."

A few beats later—perhaps to give him time to decide if this was a dream or not—his forehead pressed against mine. "I'm always careful. ...But I'd be safer if you were coming with me."

"Don't. You. Fucking. Start." I felt him smile against my face. "I'm serious. If you die on me I'll—" his lips silenced me and departed just as fast.

"I will be careful. I promise. I'll be back before you even miss me."

That did nothing to calm my sudden nerves. How could he be back before I missed him when I already did? I already knew he'd wake up earlier than my body would allow and I'd wake up alone, likely with a letter written in Erwin's hand waiting for me on my nightstand. I already dreaded reading it.

It's true that Erwin is still very much a toy to me, but he's a one-of-a-kind toy that cannot be replaced. I never want to see him broken beyond repair.

Erwin stroked my face with warm hands until I felt myself nodding off into a comfortably numb state. His drowsy eyelids fluttered against mine and the final thing I heard him say before falling asleep in his arms was, "Happy birthday, Levi."

---

Fun fact: There wasn't even suppose to be smut but I can't just have Erwin and Levi in the same bed without them doing anything. I mean c'mon. ...I have less self-control than both of them. UGH. It's also very difficult to keep Eren and Levi from doing the smex... I'm okay with teenagers paired with adults but twelve is just too young. OTL

On another note, the story kind of gets back on track in the next one with thuggly Levi looking for vengeance and all that jazz—AND NEW CHARACTER. I was going to wait for them to meet in training, but remember I have no self-control so they're showing up in the next chapter~