Julia had been feeling sick all day, but then that was no surprise. Since Peterborough Julia had existed on nothing but coffee. She had lost all appetite. It was guilt of course. Guilt for what she had done in Peterborough. She only ate meals when Darcy and her had evening dinner together. But Darcy was so seldom at home that evening dinners were a rarity. The fish their housekeeper had prepared last night had probably been in the ice box for days. No wonder Julia was sick. Or, maybe it was not the fish. Maybe it was that same sinking feeling she had had for weeks since leaving Peterborough. Every morning she would wake up with that tightness and it would follow her all day. Guilt was a heavy load to carry.
Of course she had been fooling herself in Peterborough thinking that she could handle it. She could handle a small one week affair with him and then be able to move on. She did not want to move on. She wanted to be with him again, and again. She even found a quiet out of the way place where they would be sure never to be found out. Several times she had nearly asked him to meet her there.
Julia looked at the clock. She was running late. She wanted the autopsy done, the report written and delivered to William's office as soon as possible. This way, she would avoid having to see him. This had been her policy since their return from Peterborough: avoid William, avoid temptation.
"Ah good afternoon Doctor. Have you any results for me yet? Asked William.
"I am not finished yet Detective. " Her illness had slowed her down.
"But I can share with you what I have found out so far." Julia informed William of what she had discovered. The victim had died of a single gunshot. He had been young with no known ailment. She went on for a bit longer until she had to stop to quell her nausea. Maybe it was the fish after all.
William, oblivious of her discomfort, looked at a metal bowl and asked: "And this would be the stomach content?"
Julia looked over and started saying: "No it would not, it would be….." She had to stop talking as her nausea took over and was she sick again in the same metal bowl. After she was done, she used a wet cloth to wash her face and apologized to William.
"I am so sorry Detective. I'm afraid I've been a bit under the weather. I'm sure I will be able to finish this today, but it'll take me longer than usual." She went back to her office, sat down and took a few long breaths trying to settle her stomach. William had followed her and stood besides her looking concerned. He hesitated: "This can wait Julia. You are obviously sick. You should go home and rest."
Julia looked at him and gave him a small shaky smile. She was embarrassed at having been sick in front of him.: "Thank you "Doctor". Perhaps I will follow your advice." William looked at her for a few seconds, tried to say something, changed his mind and left.
The following morning Julia was trying to finish her report on the said autopsy when she felt sick again. She needed to take better care of herself. She had never felt this way before. Never, other than all those years ago when she had become….Julia did not finish her thought as emotions rose to the surface. She put her hand on her belly and whispered: "No it can't be"
Quickly she grabbed the calendar from her desk and started counting days. She counted again, and again, and again and still always came up to the same number. Her monthly course was late this month. Very late. Her heart was beating so fast she could not concentrate. Pregnant. She was pregnant. She was carrying a child. William's child. By now tears were falling down her cheek. She kept repeating: "It can't be. It can't be". Not likely to ever be able to have children, they had said. It would be a miracle if it happened, they had said. She could not think. She left a note for her assistant informing him she was going home sick. On her way home she stopped and sent a telegram.
William was in his office looking at his clock. He had been waiting for a call from the morgue all day hoping to get his autopsy report. It was now well past mid-day and still no report. Finally he'd had enough of waiting. He put his hat on and as he was walking out and called out to George: "George, I'm off to the morgue to get the autopsy.."
George interrupted: "But sir. I'm afraid you'll find the doctor gone. She went home sick just before lunch. "
William stopped in his track. Sick. Julia was sick again. He knew he should not care that much, but he did.
Ruby had been walking the tightrope when the urgent telegram from Julia arrived. She was doing an exposé on circus life and being a thorough researcher, Ruby had joined the circus.
"Come quickly. I need you. Julia" was all the telegram said.
Ruby had jumped into the netting, left the tent, packed, and taken the first train. She had not hesitated. As Ruby rode the train to Toronto, her thoughts drifted back to the winter her mother had died…
Julia had come home from University for the funeral. She was thin, sickly looking and haggard. Of course, much of it could be blamed on their mother's death, but Ruby felt there was something deeper going on. Julia was sad, very sad. It was a far cry of the Julia of the previous summer. Ruby would always remember the night her father had had to go pick Julia up from the police station. Julia and her father had had another one of their many fights. Later Julia had crawled into Ruby's bed and told her the whole swimming naked story. The two sisters had giggled for hours over it. The Julia of that summer had been fun loving, rebellious and carefree. The Julia of the following winter was the total opposite. After the funeral, Julia had returned to University and at the end of the term had informed her family she was moving to Europe to pursue her studies.
The night before she was due to leave, Julia has stormed into young sixteen year old Ruby's room and sat on her bed.
"Well Ruby now that mother is gone, it falls to me to give you "the talk". Mother's "talk" to me was quite esoteric. I am a doctor now. I am afraid I shall be much more literal."
Julia had proceeded to give Ruby a very frank and graphic explanation of the male and female anatomy and had left very little to the imagination. By the time Julia was done, Ruby knew exactly how the human reproductive process worked. Julia had even opened up a small box and showed Ruby how to use "the protection" she had been talking about for the last hour.
"You can get these from a friend of mine. He will be practicing here in Toronto. His name is Issac Tash. I have told him all about you. He'll know what you want and don't worry, he'll be very discreet." Julia hesitated before continuing: "Ruby, even knowing all this, even when using protection, accidents sometimes occur. Should that happen to you, you must not hesitate, you must call for me. No matter where I am, I will come and help. I will not ask question. I will not judge." Julia stopped and looked Ruby directly in the eyes. "You understand what I am saying don't you." Ruby in all the naivety of a sixteen year old had only half understood, but was too proud to admit it. She had nodded yes. Julia had hugged her for a long time, and had left. On her way out the door Julia had stopped and turned to Ruby:
"This help Ruby, it would be for you, for you only. You understand?
Ruby had only really understood the next year when one of her school friend had gotten herself in trouble and had asked Ruby for help; asked her if she knew the name of a doctor who could terminate the pregnancy. It was then that Ruby had figured out Julia's message that night. Should Ruby ever end up with an unwanted pregnancy, even though the consequences for Julia would be dire, she would perform an abortion. Ruby had sometimes wondered why Julia had been so willing to risk the career she had worked so hard for, but had figured it must have been due to sisterly love.
It was only a few years later when the two sisters had spent a forthright in London that Ruby had finally heard the whole story. Julia was spending her last few weeks in London before moving back to Canada to take the job as coroner at the Toronto morgue. Ruby had finished University and had decided to be a writer. A writer needed to travel and experience life so Ruby was doing just that. The two sisters had enjoyed their time in London attending the theatre and balls. After one such night, the sisters had gone home and drunk a bottle of wine and talked late into the night.
"Well dear Mr. Marchmant was very attentive towards you again tonight Julia." teased Ruby.
Julia's laughter and smile immediately left her and she instantaneously got serious: "He proposed again"
"And you turned him down again I'm sure." continued Ruby.
Julia was pensive. "Well tonight he was very insistent. He even told me that he was willing to move to Canada. He has already secured a position there."
"Oh" said Ruby. "What did you say?"
Julia became even more serious and after a few moments of silence said: "I told him the truth. I told him I could not have children. He immediately recalled his proposal."
Ruby, realizing that their conversation had suddenly taken a very serious turn, looked at her sister and said:"
"Why Julia? Why are you so sure you cannot have children? Is it because of what happened the year Mother died?"
Julia looked at her sister in surprise. Ruby had been a young girl then, a young girl caught up in herself as all young woman of that age are. Julia had not expected Ruby to have noticed anything. She stayed silent and Ruby pressed her:
"Julia what happened? Did you…. Did you have ….. " Ruby could not bring herself to say it.
"Yes I did." answered Julia. "And it was a mess. I had to go to a back alley butcher who nearly left me for dead. I survived, but not whole. I will never be able to have children."
Ruby could see the tears forming in Julia's eyes: "But surely, Mr. Marchmant, it did not matter? You have spent the last few months trying to refuse him."
Julia looked at Ruby: "Oh Ruby don't you see? That look of disappointment, that recoil he could not hide. Don't you see that maybe one day I will see that same look in the face of the man I love?"
One month later Dr. Julia Ogden had her first case as a Toronto coroner, Nathan Boyles, a young fourteen year old boy, killed his family then hung himself. She met a detective during that case. His name was William Murdoch.