If you alreadytread part one skip down to part two its labled. Enjoy
Chapter 11. Force it
Part 1
It's Monday
The clock beside me read 3:26; I still had three hours to sleep before I had to get up, shower, go through my skin care regimen, go to school, it though five boring classes before I go back to the elementary school and see Mr. Anderson.
I shuddered at the name remembering the ordeal I just woke up from.
Closing my eyes I thought back to my dream trying to remember the little details from it. Blaine's eye lashes, Blaine's body, Blaine's voice, Blaine's lips around my…
I groaned loudly and grabbed my sheets.
Its 3:31 and I should be going back to sleep but I don't instead I'm thinking about my sexual dream that featured my mentor teacher. My hand slowly crept on to my stomach and under my waistband as images from my dreams flashed in my head again.
Lower my hand sunk into my pants, softly brushing the smooth skin above my pubic bone until I felt hair and slid my hand in the rest of the way.
I'll just…
"Ew."
I slide my hand out of my pants carefully not wanting to get whatever I just touched on my skin or pants and turned on my phone to illuminate my hand.
"Oh…"
I was a tad disappointed at what I found knowing that I couldn't do that now, but even more disgusted at myself for it.
I am 17 years old. Things like…that only happen to horny little preteens who can't control their bodies. I am Kurt Hummel; I can control my body.
Despite my disgust, it did happen and I'm going to have to clean it up and wash these pants tomorrow before they are soiled forever.
I climbed off of my bed and took of my pajama bottom and underwear trying to whip off most of the mess I could before throwing them into the hamper. I put a clean pair of pants on before getting back in bed feeling the cool material on my leg then attempted to remember the non-sexual parts of my dream, but I couldn't; it all seemed sexual.
My dream was just sexual in general…and well, Blaine was kind of sexy. He was always so confident in what he was doing and never seemed to show a weak side, except on Friday. When he gave me that ice cream, he just seemed different. It was like he was actually vulnerable and not that amazing superhero of a person he always seemed to be.
I felt my heart rapidly thumping in my chest.
He is my hero…he saved me from bullies and going to New York with some big Broadway dreams that will only get crushed by someone who I will never meet.
I shouldn't be thinking this hard, I should go back to sleep like I was before Finn came in here and woke me up.
Finn woke me up during my dream…because he heard my making noises…he heard me, what if he heard-
Oh shit.
I said his name in my dream when I was coming-I came when Finn was touching me.
With that thought alone I wanted to just walk off the edge of the Earth, but I had a bigger problem to go over before I did that; what if Finn heard me yell his name in my sleep?
He'd tell Rachel, that's what would happen. And if Rachel found out everyone would know by the end of the day.
I probably won't have to worry though…he doesn't know anyone named Blaine or Mr. Anderson for that matter.
Would it really be that bad if Blaine found out though?
I thought back to the past months; he'd been staring at me non-stop since I stepped into his classroom and he never talked about a girlfriend so maybe he was actually flirting with me…
Maybe…
Hopefully…
Part 2
This chapter changes perspectives from Kurt to Blaine and back again. It will be marked by: ~ or time stamps.
I'm exhausted
I've been up since nearly 3 o'clock and I'm pretty sure everyone could tell; everyone except Blaine who hasn't even looked at me today.
12:37
I don't want to go into his classroom.
Today's supposed to be the big day when I start flirting back with Blaine. I should be excited right? When I go in there we'd confess our feeling for each other, we'd date and other things and live happily ever after. Sounds like the perfect life to me, but I didn't want to face it.
I had to though, no matter how much I didn't want to open the door I had to. Even if not for Blaine I had to go in there and TA for the class.
It's 12:45; lunch was about to end and he would come out of this door and see me. He'd make it more awkward then needed and probably get too close to me getting me bothered and hot then send me away from him to do something (cool off) like he always would. No, not today; today was the day I get him blushing.
I grabbed the door handle confidently, swung it open and walked it with as much diva as I could.
"Sorry I'm late Blaine, traffic was terrible."
It was silent. It was never silent.
I around the room and found him at his desk actually reading his book. But he wasn't answering me.
I slowly walked over to the table and placed my stuff down awkwardly, because really I had no idea what to do, this wasn't like him.
"Hello, Kurt. How are you?"
His voice was different. Cold.
"I'm okay, Blaine. How are you?"
Another long pause. I looked over at him again; his head was still in the book.
"I'm okay…do you think you can go get the kids for me?"
I paused as well so I could get my thoughts straight; I was so ready to come in here and have him all over me like everyday and show him I want more, but now he's not talking…like at all.
"Sure, no problem…"
I let my stuff and left the room, making sure to close the door softly.
The door closed and I allowed myself to open my eyes. I closed them as soon as I heard Kurt open the door, because I knew if I saw him I wouldn't be able to last not trying to stare.
My lip quivered from the sorrow I just went though. I had to hear him speak and now look at him. His voice seemed even more angelic now that I was trying not to listen to him.
He probably looked amazing today as well...I should have looked.
Ever since Friday afternoon I've been filled with heartache. Kurt was beautiful, and smart and kind but oh so young. Either that or I was just old and creepy; because here I am almost 30 no long term relationship or responsibilities other then my job. I should be married and having children of my own by now, but instead I crept on such a sweet young boy.
I got to the lunch room and saw the kids were still eating; it was only 12:50 they didn't get out until 1:00. He sent me here ten minutes before lunch was over, he'd usually go over a lesson plan too close to me or ask me to grab a book from the top shelf making me stretch.
"Mr. Hummel!"
One of the kids spotted me. I couldn't be sad or confused now: I had to put on a happy face and go sit with them like any good teacher would. I walked over to the table.
"Hey guys! Mr. Anderson didn't have anything for me to do so I thought I'd come down here early and chat a little."
They scooted over in there little table making room for me, I sat down.
This table is so small…it feels like my dream…
I was lost in thought before I heard a little voice.
"Mr. Hummel?"
I looked down seeing the kids look up at me.
"Yes?"
"Did Mr. Anderson seem sad to you when you came in?"
I thought back to the classroom. He was quite and standoffish today, but I couldn't tell if he was sad or not his face was covered by a book.
"Yeah, I guess so…was he like that all day?"
More kids from surrounding us listened in and even added to the conversation.
"Yeah, when we came in he didn't lead us through the pledge or give us a morning activity."
"He didn't even talk until it was math time…"
"Yeah! And even then he just had us work on worksheets!"
They seemed displeased in Blaine not talking to them…it wasn't like him to be honest. But I had to answer them, because if I didn't they'd probably blame themselves.
"Well…it is a Monday…maybe he didn't get to sleep last night. I know I had a hard time sleeping."
I shouldn't have added that in.
"But he's always so happy. It should be illegal for him to be happy like he is…was."
I thought again.
"Well…maybe something personal happened this weekend that we shouldn't get into. I'll ask him if he's okay today after school…then I'll tell you guys. But don't worry, he's fine."
I smiled trying to make myself believe what I just said. The bell rang and I stood up.
"Okay, guys. Let's clean up and head back to the class room I'm sure Mr. Anderson has some fun things in mind for us!"
I got them excited enough to clean up and get in their line, behind me they followed back to his classroom.
The walk was silent, as it should be, but I wanted it loud to escape the thoughts in my mind.
He hasn't talked to me since Friday at lunch…did I say something?
We continued through the hallway until we go to the closet bathroom to the 5th grade hall.
"Okay, bathroom break. Go now or forever hold you pee."
I always felt weird saying that, but Blaine encouraged it because it always made the kids giggle a little bit. This stop only gave me more time to think:
What if I did really say his name out loud and Finn heard it…and he emailed Blaine and told him…oh god he found out and now he thinks I'm disgusting. That's why he won't talk to me…and everything else…it was just all in my head. I made it all up. He doesn't like me and probably wasn't even flirting with me.
With that, my heart broke. My mouth twitched as I tried to hold back tears.
You're so stupid. Why would he like you? He's probably not even gay.
"Mr. Hummel?"
Again these children dragged me away from my own thoughts. I looked down at them, they were in a line again and ready to leave.
"Oh, sorry guys. Let's go."
I lead them back into class and Blaine was still just sitting there with a book covering his face. We settled down and I took a seat at the reading table. After a minute Blaine finally got up and went to the front of the classroom and started writing on the board.
"Okay, we are going to be working on writing for the last half of class. I want a full essay, thesis and all about this topic."
He moved away from the board and looked at the class as they read it. I read along with them:
Write about a time when you felt sad about something or regret an action that you did. Then (for a happy ending) explain how you got over your sadness or came to live with what ever you did.
The kids got out their notebooks and dictionary's getting ready to write. But I kept my eyes looking at the board hating myself even more for thinking he actually felt anything for me. He probably regrets letting some fag like me TA for him and fawn over him and have disgusting sex dreams about him.
"This is a silent writing session. They can be as personal as you want or very vague on the subject if you don't want to talk about it. You are not allowed to ask me anything after we all started writing, so if you have any questions ask them now."
"When are these due?"
Blaine looked up at the clock that read 1:07
"You have about an hour and twenty minutes to work on them. I want them by the end of class complete or not…you'll get an A depending on how much effort it looked like you put in so don't worry about completing it. Just tell your story."
"What if we finished before school ends?"
Asked the most annoying kid in class.
"Read it over then re-write it. No more questions, you're running out of time."
He'd usually end with some sort of words of encouragement, but today it was just silence.
"Kurt."
He walked across the class room away from the kids and I followed withered in self hatred.
"Mrs. Knight in speech needs some help today. So at 1:20 can you go up there with Sarah and Michael to help her?"
He doesn't even want me in the same room with him.
"No problem"
I tried to give a smile but I couldn't. I searched his face for the pleasure he once had being by me but if was gone; he wasn't even looking at me.
"You can do whatever you want until then."
He turned away from me and walked back to his desk.
I couldn't look at him.
The class was silent like I needed it to be to think. That's all I really could do right now until I get to read the stories they're writing right now, then I get to cry myself to sleep. Until then I just have to think about my actions and suffer being in the same room as him.
I couldn't just fucking look at him because I can't control my dick and try not to ravish him whenever I look at his fucking face.
I felt him looking at me, probably with those beautiful piercing eyes.
Stop it, he's 17
I had to stop. If someone else found out that I was flirting with a 17 year old student I would be arrested or at least fired and banned from schools and Chuck e Cheeses' around the country.
I hate you.
Chair's started to shuffle so I guessed it was Sarah and Michael getting ready to go, and that would include Kurt leaving to. I should look at him before he leaves but I can't force myself to look up, if I did my feelings for him would slip out again and that will only lead to trouble.
The door closed. I slowly lifted my head from my desk to see the place that he was just sitting in. It was empty, but on the chair next to it held his backpack.
He was coming back
2:30
I walked back to the classroom slowly hoping Blaine had gone to the teachers lounge or another classroom or Mars, anywhere was fine just not that class.
I opened the door, no such luck. It was quite again and he was still just sitting there with his head down not looking at me.
Originally, I left my bad so I'd have an excuse to come back. But after thinking about what just happened I wanted to run away.
I needed my stuff though, so I had to be brave and go grab it and go before he noticed I was in there. Quickly I got to the table and grabbed my bag.
"Kurt?"
I looked up from the table, finally hearing his voice addressed to me.
"Are you…okay? You seemed sad today."
I turned around getting the first eye contact we had all day.
He was wrong though, I wasn't the one who looked sad it was him. I guess we both looked sad today but I can't tell him, I can't seem too needy so he'll hate me forever.
"Yeah…I'm fine. Just a long night ahead."
"Yeah…"
He wasn't making eye contact.
"I have a lot of stuff to do too."
I felt like crying.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Bl-"
He looked up at me and I closed my eyes.
Don't say his name.
"Mr. Anderson."