Okay, so, my apologies, I've changed my name again, but I'm not sure I like the sound of it...

But anyway, sorry about the in-between times.

Does anyone even read this little fore-word anyway?

ah, sorry about the whole speaking-in-past-tense thing, it's a habit. I usually write third, and so it kinda carries over. It's like... A sentence that would normally be "Hinata put the glass on the table as he turned around" is supposed to go into "I put the glass on the table as I turn around" but is "I put the glass on the table as I turned around" instead.

If that makes sense. sorry about lack of dialogue as well. It'll be there more in other chapters. This is mostly just like I don't know... Ah, what he can see and his reaction to it, I guess.

.

Story/chap. Info.

So, I have decided on 1st person. Writing the story in third feels really strange... So yeah.

idk how long this is going to be, I know all my chapter are really relatively short, but I know if I tryed to drag them out I'd be totally boring you guys and the content would really suffer so I have to take breaks to regain inspiration and stuff.

but anyway I'm feeling bore so I decided to make this little... Chart thing.

|monday- N| |tuesday- first day of camp

monday- 6th day | friday- last day

But anyway, it's a joint training camp - Karasuno, Nekoma, Fukurodani, and Aoba Josai.

. . t. f s

. 10 11 12.13 14 15 16 17 18 19

so anyway, when they're sleeping it's pretty much just an open room, and they have futons, but some decided to bring a sleeping bag for extra warmth and yeah. If this actually happens is undecided

... More Story Info, Whole story, not just this chapter.

But anyway (STORY INFO) (again)

So... Just to clear things up... Let's see... Hinata's parents left in the last year...say, October. So... Hinata was first raped in... December or January, as it was winter break. I'd say Dec. which means, Hinata had been in Kiruki's care for... 2 months, but that doesn't really work for the story, right? So, Febuary is where this chapter would take place. So... I have made a few changes...

Hinatas Parents left in October.

Hinata was (First) raped in December. ( 2 m. After parents left, 5 m. Before camp.)

The training camp takes place 6 months before Hinata's parents return.(May) (6 m after par. left, 5 m after first rape.

Therefore, in order for the timeline in my head to take place, Hinata's parents return will not take place until Nov.

The training camp will take place in Apr/May

If it doesn't make sense, ask me about it in a review and I'll try to explain.

Hinata, 7th day of training camp.

I was getting increasingly nervous as the training camp went on. Everyone was just... Too observant. Especially Tsukishima, and in his case, especially after the incident. Tsukishima acted like nothing had happened, but I could feel his gaze on me, watching closely.

And recently, it wasn't just Tsukishima. Kenma, Lev, and Kuroo, Bokuto, and Oikawa as well. Some others were concerned too after seeing a few fading bruises I hadn't managed to cover completely.

Oikawa and Kuroo somewhat accepted my explanation of a trip down the stairs after failing to tie my shoelaces, the hand marks played off by a short rambling of how Kiruki had grabbed my arm a bit too hard in attempt to stop the fall, but Kenma... I guess he noticed my voice crack when I spoke Kiruki's name.,

The Nekoma setter questioned me about it at one point before a match we played with them, eyes nonchalantly calculating, voice quiet and calm... I found it rather comforting, and gave him one of my smiles - faked, like all the others, but the brightest one I had given in a while.

I supposed, though, it was okay. I found myself dreading the day I had to go back to my personal hell when the camp was over.

And, even though I wanted to just enjoy the time, I found that I couldn't help but count down the day until the temporary heaven came to an end.

12 days.

I still didn't quite know how I hadn't been found out yet. I was just chalking it up to luck. Not that I've had much of that lately...

I've never been all that good at getting up early, and since early waking was the main reason my teammates/ect. hadnt found out about all the bruises and cuts all over my body, I didn't know what else to call it but lucky.

Nobody really questioned it - I was the first in the showers and the first in bed, and the first up in the morning. Kageyama had mentioned it once. "Oi, Baka, how come you're always up early? And you sleep early too... Why?" He'd asked.

I'd laughed and sat up straight, ruffling the hair on the back of my head while giving a grin the didn't reach my eyes - I, of course, closed them during the smile, which somehow made it more authentic, I guess. "Ahaha, well, if I go to sleep earlier, it means I can play volleyball more. I don't like not being able to socialize with everyone, but it's sorta worth it!" I'd said enthusiastically. On the outside, at least. On the inside, I was trembling in fear, scared that he would get up early too, and he would see all my bruises.

Especially the cuts on my legs I didn't want them to see - I didn't wear my socks to bed, and I'd never been able to. I kept them with me... But i couldn't sleep with them on. It'd been a weird quirk of mine for awhile... I couldn't get over it.

Even though I was the first one to lie down, I was the last to fall asleep. I always waited for the breaths of the people around me to calm and come even before I slid my socks off and shifted around to sleep.

it was a rather comforting routine even if it was nerve-racking - as contradictory as that sounds - and everything was going perfectly fine until Thursday came around.

9 days left.

...

Tsukishima

"Yamaguchi, throw the ball over, would you?" Hinata called as the coaches decided who would face who.

"Karasuno-Nekoma and Fukurodani-Aoba Josai." Fukurodani's coach called out. "When both matches are finished, the winners will face the winners and the loser will face the losers, and then the winner of the losers will face winner of the winners, and so on." He called out.

I looked over at a certain short spiker, who was currently pulling Kenma around the gym, pointing out random things he saw and commenting on the team he was playing, responding to Kenma's monotone answers with loud, energetic ones.

Something was off, though. I could tell, and it seemed like Kenma was noticing as well.

Hinata's hands were shaking. It was all I could see from here, but it was enough to send my mind back to the terrified expression on Hinata's face, the bruises on his arms at practice. The strange behaviors he'd had ever since winter break had ended. I wanted to help, but all I could do was observe quietly, face set in a bored expression, as Hinata tryed to hide his troubles.

...

(ah, by the way, in this fic there are 4 years instead of 3)

(also, I don't know how fast bruises heal, but it'll be fine)

Kenma - Day 10

I had been looking forward to seeing Hinata, especially after my friend had missed all those texts and calls so long ago, and even more so when he'd replied with broken up sentences, so unlike him. More so, he hadn't immediately responded...

I had hoped that I was wrong and there was nothing bothering the redhead, but over the last week or so, I'd realized that wasn't true.

Hinata, despite the heat and and effects from practice, always wore long legged pants and long sleeved shirts to practice. He, despite being a night owl, despite being the social butterfly he is, and despite hating mornings with a vengeance, went to bed first out of anyone there, including me, and that, a shock in and of itself, was almost dwarfed by the fact that Hinata was always, without fail, the first person up.

There was also the fact that Hinata had once claimed to have had absolutely no idea how to cook in a text conversation the two had had awhile back, and had even tried to cook something at a sleepover they'd had once and utterly failed (he could hardly even reach the cabinets at the time), and yet he made breakfast for everyone in the mornings - how he ever managed to cook an edible, good-tasting meal on top of waking at almost 3 in the morning was a mystery to everyone.

But what worried me most was how he acted. Anytime someone would touch him or walk up behind him or shout unexpectedly, Hinata would flinch. His smiles never reached his eyes, and more often than not he would be found lost in thought, sitting in the same place while all kinds of commotion went on around him. As the spiker had always been previously known to not be able to sit in one spot for too long without practically exploding afterwards, it was more than a little worrying.

The thing was, it never reflected over into volleyball, despite the long sleeves. The short spiker still gave it his all, putting his very being into his spikes and calls and receives, everything. But something didn't feel... Right.

Even now, as he drug me around the gym, talking fast and excited, with plenty of sounds mixed in ("and then Kageyama looked over like 'merrrrr' and I was all "gyahhh!"), I could feel something... Wrong, to say the least.

And then I heard a tiny crack in his voice. It was... Rather startling. My gaze flew up, eyes calculating calmly. His hands were shaking. So was the rest of him, to a lesser extent. His breaths were slightly shaky.

I raised my hand up and rested it on his forehead. Startled, he flinched back, afterwards looking at me with wide eyes. I could feel he wasn't any warmer than he should have been... But even as he smiled at me, disregarding my small frown - Hinata could read my facial expression surprisingly well and obviously knew how to read it as worry - I had a feeling he was ignoring whatever it was. Something was wrong though, that much was certain.

I just didn't know what.

When we were called over, I gave a small nod, while Hinata gave an enthusiastic "Hai!" And raced over, me following at a walk.

When the match started, I was certain something was wrong, even though Hinata was acting like his normal self... Something didn't sit right with me, though, and I guess it broke through, as Kuroo nudged me and winked at one point. We were (relatively) halfway through the match, as Karasuno had just scored the 25th point.

Second set.

Lev was called out so that he could practice, (this is a training camp).

But at least Hinata was looking better.

Until he wasn't.

...

Hinata - starts at beggining of match

I don't know what it was, particularly, that had happened. I didn't even really know what WAS happening. Wasn't sure if anything was actually happening in the first place.

My heart was beating fast. It was hard to breath. I felt like I was going to cry. My chest hurt, and I felt like I might throw up, but most of all was that it felt like I couldn't get enough air into my lungs. I couldn't stop trembling. I managed to control most of my body, but my hands wouldn't stop shaking, not even when I clenched them into fists.

I was almost grateful when the coach called us over for the match to start. It meant I could put my life out of mind for a bit and just concentrate on volleyball.

And it was going great, we were winning, and I loved being enveloped in the positive atmosphere my teammates radiated with every point we scored.

We won the first set. Tsukishima had stopped boring his gaze into my back sometime during the first set, and I was thanking all the stars. When he was staring at me, it put me on edge. It felt too much like I was back home, Kiruki's gaze cutting through me as he watched from the doorway as those men did whatever they wanted to me.

But the shaking had gotten worse. Anytime I stood still for too long, the tremors would come back, making me unsteady on my feet, my hands shaking like leaves. To me, it seemed like my heart trembled in my chest as well, even as it started beating fast than before. My breaths seemed stuck in my throat, and I had to excuse myself before the second set started to go to the bathroom, just in case I puked my guts up. I wasn't thinking quite clearly, panic and fear invading my thoughts even though there wasn't anything particularly threatening anywhere near me.

Eventually, I'd come to the conclusion that I wasn't going to throw up, as much as it felt like I would. Noya-Senpai had eventually come to get me and, after washing my hands, I followed him out, a happy smile and a loud laugh accompanying me to rid anyone of any suspicions they might've had. Whether it worked or not was a mystery to me. We immediatly started up with the second set. I was trying to shake out the fear from my mind, but it stuck fast, like gum in your hair. Lucky for me, I guess, Nekoma had decided to bring in Lev, which meant our team had to plan a bit, which gave me time to collect my thoughts, even if it didn't do much good. I let out a sharp breath as a stab of fear shot me in the heart, causing me to stumble slightly as I walked onto the court. I felt Tsukishima gaze on me instantly, along with the less imposing, but still majorly threatening gaze (at least in my current state) of Kenma. I gestured down to my still-untied shoelace, letting out a boisterous laugh as I tied it. My hands were consistently shaking. I wished they would stop, along with my heart, which was beating erratically.

We were winning the second set when it happened. The rotation of both teams eventually put me directly in front of Lev. I guess the tall male's strong presence combined with the state of mind I'd been in since the morning triggered the pain.

One minute, I was leaping up to spike Kageyama's ball, the next, Lev was in front of me, having been marking me since the start of the match, and then I was on the floor, hands clutching my hair, struggling to draw in a breath, even as my lungs begged for air, heart beating wildly, eyes squeezed shut as fear and panic completely overwhelmed me, memories flashing through my head, complete with the pain and emotions I'd been feeling at the time.

I could hear the others saying my name, but I couldn't respond. I couldn't breath.

I was scared. Even more scared then I was that first time Kiruki beat me, more scared than the first time I was raped, more scared than I'd ever been. My eyes were closed, I didn't want to see the expressions of disdain on their faces. I didn't want Kiruki to be right.

I wanted to be cared for, but I didn't know what was truth and what were lies.

More importantly, I still couldn't get any breath into my lungs, as hard as I tryed, and the harder I tryed the more I needed air. But panic took over my mind, panic and fear, and I found myself lost in the flashback that took over my mind.

...

Tsukishima

Everything seemed fine, at first. Even though I could still see Hinata's hands shaking from their placement on his knees, I could also see his gaze, determined, as he watched the ball.

Over the course of the set, I gradually stopped wronging so much about him. He was acing all his spikes, and his serves as well.

We won the first set.

Afterwards, in the mini-break between sets, Hinata, looking like he'd be sick, excused himself, running towards the restrooms. After a while, Ukai sent Noya to fetch him, muttering something about idiots getting nauseous from a practice match. The team let out quiet chuckles at this - most of them at least. The less expressive ones, like I and Kageyama, only stared, although if I wasn't mistaken, there was a spark of humor in Kageyama's eyes.

When Hinata returned, he was laughing and smiling, Noya running beside him.

The match started. We were winning. Apparently, Fukurodani had won the first set with the other two, but were being trampled so far in the second.

I looked back onto our own match. Hinata was jumping to score a point, but Lev was already in front of him. Everything was quiet for a second, and then Hinata was on the floor, screaming. I immediately raced to his side, my arrogant mask shattered and replaced by worry and fear for my small teammate. He was still screaming, his body curled into a small ball, voice hoarse already. There were footsteps rapidly approaching from the opposite court.

Suddenly Hinata's screams cut off abruptly, and I found myself infinitely releived, until I realized something very important - Hinata wasn't breathing.

I found myself pushed back, along with a shout form Ukai for everyone to get back. He motioned over to the other coaches, and they broke from the surrounding circle to kneel beside him.

"I need Hinata on his back, but he's too tense. Hold him, please?" Ukai said.

The other coaches nodded seriously, one of the Aoba Josai coaches holding Hinata's shoulders, while the other 2 coaches pushed down on Hinata's legs, right above his knees so the first-year was relatively flat. Irihaya Nobuteru, one of Aoba Josai's coaches, checked his pulse and his eyes widened.

"He's having a panic attack." He said. "With how bad it is, I'd guess it's been slowly worsening ever since this morning."

"How are we going to get him to start breathing?" I asked calmly, voice trembling slightly.

(I have no idea how to deal with this situation in actuality so disregard all the wrong things)

Irihata-san looked up at me and shook his head. "We could try to massage his head or splash water on his face or warm him, something along the lines of that, but I don't know how well that'd work, as he isn't coherent at the moment."

Tsukishima fidgeted and sat down next to the coach, ignoring his warning look. He reached out a hand and traced a finger along Hinata's hairline, twisting a lock of hair between his fingers.

A slow breath rushed into Hinata's mouth, and a collective sigh of relief went up. And then everyone froze as Hinata suddenly lashed out, screaming again, tears streaming down his face.

"L-listen..." Kenma said, emotionless voice trembling, as he stared at Hinata. "He's saying something... 'Stop.' 'It hurts'. 'Get away from me'. 'Why?' 'I'm sorry' , 'I'm sorry Kiruki.'" Kenma muttered, repeating the whispered pleading coming from Hinata in between his screams, now of pain instead of fear, a lone tear going down his face, though his voice remained calm and quiet, though it cracked near the end.

Eventually, the setter ran out the door, Kuroo following closely behin, after looking to Noboyuki, the vice captain if the team, who nodded, a silent conversation going on between them in mere seconds.

I listened closely to Hinata's words, heart aching. I was wrong. His screams were of fear. Of pain, and fear, and betrayal, and desperation.

Ignoring Ukai and the other coaches, I scooped Hinata into my arms, sitting back and bundling his small body into mine, sharing my warmth and muttering soft words to him, quiet enough that the others couldn't hear what I was saying, even if they could see that I was talking to him.

Eventually, his breathing calmed and his screams faded, his words did as well.

"Help..." He said quietly before he finally came to reality.

He looked up at me, tears still falling from his eyes. Looking around, he hid his head in my chest, his tears soaking into my shirt. His sobs echoed around the room, and I only hummed to him, arms around his small shaking form.

I promised to myself, right then, that I wouldn't let anything else hurt him.

...

Hinata

The memories were horrible. Everything hurt more, I felt everything more strongly than I had the first time.

And then, slowly, warmth began soaking into my conciousness, accompanied by a soft, comforting voice.

I gradually opened my eyes, blurry from tears. Looking around, I saw everyone standing around us, teary-eyes and worried. Some looked angry.

I hid in Tsukishima's chest. He should've been scary. He should have been just as imposing as everyone else, but strangely... He wasn't. He was comforting. Looking up at him, I could see something in his eyes that convinced me that he would never hurt me.

That he cared, if no-one else did.

In my mind, I berated myself for that kind of thinking, even as I cried on Tsukishima, my tears falling into Tsukishima's shirt.

Tsukishima wasn't the type to deal with unwanted things. I knew that. And yet... And yet, there he was, holding me, his arms resting comefortingly around me, steady, strong.

He was humming. It was a song we both knew. His voice was comforting, but more so was his heartbeat, steadily beating. I clenched my fists in his shirt, crying more, tears of fear, of hope, when his whispered words sunk into my mind.

"I'll protect you, Hinata. I promise."

And I found, even as fear, hope, clenched my chest, that I was nodding, the shaking that had swamped my form since I came to finally subsiding.

"Okay."

...

So... Ah... Well, that took while I'm hungry. Man, the brainpower.

This chapter...mLOVEEEEEEEEE 3

But yeah. PLEASE REVEIW.

SO. I'm gonna start replying to reviews down here ( so long as I remember that is.)

so, since this review came in while I was in the progress of writing this chap, I guess I'll go ahead and respond. (If anyone doesn't want me to respond to a reveiw just say so.)

Mystery Day Dreamer - It is sad, but sometimes that's okay... Lol. And yeah... This will be a really fast update for you I guess... Shrugging over here. But yeah.

ANYWAYS!

Chapter 12, coming whenever.